with that said, this post may look long, but it’s mostly just pictures. cos really, a blogger can only write “NOM!” so many times before she loses all artistic credibility. ha ha LIKE I HAVE ANY LEFT. anyway!

when i woke up on sunday morning, i could barely contain my excitement cos henri and i were about to embark on the “come hungry” tour with calvin trillin, which is like, this Big Freaking Deal. if you’re not familiar with mr. trillin, check out this bio from the new yorker festival website:

Calvin Trillin has been a staff writer at The New Yorker for more than four decades. His gastronomic reporting pieces have included, in recent years, articles on Ecuadoran soup, Singaporean street food, and the best barbecue in Texas. He has published twenty-six books, among them comic novels, nonfiction, and memoir. Three of his books on eating are collected in “The Tummy Trilogy.”

um… anyone who names their books “the tummy trilogy” is pretty much my greatest hero of all time. and also my new best friend. but actually, the first time i really heard about calvin trillin wasn’t because of food– it was because of the untimely death of alice, his beloved wife. he wrote an incredible (and heartbreaking) piece in the new yorker about alice and their extraordinary marriage, and my eyes *still* get teary every time i think about it (check out this salon piece for a more articulate explanation of why alice and calvin’s story is so wonderful and compelling).

needless to say, i couldn’t decide what i was more excited about– meeting calvin or eating crazy amounts of delicious food (i think that may be the highest compliment i’ve ever paid anyone, btw). even the disgusting, rainy, FREEZING weather couldn’t dampen my enthusiasm (although it did dampen my feet BOO).

we met up at father demo square, which featured some lovely autumn foliage:

since the entire point of the tour was to walk everywhere, the new yorker gave us big, sturdy umbrellas, which was v. nice of them.

ok y’all are going to kill me for this but they gave us a card with all of the stops on it (and the food items) and uh… i can’t find it. I KNOW, I KNOW. THIS IS A TERRIBLE CRISIS IN JOURNALISM. i have looked EVERYWHERE. fortunately, i take a zillion pictures, and i managed to capture the storefronts of *most* of the places… but not all of them. I’M REALLY SORRY. i’ll just try to do a super good job of making you feel like you were actually THERE, and then if you ever go to NYC you can just… go back! cos you were there!

so let’s begin with the tour!!!!

stop #1: a super charming bakery/meat place somewhere near greenwich village (SORRY!!!)

food item: fresh baked bread with parmesan and pancetta

it’s truly a holy miracle that something so small and simple can be SO DELICIOUS!!!

on the way to the next stop, we passed by henri’s cafe!!! and there’s a dog on the sign!!!

but we didn’t stop there on the tour, so i guess it’s not THAT great.

stop #2: blue ribbon bakery

food item: seasoned flatbread. again, it looks basic but it was incredibly flavorful!!!!

i should stop here and tell you a little bit about walking around with calvin. because yeah, obvs, the food was tasty and it was exciting to pop into all of these random places and emerge with a fuller belly, but i think what i enjoyed the most about the tour was just hearing calvin talk. he talked about the restaurant, the evolution of food in the neighborhood, and just his own little anecdotes about different eating experiences.

isn’t he cute? don’t you want to adopt him as yr grandfather so he can take you to his favorite restaurants and give you good advice? i do!!!!

one of my favorite tidbits came when he was talking about this building that used to be a police station:

i know, that is REDIC. since the building is pretty ostentatious for a police station, calvin said people used to call it “st. john the fuzz.” i found this incredibly endearing for some reason.

stop #3: well, we actually didn’t stop at this place, cos they had a box of sandwiches that they gave us so, as calvin put it, we wouldn’t have to walk more than two blocks without eating. but these sandwiches came from somewhere in chinatown.

food item: green sandwich (and no, that’s not my faulty memory, that’s actually what he called it)

OMGGGGG THIS WAS AMAZING!!!!! i think calvin has cornered the market on plain-looking food that turns out to BLOW YR MIND. this was basically like a hamburger bun with bok choy in it, but it was so fresh-tasting and spicy and NOMMMM.

stop #4: grandaisy bakery

food item: potato pizza and cauliflower pizza!

the potato pizza had onions on it (GROSS) so i stuck with the cauliflower option, which was absolutely scrumptious!!! i know it sounds weird to put the brain of the vegetable family on a pizza, but it was thinly sliced and well seasoned and YUM.

stop #5: a spanish food store

food item: spanish tortilla!

i didn’t think this one was THAT great, but it also had onions in it, so i COULD be biased.

at this point in the tour, we were on the edge of chinatown…

(henri was NOT a fan of the goldfish, btw)

and little italy! MAMA MIA!

(henri is to goldfish as sarah is to that creepy leering chef guy)

stop #6: saigon… something?

food item: spring rolls

i wasn’t that impressed with these rolls either, but they featured lots of mushrooms, which i’m ALSO not a fan of (i know, and i call myself a foodie, blah blah blah, MUSHROOMS ARE GROSS AND I CAN’T HELP IT).

while we were munching on the rolls, calvin talked a bit about the history of immigration and its effects on NYC food:

don’t you just want to share a banana split with him and talk for ages and ages?

stop #7: di palo’s italian cheese shop

i REALLY loved the feel of this place. it was super charming and old-world-feeling and IT SMELLED LIKE CHEESE!!!

food item: FRESH MOZZARELLA WHAT WHAT!!!!

SWEET MOTHER OF TASTY BUSINESS. this cheese is totally tied with the green sandwich for my favorite food on the tour. MELT IN YR MOUTH RIDICULOUSNESS.

step #8: saigon bakery

food item: vietnamese sandwich

DIZANG this sandwich was delicious. i do want to point out, though, that i didn’t eat the whole thing, nor did i actually finish most of the food on the tour cos y’all i gotta maintain my tummy endurance. i am, after all, a professional athlete of tasty business.

stop #9: some dumpling place

food item: pork dumpling!

this dumpling was pretty good, but i’ve had better in houston FACE HARD NAMELESS NYC DUMPLING PLACE!

stop #10: (FINAL STOP) the restaurant at the east broadway mall

you have NO idea how INCREDIBLE it felt to a) enter a warm, dry environment b) get to SIT DOWN. at this point, the east broadway mall felt like a freaking five star luxury restaurant to me.

food item: dim sum!!!!

oh dim sum, what an adventure you are! overall the food was good, although we didn’t get to pick out our own items from the cart, which is half the fun. oh and there were no sesame balls CALVIN WTF?!!!

and that, my dear pantsers, is the “come hungry” tour with calvin trillin, aka one of the greatest moments of my stomach’s life. like, if my stomach lived in a house, it would have a framed picture of calvin trillin above the fireplace, sort of like how catholic grandmas hang pictures up of the pope, cos this tour? it showed my stomach a glimpse of heaven and pretty much guaranteed my eternal foodie salvation.

ok i know i said i would finish up the trip in this post but I AM EXHAUSTED FROM ALL OF THE NOMMING. plus i really don’t want to break the internet cos that would be rude. so… stay tuned for part 3, featuring even MORE tasty business (i know, you’d think i wouldn’t need to eat for days except DO YOU KNOW ME AT ALL?).

and now i’m gonna preach it to you cos pants world is like the church of awesome and i’m gonna pretend like you guys are all in the pews, although if we had an actual church building the pews would be like super comfy poofy chairs and y’all would probably fall asleep halfway through my story BUT if we really were together i could pass out snacks (WAY better than communion wafers) which would help a lot. oh man pants world really needs a building! if anyone is giving away a cool old cathedral curch for free PAGE ME. anyway!

henri and i flew up friday night and met up with the lovely amber, one of my college roomies, and her super charming boyfriend, ben. i hadn’t seen amber in about a year, so it was v. squee. in fact, the background of this picture doesn’t even do our reunion justice, and there’s a SMILING BUTTERFLY. and a LAUGHING OCTOPUS. so yeah.

did i mention that it was v. cold? IT WAS LIKE FORTY EFFING DEGREES PEOPLE. not only does cold weather chill my v. delicate bones, it also takes away a substantial portion of my picture-taking joy cos a) it sucks to stand still. b) i have a v. pink nose. c) everyone is all bundled up so even if they’re wearing their fave new shirt that they just got and really wanted to show off in nyc YOU CAN’T SEE IT. also i just lied to you cos NOTHING CAN TAKE AWAY MY PICTURE-TAKING JOY. just ask henri. or my parents. or anyone that has spent more than five minutes with me and flossie.

anyhoo amber and ben live on the lower east side, and i kept going “THIS is yr neighborhood?!! you guys are SO COOL!!! i can’t believe you LIVE HERE!!!” like i was the country mouse. which i kind of am, considering that every time i ride the subway, i still hope that maybe, just maybe, tons of teenagers will start dancing for a viral video to prove their street cred just like in step up 2 the streets.

for dinner, amber and ben took us to a delicious place called back forty, where we enjoyed DELICIOUS burgers with rosemary and sea salt fries NOM.

even though we were stuffed with meaty goodness, amber insisted that we order TWO desserts. you can see why i so deeply value her as a friend.

we got chocolate bread pudding and FRESH DONUTS with grape glaze OMGGGGGGG.

LORDY lord those donuts were amazing. i wish they were still close to me but alas, they are gone. DONUTS I MISS YOU. COME BACK!!!

the next morning, amber baked some scrumptious croissants from william & sonoma, because she knows how to treat a posh pants right!!!! dear science i know i’ve asked for this a million times but can you PLEASE invent smellable internet photos cos pants world is really missing out when they look at this picture without the fresh-baked, buttery, incredibly gorgeous smell. KTHX!

our first new yorker festival event was on saturday at 10 AM at the city winery, which turned out to be a super delightful place!

not only does the new yorker put together excellent panels, they also choose really creative venues. for me, half the fun of attending the festival is zipping around the city and discovering new places and little neighborhood pockets that i never knew existed.

not only was the city winery my favorite venue of the festival, it also turned out to be the locale of my favorite panel of ALL TIME. entitled “mad men,” the panel was really about the evolution of advertising, and it featured three AMAZING people. go here to read their full bios, but the participants were matthew weiner (creator of “mad men” holla!!!!!), lee clow (who made the famous 1984 commercial for apple and STILL does their marketing like the “i’m a mac” ads and the dancing ipod people WHAT!!!!!!!) and steve stoute who has worked with BEYONCE AND JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE!!!! HOLD THE PHONE!!!

needless to say, there was an incredible amount of brain power and creativity on that stage, and after a mere hour i felt simultaneously smarter and dumber. matthew weiner was really entertaining, esp. cos he kept saying he wasn’t really *in* advertising but was merely a consumer. dude matthew i feel you. to read a transcript of one of his awesome diatribes, go here. and of course it was amazing to see a legend like lee clow talk about working with steve jobs (since the 80s!!!!), but i think my favorite panelist was actually steve stoute. not only does this guy’s resume include jay-z (HELLO) and directing gwen stefani in “hollaback girl” (seriously bananas) but he was also incredibly honest and obvs street smart. at one point, he was talking about how he can tell right away if he’ll land an advertising gig or not by asking the CEO one question: “do you have a teenager at home?” he also joked about how, if you see a chairman or a ceo of a company in a commercial, you know the marketing agency is about to get fired. he was like, “it’s basically a last ditch effort. the marketing agency is sitting around with the head of the company, and they’re like ‘well… uh… hmm… why don’t we use YOU?!’ and the ceo’s like, ‘yeah! use me!’ and then you know it’s all over from there.

i also learned about the psychographics, which is a totally new term to me. aside from flashes of “minority report” paranoia (where all my precogs at?!!), i have to admit i was impressed with the new specificity of today’s marketing techniques. according to steve, companies ask him, “well, how can we market this to african americans?” or “how can we market this to teenagers?” instead of looking at demographics like race or age or gender, the cutting edge of marketing is all about analyzing what motivates people and what they’re passionate about. he cited a target market example of a white boy who grew up in delaware listening to 2 live crew. a client might simply think in racial terms, like, “how do we market to white kids who think they’re black?” while steve would reply, “we’re going to market to a white boy who grew up in delaware listening to 2 live crew.” it’s amazing to contrast that sort of advertising future with the stuff you see going on in “mad men,” and i couldn’t help but picture steve stoute as the 2009 version of don draper, minus the long stretches of sexy enigmatic silence (plus steve just drank bottled water on stage, and you KNOW don would’ve requested a decanter of scotch from the get-go).

after the panel, henri and i grabbed some deliciousy comfy chicken pot pie at the cinema cafe, which was conveniently around the block from our next event at florence gould hall. i admit, the one thing i like about cold weather is that it gives me an excuse to eat lots of carbs! except just kidding, like i need an *excuse* to eat anything tasty.

with v. full bellies, we filed into the hall to listen to malcolm gladwell talk about michael vick. except when he appeared at the podium, he said, “i’m not going to talk about michael vick today. instead, i’m going to talk about alcohol.” um, NO COMPLAINTS HERE!!! he then proceeded to tell the story of an anthropologist grad student who lived in bolivia in the late 50s and randomly connected with a professor in the yale dept. of alcohol studies (I KNOW!!! IT’S FOR REAL) who then interviewed him about the drinking rituals of this bolivian tribe, which included only drinking on the weekends and consuming v. small quantities of what turned out to be 180 proof alcohol, i.e. yr liver just screamed like a baby. anyway the whole point of his talk was that obvs different cultures have different approaches to alcohol and that the US could learn a thing or two from a people group like the italians, who drink every day but do so moderately. basically gladwell proposed lowering the drinking age in the US to 18 and teaching young people basics like drinking wine with food (like the italians) as opposed to drinking in PLACE of food.  obvs malcolm is a much more articulate communicator than i am, but hopefully you get the gist. it was thoughtful, provocative and *definitely* way more fun than talking about an athlete who likes to watch dogs kill each other. plus now i really want to go to italy!!!

after the talk, henri and i subwayed back over to the lower east side and checked into our ultra charming accommodations at the blue moon hotel. the lobby alone totally sold me. like, don’t you want to sit there and drink tea and read a book?

and here’s the view from our room!

while i obvs love staying in hotels in general, there’s just something extra charming about hotels in new york. i call it the eloise factor.

a little bit later, we met up with one of my favorite boys, ryan, and his delightful boyfriend, bryan, at the ten bells. ryan is one of those people that, when you first see him, you must hug IMMEDIATELY and for a V. LONG TIME. even if you actually have never met him and he’s like a stranger on the street. in fact, i wouldn’t be surprised if he gets at least a dozen random hugs a day cos he’s just that HUGGABLE AND WONDERFUL. also i will go on record and say that he has one of my top 5 favorite laughs in the entire universe.

needless to say, we had a grand old time together, drinking wine and talking it UP.

a few hours later, we were heading out when i spotted a bakery across the street!!!!!! obvs you know what i had to do.

the goddess of tasty business was definitely smiling on me that night, and here’s how i know:

1. the name of the bakery is babycakes!!! which is like a combo of two of my most favorite things!!! except you guys know i would never eat babies.

2. there was a photo of the golden girls SIGNED BY BETTY WHITE at the register. uh, i don’t know about you but that’s all the endorsement i need.

3. they sell cupcakes!!!! and they still had some left even though it was like 8 PM!!!! y’all it was DESTINY!!!!!

yeah, it was no sugar sweet sunshine BUT the cupcakes were still pretty darn good, esp. given that they were vegan. so god bless new york serendipity (which is the v. best kind, as i learned as a tween pants when i read “remember me to harold square“) for giving me the opportunity to eat one of my favorite things with one of my favorite people.

we ended our time together at a bar around the corner called arlene’s grocery, and although it turned out to be a great place i still feel the need to lodge a complaint with the management cos THERE WERE NO GROCERIES. i mean, you guys know how much i love going to the grocery store, and i was thinking how cool would it be if, like, whole foods and emo’s had a baby!! so you could buy delicious packaged items AND watch a good band PLUS the bathrooms would be clean!!

anyway, in spite of the misleading name, we had a great time kicking back at arelene’s. henri and bryan even played chess! look how smart they look! esp. cos they are both wearing old man hats.

i wasn’t really into the chess game cos i got distracted by the presence of a V. WARM CRACKLING FIRE OMG FLAMES OF WARMTH.

finally, henri and i bid adieu to ryan and bryan and made our way over to the cedar park theater…

to see JAMES FRANCO!!!! here’s a picture in case you need help remembering his adorableness:

so, basically the event was james franco being interviewed by a new yorker writer who turned out to be crushing on him HARD. we’re talking javier-style “crunch” (felicity reference what!). obvs i couldn’t blame her but it meant that her questions were like, “so… JAMES… tell me about yr poetry program. that must be AMAAAAZING.” granted, she was way better than the tool who talked about mary louise parker’s boobs last year BUT the interview ended up being more about how james franco is just like, a grad student and less about how much fun it must’ve been to goof around on the set of “pineapple express.”

it was still cool to see him live (YES LADIES HE IS DOUBLE ADORBS IN PERSON) but GAH the dude is kind of a slow talker, esp. when he’s discussing his poetry project or other things i don’t care about cos TELL ME MORE ABOUT FREAKS AND GEEKS. he DID talk about how he and busy philipps basically hated each other and forced everyone on the show to take sides, plus he made a joke about people taking pictures of him asleep in class, which has really got to suck. esp. when people repost it on their blogs.

celebrities! they’re just like us!!

and OBVS the interviewer asked him about why he’s doing “general hospital,” and he indicated that it was for some kind of art film he’s making with a dude named carter. i figured he had an ulterior motive, but i was hoping he would say something like, “joan collins is my hero, and i’ve always wanted to follow in her footsteps.” oh well. i guess not all “freaks & geeks” cast members can be as awesome as martin starr.

and that, dear pantsers, was only the first day and a half of my trip. WHAT!!!

stay tuned for part two, including calvin trillin’s food tour and my glorious encounter with a pretzel croissant!! holy pants!

LINKS

you have GOT to read vulture’s ten things that actually happened at friday’s r. kelly concert. “step in the name of love” with CONFETTI CANNON’S? i think henri’s head just exploded.

this video of aimee teegarden talking about different football game crowd reactions is the PERFECT training for my future as an FNL extra which WILL HAPPEN you guys. it WILL.

FINALLY! a squeamish person’s guide to seeing “antichrist”!! just what i’ve been waiting for except HA HA I WILL NEVER SEE THAT MOVIE EVER.

my friend colby sent me this cute video of some coworkers doing a one take shot of “i want it that way” on their office computers. dang it. now what is MY office gonna do in OUR viral video?!!