first, patton oswalt’s blog. yes, it’s on myspace, and yes, that’s annoying. but y’all, the man is a genius pants!!!! he’s hilarious, he’s charming, he’s dirty, he’s incredibly articulate. plus his wife just had a baby! yay! and, in typical fashion, patton handles his new fatherhood in a totally unique way– by comparing himself to jason statham in crank 2. i mean, obviously.

second, passive aggressive notes. i’ve linked to this site before, but if this blog isn’t on yr rss reader, PUT IT ON THERE, FOOL! not only are the notes hilarious, they also serve as a great outlet for any negative feelings you may be harboring towards someone. i guess reading about other people’s super passive aggression makes you feel better about yrself, like, “i may be mad at my roommate, but even *i* wouldn’t write out a note via easter eggs and leave it in the fridge.”

here’s one of my all time favorites, from today:

yeah, jessica. FRIENDS DONT LIE TO FRIENDS.

third, ananka’s diary, run by the daring and mischevious author of the kiki strike books. i link to this blog ALL OF THE TIME, cos kirsten miller constantly unearths supernatural mysteries, weirdo animals and marvelous surprises.

fourth, sexy people. have you guys seen this site before? it’s AMAZING. it’s like post secret, instead of people sending in secrets, they send in incredibly awful (and by that i mean awesome) portraits. you guys, this stuff is gold. 14K SOLID GOLD!!!! check it out:

i mean, do they still use that “floating child” technology anymore? IT’S INCREDIBLE!

and man, do i miss the days of portraits with props:

but see, he’s not just a computer guy– the tie indicates that this guy is actually QUITE the renaissance man! portraits can be so revealing!

and, no blog list would be complete without a good source of squee: zooborns! EEEEE!! BABY MEERKATS!!!!! LOOK AT THEIR FACES!!!!

plus, i’ve got my usual suspects, including jezebel, which posted the poster for coco chanel movie and I WANNA SEE IT SO BAD AMELIE I LOVE YOU, and cakespy, who singlehandedly conceived of the greatest innovation in sandwiches since the monte cristo: grilled cheesecake!!!!!!!!!

i highly encourage all pantsers to add these fine, upstanding blogs to yr rss readers post haste! and, if you have any other suggestions, feel free to leave ‘em in the comments!

I’M SORRY! i can’t help it.

esp. when i went over to ann’s blog and saw this *wonderful* NYT compliation of advice letters written to the president (<– that means obama! holy crap!) by kids from around the country.

y’all i’m a SUCKER for this kind of thing. you know, kids say the darnedest things, etc. in fact, last night i learned that my little friend naomi (age 2+) says “barack oMOMMA” which is pretty much the best thing ever.

and part of it is the squee factor, but mostly, i think, i’m attracted to the honesty in children. sometimes it’s not pretty, but it’s real, and whenever i read things kids have written, there’s always a part of me that thinks, “double true, kid. double true. now go play on the playground before you get too old to have reccess” (is that the most depressing day of yr life or what?).

anyway, here’s a few of my faves from the article:

juan, you are so right. obama is the coolest!!!!!!

* * *

Dear Pres. Obama,

Good job on winning. I heard about Area 51. I wanted to ask you if there are any U.F.O.’s there. I think that you should tell people in public the truth about Area 51. You would just maybe say, “That we will take care of it.” And do it.

— Edwin Jara, age 9, New York

edwin, i feel you here. i’ve been waiting for someone to say “that we will take care of it” but then i see the x-files and realize that hello the government is totally slacking.

* * *

i love karina’s concern: “do you think it was a good idea to be president?” i mean, it’s gonna be a LOT of work, and everyone gets gray hair… but karina, i think it was definitely a good idea.

i realize that there’s no way i can top the weighty issues raised in these letters, but i decided to write my own letter of advice to obama.

here we go:

dear president obama,

YAY CONGRATULATIONS I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU!! and for me!! and this country!!

THANK YOU FOR BEING AWESOME AND WINNING!!!!!

ok i know you’re busy, so let me cut to the chase and give you some advice:

1. please buy a puppy as soon as possible cos i can BARELY STAND THE ANTICIPATION.

2. don’t start any wars. ever.

3. use yr white house kitchen staff to search the country for the best mac ‘n’ cheese and then publish the recipe on yr website.

4. pretty pretty please do something about this darfur situation.

5. kick standardized testing to the curb! for serious!

6. make sure yr daughters listen to music other than the jonas brothers.

7. you mentioned in yr speech that everyone should be treated equally, so please make the laws reflect that fact.

8. keep michelle happy!!!!

9. i know we’re in a recession and all, but give more money to art and art education. it makes our country prettier and better.

10. once a month, host an AWESOME late night buffet with, like, presidential cheese sticks and pie, and invite different people from all over the country to come over and eat and hang out in their jimjams. especially me!

love,

*posh d.

you know i’m buying an extra cool stamp for that one. oooh maybe valentine hearts!

ok pants world, consider the comments section to be yr presidential mailbag!

LINKS

i’m sure everyone is already aware of this, but the oscar noms were posted this morning, and even though i do hope that heath wins, OMG ROBERT DOWNEY JR.!!!! i feel like the academy is winking at me, in a good way (not pervy).

vulture posted a slide show of the top movies from sundance, and there’s some good stuff coming down the pipe, like 500 days of summer (yay zoey!) and HELLO matt saracen in a movie!!! plus it’s just reassuring to know that we’ve got things to look forward to besides like, SATC 2 (i’m sorry, but no. NO!).

squee of the day (ok, month): OMG YOU GUYS LOOK AT THIS BABY LEMUR!!! LOOK AT HER!!!!!!! i’ve been staring at that picture and clutching the air with my fingers cos I WANT TO HOLD HER SO BADLY!!!! thank you, meredith, for revealing that i somehow have lemur ovaries (is that gross?).

even though we have poladroids, it would still be nice to use my polaroid camera now and again. check out this campaign to start reproducing polaroid film! (thanks, erik, for the link)

even though i still miss mcgosling, i have to say i approve of rachel’s new man: josh lucas. hello, reason i own “sweet home alabama”!! (thanks, mandy, for alerting me to this important news).

but, thanks to the efforts of matt, also known as The Punisher, the server company fixed the problem. so we can now return to our regularly scheduled pantsing!

new york post two coming up later today…

I AM ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS FOR CONTRIBUTORS.

what does this mean?

well, it means that i am suddenly busier than i was before, and while i love this blog and want to keep posting every day, i could use a weekday off.

and, to be perfectly honest, it’s not the actual blog that’s important to me but rather the community around it.

so THAT leads me to the ultimate solution: weekly entries written by you guys!

i mean, come on, half of you write page-long essays in the comments anyway (which i love, btw), so why not get more *public recognition* for yr hard work and deep thinking? this is yr chance to SHINE in the SPOTLIGHT! to get NOTICED! to move up in the exciting world of internet journalism!

think of this entry as less of an invitation and more of a, uh, warning.

BECAUSE… you will most likely receive an email from me v. soon requesting an entry (about any topic of yr choosing! freedom of the press!) and you will totally feel really bad if you say, “NO WAY, SARAH,” cos you’ll realize that not only are you walking away from the opportunity of a lifetime, but you’re also letting the entire internet down.

seriously, though, i’m excited about this idea. esp. cos yr comments are often better than my entries, anyway. and then we’ll all be learning from each other’s ideas and getting to know each other and YAY!!! BLOG HUG!!!!!!

today, i’d like to appreciate a local artist that many of you know, as well as publicly shame an artist i do not (thankfully) know.

first, let’s start with meredith, who is totally waiting to be discovered as the Next Big Thing by hallmark. seriously, look at this girl’s work!

i know it’s a little small, so in case you can’t read it, the bacon says, “bacon loves you, too, m’elle! sizzle sizzle sizzle!”

meredith made this card for erin’s daughter, m’elle, and i consider it the launch of an empire. not only did she create that bacon with the rudimentary tool of microsoft paint, but all of her grammar is CORRECT!!

some of you already know this, but meredith is a grammar queen. and i, for one, am tired of cards with “cutesy” spellings and a lack of respect for commas. not to mention there is a TRAGIC DEARTH of bacon characters in the greeting card business.

and so, meredith, i salute you and yr artistry! i hope to see many more of yr creations in my inbox and/or in stores nationwide.

and now, it’s time to appreciate, and by that i mean ridicule, some really bad art. courtesy of jezebel, ladies and gentlemen, i give you: baby jingles.

well, they’re right about one thing. that is QUITE a handful.

LINKS

if you’re looking for a way to clean yr keyboard via drool, check out cakespy’s coverage of the grandaddy of fried tasty business: beignets!

apparently some scientists with nothing better to do did a study on music and personality types. i was actually going to blog about this but the entry would have just said, “wait, you’re emo? and you listen to emo music?! EUREKA!”

hallo, club members!

it’s time once again to gather together within the cozy walls of this blog, under the flickering lights of ye olde internet, and discuss what we’ve been reading!

in case you haven’t noticed, i’ve compiled a list from our first meeting and posted it under the “book club” tab, which you can see above. since the point of this club isn’t to read the same title but rather to provide future reading suggestions, i hope the list will be useful to everyone. in addition, Master of Technology matt is trying to figure out a way to make the book club page capable of multiple entries so that people can leave comments and actually even virtually discuss a book together. for now, it’s just a simple list but still a great reference tool for people looking for their next literary meal.

today, i’d like to recommend to you not one book but a series of books. all along, i’ve been planning to write a massive post about this series as soon as i finish (i’m halfway through the last book), but i realized today that it would be impossible to express just how amazing, how EPIC, this story is. and so, instead, i offer up this flimsy recommendation in the hopes that ka will cause yr life to intersect with a ragged but tough band of travelers in search of something called the dark tower.

and yes, ka is from the book, and no i won’t explain it.

(this picture is actually from the graphic novel series but i liked it so much, i had to use it).

before i can go any further, i must publicly thank meredith for recommending the dark tower series to me. it baffles me, now, that i could have spent my whole life ignorant of this literary masterpiece, and so i say thankee, sai, from the bottom of my heart.

stephen king wrote “the dark tower” series over a span of thirty-four years. through seven books, he tells the tale of a gunslinger named roland, who travels across worlds and through time in search of the dark tower, which is (and this is boiling it down to a v. basic, unpoetic level) the center of the universe. part western, part fantasy, the story is full of vivid characters, strange machines, terrifying creatures and fables from an ancient past. this is basically king’s “lord of the rings,” and it is (dare i say it) just as compelling and heartbreaking and inspiring as tolkien’s work and (i will say it) better written.

one of the other reasons i decided not to develop a juggernaut of a post about the series (even though it deserves that, and more) is because i don’t want to spoil a single page for any future readers, and therefore i can’t really summarize it or give you a detailed synopsis. but BELIEVE ME when i say that, if you step foot into this story, you will be lost forever to your former life, when you were ignorant of the Path of the Beam, when you had forgotten the face of your father.

when you hadn’t met roland of gilead, who has a tendency to change every life he comes across:

* * *

Roland of Gilead unfolded his hands and got slowly to his feet. He stood on what appeared to be nothing, legs apart, his right hand on his hip and his left on the sandalwood grip of his revolver. He stood as he had stood so many times before, in the dusty streets of a hundred forgotten towns, in a score of rock-lined canyon killing-zones, in unnumbered dark saloons with their smells of bitter beer and old fried meals. It was just another showdown in another empty street. That was all, and that was enough. It was khef, ka and ka-tet. That the showdown always came was the central fact of his life and the axle upon which his own ka revolved. That the battle would be fought with words instead of bullets this time made no difference; it would be a battle to the death, just the same. The stench of killing in the air was as clear and definite as the stench of exploded carrion in a swamp. then the battle-rage descended, as it always did… and he was no longer really there himself at all.

* * *

there aren’t enough pants in the world to let you know how highly i regard these books.

and so i will simply end this review with what i usually say, courtesy of kathleen kelly in “you’ve got mail”:

just read it. i KNOW you’ll love it.

and now, it’s yr turn!

LINKS

speaking of reading good books, jezebel asks: why don’t kids read about anne shirley in school?

check out this hilarious trailer for the “tropic thunder” mockumentary. “i just beat nature today.”

have you guys seen this pics from the sixth harry potter movie? GAH I CANNOT WAIT.

the onion gracefully captures bill clinton as he packs away his first lady dress.

attention twilight saga fans: have you seen the EW cover?!!!!!!

50 cent has a video game coming out (seriously) with the most awesome story line ever (seriously). still, i think ghostbusters will be better.

unfortunately, they did not actually provide a LIST of the food, which disappointed olivia (and me) dreadfully.

so since i like thinking, talking and writing about food, and since i’m feeling esp. patriotic after my fireworks post, i’ve decided to post today about american food.

uh, so, i found that picture when i did a google image search for hamburger, and it’s clearly a sign that i should populate this post with pictures of american food costumes, preferably for babies.

maybe at another point in the future i will write just about that particular costume, because i have questions like, “does this make you want to eat yr baby?” and “if you put lots of babies in this costume, could you then stack them?” and “would a turtle mistake the baby for another turtle?”

anyway!

first, because i am v. scholarly, i decided to do some internet research.

on the msnbc site, i found “10 foods that make america great,” which sounds suspiciously like the title of the elementary school history fair project of my dreams. hello BLUE RIBBON.

anyway, i will save you the time and annoyance of having to learn the history of these food items by listing them below, along with my own enriching comments as well as the baby food costume pictures, which i’m now thinking are really the point of this entry but it’s too late for me to change course.

1. clam chowder

well, ok, sure. i mean,  it doesn’t really come to mind when i think “american,” but it does have a sort of revolutionary war ring to it.

I KNOW, i know. that is definitely NOT a clam chowder costume. but it came up when i googled “clam chowder costume” and i just… wow.

2. pastrami

to be honest, i don’t think i really know what pastrami is. i suppose i could read about in the article but… meh. it seems like a new york thing, though, and therefore i’ll accept it.

there apparently isn’t much of a market for “pastrami costumes” but when i did the search, i found this picture, and i think spam is SUPER american, so i’m including it. that guy isn’t a baby, obviously, but he is v. happy about being spam.  also, for some reason, i’m getting a mime vibe.

3. shoefly pie

what is… no.

PEOPLE. everyone know it’s APPLE pie. i don’t even LIKE apple pie, but i feel the need to defend its status as the all american dessert.

speaking of no… WTF.

4. smithfield ham

ok, did someone’s grandmother write this article?! where is the MAC N CHEESE?

you guys, like i even had a choice about using this picture.

5. po-boys

now HERE’S an item i can get behind, being a louisiana girl and all. no, it’s not a sandwich, it’s a PO-BOY, which is a great illustration of american attitude. “no, it’s not kilometer, it’s a MILE. GAH.”

this picture popped up when i googled “po boy costume,” and i decided to post it. because it’s still a *food* costume, and the internet says it is somehow connected with  “po boy costume” so there.

6. fajitas

what?!! everyone knows fajitas are tex-mex, and “mex” stands for “mexico,” which is clearly a different country than america.

i SWEAR this came up on my fajita costume search. i swear.

7. chicago hot dogs

well, DUH msnbc. finally, something 100% USA red white and blue, no question. they may be full of mystery meat, but they’re cheap and can be mass produced. and americans believe in that.

finally! a costume that is the actual food i’m talking about! i’m beginning to grasp the serious dearth of food options in the baby costume world… this industry is in a sad state, my friends.

8. chile verde

you have got to be kidding me.

yeah, i know, it’s not verde. plus, it’s a little too anne geddes for me.

9. san francisco sourdough

why does san francisco get all of the attention here? i would’ve gone with wonderbread.

i know it sounds weird to say this after seeing all of the other images i’ve posted on this entry, but there’s just something… off about this costume. like, i think those arms were photoshopped on to the image. HEEBIE JEEBIES.

i guess i shouldn’t be surprised, cos i got that costume off a site that also features this photoshopped wonder:

YIKES.

10. olympia oysters

ok, you know what? if the food item doesn’t have a baby costume associated with it, it’s obviously NOT that great, nor is it that american, because people aren’t trying to make the most money possible out of it. so oysters, guess what. you’re NOT that big of a deal, cos babies don’t want to dress like you. there’s not even a clam costume for goodness sake.

today it is my absolute pleasure to present to you another fabulous pigbutt, jennifer taylor kunard.

one of jennifer’s gorgeous bridal portraits, taken by becky (rebecca root)

like many of the pigbutts, i met jennifer some time in the sixth grade, and i remember thinking that she could have been a model. she was tall, slender and beautiful, but she also had the *weirdest* sense of humor (which can be partially, but not fully, explained by our middle school immaturity). consequently, we became fast friends, although there was a brief period in sixth (or seventh?) grade when we had a falling out (memory fails on the source of our conflict, but i’m sure it was V. Serious).

jennifer was part of the “band nerd” faction in our friend group, but in spite of our differing activities (i was a drama geek, as you already know), i felt quite close to her in high school. we were involved in the same youth group, which meant countless weekend retreats together in mosquito-filled cabins and sunday school classes where i was thankful to have a recipient for my occasional eye rolls. jennifer was the kind of friend everyone really needs in high school; passionate and supremely loyal, she always took me seriously and yet never worried about making a fool out of herself. above all, jennifer was fearless, and that’s the quality i most admired about her (and still do). she sought out challenges and then rose to meet them, whether it was earning the position of drum major or joining ROTC in college. obstacles only served to make her stronger, and even when i was sitting across from her in the cy-creek cafeteria, i knew that this girl was going to blaze her own trail. rarely have i seen such drive and determination in a person, especially given that these traits are coupled with a warm, compassionate heart.

sure enough, jennifer made her own way, from studying at baylor to flourishing in the air force. after getting married last year to her wonderful husband, craig, she moved to atlanta, which is unfortunately not in texas (ahem). but i guess you can’t expect a trailblazer to stick to familiar territory, can you?

i have to give jen MAX PROPS for the photos she assembled to supplement this interview. i mean, we’re talking major gems. in fact, i’ll kick off the interview with my favorite, which features the previously mentioned “kevin schorp” ensemble i created in eighth grade with my dad’s clothes and my mom’s silver platter (in case you missed the story, kevin was briefly a kikker). but what i want to know is, what the heck were jennifer and christine?

this picture is so awesome, i can’t even think of a caption that could possibly… yeah.

so, jennifer, i’ve known you since sixth grade (i think?), but not everyone here on poshdeluxe has enjoyed that privilege. tell me a little bit about yr childhood history, yr family, you know, the real deal.

We may have known each other in 6^th grade, your guess is as good as mine. My parents are still raising their kids…my older sister, Kristina, is 33, I am 29, my brother, Jeff, is 25 and Katie is 18. Yeah, big age gap between all of us so there was always multiple phases of life in our house. I was the first one to leave, go to college, move out of the state, etc. My parents are hard working, and my dad is probably the hardest working person I know. He’s humble and I look up to him in every possible way.

if i were to label people back in junior high, which, of course, is what junior high is all about, i would have labeled you as a band kid (er, nerd). where did yr passion for band begin, and how did it develop?

Yes, I am a band nerd and I even went to band camp (insert jokes here). My older sister was in band and I remember going to her concerts. I heard this one distinct sound and I told my parents I wanted to make that sound.The glorious sound was the clarinet, thus began my love for music that eventually turned into a degree.

one of the main reasons i was NOT interested in band was due to the whole “practicing in the school parking lot in the dead heat of summer” thing. but i’ve always wanted to know: how DO you guys march in those perfect formations?

Do you really want to know this??? It’s totally nerdy, but here goes…in a block formation there are 8 steps from yard line to yard line. You learn the distance between each step, use peripheral vision to stay between the people next to you. For other formations, each person is assigned a “dot” and you read the field charts to find your spot. Each person has a specific coordinate that eight step guide serves as the basis for finding your spot. We use everything on the field, hash marks, sidelines, yard lines, etc. to find our spots. There’s a little more to it, but that’s the gist. See, I told you it was nerdy!

it’s like playing battleship but with people! cool.

as all of us cy-creek cougars know, you were selected to be drum major our senior year, which is a huge honor. what was that like? did you ever get into any rumbles with other drum majors?

I was drum major my junior and senior year J I LOVED having 180 people in front of me blasting their instruments in my face, it was a rush, had momentum and fantastic to be front and center. I really loved it. I think it was well known that Allison Moseman and I didn’t exactly get along since she was my assistant. Ha ha - such drama, right?

she makes it look so easy.

ok but seriously, did you ever get tired of wearing that cowboy hat? or think about submitting alternate designs for yr costume? cos, i mean, you know. just look at it.

I thought I was totally cool in my uniform, I mean, really, totally cool. I didn’t exactly like the hat, but when you paired it up with my boots (with tassels), I totally sported it. And we actually got to design the tops – they were custom made each year from fabulous shiny lame and satin materials. When you think about it, at least I didn’t have to wear the HOT wool uniform everyone else had to wear.

ok, i admit, the silver fabric is winning me over.

since we went to junior high and high school together, it’s pretty much required that i ask you to share a story or two from that time in our lives, since i need to supplement (read: recreate) my memory.

I am actually the worst person to ask about memories because I need prodding to remember what happened last week. Here’s what I can remember. You had the most fabulous parties at your house. There was this one where we had a shaving cream fight in your backyard that really stands out to me. I also remember making movies at your place. Weren’t we super heroes once? I believe I used my fabulous drum major saluting skills to “morph” into my character. I also was the maid (with a limp) during one of our detective adventures. Do you still have these embarrassing videos??? Oh, and there was a party at Rachel Tittle’s house and her neighbor offered up his car for us to drive. None of us had a license, we must have been like 14 or 15 at the time. Looking back, he was probably some crazy guy trying to do something bad to a bunch of innocent girls. There was also the time when I tried to race Trey Townsend and I think Talena decided it would be a good idea to give me a “boost” at the start of the race. That little boost made me skid my knees on the pavement and Trey carried my bloodied, embarrassed self back to the house. I still have a scar.

you better believe i still have all of those videos! if only i had been recording that night trey had to carry you home… even *i* remember that, cos it was so awesome.

dressed up for talena’s halloween party our… freshman year? note: i still own that suit.

when you went off to college at baylor, you joined the air force ROTC. what was THAT like?!!!

ROTC was the best thing I could have done. I learned to appreciate the military and its past. I even got a scholarship, which is why I am debt-free from both my undergraduate and graduate degrees (I took advantage of the master’s programs while on active duty). But the money was secondary to the whole process – preparing for active duty, going to boot camp, learning discipline, true camaraderie and team work. It was difficult to balance ROTC and school, but it was totally worth it when I got my commission. I was less than eight months from entering the service when 9/11 happened and the Air Force I had anticipated on entering had changed in about an hour. It was at that moment that I knew I wanted to serve this amazing country, no matter what it was going to bring.

jennifer, receiving her commission and looking badass in the process.

in the air force, what was yr position? and by that i mean, what did you do?

I was a public affairs officer. Seriously good times. I figured out early on that a camera was like a ticket anywhere on base and I totally took advantage of it. I got to ride on a KC-135 (gas station in the sky) and watch it refuel the Thunderbirds. I took some amazing pictures that day! I would climb all over the aircraft’s scaffolding to get in the strangest places to “get the best shot” or “I need it for the magazine” or “I need to go on this mission so it’s properly documented…” Gratefully, I never got jacked up by the MP while taking pictures on the flight line.

I was also an assistant professor of aerospace studies (taught ROTC) for a year. Made for a very cool business card!

jennifer risked her life for this amazing photograph of a thunderbird refueling. everybody now: “hiiiighway to the DANGER ZONE.”

did you ever have a moment where you were like, “this is SO ‘top gun’”? cos that would be awesome.

I didn’t have a “top gun” moment, but I did have many “movie” moments. The biggest one that stands out was when I deployed. My office got notification that a public affairs officer in my unit (there were only two) needed to deploy with the 960^th squadron on a POTUS (President of the United States) mission and that check in was at 3 a.m. – like 15 hours away. My boss, the only other officer, decided he was sick and told me to pack my bags (he was such a draft dodger, he pulled me aside and told me his deployment paperwork was not in order and that he didn’t want to get in trouble. Such a dork.). Anyway, the next 15 hours were filled with security processing, paperwork, deployment lines and a ton of other crazy stuff. Here’s the big movie moment: I went to OSI (the Air Force’s version of the FBI) and told them my coded mission.. I was locked inside a small room with no windows and two chairs, and told to read over the terrorist activity paperwork coded to the region I was deploying to. I was told that everything was confidential and could not be spoken about outside of the little room. I was given time to read it over and told to buzz the agent when I was finished. The agent returned and communicated other verbal instructions and answered any questions I had. I also could not tell people where I was going or how long I was going to be gone. I called my parents and told them to watch the news if they were curious where I could be, but that was all I could say. That particular mission ended up being one of the most exciting things I did while in the military. Everything I had trained for became an actual realization! I coordinated a LIVE press conference with foreign media on foreign soil. Everything from screening media through OSI, to securing the aircraft, to answering questions on live TV…It was a really cool experience. Plus, one of the engines on our E-3 AWACS broke on the way back so we had to divert in Germany…Awww, shucks!

DUDE!!! that is some serious jason bourne action!!!! talk about hard core. you were like, jennifer taylor by day, sydney bristow by night! i am totes impressed.

this is how hardcore super military agents take naps.

what would you say are the main lessons you learned in the air force? did it change you as a person?

Serving in the Air Force was a wonderful job and I would love to still be doing it. I have never worked with such devoted people as my fellow military members. Respect, dignity, taking care of each other, pride, ethics, hard work…I can’t think of enough great things to say. Being an officer, I was catapulted into leading people from the get go. In order to lead people, you must be the example to follow – and there is a delicate balance of being someone’s friend and their boss. It was a lot of fun, but there were the serious times, too. I was recalled at 2 a.m. once because there were reports of two Middle Eastern looking men with what appeared to be shoulder-launched missiles aimed at the flight line. Everyone just worked together and nothing serious happened. You can’t experience times like this without some change…So yes, I guess it did change me.

which is better: yr air force uniform or yr drum major uniform?

Military uniform. I totally got hit on in my uniform (I guess guys like a gal in uniform) and I got free stuff when I was in uniform: meals, tickets, someone even paid for my gas once. People liked to show their support of the military and there were many times I got my meal paid for without ever knowing who had done it…just because they appreciated service members.

do you keep yr band nerd roots alive? by that i mean, are you still playing the clarinet?

I really should play more, but I keep my nerdy music ways alive by playing my guitar a little every day.

so now you’re married and living in atlanta. is being married like what you thought it would be?

Marriage is the biggest blessing to me – it’s more wonderful than I thought it would be. I cannot say enough good things about my darling husband. I love him more every day.

jen and craig, totally in lurve (fabulous picture by becky (rebecca root))

i’ve never been to atlanta, so tell me about it. what are yr favorite/least favorite parts?

Favorite: weather is not nearly as bad as humid Texas (but I miss Texas), and there are hills and mountains! Downtown is really cool and so is the GA aquarium!

Not so favorite: Beware of the drivers!!! People here are MEAN on the roads and I get very scared sometimes.

if i come to visit you, will i have to sleep on an air mattress?

In the apartment, yes L. We have a cabin on the river in the north Georgia mountains in a little town called Ellijay. We have spare beds up there and you might even get to see deer or a fox! You are more than welcome to visit any time!

what is yr secret power?

I can read Craig’s mind about 90% of the time. It absolutely drives him nuts because he can’t read my mind at all. It’s actually become quite fun!

do you sleep in jimjams? what kind?

No, but I have to sleep in a tank top. Sleeves, of any length, drive me nuts when I am trying to sleep!

this picture was taken in our senior english class on the last day of school. and yes, i mean we were seniors IN HIGH SCHOOL.

what is yr #1 favorite food?

Hands-down, Tex-Mex. I could eat it everyday.

what is yr top restaurant recommendation in atlanta? what’s the best thing on the menu?

There is this circa 1800 house that’s been turned into a restaurant called Vinings Inn that is DIVINE. The have the best pecan crusted trout with butternut squash…OMG!

tell me about yr top area of expertise.

I am totally right-brained…music, crafts, etc. Because I’ve studied and performed music for more than 18 years, I also don’t hear one line of music at a time, even if there is only one line of music. I can see the melodies that don’t exist floating around in my head. It’s so much fun to me (and probably geeky to everyone else!). I am also addicted to making cards, it’s become more of an obsession than an expertise.

what was yr favorite item of clothing as a child?

My yellow and white Coca-Cola long sleeve T-shirt. My older sister got a red one and I had to be just like her so I get one for myself. I loved that T-shirt because I thought it made me cool.

WOW do i love this photo– becky and jennifer, posing before the eighth grade dance.

what was yr favorite toy as a child? (the moody bonus question)

The swing set in the back yard. My older sister and I would pretend the swing set was an airplane that wrecked on a deserted island. We basically turned it into our own Swiss Family Robinson dream world. There was a large magnolia tree that would drop leaves on our side of the yard and we would collect them and turn them into shoes and clothes – because we were wrecked and had no clothes. Our dog would turn into a wild animal that would eat us if we stayed on the ground too long. There was usually a volcano that spewed lava and swamp land with alligators and other swampy creatures. We spent hours playing shipwrecked.

what do you plan on doing when you’re 80?

As cheesy as it sounds, going to bed and waking up next to my husband. Waking up next to him starts my days out wonderfully and if I can still be doing that in 51 years, then I’ll be happy.

if you could assemble yr own ocean’s 11, who would you pick and why?

Well, my brother, Jeff because he’s the funniest person I know and would entertain everyone else. My sister Katie, because she reads more than anyone I know and is very smart. Craig because he’s got such an engineering mind that it would come in handy. Se, because the BFF has to come along (and she’s also smart, as in PhD smart). And since it’s a fictitious question, I’d also bring along Wonder Woman (aka: my child hero). I know it’s not 11, but seeing as Wonder Woman is part of the team, I don’t think we’d need 11.

jen and one of her oceans 11 crew, se, at her wedding.

what is yr best karaoke song?

I don’t really karaoke, but I do sing in the shower…somehow TV theme songs (with and without lyrics) pop in my head.

do people ever tell you that you look like someone famous? who?

When I was younger, people said I looked like Drew Barrymore. I never saw it, but maybe it was because it took forever for me to grow out of my fat face. I did go as the fire starter one year for Halloween because it was cold outside and I wanted to layer up. I ended up sticking matches through the button holes in my jacket and that was my costume.

tell me something scandalous!

My older sister and I literally tore the towel bar out of the wall while playing – sheetrock and all. We’d swing from the countertop to the bathtub and using the bar as our hinge. We placed the bar back and covered it with a towel and got away with it for like a year. Then, my mom went to the bathroom to collect towels and she thought SHE broke the towel bar. It wasn’t until a few years ago that my sister and I came clean on the whole thing. It was really, really funny when we told her.

me and jennifer at a church xmas party in 2001 (i think).

thanks for letting me interview you, jennifer! i’ve really enjoyed reminding myself why i like to keep you around– because you’re truly, truly amazing.

not to mention the fact that you’re an excellent source for pictures.

p.s. don’t forget, guys, you can ask jen questions in the comments!

[audio:03 collapsing at your doorstep 1.mp3]

today i’ve been thinking about secrets.

maybe– probably– it’s because i’ve been reading stephen king’s “dark tower” series (based on meredith’s excellent recommendation), which is an incredible, fantastical, nail-biting journey through time and space and all of the unknowns in between. like any good tale, the characters must rely on their cunning, not to mention bravery, in order to overcome tremendous obstacles and gather pieces from the wreckage… pieces that, when put together, will lead them to a place called the dark tower.

the lands they wander are full of secrets… artifacts that may be from the past, but possibly remain from the future… bits of language that, in their vague familiarity, seem eerily alien… endless worlds connected by doors that lie waiting for someone to turn the key, which can be a stick of wood, a riddle, an electronic keypad.

i will most definitely write a review of the series when i’m done, but today i decided to let the idea of secrets tip toe around my brain for a while. in spite of the constant threat of death, i envy the characters in the book; they all have puzzles to solve, codes to unravel. each one of them is given a secret that they carry for future use in their quest, a secret that baffles them until suddenly, click, everything aligns, and click, the key turns.

even though sometimes secrets can be V. Bad Things, more often i believe them to be beautiful, silvery creatures, too ethereal to be exposed to the world. they are so fragile, so delicate that reality would crush them into a fine dust, and so we have to protect them, treasure them, keep them safe.

i think everyone needs a secret.

perhaps that’s why we are drawn to things with an air of mystery, of trembling possibility, as if we could take possession of it by being the only person who fully *grasps* it. as if the secret is a key that fits only into the lock of our minds, crafted out of shiny bits of memory and forged in forgotten feelings.

as a child, i devised a secret language with my friend paige. even though it was simple in its construction, the language cast a boundary around us, a magical, invisible wall that surrounded us like a cocoon. it was as if we had created a new world simply by employing the power of words, words that seemed like gibberish to everyone else, because they didn’t understand our secret. they didn’t have the key.

and then, of course, i read “the secret garden.”

“The Secret Garden was what Mary called it when she was thinking of it. She liked the name, and she liked still more the feeling that when its beautiful old walls shut her in no one knew where she was. It seemed almost like being shut out of the world in some fairy place. The few books she had read and liked had been fairy-story books, and she had read of secret gardens in some of the stories. Sometimes people went to sleep in them for a hundred years, which she had thought must be rather stupid. She had no intention of going to sleep, and, in fact, she was becoming wider awake every day which passed at Misselthwaite.”

i’ve always wanted a secret garden, and i think someday i actually might have one, even if i have to create it instead of discovering it with the help of a little robin.

i miss those days of secret languages and tiny diaries that lock with brass keys, but in their place, i have new secrets that give me equal joy. i see a friend’s face in a certain light and *know* them more than i ever have before, in ways they aren’t aware of. i read the name of the person who donated an old library book and store the information away, a trinket in my pocket. i experience emotions that i can’t express and then feel glad, relieved, that i can’t share them, so that they remain pure and preserved. a song plays in a cafe, and the person across from me has no inkling of the flood of memories washing over me.

everyone needs a secret.

sometimes secrets come to you like tiny submarines breaching yr shores. other times, you have to seek them out. i want my whole life to be full of seeking, of exploring both familiar things, like the voice of a friend, and unknown things, like peeking through the grimy windows of an old store that everyone else has forgotten about (i won’t forget).

in the spirit of the search, i leave you with this little poem.

***

In the Library

by Charles Simic

for Octavio

There’s a book called

“A Dictionary of Angels.”

No one has opened it in fifty years,

I know, because when I did,

The covers creaked, the pages

Crumbled. There I discovered

The angels were once as plentiful

As species of flies.

The sky at dusk

Used to be thick with them.

You had to wave both arms

Just to keep them away.

Now the sun is shining

Through the tall windows.

The library is a quiet place.

Angels and gods huddled

In dark unopened books.

The great secret lies

On some shelf Miss Jones

Passes every day on her rounds.

She’s very tall, so she keeps

Her head tipped as if listening.

The books are whispering.

I hear nothing, but she does.

***

here’s to finding our own secret gardens.

LINKS

check out this amazing slow motion video micael posted, featuring people getting punched in the face. awesome.

if you liked showbiz as a kid, you will LOVE the new MGMT video for “electric feel” (featured on my winter 08 mix).

china’s etiquette for the olympics… hey, at least the “in case of vomit” suggestion is helpful.

even though i think ratings lists are dumb, i can’t help but be proud of houston for winning the #1 “best city” according to kiplinger’s. go h-town! p.s. austin was #6, not too shabby.

but i’m shifting gears and will now post entries in the evening once i’m home.

i hope this won’t create a massive kink in anyone’s blog-reading schedule (heaven forbid!). you’ll see today’s entry posted a bit later, so until then…

HANG IN THERE!