anyhoo, this year, henri decided that, just like the backstreet boys, PRESHOW’S BACK, ALRIGHT! and the first movie to receive our own special brand of ridiculous treatment was, of course, “kick-ass!”

since the movie is all about regular kids being superheroes, we decided to follow suit. meet… THE SILK SPECTATOR!

WATCH OUT OR I WILL OBSERVE YOU!

the silk spectator belongs to a superhero team known as the BUTT KICKERS, whose other members include LIEUTENANT USA and THE PRETTY DECENT AMERICAN HERO!!!!

Don’t worry, citizens in distress! THEY ARE COMING TO EMBARRASS YOU INTO SAFETY!!

i know, they look WAY scarier than anything in “kick-ass,” amiright?

we journeyed to zilker to film our feats of superhero-ness, which i’d like to think really added to the scenery for park patrons that day.

first, the Pretty Decent American Hero faced a dangerous challenge: how many sheets of butcher paper could he break through? THREAT OF PAPERCUTS BE DAMNED!

it turns out that it is FAR more dangerous to be the one holding the paper than it is to be the person running through it. y’all my fingers are scarred 4 life, i am not even kidding. i will send you a picture OF MY SCABS (gross!) on yr phone if you don’t believe me.

next up was Lieutenant USA, who LIKES TO PUNCH THINGS! so he decide to punch lots of ceiling tiles! which is surprisingly easy! so henri, i mean, the pretty decent american hero, made it harder by breaking the tiles on his head. and then he made me do it and i felt bad. which you can see on my face in this video. hello, i’m the silk SPECTATOR, not silk DOER!

and last but certainly not least, the Silk Spectator stepped up to the plate. Her mission? To eat six saltine crackers… in sixty seconds! THAT’S CRAZY TALK!! but when audience entertainment is on the line, this super heroine won’t let you down!

if you listen closely, you can hear me say “uh oh” after the first cracker. NOT A GOOD SIGN YOU GUYS. also, pro-tip: when yr mouth is full of dry cracker, and you laugh, you spew cracker bits into the air like confetti. yay!

and thus ends the adventures of the butt kickers. we fought against saltines, paper, ceiling tiles and, most of all, yr attention spans, and i think it’s safe to say that we TOTALLY SAVED THE DAY! thanks to us, people can live to be ridiculous another day. now, fair citizens of pants world, you better appreciate it! go play apple roulette or something else suitably stupid. YOU’RE WELCOME!

and then i met… zombie hermione. HOLY HOGWARTS!

this girl knows the answer to EVERYTHING, esp. when it comes to the tastiness of brains.

you know what else is scary? how long it took me to style my hair. yipes.

you may be wondering, “hey sarah, why the undead?” well see, for halloween, henri hosted a zombie prom at the highball, and in order to get in, you HAD to be dressed like a zombie… any kind of zombie.

like even a sexy bumblebee zombie.

or a regular zombie who’s attracted to sexy bumblebee zombies…

or an axl rose zombie. or even a duck zombie!

what about a mark hamill zombie? NO PROBLEM!

are trish and chris zombies welcome? BUT OF COURSE!

ok, but what about zombie children’s book characters who happen to be dating glamorous undead space people? WHY NOT?!!!

even zombie internet social media was allowed! and yes, this guy wants to be yr friend (and then eat yr brain).

y’all that’s a LOT of zombies. but my favorite type of the night was… SINGLE LADIES ZOMBIES!!!! they really put the Z in ZOMG!!!!

if you like it, then you shoulda put a brain on it…s mouth.

seriously though, how awesome are those two dudes? AND they were in heels.

also i just lied cos i had *another* favorite type of zombie: THE MAC ‘N’ CHEESE KIND!!!!

i mean, what could go better with brains than a big ole helping of delicious mac ‘n’ cheese?!!! ZOMBIE HERMIONE IN HEAVEN.

not only did people bring it with awesome costumes and tons of fake blood, they also totally pulled some major undead moves on the dance floor:

and you know it’s not an action pack event unless there’s a confetti cannon involved! zombies LOVE confetti, you guys. i think it reminds them of pieces of brain. or something.

turns out zombies also adore slow dancing. esp. to “lady in red.” which i’m guessing reminds them of blood. on a lady.

ok, now this really might shock you: zombies GO CRAZY FOR KARAOKE! esp. journey!!!

i think “don’t stop believin’” is some kind of anthem for them, like no matter how many limbs or layers of skin they loose, they will never die, cos they’re already undead. it’s beautiful, really. i mean, look at the inspiration on zombie trish’s face:

touched by journey’s moving lyrics, zombie hermione used her wand to try out some spells, like, “ava cadaver!” and “expelliarmus BRAIN!” nothing really worked until she got a glowstick. and then she totally nailed “lumos!”

meanwhile, things were continuing to heat up on the dance floor as zombies connected or, in the case of this zombie duck and this zombie hitchcock’s “birds” lady, disconnect.

did i mention that there was a MARRIAGE PROPOSAL? just as “true colors” came on, some dude dropped to his knee (thankfully, it remained attached to his body) and popped the question! and she said yes! FUTURE ZOMBIE BRIDE HOLLA!!!!

other highlights of the spooky soiree included an impromptu performance by the zombie single ladies:

as well as a costume contest!!!!! but first i’m gonna post one more picture of henri, cos he just looked so awesome. i can’t look at this picture without hearing “no rain” in my head:

as you can expect, the competition was about as fierce as two zombies fighting over a toddler’s brain. the costumes ranged from super cute…

(btw, i don’t really see any zombie make-up on either of these guys but they’re so adorable, rules be damned!)

to kinda cute, kinda creepy (this lady was pretty much the living embodiment of this, i.e. heebie jeebies!)…

to kinda creepy, kinda mysterious (i *think* brad was rorchach? whatever he was, he was cool. and also really hard to talk to cos um, he didn’t have a face)…

to kinda mysterious, kinda WTF (even though she’s a bird, i couldn’t stop thinking about “cats” for some reason)…

to the THAT’S IT. I’M TERRIFIED AND MUST IMMEDIATELY VACATE THESE PREMISES because these FLDS zombie mommas are going to KILL ME HOLY PANTS!!!!!!

they just kept screaming, “DON’T TAKE MY BABY” and i was like, “um, i really don’t think anyone’s going to lay a hand on yr creeptastic devil babies, just FYI.” but then i realized that there were other zombies involved, and they’re not what you would call picky eaters.

thankfully, everyone made it through the competition without eating each other, and henri crowned the Preggo Pumpkin and the FLDZombie Mommas the Queens of the Prom! hurrah! and also WATCH OUT PUMPKIN LADY!!!!!!!!

the rest of the night was spent dancing and strategically placing myself as far away from those devil babies as possible. cos zombie hermione is, above all else, not stupid.

so, pants world, tell me about yr halloween!! hopefully you still have brains. and also functioning pancreases.

LINKS

speaking of awesome costumes, MEGA SQUEE (thanks, erin, for the link!).

also, I HOPE EVERYONE SAW WINSTON’S GLO-WORM COSTUME BECAUSE IT IS THE BEST.

y’all! i went to the texas book festival with my mom! and sara zarr hugged me! check out my swimfannery here.

today, in round 2, we’ll find out WHO COMES OUT ON TOP. so, pants world, place yr bets and let’s step into the ring!

SATURDAY

so, when i told you guys i saw cropsey on friday, i totally lied. i actually saw it on saturday afternoon. but i *wasn’t* lying about how good it is, so you should still go see it.

henri and i headed over to the paramount for the last “big” premiere of fantastic fest, “the vampire’s assistant.” little did i know that my entire night was gonna be filled with vampires, including the hottest one of them all (not rpatz, you silly twilighters! gah!)…

anyway! i’d seen the trailer for “vampire’s assistant” and, heading into the movie, i had these thoughts:

1. john c. reilly’s hair looks AWESOME.

2. i am really, really sad that they covered up patrick fugit’s adorable face with snake make-up.

3. hey, it’s that dude from the 7-up commercials!

4. who are these two teenage dudes? WAIT are they disney stars?!!

5. so wait, we need another vampire movie cos why?

“vampire’s assistant,” based upon a book series, is obvs targeted towards tweens. consequently (and rather cleverly!), the alamo invited high school students to come to the show for free, which was actually pretty awesome. have you ever been to a premiere with teenagers? this is what happens:

john c. reilly steps out of the car onto the red carpet with one of the teenage male stars behind him. teenage girl behind the velvet rope and directly in front of john c. reilly screams, “OMG!! IT’S THAT GUY FROM “BRIDGE TO TERABITHIA!” she then proceeds to completely ignore john c. reilly while jumping up and down and reaching out for the teenage actor dude.

yeah. the inside of the paramount felt like the teen choice awards, minus the surf board trophies (wait, do they still do that? OLD LADY ALERT).

the movie itself was meh… i mean, it wasn’t made for folks like me. if i had been twelve, i think i would have liked it. the seven-year-old down the row from me LOVED it, esp. the graveyard fight scene (he said so during the Q&A).

speaking of the Q&A, THESE GUYS WERE SO ANNOYING.

oh, not YOU, john c. reilly, just those two teenage actor guys. SWEET FANCY MOSES. it’s like they went to a secret disney camp that trains them on how to crack cheesy jokes and do impressions of their grandmas and basically churns them out with an extra shiny layer of ridiculous bravado and an “earnest” passion for THE FINE ART OF ACTING.

the smile you see john c. reilly cracking in that picture? that’s got to be the best acting moment OF HIS CAREER cos i cannot comprehend how he managed to go through the entire Q&A without smacking those two jackasses on the back of the head.

it didn’t help that there was a section of the theater that would squeal loudly every time that guy in the middle (the bridge to terabithia dude) spoke. i was like STOP ENCOURAGING HIM YOU GUYS. but, you know, they’re teenage girls! they’re supposed to spazz out!

so in spite of the fact that i am a cranky old lady who didn’t know who JOSH HUTCHERSON is (next you’re gonna tell me that hannah montana has a secret identity or something cray cray like that), i found the teenage crowd pretty cute.

after the tweenfest, henri and i decided we needed something a little bit more edge-y in our systems, so we decided to check out the midnight screening of “the revenant.” as it happens, this is ALSO a vampire movie (kind of?), but it makes john c. reilly’s vampire look like the count from sesame street. HOLY BLOODSUCKERS.

why yes, that IS sark from “alias” with his skin deteriorating from his face! i know it doesn’t come through in the picture, but that guy manages to look hot even when he’s undead. that’s, like, an amazing compliment (you’re welcome, david anders).

y’all have GOT to see this movie. go here to watch the trailer and then tell me that doesn’t look AWESOME. i found the premise pretty unique, and the humor is incredibly dark and HILARIOUS. definitely my favorite film from the festival after “zombieland.”

i figured that “revenant” would be my favorite vampire experience of the fantastic fest but I WAS WRONG. i was so, so wrong. cos when we got out of the theater, caitlin sent henri a text saying that ERIC FROM “TRUE BLOOD” WAS AT THE HIGHBALL!!!

YOU GUYS I AM NOT KIDDING.

although i am still not sure it happened for real cos IT WAS JUST TOO CRAY CRAY!

so, it’s obvious that the vampire market is definitely too saturated at the moment, cos THREE vampire encounters in one night? that’s ridiculous.

but i didn’t mind cos you know what ELSE is ridiculous? ALEXANDER SKARSGARD’s HOTNESS.

of course, henri and i immediately RAN to the highball, and sure enough, there was alexander (i’m gonna call him alex, cos, you know, we’re bffs now) sitting in a booth with the director of his film! and y’all he was tan! and he had short hair! and when he stood up he was v. tall! and, most importantly, he was V. V. FINE.

the evening rapidly became A Night To Remember, even rivaling my night out with the Best US President Ever, aka bill pullman, last year. to make a long (ridiculous) story short, tim ended up leading a few of us into the walk-in freezer so that alex could have chill (LITERALLY! HA!) time away from some crazy true blood fans (OBVS not me. OBVS).

it was in this freezer that i took the Best Picture from Fantastic Fest 2009. BEHOLD THE AWESOMENESS:

y’all. i know. I KNOW. it was all just too surreal.

i was in a freezer. with eric from true blood.

oh yeah and these dudes:

i love that dentler looks about as dazed as i felt.

with the threat of frostbite looming, we decided to take a little karaoke break. here’s one of my favorite performances (with the most patriotic karaoke ending ever). um, just try to ignore the, uh, woman on the pole.

guess who else decided to karaoke? THIS HARDCORE LADY!!!!

photo by david hill copyright 2009

yep, i decided to dazzle the crowd (which included alexander, obvs) with my signature song, “rock you like a hurricane.”

and y’all, I WENT FOR IT. like, i think i sang it even better than the lead singer of the scorpians. PLUS i have more hair than he does, which counts for A LOT when it comes to hair metal.

photo by david hill copyright 2009

caitlin’s bf, james, was standing next to alex during my HARD CORE performance, and apparently he really enjoyed it.

ERIC FROM TRUE BLOOD LIKED MY KARAOKE!!! HIGHLIGHT OF MY LIFE!!!!

apparently he was enjoying a lotta things that night, cos mr. sexy vampire was a wee bit hammered. we all retired back to the freezer, where i took this video of the aftermath of karrie doing a shot (she NEVER does shots). check out alexander looking extremely jovial and distinctly un-brooding.

like any good VIP room, the freezer got more and more packed with people, until i actually started to feel my fingertips again! fabulous!

seriously, there’s gotta be a rap song about chillin’ in the VIP deep freeze with a vampire sheriff… make it so, jay-z!

as you can see, it was a TOTES HIJINKY night, the kind of thing that i can imagine happening at only fantastic fest, where no one’s afraid to be goofy (i mean, do you think people at cannes stand around in a deep freeze and drink lone stars? I DON’T THINK SO).

henri and i ended up taking alexander and his director (and the director’s super nice wife) back to the hotel, where HE GAVE ME A HUG. I KNOW. ERIC FROM TRUE BLOOD GAVE ME A HUG. which also means I TOUCHED HIS ARM.

i later told my “friday night lights” ladies that “it was good practice for when i finally talk to taylor kitsch.” eyes on the prize, y’all. EYES ON THE PRIZE.

SUNDAY

although nothing could possibly beat chillin’ (sorry! i can’t stop making this joke!) with vampire eric in the freezer, sunday night was still pretty dang awesome.

the first movie of the day was “duress,” and the only good thing about that movie is that coach taylor (GO PANTHERS!) was in the audience. that’s all i have to say about that. oh and also child stars scare me.

next, i saw “mandrill,” a totally rad action film from the same guys who made “kiltro” and “mirage man” (both of which i saw at FF back in 2007, reviews here and here). like the previous movies, “mandrill” stars marko zaror, who has GOT to be the FITTEST MAN I HAVE EVER SEEN. the guy can do stunts that are simply unbelievable. like, even CGI won’t try them.

“mandrill” plays around with the whole james bond thing and centers on an assassin (mandrill) who is basically following in the footsteps of his favorite film star, a bondlike character named john colt. the film features excerpts of colt movies, all of which are super 70s and totally cheesestastic.

the best parts of the film, though, are when zaror is just hanging out, kicking major, major ass. i mean, look what the guy can do at an awards ceremony, when there’s not even a movie being filmed or anything! he just jumped cos his movie won an award and he was happy! THIS IS JUST HIS HAPPY JUMP.

Photo by Rich Merritt

and you thought i was exaggerating.

so yeah, although “mandrill” wasn’t as compelling as “mirage man,” it was still a totally fun ride.

speaking of smooth moves, the highball was christened later that night with its first ever michael jackson sing-along/dance party.

and oooh it was a most spectacular christening.

the party began with a dance lesson taught by henri and bianca, our resident thriller dance expert. since i’m a lazy pants, i just hung out and watched other people do things like the zombie arm curl:

henri and bianca used the same method from last year’s “thrill the world” campaign, which breaks the dance down into small steps with words. it makes it surprisingly easy, even for people like kim who say “i can’t dance!” and is obviously totally lying cos girl can bust a move.

here’s an example:

part of perfecting the dance involves mastering the Scary Face. teresa and rebecca have got it DOWN.

it only took about an hour for everyone to become v. professional thriller pants. check out the final product!

after the dance lesson, it was time for the students of the MJ school to apply their new skills via the final exam, aka DANCE PARTY!!!!

the party was basically like a sing-along, but with a SUPER NICE AND SPACIOUS DANCE FLOOR!!! and did i mention LASERS?

for “billie jean,” we passed out flashlights so that this magic could happen:

and then a, um, different kind of magic happened, cos GUESS WHO CAME BACK?

that’s right, the japanese pole dancer lady!!!

and GUESSED WHAT SHE DANCED TO?

come ON, y’all. this has got to be the easiest question on the final exam.

dirty diana INDEED. but also, very gymnastic!

i want to point out that she did begin the dance with a thriller jacket on but it proved to be too, erm, constrictive.

and then, of course, there was the requisite knife fight to “beat it.” don’t worry, no gregs or henris were harmed in the making of this video:

i think my favorite moment of the night was actually when things slowed down and we paid tribute to MJ with lots of glow sticks and swaying. i know, i loved the most cheesy part of the show, go figure.

and then there was more dancing! and more lasers! and one v. disgruntled (but secretly happy) kim sandwich!

and that, my friends, brings round 2 to a close, meaning we have reached the end of this particular deathmatch.

after tallying up the results, it looks like we have a SURPRISE CHAMPION!! what what!!!

while fantastic fest wailed on sarah with zombies, hot vampires, dance parties and sleep deprivation, it turns out that FF was playing RIGHT into sarah’s hands cos she LOVES ALL OF THOSE THINGS (well, besides sleep deprivation). they’re like… her ANTI-KRYPTONITE!

BOO-YA, FANTASTIC FEST! you’re about to be OVER but i’m still HERE!!!! I SURVIVED!! and i LIKED IT.

i know you’ll be back for a rematch next year, and all i gotta say is you better BRING IT* if you even HOPE to beat a fighter pants like me.

SEE YOU IN 2010, SUCKA!!!

*by “it” i mean tim riggins

LINKS

this teaser trailer about jim & pam’s marriage has NOTHING new in it, and yet it managed to bring tears to my eyes. i would say this is the wedding of the century, but since meredith & matt are getting married this weekend, i’ll clarify and say it’s the TV wedding of the century!

speaking of jim, his performance of “the marionette” on conan is not only awesome, it’s also my new favorite dance move.

a run-in with glamour magazine reduced stephen colbert to eating ice cream and crying. stars, they’re just like us!!

new fantastic mr. fox trailer isn’t as zippy as the first one, but i’m still gonna see it. hello it’s roald dahl! he’s my man!

i kind of hate you.

ok, so, have you seen that movie “old school”? well, you’re like a combo of vince vaughn and will ferrell. you tempt me with awesome parties and ridiculous hijinks and basically SLAY ME WITH AWESOME. but then the next day, i have to wake up and return to my normal life and pretend like i didn’t spend the previous night watching japanese people karaoke and hanging out with eric from true blood in the walk-in freezer and IT’S HARD AND MY HEAD HURTS, OK?!! OK?! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

fantastic fest, i love you but… you will be the death of me.

forever yrs,
*posh d. luxe

seriously, y’all, fantastic fest just about killed me this year. but fortunately for you (and me, OBVS!), i lived to tell the tale! or at least, what is fit to broadcast to strangers on the internet. so wheeeee let’s get started!

THURSDAY NIGHT

the festival began with a bang in the form of jemaine clement, who arrived at the paramount looking V. SNAZZY INDEED for the premiere of “gentlemen broncos.”

(photo by david hill copyright 2009)

i know i’m not alone in saying that i really, really wanted to touch his velvet jacket. and just cos velvet is soft! no other reason!

btw, next year i think fantastic fest should invite commentary from the fug girls. cos, hello, it IS a red carpet event! you can see it in the picture, so you know it’s legit. on the other hand, given that the rest of the audience is composed of film geeks, this might not be such a great idea. although i didn’t see ANY leggings, and i’m pretty sure everyone was wearing underwear, so i’d say fantastic fest shows would at least get a lower fug rating than, say, the premiere of “i know who killed me.”

speaking of glam, the paramount is the perfect place for a big time film premiere, cos it’s all classy and fancy pants. it’s like straight out of that scene in “annie” where daddy warbucks takes annie to the movies! minus the dancing ushers, although i have the feeling some of those old ladies still know how to shake what their mamas gave ‘em.

(photo by david hill copyright 2009)

while waiting for the film to start, i managed to engage sam rockwell in a brief conversation that went something like this:

(man makes his way through empty row where sarah is sitting)

sarah: hey, please don’t step on my beer (points to beer can on the ground)

(man carefully avoids beer and continues on his way)

20 minutes later

sarah: OMG THAT WAS SAM ROCKWELL!!!!

(photo by david hill copyright 2009)

thanks, sam rockwell, for not stepping on my beer! you’re awesome!

unfortunately, the movie itself was… not so awesome. i just felt like it was trying too hard to be weird. with that said, i still think “gentlemen broncos” is worth seeing solely to experience jemaine clement as dr. ronald chevalier, outrageously egotistical sci-fi hack and one of the best film characters of ALL TIME. even if you’re not a scifi/fanatasy nerd like i am, you will go bananas for the scene in which chevalier illustrates how to transform a humdrum character name into a magical moniker simply by adding prefixes like “onium” or “ificus” to the end which then devolves into a fight about troll name derivation. honestly, if the movie had been all dr. ronald chevalier, all of the time, i think *somebody* would’ve had an oscar on their hands.

jemaine even did the intro in character, complete with his cropped leather jacket, pointless bluetooth headpiece and his deep alan-rickman-style voice.

(photo by david hill copyright 2009)

after the movie, i ran into erica, who cuts my hair in houston and just happens to be completely badass. girlfriend don’t not take shizz from NOBODY. when she was in high school, she used to write people’s names on her t-shirts and then, when they asked her, “why is my name on yr shirt?” she’d respond, “because i hate you.”

DANG!

i ended up giving erica and her friends a ride to the highball, which is FINALLY OPEN YOU GUYS I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR FOREVER!!!!!!!

and it is just as ritzy and swanky as i dreamed it would be. seriously, if i told you this place used to be a salvation army, you would give me the crazy eye.

(photo by mary sledd)

I KNOW, RIGHT? everything is black and red and gold and v. mad men-y. and did i mention the vintage bowling lanes?!!

(photo by mary sledd)

yeah, that’s henri, wearing his gold jacket cos he likes to match fancy things.

the other side of the bar features a sweet dance floor complete with a stage and INSANE LASERS!!!!

y’all, i think this might be my new home (until i move to harry potter world, of course).

in honor of the popcorn balls featured in the movie, there was a station where you could make popcorn scupltures. jasmine made a skull! yay!

there was also a photo booth with a battle stag, a prominent feature of the sci fi stories in “gentlemen broncos.”

um, you guys know how i feel about pictures, so of course henri and i had to get snapped on top of the stag.

awww!! battle stag love bombs away!!!

everyone seemed to enjoy themselves immensely at the opening night party, although i think erica had the Night of Her Life cos she ended up talking to jemaine!! what WHAT!! and i guarantee you her conversation was better than my exchange with sam rockwell.

FRIDAY

i started off my afternoon with “cropsey,” a documentary that highlights society’s need for urban legends by exploring the disappearances of several children on staten island. it was sad and compelling and depressing and um, yeah, totally terrifying (walking through an abandoned mental hospital? easiest route to HEEBIE JEEBIES) . i definitely recommend it! check out the trailer:

then it was time for the “zombieland” premiere back at the paramount! i’d seen the trailer for the movie, plus i um totally heart jesse eisenberg, so i was definitely excited.

there were people from zombie manor giving audience members free makeovers, which i politely declined cos has no one heard about clogged pores? also, it turns out that people in zombie make-up are even more annoying than real zombies. they just walk around and bump into you and moan but, unlike the real thing, you can’t punch them out of self-defense. you just have to put up with them. GAH.

(photo by mary sledd)

the director and main cast eventaully arrived, except for abigail breslin, who is apparently working on another film cos her parents believe in child labor. LOOK HOW CUTE JESSE EISENBERG IS!!!!

“

(photo by mary sledd)

why yes he DOES have his jacket tied around his waist!!!

then the movie began, and let’s just say i was NOT disappointed. in fact, I HAD THE BEST TIME!!!!! “zombieland” is hilarious and ridiculous and wild and oh man there are some AWESOME zombie death scenes. in fact, it almost makes me wish there was a real zombie apocalypse so i could hang out with woody harrelson and search for twinkies. and that’s saying a lot you guys cos zombies are gross and i don’t even like twinkies that much.

also i won’t give it away but BEST CAMEO EVER. like, they should create a new academy award category just for the person who appears in this movie.

seriously, when it comes out, GO SEE IT. IMMEDIATELY. and YOU’RE WELCOME.

afterwards, henri did a fabulous and v. dr. professional job of moderating the Q&A. look at him!

(photo by mary sledd)

this was one of the best Q&As i have ever seen, and i’m not just saying that cos i’m dating the moderator. jesse eisenberg was HILARIOUS, and woody harrelson was completely stoned. it was obvious that the cast had a super fun time making the movie together, and now i’m really sad that i didn’t get to take them to uchi afterwards so we could become BFFs.

the best question was the last one, when someone asked, “so, who supplied the weed?” (there’s a brief pot scene in the movie). without hesitation, jesse said, “abigail breslin.”

HOLLA!!!

after the movie, we headed back to the highball for the japan party, which is basically just an excuse for festival-goers to go cray cray with the cast and crew of the japanese movies featured at fantastic fest.

the party began with some karaoke and then cranked it up with a samurai call contest, which involves people yelling “SAMURAI!!” and being judged by two japanese directors who don’t really speak english. in other words, it is GREAT.

here’s an example of a “good” samurai call:

now, that may seem easy peasy, but don’t be fooled! here’s an example of just how tricky the contest can be:

this samurai-wannabe learned the hard way after he threw the microphone on the floor:

and, finally, here’s my favorite samurai call of the night, performed by the larger than life (and i mean that in a hardcore way, not the backstreet way), muy loco spanish director, nacho:

then it was time for japanese karaoke!!! i found out that if you want to have the best dance party in the world, you need to invite japanese people. sorry, pants world, but given that dance parties are my main passion in life, i gotta stay true to my dreams and find some new japanese friends like these folks:

guess who has more fun than those guys? NO ONE.

the night ended with… and i never, ever imagined that i would write this sentence but, ok, the night ended with a totally awesome pole dance.

i know, i know, that sounds weird. and maybe pervy. but seriously, it was AMAZING. so one of the actresses from “robogeisha” (best title ever, and yes, you should watch the trailer) is, like, reeeeally into pole dancing, so much so that she travels with her own portable pole. I AM NOT KIDDING.

fortunately, her relationship with the pole is less gentlemen’s club and more gymnastics, cos she pretty much brought down the house with her performance. unfortunately, a stupid press camera guy started standing in front of me (RUDE), so i lost a good deal of my view after the first minute or so. i did manage to capture the beginning of her dance, though, so you can get the idea:

the whole portable pole thing doesn’t seem so crazy anymore, does it? cos WOW.

and don’t worry (SPOILER ALERT), you’ll see this gymnast pants again…

and so ends my first half of fantastic fest. score:

fantastic fest: alive and kicking
posh d. luxe: barely breathing thanks to insane japanese dance party and brush with annoying zombies

to be continued!

stay tuned for john c. reilly! eric from “true blood”! michael jackson dance extravaganza!

of course, some alamo events are more spectacular than others, and today i’d like to highlight two recent happenings that really pantsed the pants out of me.

first of all, CINEMAPOCALPYSE!!! (btw that word takes me forever to type. i have to sound it out like the painter dude on sesame street). this was basically an all night movie extravaganza, featuring a premiere of “inglorious basterds” with quentin tarantino and eli roth in attendance. as with previous alamo all night events, i didn’t make it to the end. in fact, i only lasted for two movies, which pretty much ruins any film geek cred i might have had. ha ha JUST KIDDING! like i ever HAD any film geek cred. i mean, have you SEEN the movies in my dvd player?

thankfully, quentin was not aware of this fact, so they still let me in the theater. i totally felt like an imposter, but, thanks to the themes in the film, in a totally cool way, like a superspy sent by the rom com industry to sabotage the premiere so “time traveler’s wife” could make more money or something. anyway!

quentin and eli introduced the movie, which, to be honest, i was excited about but also kind of skeptical. and then i saw eli’s guns and instantly knew: I WILL LOVE THIS MOVIE.

ahem. seriously, though, why has no one told me how hot eli roth is?!!!

then the movie began, and i was whisked away to nazi-occupied france. y’all, all kidding about eli’s arms aside (well, not really, but for purposes of credibility, i’ll pretend that wasn’t a factor), “inglorious basterds” is pretty freaking awesome. without going all spoiler pants on you, this movie really surprised me. like, i thought it was gonna feature lots of bloody nazi killing and scalping and then more killing with some extra beatings and facial disfigurement thrown in. and while there was some gory stuff, the majority of the movie had… heart! for reals! “inglorious basterds” isn’t really about a bunch of american jews kicking the shizz out of nazis (although that part is super duper fun). it’s actually a v. human story about people rising up and fighting and hoping and doing everything they can to defeat what was obviously an evil, terrible regime. most of that human angle focuses on shosanna, played beautifully by melanie laurent:

LOVE HER. seriously. first of all, she’s SO PRETTY. second of all, she’s french and therefore totally fabulous. third, she’s a really great actress, and i hope she starts popping up in american films cos PRETTY!!!

balancing out shosanna’s lightness is christoph waltz, playing hans landa, hands down my favorite villain in the QT collection. this guy was AWESOME. instead of being all over-the-top evil, waltz creates a creepy sleuthy mastermind through the smallest of gestures and his piercing, soul-stealing gaze. seriously, if this guy ever tries to shake yr hand, DON’T DO IT.

and, of course, there was brad pitt, chewing the SHIZZ out of the sumptuous scenery while playing aldo raine.

the aldo scenes are definitely the comic highlights of the movie, and it’s obvious that brad and the basterds crew had a BLAST playing a bunch of bloodthirsty, uber patriotic good ole boys. in fact, during the Q&A, roth talked about how they stayed in character between takes just so they could get away with really immature and ridiculous behavior. nice!

the movie isn’t flawless, of course, and i wish tarantino had taken the time to flesh out the stories of each individual basterd (wordpress really hates that spelling, btw). in fact, in the Q&A he mentioned that originally, IB was going to be a mini-series, and then he had lunch with luc besson who told him to stick with a film version. i love you, luc, but i REALLY wish you had skipped out on lunch that day. it’s quite apparent that tarantino has sprawling stories sketched out for pretty much every character in the film, and i wish we had been given more than a quick glimpse at these seemingly fascinating histories.

with that said, i had a grand old time watching this movie. i only had to close my eyes like, 7 times (that’s pretty good for me, seriously) and there was LOTS of fist pumping, esp. at the end.

oh yeah, and there was one other bit of alamo magic thrown in: during a scene where the nazis attend a film premiere in paris, banners rolled down the walls and transformed our theater into the one on the screen! whoah! thankfully, no one in our audience then morphed into an evil aryan soldier, so that was relief.

the next film on the cinemapocalypse line-up was a tarantino pick, “the losers” from 1968. basically it’s a movie about a motorcycle gang sent to vietnam to rescue a POW, and if you think that plot doesn’t make any sense, you would be CORRECT. oh yeah and it’s really, really terrible. but also? pretty entertaining! there’s tons of horrible cliches (mostly concerning vietnamese women, of course) and completely nonsensical plot points (like, the hero of the movie might also be a rapist? and you never really get who the POW guy is and why he’s so important. not to mention the fact that… a motorcycle gang? in vietnam? right).

so yeah, after surviving some motorcycle madness, i decided to go home. and it was about 3:30 AM, so that’s not bad, right?

now, if cinemapocalypse had been, say, a nora ephron film festival, you better believe i would’ve rocked it til the break of DAWN. cos HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN “JULIE AND JULIA”?!!!!!

BEST TASTY BUSINESS MOVIE EVERRRRRR.

i was lucky duck enough to enjoy it with a matching feast at the alamo last week, leading my pants to ALMOST EXPLODE (literally) WITH AWESOMENESS. OMG YOU GUYS. CHECK OUT WHAT WE ATE:

Amuse Bouche
Oyster on the half shell with aged sherry vinegar mignonette, thinly sliced rye, butter

II
Sole “meuniere”
Seared sole on boggy creek farms arugula with lemon and brown butter vinaigrette, seared heirloom tomato

III
“Hot as a stiff…”
Manicotti stuffed with a spicy lobster “thermidor” filling, petite braised cucumber soup

IV
“Piece de’ la résistance”
Boneless duck breast, stuffed with pate en croute, potatoes lyonnaisse, endive grilled drizzled with black truffle oil

V
“Raspberry Bavarian cream”
Crepe filled with chevre raspberry cream, fresh raspberries, shaved dark chocolate

I KNOW, RIGHT?!!!! i am the luckiest pants that has ever lived. p.s. the manicotti was my #1 fave.

i’m sure the exquisite food had something to do with my high opinion of the film, but um, even i’d just had a glass of water and, like, a stale saltine, i’m 100% positive that i still would have adored this shizz out of this movie. cos MERYL!!!!! i mean, i thought she was having a blast in “mama mia” but this movie? she looked in every scene like she’d died and gone to heaven! some people might call this “acting” but i know that in reality, it was just meryl streep realizing that she was getting to eat tasty business and hang out with stanley tucci in paris and wear fabulous heels and GET PAID FOR IT.

i seriously had a huge grin on my face for the ENTIRE movie (ok except when amy adams dropped the stuffed chicken on the floor, and oh when julia found out her sister was preggers, i totally teared up), and given the influence of nora ephron, there were lots of fantastic dialogue and happy squee moments that reminded me a lot of “you’ve got mail” (and that’s a high standard to hit, obvs).

after we got out of the movie, i looked at henri and shrieked, “I AM TOTALLY BUYING THIS MOVIE!!! AND WATCHING IT A BILLION TIMES!! AND KEEPING IT IN MY DVD PLAYER!” which is pretty much the highest compliment i can pay a film, ever.

of course, i couldn’t help but compare myself as a blogger to julie powell. on one hand, i’m really really glad that i’ve never had to throw live lobsters in a pot or de-bone a duck (GROSS). on the other hand, where are all my food packages from fans, yo?!! well, i guess it is kind of tough to ship a cupcake in the mail.

anyway, i obvs had a blast at both events, but i have to say, in a face-off between quentin tarantino and julia child, julia totally kicks the pants off of quentin (but she would never, ever scalp him, cos she has manners. although she is quite adept at de-boning. hmm.). sorry tarantino, but even eli roth’s guns don’t stand a chance against the combo of nora, meryl and some french tasty business. c’est la vie!

LINKS

TRUE BLOOD PAPERDOLLS!!!! oh man i wanna dress up lafayette!!!! they should include paper make-up too.

um so i kind of stopped watching gossip girl but i might start up again cos LOOK AT THIS PICTURE OF CHUCK BASS. plus blair’s hat = divine!

my dad sent me a v. v. useful tool for every day survival: the bad hair day forecast.

apparently there’s a NEW record for the world’s largest cupcake. it’s like people are obsessed with cupcakes or something. i totally don’t get it.

i boarded a bus, along with about 18 other people, and unleashed a surprise karaoke attack on austin!

GUERRILLA KARAOKE, Y’ALL!!!

here’s how it worked:

the alamo put together a karaoke “rig” on a van that allowed us to reach a location, quickly pull out a screen and microphone, and then blast an unsuspecting audience with our incredible singing abilities, transmitted via massive speakers in said van.

as you can imagine, it was THE FREAKING PANTS!

obvs, though, renegade karaoke is NOT for the faint of heart. nor for the easily embarrassed. in fact, if you have experienced even a *second* of shame over any activity in the last five years, just stay home. only the shameless can endure the extreme ridiculousness and high stakes involved with this kind of guerrilla activity.

everyone on the bus had already planned their song and location, and a high standard was quickly set during our first stop.

first stop: bike shop

apparently, the woman who sang knew that there would be a large group of people engaged in a work-out class, so she serenaded them with “drift away” (and changed some of the words to make them more bike appropriate). i couldn’t tell if these folks really appreciated the encouragement or not.

you may notice tim in the middle of the picture. and no, he was not originally part of the class.

[btw, flossie was still battery dead from the britney show, so i had to use sadie instead. consequently, these photos aren't really top quality. sorry!]

it was obvious from our first stop that people were not quite prepared for our karaoke onslaught, although when tim ran around with the mike, several of the cyclists chimed in (WHILE continuing their workout. hardcore!!!).

second stop: starbucks

starbucks turned out to be our most controversial stop, meaning it was the only business who actually called the cops on us. no really, they did. which is funny, cos we weren’t being THAT disruptive. i mean, sure, the song was “we’re not gonna take it” but hello, everyone knows twisted sister is more of a hair metal band than anything punk or revolutionary.

regardless, we finished the song then QUICKLY hopped back on the bus. when we passed by fifteen minutes later, we saw a cop car AND an ambulance. dude. starbucks, why you gotta go wasting our tax dollars? if that’s yr best, yr best won’t DOOOOOOOO!

third stop: the angelina eberly statue on congress

ok, this chick? she was TOTALLY my favorite. not only did she choose the perfect location for “if i could turn back time” (to learn why, read this), but she went ALL out with the cher-ness. she belted, she danced, she RODE THAT CANNON!!!!!

she was so good, in fact, that when the security from the building came out, they simply stood, smiled and enjoyed the show. AWESOME.

fourth stop: lady bird lake jogging trail

greg decided to sing “eye of the tiger” in the hopes of, you know, bringing a little inspiration to all of the joggers. we helped spread the love by standing on the strail and giving people high fives which were sometimes reciprocated.

all i can say is, renegade karaoke beats the crap out of listening to the same playlist on yr ipod, right? RIGHT!

i have the feeling that a lot of joggers changed their route after that day. but anyway.

fifth stop: the ritz

we actually just went to the theater to take a bathroom break, but while we were there, we ran into these, uh, ladies (and dragged up gents) promoting coyote ugly, one of the many, many atrocious and unnecessary bars on sixth street.

i mention this because, like chris farley’s speech in “wayne’s world,” it becomes v. v. useful information later in the story.

sixth stop: cipolinna, an italian restaurant

this location was super fun, mostly cos the singer had notified his friends so that they were all sitting outside, waiting for us. after performing for people who were neither expecting nor particularly wanting to hear us sing, it was a nice change of pace to have, like, people cheering! and singing! and not calling the cops! plus, this guy chose “don’t stop believing,” and i challenge anyone to hear this song without dramatically wailing along.

seventh stop: the parking lot of burger king

i’ve spent my whole life dreaming of the day when i could sing “the humpty dance” in a burger king parking lot, and i didn’t realize it until the lead singer pulled out his fake glasses & nose set and launched into, “alright, stop whatcha doin’, cos i’m about to ruin…”

plus, burger king gave us all crowns! and a red bull car pulled over and the rep girls started giving everyone red bull! and then some homeless guys walked over, danced with us and ALSO scored some red bull!

seriously, it was like, straight up music video action.

speaking of video, why am i typing all of this up when you guys could just watch this super fun video that henri made about our entire night?

I KNOW, RIGHT?

yes, that is me, singing “gay bar” in front of coyote ugly. hey, they invited us earlier, remember?! although i think their idea of us “stopping by” meant, like, buying drinks and maybe dancing on the bar. but whatevs, this one really huge, scary-looking bouncer TOTALLY loved it. either that or he wanted to punch me in the face. it was hard to tell. esp. cos i left REALLY QUICKLY after the song ended.

and, in my favorite moment of the night, henri actually serenaded cars on the feeder road with the phil collins classic “another day in paradise.” instead of looking out the window and seeing a panhandler, they got an earful of henri, telling them to “OH! think twice!” greg tagged along and actually made $3 (he gave it to a homeless guy, cos he thought twice). oh and henri almost got hit by a bus, as you can see in the video.

we had a few more stops, but i think you get the idea, esp. with the video highlights.

so, yeah, we karaoked the PANTS out of austin. and i’m pretty sure we’ll do it again. i’m already trying to pick my next karaoke target. so… WATCH OUT, austin! when you least expect it, i’m coming to rock you like a hurricane.

*ok, so i didn’t do, like, extensive research. but i’ve never HEARD of anyone doing this so… yeah. first time ever!

LINKS

henri posted the new trailer for “extract,” which mike judge mentioned at the office space anniversary. uh… better than “office space”? MAYBE!

squee of the day: BABY ANIMALS! my fave? PUPPY IN A CUP! way better than pizza in a cup, btw (thanks, talena, for the link!).

GAHHHH i cannot WAIT until girlie night at the ritz tonight! cos we’re watching… you guessed it, “empire records”!!!! open til midnight!!!!

but wait, i just realized that i’ve never written about alamo girlie night on this blog! what WHAT!

so, girlie night is a show that i host on one tuesday of every month at the alamo ritz. here’s the general write-up i made for our facebook group:

* * *

Girlie Night celebrates the much loved but often neglected genre of Slumber Party Movies. You know, the ones where you rewind an awesome kiss and watch it five times while sighing deeply or squeal with yr friends when the boy and girl finally get together like you NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD HAPPEN (even though you’ve seen the movie a thousand times).

At Girlie Night, you can squee without shame.

Plus, we’ve always got special cocktails, so you can feel totally classy and fabulous while watching yr favorite movies with an audience that appreciates those swoon-worthy moments just as much as you do.

* * *

that pretty much sums it up, i.e. BEST NIGHT OF THE MONTH!!!!

to prepare for tonight’s show, meredith and i watched “empire records” together on saturday night. although we were forced to watch the “remix fan edition” which have you guys seen this?!!!! it kind of makes me sad! they basically added in all of the scenes that were edited out FOR A REASON and now the movie is kind of… um, bloated? it’s like, loving elvis in the 60s and then seeing him in concert in the 70s.

but whatevs, working at empire records is still my #1 dream job. first of all, none of these people actually work. you basically get paid to have a dance party all day. second, everyone is incredibly good looking, except for eddie the pizza guy, who’s so stonedly adorable that it doesn’t matter. i swear, every time liv tyler came on the screen, meredith and i both shrieked, “SHE’S SO PRETTY!!!”

also, renne zellweger? NOT YET A BOBBLEHEAD! her eyes aren’t even doing that squinty thing!

plus, it’s all just so 90s! and not to sound like an old person on a CD infomercial BUT i actually do miss the 90s. back then, you could be anti-establishment by listening to the cranberries, y’all.

meredith and i ended up having an extremely intellectual conversation about how the definition of hotness changes over time. like, a.j., the romantic lead in this movie? i totally swooned over him back in high school.

but now? um, not so much. apparently, 90s hotness depended on having an artistic soul and greasy, overproducted hair (a la ethan hawke in “reality bites”).

even my high school self actually preferred ethan embry, cos he’s the CUTEST. plus the character of mark resembled my stoner crush in real life, except mark was waaay more articulate (yeah, that’s saying something).

meredith and i also had a few burning questions that i’d like to throw out into the universe:

1. why is debi mazar SO BAD in this movie? i mean, she’s totally phoning it in!

2. why does deb (robin tunney) USE THE BATHROOM IN FRONT OF COREY?!!! there is just NO EXCUSE for that. NONE. nada.

and of course, this post wouldn’t be complete without mentioning lucas, who even today inpires my every dance move. I LOVE YOU LUCAS!

so, even if you can’t make it to girlie night at the ritz tonight, crank up the ac/dc, do a little lucas dance and eat some brownies with extra sugar.

DAMN THE MAN! SAVE THE EMPIRE!

p.s. random trivia: you guys probably already knew this BUT both rory cochrane (lucas) and johnny whitworth (a.j.) were on “CSI: miami.” wow, who knew working at empire records would prepare you for a career in foresenic science>!

and out of all of the fantastic adventures i’ve experienced thus far, sunday night ranks near the top cos

I GOT TO HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE FROM “OFFICE SPACE”!!

and they were nice! and really fun! ok, not as fun as bill pullman, but really, who CAN be?

it’s the tenth anniversary of the movie (i know, right?), so the alamo threw a big reunion for the cast of the film at the paramount theater, sandwiched between a reception at parkside and an afterparty at the alligator grill (where they filmed all of the chotchskie’s scenes).

and, before you ask, no, jennifer aniston was not there, and no, i did not find this disappointing. ron livingston wasn’t there either, which is weird, cos, um, what *else* is he doing?

but if you’re a true fan of the movie, you know that the movie’s awesomeness springs directly from the “supporting” cast, like michael bolton, the bobs and, of course, milton.

and i got to meet all of those guys! well, actually, i already know david, who plays michael (long story). but it was honestly a pleasure to get to know the other members of the cast, most of whom aren’t famous and therefore don’t carry any celebrity baggage.

ok, so the evening began at parkside (holla to my hood!), where the alamo staff members were decked out with full on flair (although, i’m sad to say, it looked to be the bare minimum of 15 pieces).

but look at that enthusiasm! they are totally expressing themselves!

btw, that tray is full of pizza shooters. which i did not try, cos i prefer the drinks at flinger’s.

one of my favorite parkside servers, amanda, was working the bar… without any flair! but she did have a really cute necklace and dress, plus she’s fabulous, so i let it slide.

when david showed up, he actually asked me, “so, are there gonna be people at the paramount?” dude, david, we watched this movie in my cult film class in college! in 2001! YES, PEOPLE WILL BE THERE (it was sold out).

david’s skepticism was actually shared by most of the cast, many of whom hadn’t seen the movie since it was released ten years ago. ok um i know some of you are famous and therefore sheltered from “the real world” but SERIOUSLY? no one has EVER cracked the TPS joke in front of you? or called you a “no talent ass clown” for doing something stupid? really?!

office space pop quiz! do you recognize everyone in this (poorly lit) photo?

henri and i actually got to spend some time with a few castmembers on saturday night, so by sunday, i could talk to them without feeling like a swimfan.

ajay (who played samir) is pretty much as kickass as you would expect, and YES he is actually a skilled break dancer!

not to pick favorites BUT ok my favorites were totally kim and kinna. kinna played “nina,” the receptionist with the really high pitched annoying voice. you know, “JUST a moMENT!” and kim is her sister! and they are seriously the coolest ladies ever!

they’re from lubbock (kim still lives there), so they’ve both got that texas sass. and i hardly EVER use this phrase but they were a total HOOT.

the reunion wouldn’t be complete, of course, without todd, who played everyone’s favorite spazzy waiter, brian!

i wonder if todd knows how many people instantly think of him when they enter an applebee’s/chili’s/TGI friday’s. cos that is a serious legacy.

when the limos came to pick up the cast and take them to the paramount, henri and i got to hitch a ride. i think this means i’m officially part of an entourage.

you may be wondering, “what’s the deal with the baseball bats?”

and then yr mind probably leapt back to the scene in office space involving a certain fax machine…

that’s right, another fax machine was destined to die a brutal death that night. on the red carpet!!!

we pulled up to the paramount, and i felt all kinds of classy!

the only problem with being in the limo is that we had to stay inside of it until they were done smashing the fax machine. i thought this was for our personal safety, but it turns out that the coordinators didn’t want people to get excited when the door opened, only to be disappointed when little old me and henri emerged. which i totally understand, like, when i’m watching the oscars, and the camera zooms in on a non-famous person, i’m like, “who cares?! now show me what anne hathaway is wearing!”

the other downside is that i didn’t get any pictures of the fax smashage, but fortunately, the alamo employed an excellent photographer!

from the alamo flickr page

yep, even after ten years, ajay hasn’t lost any of his battle rage (he even did that crazy high kick he does in the movie).

all of the cast got a swing, so the fax machine really never had a fighting chance.

from the alamo flickr page

who’s PC load lettering now, fool!!!!!

packed with people, the theater was humming with excitement and anticipation. i love attending events there, because i always feel like i’m at a bigtime hollywood premiere. in fact, several of the cast members joked that there were *way* more people at this show then there were at the actual release of the movie.

from the alamo flickr page

hey look, there’s me!! looking at my camera! how unusual.

henri did a fabulous and v. professional pants job at introducing the show and the film’s creator, mike judge.

and then the movie began! obvs i always enjoy watching it, but this time it almost felt like an entirely new movie, enhanced by the laughter and giddy admiration from hundreds of fans. plus it was fun to sit in front of the cast and hear them laugh and/or react to the genuine LOVE for the film that filled the theater.

and afterwards, there was a Q&A! yay!

here are a few of the highlights!

the inspiration behind milton… (the video begins with david making a joke about what he found in stephen root’s room, FYI!)

the secret meaning of the TPS report… EXPLAINED!!!!!

someone asked which lines from the movie were ad-libbed, and here are some of the responses:

and, finally, one of the best questions: “what is one of your favorite memories from making this movie?” make sure you watch this one all the way to the end, because diedrich bader’s story is AWESOME. plus there’s a little bit of breakdancing!

i thought henri did a wonderful job of moderating the Q&A, and i’m not alone. john mcginley (who is v. intense in person!) told him so, too! and if a doctor tells you something, you know it’s a fact.

we headed over to the afterparty at alligator grill (todd: “this place has really changed!”) and quickly started up some karaoke business!

my favorite performance of the evening was henri and kinna performing “islands in the stream,” which is usually *my* duet with henri but i liked kinna so much, i made her take my place.

and girlfriend has a WAY better voice than i do. check it out!

ok, i know henri’s my boyfriend and all, but aren’t they just so cute together?!!!

overall, it was a fabulous night of office spaceiness!

god bless the alamo for taking a film that i love and making it into an actual *experience* that i loved. now i’m just hoping that their next reunion will be for “you’ve got mail!” FINGERS CROSSED!

LINKS

i mentioned it yesterday, but it deserves re-posting: j. sent me this video of four and 1/2 year old kylie, who is probably the cutest computer literate person alive. kylie! wanna play on jefferson, my pc laptop?!

two different people sent me this link, which has caused me to seriously question my foodie reputation. cos um G TO THE ROSS. ok except for the deep fried peanut butter-covered brownie. how can something so wrong feel so RIGHT?!!

you guys have GOT to watch this (fake and hilarious) ad for the 92YTribeca. i am sooo excited about the politics and socks page!!!!

with that said… i am REALLY good at showing this city off. seriously. i’m like, the stage mom of austin. “AQUANET. WE NEED MORE AQUANET.”

therefore, i was utterly delighted when george and jenny, henri’s and my dear friends from boston, decided to fly down to texas and pay their first visit to the lone star state! esp. cos they’ve always been such fabulous hosts to henri and me, and it was high time we paid them back with tasty business and a HIGHLY overdue introduction to queso.

no really, they had never tasted queso before. I’M NOT KIDDING. i know it’s crazy but that’s what they said!!!!

i try to imagine a life without queso and i just taste ashes in my mouth.

so of course henri took them immediately to trudy’s so they could experience queso and enjoy some tasty margaritas. obvs george and jenny had tried THOSE before, but still, it’s different in texas. y’all know what i mean.

jenny immediately understood this difference during her first taste of a margarita at vivo (the second restaurant stop of the day):

oh vivo margarita, you have no equal.

george was still reeling over the magic that is melted cheese, so we ordered some more.

after queso and ritas, we obvs had to visit the Third Wonder of austin, the alamo! duh! henri hosted an anchorman quote-along AND a sing-along, so george and jenny were treated to quite a spectacle.

ok, i honestly didn’t recognize henri when he came out in that wig and ’stache. he walked up behind my seat and i said, “i’m really sorry, but these seats are taken,” before i realized i was talking to my boyfriend! the beastie boys were totally right– a wig and a mustache can really transform you into a different person.

i mean, jenny and i are like totally unrecognizable.

we’re gonna tie you to a railroad track, meeheeHAHAHAHA!!

things, of course, got silly, as they always do at the alamo, and soon the mustaches had transformed our two bostonians into muppets. or bad mike myers movie characters.

spoiler: we basically spent the rest of the weekend consuming things, because, well, that’s kind of what i do every weekend.

and just when george and jenny thought nothing could be better than queso, we took them to our nation’s most cherished dietary treasure, uchi.

that face that jenny’s making? yeah, that’s called the Uchi Face.

after stuffing ourselves silly with sushi, we pretty much did a cultural 180 and decided to visit our most texas-y hangout, the circle country club! it’s the one place where all of those stereotypes east coasters believe about texas COME TO LIFE!

jenny totally fell in love with this sweet ride outside of the bar. i told her, “if you like this car, you’re gonna LOVE the clientele here.”

ok, so i hope you’re reading this sitting down (standing at a computer is kinda weird?), but GET THIS:

before this weekend, george and jenny had never done karaoke.

I AM SERIOUS.

a life without queso AND karaoke?!! that’s like living in a steinbeck novel, for the love of sweet fancy moses!!!!!!!

thank goodness g & j have friends like henri and me to bring them out of the dark ages and into the light of Public Embarrassment.

so, being the professionals, the austin crew had to show them how them the ropes, and we took on this responsibility v. v. seriously. in fact, maybe too seriously.

caitlin can totally WAIL! she and i majorly put crucial taught to shame. suck it, cassandra!

and yes, i’m available for birthday parties, school events, etc.

and then there was THIS guy:

can you tell the CCC regulars love us? cos they do. ooooh man, they do.

i had to remind george and jenny that they should NOT base their future expectations on the circle cc, cos, well, you don’t find many karaoke places with a floor for two stepping and guys like this:

nor do you typically see a cat coming in to check out the screeching noises. “i can has quiet, plz?”

halfway through the evening, george and jenny mustered up the courage to perform their v. first karaoke number, “jackson.” even though they encountered a common karaoke issue (not knowing the song as well as you think you do), they did a terrific job and received many accolades from the crowd, including this guy in the back that kept shouting, “SIGN ‘EM UP! FIFTY MILLION DOLLAR CONTRACT!”

my only critique is that they need to work on their Karaoke Face. i mean, this just will not do:

where’s the unflattering snarl? the burning emotion? the “i’m in labor” expression?

here, let the pros show you how it’s done:

FACE HARD! (literally)

we spent the next day (saturday) enjoying the beautiful weather, i.e. rubbing the boston snow storm in jenny and george’s faces. just like real tourists, we drove up to mt. bonnell to take lots of posed pictures in front of the view:

we also formed a band:

after the photo op, we headed to the dog park near redbud (i don’t know how to describe these things), where there are lots of dogs (j & g looooove dogs) and pretty scenery.

once again, our band/fashion label resurfaced.

i think we can all guess what came next: MARGARITA BREAK! after all of that hardcore nature stuff, we totally needed a little bit of downtown with some tequila. and, continuing the tourist trend, we decided to hang out at hula hut!

the tropical vibe didn’t help the whole, “did you know there’s six inches of snow in boston right now?” thing.

the consumption continued on south congress, where george and jenny discovered orange soda lurve at big top…

and then progressed to parkside (of COURSE we went to parkside), where george and jenny found the #2 item on their texas food list: mac ‘n’ cheese!

ok, i know they have mac ‘n’ cheese in boston, but it’s just not the same. i promise. i’ve tried it! they put curry in it! yuck!

as if living in austin couldn’t get any better (queso, weather, uchi), henri and i introduced george and jenny to the cheap drinks of mugshots, followed by the tastiness of whiskey and ginger at side bar. i’m pointing to my eye in this picture cos the bartender accidentally shot a beer cap right into my face and then gave us a free drink. i almost lost my eyesight, but got free liquor! score!

sunday was spent absorbing more of the FABULOUS weather (seriously, it was amazing). we ate a whole foods lunch on the pedestrian bridge…

(are g & j like the most coordinated couple or what?!)

… and then walked around the park near the long center, which features a super fun dancing fountain (watching the kids is the BEST) and a big ole hill.

ok, seriously, can i go back to that day? please? it was so perfect!

we sat on top of the hill and watched the bikes and dogs and people go by. the highlight was totally these two boys who rolled at breakneck speeds down the hill about 100 times. and i thought *i* was having fun!

also? i really want that sweater. in my size.

we ended the afternoon with… SURPRISE! MARGARITAS!!!

i love how jenny is pretending to be a total pro with that blasé look on her face, like, “oh yeah, i do this all of the time.”

well, jenny, if you moved here, you could!!!!!! with me!!! yay!!

thanks for visiting, you guys!! i had the best time!! ya’ll come back soon!!!

in the meantime, henri and i are accepting applications for people wanting to visit austin via our Touring Service (fees include margaritas, queso and the hot rock at uchi).

oh, and austin, here’s some vaseline. put it on yr teeth so you can smile real big!

LINKS

ok, i know that eventually i will talk about other things besides our new president but OMG did you guys see the first dance?!!! did anyone else tear up? gah, if things keep going at this rate, the state of the union is going to slay me.

and also the gorgeous dresses!!!!! ok i love pomp and circumstance!!!

also? i love that the media frenzy means we get to read all about what the obamas are eating. see, THIS is the kind of info i want to read about. also, note for my future white house visit: i want to sit at the kid’s table.

and now a totally UNobama link: is anyone watching tool academy? cos, um, it looks AMAZING, brah!

so thanks, calendar dudes!

last year, henri and i spent NYE in marfa with matt, robin and her friend, ellen. obviously, it was awesome. and v. artsy. however, i think this year’s celebration offered some improvements:

1. we stayed in a place with heat

2. there were no ghosts (ok, that’s probably more of a con than a pro)

3. we actually knew the person throwing the party (henri)

4. i hung out with even MORE people that i love

5. i still got to see matt, but it was the 08 version of matt, who is .02% better (or more) than 07 matt.

6. there was crazy dancing

7. there was even crazier confetti!

our evening began with a DELICIOUS dinner at parkside. unfortunately, the lighting wasn’t that great for food pictures, so you’ll have to trust me when i say that my last meal of 2008 was one of my best. i mean, you can’t end a year with bad food. that’s like, guaranteeing a future of mcribs or something.

everyone was dressed to the nines!!

here’s 08 (almost 09) matt with heather, his lovely date:

i haven’t seen robin since marfa, and i realized that from now on, she HAS to be there for NYE. otherwise it won’t feel as chic and fabulous.

and guess who was sitting to my right?! YOU’LL NEVER GUESS!! ok, no, it wasn’t keri russell. but it was someone just as cool.

OLIVIA!!

yes, olivia! who lives in london! just like matt! which led me to pretend that i had some sort of teleportation device at my disposal. i can’t wait to use it again!!

i hadn’t seen olivia in four years, and yet it felt perfectly natural that she would be sitting next to me at parkside, looking beautiful and giggling.

the OTHER bonus is that we requested skyler, our favorite server, who you may remember as the nerd on halloween. WE LOVE SKYLER! and she’s so pretty without those coke bottle glasses, just like rachel leigh cook in “she’s all that”!

after our tasty business, we crossed the street for the main event of the night: henri’s rockin new year’s eve!!

no really, that was the actual title of the show. because henri can.

more of my favorite people were waiting for me inside the ritz, like john and his lady, jen!

doesn’t john look positively REGAL?

we were also joined by MSW and brian!

and, how could i enjoy a sing-along without trish, chris and their fabulous entourage?!

if there had been any more of pants world in the theater, i probably would have exploded. which would be a tragic waste of a good dinner.

olivia and her bf, david, had obviously never been to a sing-along, so they had NO idea what to expect. in fact, i think they were a little nervous.

never fear, olivia and david! soon we’ll all be singing like divas with beyonce and rapping with coolio and dancing in a v. awkward, crazed fashion on a ten foot stage! that’s nothing to be afraid of, right? eh…

thankfully, there were pros available to show the newbies HOW IT’S DONE.

i cannot express how happy i was to have matt back at a sing-along. no one belts it out like matt. no really. look at this picture.

if someone asks me, “sarah, how was yr new year’s?” i’ll just show them this picture. that’s all i need.

well, that’s all i *need* but i LOVE pictures so here are some more!!

note that the air is smokey from, like, a bazillion confetti cannons. and also from the flashpots that henri filled with “sonic boom” powder that shattered my eardrums and caused the entire audience to believe that we were under attack. nothing like the fear of death to make you appreciate a new year!

like i said, smoky, but look at all of that glitz in the crowd! it totally felt like Singalong Goes To Prom, cos everyone cleaned up so well!

y’all, we got up to some SHENANI-DANCING.

matt and robin have definitely got the groove gene going on in their family.

ditto for olivia and her sister, marisa!

i like olivia’s “invisible microphone” technique, obvs perfected after years of slumber party lip synching.

it was SUCH a fabulous feeling to dance and sing the night away surrounded by so many good friends. like, people say that it’s a good idea to reflect on the year past and think about what you’ve learned, and i didn’t even have to close my eyes and imagine it– my blessings were all around me!

and by blessings i mean CHAMPERS!

after the show, we all headed back to henri’s condo for a classy high rise party. it was obviously THE place to be–  just look at these gorgeous ladies!

it was such a fun, jubilant night, and i’m pretty sure i said “I LOVE YOU GUYS” about a hundred times (conservative estimate).

ok, so as covered above, obviously you need to start a new year with:

friends

dancing

confetti

champers

but there’s something v. important missing from that list… ok, well, a baby or puppy would be good, but what’s even MORE vital?

YOU KNOW THE ANSWER IS CUPCAKES!!

therefore, it was of UTMOST importance that olivia and i, on the second day of the new year, visit sugar mama’s, a cupcake place on south first that will henceforth be known as THE BEST CUPCAKE PLACE IN AUSTIN (cue trumpets and naysaying yelpers).

i mean LOOK at these beauties:

the one on the left is the “southern belle”: red velvet with cream cheese frosting. and the one on the right is the “odd couple,” chocolate with salted caramel cream cheese frosting OMGGGGG.

i couldn’t ask for a better First Cupcake of 2009, not only because of the deliciousness but most especially because of the company.

it felt positively *luxurious* to sit across from this darling lady and just talk talk TALK about important things, silly things, girlie things, whatever we wanted!!! cos we were together! in the same room! being friends!

yeah, it was pretty great.

oh 2009, we just met and you’re already sweeping me off my feet!

LINKS

AUUUGHHHHH

check out this new *eco-friendly* typeface!! <– way easier than recycling (although of course you should still do it)

those different animals just won’t quite making new friends! today, check out an elephant who helped a dog start walking again! GAH the squee!