[Note: No children were harmed in the making of Deviled Corn Dogs. Good taste and our arteries may not have fared so well.]

Scene: One random day in December, at a lovely, but messy, semi-suburban home.

BR: I saw this recipe show up in my Google Reader today. It’s from ThisIsWhyYou’reFat.com. I think we should make it on New Year’s when everyone comes over!

MSWR: Oookaaaaaay…

BR: It’s called Deviled Corn Dogs. People are really excited about it. The Google Reader share generated over a dozen comments and included awesome suggestions like adding “Baconnaise” to the recipe.

MSWR: [shudder]

BR: You buy pre-made corn dogs and cook them, then remove the sticks slice them in half, take out the dogs, mix up the dogs with other good stuff like tater tots and mayo in the food processor, then pipe the stuff back into the corn dog shells and bake them.

MSWR: Whoa. This recipe requires to you re-process the pre-processed hot dogs? You don’t see a problem with this?

BR: The only problem I see is that I’m not eating one RIGHT NOW!

MSWR: Blech. Will this be interfering with my turnip greens and black-eyed peas?

BR: Not really. It’s just going to make the entire meal infinitely more awesome.

MSWR: Will I have to do any work?

BR: Nope. I was thinking that this would be a great project to take on with the men.

MSWR: “Men”. Riiiiiight. OK, have fun.

End Scene.

Scene: New Year’s Day, same house.

MSWR: So much cooking, so little kitchen space, aaaaaaaahhhhh. If you want to make the deviled corn dogs, you’d better start now. I’m getting out and handing over the camera to a dude.

BR and Assorted Male Guests: We’re on it. Here’s what you do:

Cook the bacon.

MSWR: What’s the bacon for? That’s not in the recipe you got off the interwebs.

BR: Are you forgetting the golden rule of cooking delicious, manly food?

MSWR: “When in doubt add bacon”?

BR: Close, but there is never any doubt. Continuing the process…

Bake the corn dogs and tater tots. Then, carefully remove the corn dog sticks and slice them in half lengthwise.

Remove the corn dog innerds.

Place corn dog innerds, tater tots, mayo, spices, bacon grease, and crumbled bacon in a food processor. Include Cholula, Hot Sauce of the Gods.

Take ‘em for a whirl.

MSWR: Ewwww.

Female Guest #1: You’re doing what with the what now?

BR: Can we use your pastry piping bag and tips?

MSWR: Um. I guess. The tip’s pretty small, though. Maybe a ziploc bag would be better. Don’t be messing up my piping bag with that goo.

BR: Let’s try the tip first.

Male Guest #1: This isn’t working, I’m just going to use the ziploc bag.

Male Guest #2: Let’s top some of them with cheese and bacon and leave some others plain.

BR: Now, we bake!

[5 minutes elapse] Meanwhile, guests are busy discussing what the deviled corn dogs represent for the coming year, if the turnip greens represent money and the black-eyed peas represent luck. Love life, perhaps? Clogged arteries?

BR: Yum! These look AWESOME. I can’t wait for a photo before I put one on my plate.

MSWR: They look ok, actually. I guess I’ll try one. I’ll just pretend like I didn’t see what all went into the mix. At least there are vegetables on my plate.

Female Guest #1: I can’t pretend not to know the horrors that dwell within. I can’t unsee what I’ve seen. I’ll pass.

Female Guest #2: No thank you. Are you people actually going to put that in your mouth?

Vegetarian Male Guest: I’m definitely trying it.

MSWR: It’s ok, not quite as gross as I expected. It tastes like highly processed food-like substance piped into a shell of highly-processed, sweet food-like substance. Maybe too sweet in the shell.

BR: Nom. Hmmm, probably didn’t need to add salt.

MSWR: This was fun, but I definitely don’t need or want another one of those ever again in my life.

BR: Nom. Oh crud, I forgot that we were going to add ranch!

MSWR: Yes, that’s exactly what it needs, more fatty ingredients. Wait, are you eating another one?

BR: Nom.

The End… or is it! Dun dun dun!

and this…

Fortunately for Pants World, what I might lack in blog-writing skillz, I make up for in SHEER VOLUME OF PHOTOS. Food photos in particular. (I have no reservations about taking photos of my food. Anywhere. With or without flash. You might want to make sure you have a snack handy, b/c some of these photos are bound to make you hungry…or maybe that’s just me.) And also, Ms. Posh told me to take lots of pictures, and I’m good at following directions. (Just as long as those directions aren’t directions to the hotel. Because I might get myself lost. But that was a different trip.)

We began our vacation flying into Atlanta then driving about an hour or so north to my hometown, Gainesville (yes, there’s one in Georgia, too) and stopped in to visit my sweet grandmother, who I’ve always called Grandmomma.

Isn’t she the cutest? We continued northward towards my dad’s house, and on the way we stopped at a peach farm. What does one do at a peach farm, you ask? Eat peach ice cream, of course!

And also take pictures of the handmade crafts for sale in the farm’s store.

What is that thing in the middle, anyway?

After loading up on white peaches (because they’re sweeter than the yellow…we Georgians know our peaches) for my family, we continued ever northward, eventually arriving at my dad’s house, where my stepmom treated us to her DELICIOUS lasagna. This is by far my favorite lasagna ever.

My parents live in this great house in the mountains of north Georgia that my dad designed himself. This is my fur-sister, Scout, enjoying the view from a main floor window.

It’s like they live in a tree house! Cool, huh?

We enjoyed quality time with my family for a couple of days, with my dad putting Brian to work on several computer issues (my hubs, the family IT guy), some blueberry picking, and a viewing of a souvenir my dad brought back from southeast Asia 35ish years ago.

Did you know blueberry bushes grow taller than 6 feet? I had no idea. Apparently I am a City Girl, despite being from a small(ish) town in GA.

Here’s the rather well-preserved skin of a rock python my dad killed (in self-defense) in southeast Asia. It’s about 18 feet long.

While I’m pointing out how bad-ass my parents are, with my step-mom’s lasagna and my dad’s snakeskin, here’s a photo of a lamp my mom painted.

My parents are awesome. Unfortunately, I didn’t inherit any of their lasagna-making, snake-killing, or lamp-painting ability. Instead, I take pictures of kudzu on the way to Savannah.

That might look like a perfectly normal, unassuming, lush and green hillside, but it’s really a blanket of kudzu covering what could be anything…old cars, chimneys, houses, trees, telephone poles…kudzu grows over everything. It’s kind of like the botanical version of The Blob.

On to Savannah, where they filmed Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil and at least part of Forrest Gump. And everyone still talks about them both. They’re very proud of these movies. In fact, the Savannah History Museum features the very bench that Tom Hanks sat on in the movie.

The bench wasn’t original to the square where they filmed, so to protect and preserve this important artifact of American history and culture, it was placed in the Savannah History Museum. Along with some Civil War and American Revolution artifacts. And a children’s-museum-ish display of hats, including a construction hat, police hat, and ladies’ Sunday hat. (Too bad I didn’t get a photo of that!)

We stayed at a lovely bed and breakfast in Savannah called The 1895 Inn. This place was MADE for PoshDeluxe. With its charming curbside appeal,

beautiful artwork in our room,

glittery Faberge-esque eggs,

friendly and gracious host, Ed,

fluffy concierge, Dudley,

wine and cheese hour,

dessert hour,

and, of course, breakfast.

We spent a couple of days in Savannah, learning about the history of the city, how to get around, getting to know a few people, but most importantly, eating. (Before you ask, no, we did not go to Paula Deen’s restaurant. We had a limited amount of time in Savannah and chose not to spend four hours of it standing in line for her buffet restaurant.) This was my favorite meal, she-crab soup and shrimp, grits, and greens at Belford’s.

Soup…

Shrimp, grits, and greens…

And this was my favorite dessert, a chocolate nut fudge sundae with a scoop of honey almond creme and a scoop of chocolate swirl, topped with hot fudge and roasted Georgia pecans, at Leopold’s Ice Cream.

NOM.

We left Savannah to finish up our vacation in Charleston. On the way, we stopped in Beaufort (pronounced /BYOO-fert/) to stroll around the historic district and eat some lunch. I had my first fried green tomatoes of the trip, covered in provolone and something called “shrimp salsa”, at a little place called Kathleen’s.

How could you not love something deep-fried and covered in cheese? Mmmm… After that deliciousness, we continued into Charleston, where we stayed at a very historic B&B, 15 Church Street.

Here’s a view of my favorite part of the house, the expansive porch.

15 Church Street was less luxe but more homey than The 1895 Inn. Our hostess, Annelise, was a wealth of information, stories, and fabulous food recommendations. I didn’t get a photo of her, but here’s her pup, Madeline, enjoying some lap time.

My favorite meal in Charleston was at Fleet Landing, along the water and near the pineapple fountain. First, the food. I had my second batch of fried green tomatoes, this time stacked with delectable crab meat.

I also had the most wonderful chocolate pie.

Here we have the traditional Posh nomming action shot.

And here we have a fountain modeled after food, the pineapple fountain in Waterfront Park.

To finish up my pantstribution, I present to you a comparison of Savannah and Charleston.

Savannah: quirky
Charleston: mannerly

Savannah: obsessed with having appeared in Forrest Gump 15 years ago
Charleston: has too much decorum to brag about films it’s been in

Savannah: lots of green space and public squares in the historic district
Charleston: distinct lack of shade in the historic district, but the impressive pineapple fountain does allow wading

Savannah: lets you wander about in large groups in residential areas, point at people’s houses, and talk about their ghosts at night
Charleston: doesn’t let anyone wander about in large groups in residential areas after 6 p.m., so ghost tours are limited to graveyards and hotels, no private homes

Savannah: no need for reservations at many restaurants
Charleston: you would just show up at a restaurant without reservations? Were you raised in a barn?

Savanna: the Confederates ran away across the river when the Union soldiers came to town
Charleston: threw down the gauntlet, basically kicking off the War Between the States, and endured more than 500 days of occupation/siege

Savannah: started without slavery, Catholics, or lawyers; went through the Revolutionary War and the Civil War
Charleston: started with slavery; went through the Revolutionary War and the War Between the States

Savannah: excellent food, wonderful place to vacation
Charleston: excellent food, wonderful place to vacation

Well, that about does it for my contribution to Pants World for today. I hope you enjoyed your second romp into the South this week!