pantstributor
Deviled Corn Dogs, A Reenactment
Greetings, Pants World! MSWR here, joined by her Handsome Hubs, BR, to recreate our New Year’s Day experiment, Deviled Corn Dogs: Ultimate Man Food. Every year on New Year’s Day, I make turnip greens and black-eyed peas for money and luck in the coming year (it’s a Southern thing). This year, BR had a brainstorm for something to do/add to the menu.
[Note: No children were harmed in the making of Deviled Corn Dogs. Good taste and our arteries may not have fared so well.]
Scene: One random day in December, at a lovely, but messy, semi-suburban home.
BR: I saw this recipe show up in my Google Reader today. It’s from ThisIsWhyYou’reFat.com. I think we should make it on New Year’s when everyone comes over!
MSWR: Oookaaaaaay…
BR: It’s called Deviled Corn Dogs. People are really excited about it. The Google Reader share generated over a dozen comments and included awesome suggestions like adding “Baconnaise” to the recipe.
MSWR: [shudder]
BR: You buy pre-made corn dogs and cook them, then remove the sticks slice them in half, take out the dogs, mix up the dogs with other good stuff like tater tots and mayo in the food processor, then pipe the stuff back into the corn dog shells and bake them.
MSWR: Whoa. This recipe requires to you re-process the pre-processed hot dogs? You don’t see a problem with this?
BR: The only problem I see is that I’m not eating one RIGHT NOW!
MSWR: Blech. Will this be interfering with my turnip greens and black-eyed peas?
BR: Not really. It’s just going to make the entire meal infinitely more awesome.
MSWR: Will I have to do any work?
BR: Nope. I was thinking that this would be a great project to take on with the men.
MSWR: “Men”. Riiiiiight. OK, have fun.
End Scene.
Scene: New Year’s Day, same house.
MSWR: So much cooking, so little kitchen space, aaaaaaaahhhhh. If you want to make the deviled corn dogs, you’d better start now. I’m getting out and handing over the camera to a dude.
BR and Assorted Male Guests: We’re on it. Here’s what you do:
Cook the bacon.
MSWR: What’s the bacon for? That’s not in the recipe you got off the interwebs.
BR: Are you forgetting the golden rule of cooking delicious, manly food?
MSWR: “When in doubt add bacon”?
BR: Close, but there is never any doubt. Continuing the process…
Bake the corn dogs and tater tots. Then, carefully remove the corn dog sticks and slice them in half lengthwise.
Remove the corn dog innerds.
Place corn dog innerds, tater tots, mayo, spices, bacon grease, and crumbled bacon in a food processor. Include Cholula, Hot Sauce of the Gods.
Take ‘em for a whirl.
MSWR: Ewwww.
Female Guest #1: You’re doing what with the what now?
BR: Can we use your pastry piping bag and tips?
MSWR: Um. I guess. The tip’s pretty small, though. Maybe a ziploc bag would be better. Don’t be messing up my piping bag with that goo.
BR: Let’s try the tip first.
Male Guest #1: This isn’t working, I’m just going to use the ziploc bag.
Male Guest #2: Let’s top some of them with cheese and bacon and leave some others plain.
BR: Now, we bake!
[5 minutes elapse] Meanwhile, guests are busy discussing what the deviled corn dogs represent for the coming year, if the turnip greens represent money and the black-eyed peas represent luck. Love life, perhaps? Clogged arteries?
BR: Yum! These look AWESOME. I can’t wait for a photo before I put one on my plate.
MSWR: They look ok, actually. I guess I’ll try one. I’ll just pretend like I didn’t see what all went into the mix. At least there are vegetables on my plate.
Female Guest #1: I can’t pretend not to know the horrors that dwell within. I can’t unsee what I’ve seen. I’ll pass.
Female Guest #2: No thank you. Are you people actually going to put that in your mouth?
Vegetarian Male Guest: I’m definitely trying it.
MSWR: It’s ok, not quite as gross as I expected. It tastes like highly processed food-like substance piped into a shell of highly-processed, sweet food-like substance. Maybe too sweet in the shell.
BR: Nom. Hmmm, probably didn’t need to add salt.
MSWR: This was fun, but I definitely don’t need or want another one of those ever again in my life.
BR: Nom. Oh crud, I forgot that we were going to add ranch!
MSWR: Yes, that’s exactly what it needs, more fatty ingredients. Wait, are you eating another one?
BR: Nom.
The End… or is it! Dun dun dun!
Discussion
16 comments for “Deviled Corn Dogs, A Reenactment”
Post a comment
Wow, I think this is the scariest post I have ever read! Ewwwww
That was hilarious. Thank you MSWR!
this may be one of the most amazing food posts I have ever seen. a bit horrifying, but amazing nonetheless.
Holy lord, this was amazing! Thank you for sharing your adventures in Horrifying Food-making with the Posh crowd! MS’s recap cracked me up.
I’m glad y’all are enjoying our adventures in unhealthy eating! What other reason to try Deviled Corn Dogs but to have a good story to tell later on?
I think the best (or worst?) part of the story is that there were actually a lot of deviled dogs leftover. And they lived in our fridge for two weeks. Now that I think about it, I’d better check when I get home to make sure they’re not STILL there. Ew.
Black-eyed peas for luck; greens for money…
… and deviled corndogs for health!
THAT’S SO GROSS. I kinda want to try one.
Trish, if we do have leftovers in our fridge, I can hook you up. These things are so highly processed they probably don’t ever go “bad”.
HOLY PANTS. while reading this post, my heart made the same expression as female guest #1.
MSWR, i salute you for yr bravery! and BR, i salute you for actually trying to make something from “This Is Why You’re Fat” instead of just going for the easy fix, i.e. BURGER KING HAS FUNNEL CAKE FRIES WHAT?!!!!!
http://silentscott.wordpress.com/2009/08/04/burger-king-has-funnel-cake-fries/
haha, “close, but there is never any doubt.”
Gee I love corn dogs, I wonder if Posh’s mom would be game for this.
Posh’s Dad, I definitely want a report if you convince P-Mom to try this out!
um, dad, good luck with that.
One of the tough things about my New Year’s was knowing that I was missing out on your party…and the wonders of the deviled corned dogs, the wonders of which hich BR had told me of the night before.
We did miss you and your culinary prowess, Josh.
They look so unhealthy, but so tasty at the same time.