culturelux

stand up for yr favorite comedian!

i don’t know about you guys, but I LOVE LAUGHING. in fact, if i had an internet dating profile, i would totally be one of those people who says really stupid obvious shizz like, “i love to laugh! oh and also, i love to eat tasty food!” because, well… it’s true! and i don’t like lying, even when it’s just on the internet and no one can really prove if you actually like long walks on the beach or not.

so anyway, laughter! it’s awesome! but generating laughter, well, that can be a tough gig.* trust me, i’ve been to the velveeta room on an open mic night. in spite of what the operation game tells you, most people do NOT have a funny bone (nor do we have that super cute bread basket, DANG IT). so when i come across a stand-up comedian that’s actually, you know, good, i immediately worship them. then i listen to their album over and over again until i’ve memorized all of my favorite jokes so i can turn them into my own little posh-isms that probably only make me laugh cos i don’t actually re-tell the joke, i just say a line from it, which means all of the humor is then lost. hooray!

today, i’d like to share with you my favorite comedians, because they’re awesome and they deserve yr attention and also YOUTUBE PARTY!!!!! i’ll also analyze the roots of my stand-up posh-isms, so now maybe more people will understand what the cuss i’m talking about when i say, “do you have any… ELEGANT BALLOONS?” oh dang this entry is, like, the rosetta stone of my pants!

MITCH HEDBERG

first, i’ll begin with mitch hedberg, who was pretty much my gateway drug into contemporary stand-up comedy. before mitch, the only comedy i’d heard came from my parents’ record collection, which included bill cosby (awesome, obvs) and steve martin (LET’S GET SMALL!!!!). fortunately, i got into mitch while he was still alive (i know!! it’s so sad! he’s dead!), so i managed to see him live, twice. there’s really no one else like him, even though lots of comedians have definitely tried to copy his style over the past few years (i won’t name names but, um, imitri-day artin-may?!!!).

oh mitch, even though i’ve now listened to all of yr jokes like 50 times, you still make me laugh. i wish you were still alive so you could come infest my house. funniest infestation EVER.

mitch posh-ism: if i’m ever at a restaurant waiting for a table, and the hostess calls out a family’s name, you may hear me say, “BUSH, SEARCH PARTY OF THREE!” that’s based on mitch’s joke, “the dufrenes” from “strategic grill locations”:

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PATTON OSWALT

hands down, my favorite living comedian is patton oswalt. I JUST WANT TO HUG HIM SO BAD. did i mention that i once gave him a restaurant recommendation (wink in austin) and HE LOVED IT? yes, it’s true. no thanks necessary, patton, except for maybe you could do a joke about dance movies sometime? that would be awesome.

i couldn’t find any videos of my top fave jokes, but since his chubby adorableness is obvs a part of his charm, here’s patton telling his KFC bowl joke (which is obvs still really funny, even though it’s didn’t make my all star team):

patton posh-isms:

1. when i’m tired, i’ll say “i’m sleepy time tea!” that’s from “facts about midgets” from “feelin’ kinda patton”:

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2. sometimes, when henri and i are parting ways, one of us will say, “i’m gonna miss you, gay pride pride!” (i know, it’s weird when people overhear us). that’s from “the gay pride parade,” also from “feelin’ kinda patton”:

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LISTEN TO THOSE JOKES YOU GUYS. i didn’t go to the trouble of hitting the “insert audio” button for nothing!!!!

AZIZ ANSARI

i first saw aziz when he was on the comedians of comedy tour (with patton!) back in 2006. of course, now he’s, like, all super famous cos he’s on “parks & rec,” but thankfully he hasn’t forsaken stand-up (he has a new show airing this sunday, actually. i can’t wait!!!!).  not only do i love his delivery style, i also think it’s awesome that he makes jokes about hipster shizz, like kanye and crushing on MIA and stuff. unfortunately, the video of his appearance on conan where he talks about buying sheets is no longer online (sorry you missed it, suckas!), but check out his story about hanging out with kanye west:

aziz posh-isms: i actually don’t think i had any until yesterday when i heard aziz’s sheet story. but from now on, when i get irritated by something, i’m totally gonna say, “if it had been a drug deal, i totally would’ve shot hotel linens IN THE FACE!”

PAUL F. TOMPKINS

paul f. tompkins you need to come to austin so we can hang out!! i will take you shopping for bow ties!

so, you may know paul f. from his awesome segments on “best week ever”:

fortunately for all of us, he also has some delightful weird, super funny comedy albums. i think my favorite thing about him is that he talks like a kooky grandpa.

paul f. posh-ism:

1. sometimes, i just like to blurt out, in an snooty british accent, “yes, but do you have any ELEGANT BALLOONS?” that’s from the aptly titled “elegant balloons” joke on “impersonal”:

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2. if i see a goth person, i’m tempted to yell, “hey, where’s the funeral?” (hilarious, I KNOW) from “goth girl” on “impersonal”:

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MARIA BAMFORD

maria bamford’s voice is CRAZYTOWN!!!!!! she can channel all kinds of different characters, and my favorite is her mom. maria is neurotic and weird and i totally want to invite her over to watch “jersey shore” with me (esp. cos i bet she can do a mean snooki!).

if you’ve never heard her before, prepare to be amazed by her vocal schizophrenia:

maria posh-isms: i don’t think i have any yet!! but i will. and when i do, it will be without warning and will probably make no sense so WATCH OUT!

ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

i actually don’t know much of zach’s stand-up, but i put him on this list because a) he’s obviously hilarious b) he’s in “comedians of comedy,” a totally LOLZ documentary that also features patton (yay!), maria bamford (yay!) and brian posehn (brian, i like you but… i don’t LIKE like you. sorry). if you’ve never seen it, you should rent it!! like right now! i don’t care if you don’t have a subscription to a video store cos it’s 2010 and no one does goes to those places anymore! MAKE THIS COMEDY HAPPEN ON YR TV RIGHT NOW.

anyway, here’s my fave scene from the whole doc, featuring zac and a lot more of patton than you might want to see:

zach posh-isms: even though it’s really wrong and i actually try not to say this word, every once in a while i can’t resist calling someone a “re-TARD” like zach does in “the hangover.”

ok pants world, now it’s yr turn! who am i missing? turn my pants on to some awesome comedy! give me some new completely inane phrases to endlessly repeat!!!

oh and one more thing: DO YOU HAVE ANY ELEGANT BALLOONS?

*who am i kidding, all i need is a youtube video of a toddler dancing and i’m set for lifelong laughter.

© 2010 Poshdeluxe.