(extra)ordinary
i think i need a leash for my pet peeves
when i started to compose today’s entry, it immediately felt like a “dear abby” kind of thing. esp. cos i wasn’t even sure about the answer (or if there is a real answer).
so i decided to write a letter to myself to find out what i thought.
dear posh d. luxe,
you and i both know that no one is perfect. we also are well versed on the idea that, if you love someone, you love both their strengths AND their weaknesses… even though the weaknesses require, well, a bit of extra love sometimes.
with that said, sometimes a person’s faults threaten to take over, and you, as a loving friend/wife/sibling/whatever, must decide whether to step in to help this person get better… or not. other times, these faults are simply traits that you just learn to deal with. like, no big deal.
today i had a conversation with a friend that made me wonder if “pet peeves” are simply my excuse to retain certain faults. see, i was talking about how everyone knows that my biggest pet peeve is when people flake out without a good excuse and/or proper communication (i can practically hear all of you guys saying, “um, MAJOR DUH!” as you read that last line. well ok maybe i’m the only one who actually says “major duh” but you know what i mean). and my friend laughed and said that yes, she was well aware that this was one of my quirks.
and her comment, although meant in a totally nice way, really made me stop and think.
is this a pet peeve or a fault? has my belief in a certain kind of social etiquette gotten so ridiculous that it’s become a negative quality?
i mean, i know that other people don’t care as much about flaky behavior as i do. and even though i try to let it go, it still really bothers me. is calling this issue a “pet peeve” simply my way of justifying what is in fact a fault?
peevishly yrs,
sarah pants
dear sarah pants,
oh man this is a really good question! usually i only talk about puppies and YA and baked goods, but now it’s like this blog has gotten all Serious Business. i’m not sure i can handle this level of intellectual exploration but i’ll give it a shot!
i agree that pet peeves can often hide our own biases and irrational reactions to things. in fact, that’s kind of the definition of the phrase! and, to go completely high school essay on you, here’s the definition c/o wiki:
A pet peeve (or pet hate) is a minor annoyance that an individual identifies as particularly annoying to them, to a greater degree than others may find it. Examples may be; poor table manners, sloppy kitchen hygiene, smoking, grammatical errors in written passages, inconsiderate driving or lazy co-workers.
first of all, i have never heard anyone say “pet hate.” that phrase is now officially another one of my pet peeves.
second, ALL of those things are so annoying! i mean, who DOESN’T find bad driving particularly aggravating?! and lazy co-workers?!! well i guess smoking, while i don’t do it, doesn’t bother me as much as it bothers other folks. so ok, wiki, i will buy yr definition, even though it makes me feel like i may be the biggest pet peeve pants in the world cos GAH GRAMMATICAL ERRORS (hypocritical, i know, since i never capitalize anything).
anyway anyway, the point is that some pet peeves are pretty much universal, but i think the difference lies in how you handle them. for example, no one likes bad driving. however, some people can simply shake their head and breathe a huge sigh while others (who will go unnamed) like to YELL A LOT and rely on colorful language to express their “particular annoyance.”
sarah pants, there’s nothing wrong with expecting people to show up if they say they will, and it’s ok to feel a little upset or even hurt when people don’t follow through with plans. and while you may not be able to change how this makes you feel, you ARE in control of yr response. therefore, i suggest the following basic rules for future pet peeve incidents:
1. don’t get all self-righteous cos GAH that is annoying.
2. don’t be passive aggressive about letting someone know they have triggered yr pet peeve (unless you write a note awesome enough to land on passiveaggressivenotes.com, which is a worthy goal). if it really affects you, find a way to be honest and rational when you bring it up.
3. remind yrself that you probably violate people’s pet peeves all of the time, because that’s kind of how pet peeves work.
perhaps following these rules can insure that yr pet peeve is simply an annoyance you feel rather than a negative quality you exhibit.
since i’m not a dr. professional abby, i will now turn to the experts of pants world. what do you all think of sarah pants’ dilemma? what are some of yr pet peeves, and do they need leashes or what?
LINKS
winston, my favorite internet cat, is back with what may well be the best of his videos (so far).
y’all I NEED A CAKE HAT IMMEDIATELY.
if you need a good dose of debbie downer culture, check out the museum of broken relationships.
edith wharton totally beats the pants off of serena van der woodsen.
speaking of GG, did anyone watch “NYC prep”?!!! i really want to watch it, esp. after reading this review. i mean, there’s no chuck bass, but still.
squee of the day: check out this baby tapir, i.e. an adorable and weirdo creature straight out of jim henson’s lab.
jezebel analyzes the 1991 international male catalog. warning: the crotches of these pants are highly disturbing.
meredith sent me this tim riggins sighting (scroll down past the spoiler line), which is not only full of good FNL scoops but also made me feel like the biggest weenie ever for not talking to him the other night cos I COULD HAVE GOTTEN A PICTURE WITH HIM.
i wasn’t that interested in the new “beauty and the beast” until I FOUND OUT KERI RUSSELL IS IN IT?!! and also cos i saw this video, and mary kate scares me in a kind of awesome way.
YOU GUYS. NEW BALANCE IS MAKING “PEANUTS” SHOES!!! i need them!! but in my size!!!! GAH why can’t i have abnormally small feet so i can buy all of the fun shoes? oh, cos that would look really weird? well, ok.
Discussion
8 comments for “i think i need a leash for my pet peeves”
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have you read “beastly?” i haven’t, but it’s on my bookshelf at school.
i like your back & forth and wonder what next week’s lunch will inspire! it was fun to chat today. i also have this to add:
i think it’s totally fair to get annoyed with people for being annoying. one thing i’ve really had to reconcile with myself is realizing that, while i’m very sensitive and get my feelings hurt a lot, people often don’t mean to hurt my feelings. they are as consumed in their worlds as i am in mine, and while i’d love it if they could be more thoughtful–sometimes they just don’t have that to give.
is your BFF always going to be thoughtless? no. but a hang-out buddy might be more thoughtless than your BFF. we can’t really control how other people act toward our pet peeves, even if we express them, but we can decide based on their actions what kind of role they will play in our day-to-day lives. or in our lives as a whole. relationships are malleable in that way, fortunately, and we don’t have to put up with things that hurt our feelings on a regular basis.
one other thing: every best friend in my life did something at one point that made me think, “this is it. we’re not going to be friends anymore, because this is a deal breaker.” but the fight got resolved, or the friend changed that habit. in the most recent situation, which broke the rules of BFFdom and majorly hurt my feelings, i had to make a decision–was i going to accept this huge quirk, or was i cutting it off? and i decided, for a long time, the latter. but then i missed the things i like and decided that, even though i hated the quirk, i loved the things i did more than i hated the quirk. so i’m putting up with it and keeping that friendship, even though sometimes the quirk will get on my nerves.
i’m still processing my ideas about these kinds of boundaries, which is why i’m so wordy. plus, this is like the topic of my life in counseling.
Edith Wharton is officially on my shit list for bad mouthing Will Ladislaw. My pet peeve is people not liking Middlemarch.
I think your answer self is just exactly right. I also get super annoyed when people flake, although I’ve learned to shrug it off in the past few years because flaking usually isn’t malicious. But I agree that it’s important to govern your own response to someone else’s inconsiderate behavior, and especially to be forthright about it. Well answered, Answer Sarah! Well asked, Question Sarah!
Everyone has pet peeves to some extent. The fact that you recognize yours is a good thing. I think differences are a good thing.
Would you hate me if I told you that I do have abnormally small feel and could probably fit into a children size 5 or 6? I wanted to go as Dorothy one year for Halloween and wanted the ruby red slippers (and ahem, not a slutty costume…which also proved to be difficult). They don’t make those shoes in adult sizes, so I headed to the kids section and tried them on…they were tight, but I could manage. Unfortunately, they only had white glittery shoes so I went as something else, but I did find out that I can wear tiny shoes.
Yes, I am pretty tall with shrimp feel. Don’t ask me how I ended up with them. Maybe they will grow these last couple of months of pregnancy…
jennifer, i don’t hate you. however, i will admit that I AM EXTREMELY JEALOUS PANTS.
As we discovered last night, my pet peeve is people not being awesome enough. This is a troubling realization, because while I can now see that maybe I should give people a break for not being awesome all the time, I still can’t wrap my mind around the idea that maybe people should just be more awesome.
And it’s similar to the flakiness issue, except that at least with that you know that if they *do* show up, you’re going to enjoy their company. What do you do when your pet peeve is that sometimes people show up and then just act as downers, making the whole group lose a bit of energy, and the night or entire weekend become less of a success. With a flaky person, you don’t really need to draw a final line anywhere. With someone who continually blocks their own awesomeness potential? At some point, heads have gotta roll.
And so I say, yes, this is my pet peeve, and it’s my own fault and I shouldn’t let it get to me as much.
But also, shouldn’t we all just be more awesome?
I share your pet peeve and have a whole lot of others that I won’t go into now. I think that pet peeves can turn into faults depending on how things are handled. In general, I do talk to friends if there is something that hurts or upsets me. Some people don’t know how to deal with that and shut down, others are able to handle it. In general, I get annoyed with people quite easily and I know that is an issue of mine. On the other hand, people are pretty damn annoying
I am the same way about flakiness but sometimes when it is with someone I really want to hang out it gets a bit obsessive and I get in my head about why they didn’t just call me to cancel.