pantstributor

Close Encounters of the Multi-Legged Kind

[pantsers and pantserettes, i am pleased to introduce you all to the newest pantstributor on poshdeluxe, sally! try not to fall in love with her too much. hello, she has a boyfriend. xoxo posh d.]

G’Day gladyhooks and beezleworts, today is Nature Friday, with your good pal, and honorary Australian Nature Personality, Salleewonk!

I have been spending the better half of a year watching way too many nature videos in West Lake, as if the natives weren’t strange beasts enough to warrant years of anthropological study. I have become quite enamored by many crazy beasts and snookies – see the last third of this vid if you don’t know snookies. But, more about that later.

Contrary to what you may imagine, there was way, WAY more nature in West Lake than I would have cared for. I was walking to my car at the back of the parking lot because the building’s landlord considers my white Subaru steed too wild to be tied up right there next to the building (it’s ok, my car’s name is Shadowfax, and he is the king of all horses can’t be bound.)  I ask that Exhibit A and B be entered into the court’s records as evidence.

Exhibit A. – Stupid Landlord’s Car

Exhibit B. – My Car

But back to the story.  I was walking a good quarter mile to my steed, when what do I come upon on my trek?  Non other than a TARANTULA!!!!!!!

Needless to say, gladyhooks and beezleworts, I was FREAKED OUT! I knew all about these things. I learned about them in the investigatory documentary, Tarantula!

Learn more about the tarantula here:

I thought that these creatures were supposed to stay in the desert! What were they doing here in the hill country of Texas?! No one knows, but I did take some pictures on my phone for evidence. Unfortunately, not being the phone savvy person I would like to be, I couldn’t get them off my phone! Here is a picture of my phone’s picture. To enhance your viewing pleasure, I have included in this super-meta picture, myself, as I believe I was at that moment.

Thankfully, I left unscathed, which I consider a miracle since I didn’t give in to any of the ne’er-do-well, Shelob wanna-be spider from hell’s demands. But this got me thinking, what other crazy beasts lie in wait out there in Texas?

Kiddos, we’ve got scorpions, coyotes, Raspberry Crazy Ants, rattlesnakes, Curve-faced Solifugi – I have no idea what these are, but dude, just look at these fools:

Upon reading more, these things take down scorpions!  Even SCARIER THAN TARANTULAS!

Hey, you know armadillos? On one hand they’re a cheap and inefficient way to get around downtown, and they’re strangely cute and seemingly innocuous. I mean, my friend’s dad took a stuffed armadillo to every Iowa footall game, until even that preserved dillo started disintegrating, and poly stuffing started coming out through his armor. But they belong on the dangerous Texas animals list, yes even considering that crazy beast Solifugi!  Dude, these things carry leprosy! Between their toes.  My uncle, who is a doctor, told me this important fact as we visited the leprosy museum in Bergen, Norway.  This was the only museum we visited on that trip, and my uncle and aunt spent most of the time telling leper jokes as I almost started crying reading leper poetry.  My family is strange, but that is for a different post altogether.

Anyway, gladyhooks and beezleworts, I hope this was a good lesson for today, and as promised, here is an instructional video about the fauna of the world, specifically, the honey badger.

The honey badger is one bad mo-fo.  This thing fights snakes.  Here is a video where it is eats a cobra (that it fought and totally dominated).  As it eats it, it falls over, having eaten the snake’s poison.  You think it’s dead, but it gets right back up and starts eating again.

The instructional part of this video is that you should stay the heck away from a honey badger.

Sincerely,

Salleewonk

p.s. I have attempted to start an email correspondence with an Australian running a marsupial sanctuary who because of his love of kangaroos has legally changed his name from Andrew to Androo.  He hasn’t written back.  My fingers remain crossed.

© 2009 Poshdeluxe.