voyages

the posh deluxe guide to fredericksburg, tx

in celebration of mother’s day this past weekend, i headed down to fredericksburg with my mom and dad for two days of eating, shopping and enjoying “small town” (TM) life.

and, since i’m obvs an expert at Having Fun, it’s only fair that i share my hard-earned wisdom with the pants world masses.

therefore, i now present to you the Posh Deluxe Guide to Fredericksburg!

step 1: invite yr parents, cos they love this kind of charming (ok, cheesy) stuff as much as you do!*

*this may only apply to me, FYI.

step 2: on yr way into town, stop in johnson city for dinner at the silver k cafe, located in an old lumberyard.

i know, right?!! so cute!!! not only is the cafe ambiance tres texas, the food is TASTY BUSINESS. ha ha of course it is! do i go anywhere that doesn’t serve tasty business? NO I DO NOT! IT IS FORBIDDEN!

oh chicken fried steak, WE SHALL MEET AGAIN. V. SOON.

step 3: book lodgings at a quaint B&B in a carefully restored, 100-year-old home so that you can feel like a character in one of yr favorite historical novels.**

**this may only apply to the pantserettes.

this place was the EPITOME of a B&B. the decor was totally antique grandma chic:

including lots of bric-a-brac and shiny, sparkly baubles! btw i SO need these candle stick lamps for my apartment IMMEDIATELY:

seriously, i dream of the day when someone walks into my place and exclaims, “oh my! this looks just like a bed and breakfast!” those of you who have visited my apartment know that i’m doing pretty good on the bric-a-brac front, so i think this goal is actually feasible, as opposed to my many other goals, like installing a porch (with a swing) that looks something like THIS:

i was gonna write, “I WANT TO GO TO THERE” but guess what suckas I DID!!!!!! and it was beautiful! and perfect! relaxing! i couldn’t decide if i felt more like anne shirley or sandra bullock from “hope floats.” which, i realize, is not a dilemma most people ever encounter.

that’s right, there were two more cabins in the backyard, and both of them were built by the owner of this delightful B&B, melanie. she also pretty much single-handedly restored the original house, which had fallen into serious disrepair. i’m telling you, the woman is a POWERHOUSE.

also? she’s a little bit cray cray. but, you know, i think that’s actually one of the requirements to opening up a B&B. like, the national B&B association won’t let you in unless you can provide a certificate verifying yr (slight) mental instability. cos who wants to stay at a house run by a normal person? that’s the equivalent of booking a weekend get-away at yr neighbor’s house, which, unless you live next to kanye west, would be totally lame.

melanie was delightfully eccentric (let me put it this way: she was no mona) and served as a wonderful hostess. during the week, she works for a company that builds scenery (cool, right?), and she had just returned from building a set in DOLLYWOOD!!!!!! HOLY PANTS!! unfortunately, she didn’t get to meet dolly, but still. i think it’s obvious that melanie is one fierce, independent lady!

while my mom and i were wowed by the antiquery and shiny baubles, my dad was totally bowled over by all of the repairs and renovations melanie made to the house. but his favorite part? the abundance of “the family handyman” magazines!!!

no, i did not realize this magazine existed, and yes, i know what i’m getting dad for his birthday.

step 4: enjoy a retro evening at the hangar hotel!

i’ve written of my love for the hangar previously on le blog, and i was super excited to share it with mom and especially dad, since the hotel is basically a combination of his two favorite things (well, besides me, obvs): planes and history!

i always feel so classy when i hang out at the officer’s club. you know, as opposed to, say, mugshots. and while i do love me some cheap drinks and a good jukebox, i can’t help but wish for the days of plush leather chairs, polished mahogany bars and a blind man playing classic tunes on the piano.

note the two octogenarians in the forefront– v. typical of the clientele at the hangar, which is another reason it’s such a hoot (<– old people speak! holla!) to go there.

and yes, i did just write “blind man playing the piano.” this guy was amazing!!

after we were fully classed-up, we spent a few minutes just looking out over the moonlit runway and absorbing the satisfying calm of a summer evening well-spent.

step 5: embrace yr inner tacky pants and SHOP TIL YOU DROP (<– intentional use of cliched phrase to illustrate my point, kthx).

the main street in fredericksburg is lined with TONS of stores, most of them focused on “country chic” and/or full out THIS IS TEXAS, Y’ALL aesthetic. if you’re looking for cowboy nightlights, angel figurines or big glass balls to put in yr garden, then this is the place for YOU.

that picture pretty much sums up about 90% of the merchandise on main street. HOWEVER, that still leaves 10% of highly enjoyable shopping. plus, the historical architecture makes even the Kountry Krafts store feel, well, a little bit less Kountry.

while perusing the various historical markers, i discovered my newest business venture:

YOU GUYS. austin SO needs a domino parlor!!!!!!! like, that is the only kind of place we DON’T have!!!!! and i could serve fancy cocktails and sweet potato fries and there could be art made from dominos and oh man it would be the funnest place EVER!!!

willing investors, CALL ME! DOMINO PARLOR 2010!!

anyway!

my favorite store on main street is most definitely rustlin’ rob’s. because first of all, IT’S CALLED RUSTIN’ ROB’S. and second of all, IT’S A GOURMET FOOD STORE!! WITH ANIMATRONIC FOODS IN THE WINDOW!!!!

i call that guy the Jazzercise Jalapeno, btw. and you have to say it like “Hazzercise Jalapeno” cos i’m hilarious.

rustlin’ rob’s is a treasure trove of tasty snacking business. the store is basically sectioned off by condiment, so there’s a salsa area, a “butter” area (like peanut butter, pecan butter), a mustard area, a jelly area, a pickle area, etc.

and the best part? YOU CAN PUT EVERYTHING INTO YR TUMMAH!!!!

my dad and i are dr. professionals at doing this, so we totally dominated rustlin’ robs.

here’s a sampling of the stuff i tried:

jalapeno peanut butter (SO GOOD AND KICKY)

candied jalapenos (PURCHASED!)

rasberry mustard (v. tasty with pretzels)

pecan praline butter (NOM)

sweet potato butter (my parents bought some, therefore i will be visiting them v. soon)

i also ventured into the “back room” which, much like the video store equivalent, is where rustlin’ rob’s keeps all of their BAD things. and by bad i mean, CRAZY HOT SAUCES THAT WILL KILL YOU.

dude they are not messing around with these hot sauces. some even came in COBRA FORM. cos LETHAL.

others came in womanly form, and i don’t really know what that means.

i tried “one of the hottest sauces in the store” (there was an “18 & up” sign above it, which again, v. video store back room-ish) and uh, yeah. it was hot. it was BURNING MY V. SOUL IN HELL HOT. which meant, of course, that i loved it.

step 6: EAT (AND DRINK) A TON OF TASTY GERMAN BUSINESS!!!!!

my favorite way to celebrate the german roots of fredericksburg is through my stomach. obvs.

for lunch, we stopped at the auslander, home of the Best Rueben In The World (verified not only by yrs truly but also by the v. reputable Miss Meredith B).

GAH WHEN WILL FOOD-VIA-YR-COMPUTER-SCREEN TECHNOLOGY BE INVENTED?!!! DEAR SCIENCE: I AM WAITING!!!!! SINCERELY SARAH.

in addition to delicious foodage, the auslander provides all of the conditions necessary for the Ultimate Beer Experience: 1) a shady outdoor area 2) a robust selection 3) chilled glasses that are v. tall.

in fact, every time we go to the auslander, dad and i talk about how it feels just like being in a real german beer garden. to illustrate, we recreated this picture taken in germany in 2001:

hee hee we are the cutest father/daughter beer drinking duo ever!

not only does fredericksburg give you the perfect place for dad time, it also provides a DIVINE bakery, “rather sweet,” for some quality mom time!

yes that is a key lime tart. and yes it was delicious. and yes my mom and i shared it, which is truly a testament to our love cos normally i would STUFF THAT ENTIRE THING INTO MY FACE.

step 7: spend some time savoring the outdoors (preferably in the evening, when the sun won’t give you cancer).

seriously, i think i could spend the rest of my life on a porch, with a book in one hand and a mint julep in the other (ok, plus some bug spray), and i would be a happy happy pants.

oh and if there’s a dog that happens to live on the porch that likes to sit on my lap, that would most acceptable.

that’s melanie’s dog, fanny. she likes to bark at you until you get close enough to pet her, and then she’ll jump in yr lap and let you pet her for hours. and then she’ll shed on you and you’ll have to wash yr hands but overall it will be worth it. I LOVE YOU FANNY!!!! i want to take you home with me and rename you fanny pack!!

in addition to a porch, i also need to install a massive garden in my apartment so i can take breaks from my book/my mint julep/fanny to gaze upon flowers like this:

i know, i know, that’s totally like a hotel picture, but i couldn’t help it. cos pretty!!!

step 8: on yr way out of town, stop by wildseed farms so you can feel like the texas version of mary lennox.

this was a new stop for me (thank for the tip, meredith!), and sweet cracker sandwich, i fell in love immediately!!!! wildseed farms is the largest working wildflower farm IN THE WORLD you guys. IN. THE. WORLD. and it’s absolutely amazing.

i mean, look!!!

this is like, a camera pantser’s DREAM. cos you can take pictures for future xmas cards like this:

and, if you’re lucky enough to have a goofy dad who will pose for you, you can take blogworthy photos like this!

yay, wildseed farms is the best! and so are my mom and dad!

step 9: enjoy some wine and cheese on a shady patio at one (or two!) wineries on yr way back home.

do i really need to explain this one?

trust me y’all: if you carefully follow all of these nine steps, you will have the MOST CHARMING WEEKEND EVER.

esp. if you invite me. cos, you know, it’s good to have a professional around.

© 2009 Poshdeluxe.