cray

disney pants part 2: even in the happiest place on earth, it rains.

when we parted ways yesterday, dear pantsers, our brave disney explorers were exiting the muppet ride and gazing with growing horror at the darkening sky…

and so of course the only appropriate thing to do was to ride the TOWER OF TERROR, muhaHAHAHA!

seriously, does that look sinister or what?

the tower of terror is one of those dropping rides, and although it’s no tower of power (cue: henri crying), it’s still super fun. PLUS the people who work on the ride are dressed up as bellmen to add “atmosphere,” and our bellman guy spoke with the worst british accent EVER, which was supposed to scare us but merely reduced me to strange convulsive movements as i attempted to muffle my laughter. disney workers YOU ARE THE BEST.

we emerged from the ride and discovered… rain. lots and lots of rain.

travel tip #i’m not numbering them anymore cos it’s hard to keep track: if it’s raining, go to the prime time cafe and order another long island iced tea.

i mean, obvs, we had no other choice.

LOOK HOW WET I AM! GAH! and yet, my face is happy, cos i am a smart traveler pants.

after the rain kinda sorta abated to a soft drizzle, we hopped on my favorite ride (from my last visit in high school): journey into the movies!!!

it will come to no surprise to readers of my “dear diary pants” series that my sixteen year old self was over the MOON for this ride, because it basically melded together my life with the movies. which was, at the time, my ultimate life goal.

the ride takes you through classic scenes such as “singin’ in the rain” (this one’s for you, trish)…

and casablanca!

there’s even a montage of films at the end, which made my teenage eyes practically roll back into my head. this time around, though, all i could think was, “man, they have GOT to update this thing. like, where’s amelie?!!”

anyway, we walked back outside and UGH IT WAS STILL RAINING.

i think you can guess how i felt about THAT.

it didn’t help that erica was totally prepared pants and packed an umbrella.

her dryness was totally giving me a FACE HARD.

after ANOTHER pit stop at the prime time cafe (totally our new favorite ride), we decided to wait in line for “toy story mania!”, which is located in the pixar section of the park.

could the decor be any CUTER?

yes, yes it could.

“what? oh i was just… uh, i was just admiring the lovely artwork. that’s all… nothing to see here, nothing to see.”

i am SO getting candyland painted on my wall. as soon as i have a house. in, like, ten years.

once again, we donned 3D glasses (it’s a 3D shooting game), which obvs made us look majorly cool. esp. with wet hair.

although it was no big buck hunter, i still enjoyed shooting stuff, and buzz lightyear gave me a LOT of positive encouragement.

the weather wasn’t really improving, but we vowed to stick it out due to erica’s love for fantasmic! (disney loves exclamation points *almost* as much as i do), a massive spectacle that takes place once a week.  faced with the prospect of sitting in the rain for an hour, i totally caved and got an $8 poncho. so did henri.

but it was totally worth it cos look, i’m happy again!! no more rainy frown face! only excited squee face! yeah!

erica decided against the poncho, but she did buy a reuseable bag that she deemed worthy of protecting her hair. spoiler alert: this was kind of a mistake.

normally, ponchos feel really dorky and silly, but hello, i’m in disneyworld. EVERYTHING is dorky and silly.

plus, the entire audience was wearing them.

i wasn’t sure the show would be worth it, but erica was right: it’s awesome!! they use a wall of water as a screen for projecting images…

plus there’s princesses!!!

and A GIANT SNAKE WITH GLOWING EYES OMGGG.

i could practically see the wheels turning in henri’s head: “hmm… maybe i can incorporate a wall of water during tlc’s ‘waterfalls’… and a giant snake during paula abdul’s ‘cold hearted snake.’ perfect!!!”

the best part was the finale– not only was there a HUGE DRAGON and lots of lights and fireworks, but there was a LAKE OF FIRE. which not only looked impressive but also served as a much needed source of warmth.

as we exited the amphitheater, erica realized that her bag hat had been a Huge Mistake.

but that’s the thing about disney magic. we were tired, we were wet, we had “kiss the girl” on endless repeat in our heads… but we were totally happy campers.

we caught a ride on a disney boat that took us from hollywood studios back to the disney boardwalk, where we met up with some of erica’s old co-workers.

and you know how i said yesterday that everyone who works at disney loves it? well, i think it’s cos the rest of orlando is TOTALLY LAME. like, if you don’t love disney, you have nothing left except a bunch of chain restaurants and tacky souvenier shops with massive eagles painted on the front. as for the nightlife, well… yikes.

we started off at this dance club place, which featured a promising music video dance party that i figured would be sort of like a sing-along.

umm… no. there were only about 15 people inside, and the only folks dancing were these two older chicks swigging bud lite and wearing matching tank tops.

it only took us five minutes to decide that ANYTHING would be better than this. even… a piano bar.

yes folks, the only other option was a piano bar. and not even in an ironic, “hey, we’re on the riverwalk and tourists are hilarious” kind of way. this place is FOR REAL hangout, to the point where the piano player dude on the left is, like, the Local God. if you think i’m joking, just ask erica how many girls cried when he got engaged.

at this point, i realized that the surreal nature of disneyworld had seeped into the water supply of orlando and turned the entire city into crazytown. i mean, this guy sang “rainbow connection” in a kermit voice, for crying out loud! and women are practically throwing panties at him?!!

for a place with such a tasty name, they could do better. like, say, SERVE JELLYROLLS?

well, i know i vowed to start covering magic kingdom in today’s post BUT i’ve run out of time, so you’ll have to wait til tomorrow to see henri, erica and me hugging the crap out of characters and wearing our (customizable!!!!) mousears!

LINKS

YOU GUYS YOU MUST WATCH THIS VIDEO IMMEDIATELY. it’s so good, it’s shot straight up to my top 5 youtube videos OF ALL TIME. i am not kidding around. as henri put it: “why did the dentist give this kid shrooms?” also, i ask you, “IS THIS REAL LIFE?”

by now, i’m sure you’ve all heard the christian bale tirade (i’m sorry but i still love him). but have you seen the new and improved “he’s just not that into you” trailer, featuring said tirade? now THIS is a movie i want to see.

it’s kind of hard to explain this link, so just go there. my favorite is totally the dance remix version of “wonderwall.” oasis, you have been served.

OMG CHUCK AND VANESSA?!!!

blair lent, the illustrator of “rikki tikki tembo,” passed away a few days ago, and his obit is pretty cool. thank you, mr. lent, for giving me a book that i adore just as much today as i did when i was a kid!

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