cray
disney pants part 1: “i was terrified of that yeti”
YOU GUYS I’M BACK!!!!
and no, i have not been brainwashed into liking miley cyrus. although that winnie the pooh, what a cutie pants!
first of all, massive thanks to olivia, erin, trish and meredith for serving as most excellent pantstributors. you ladies are *more* than worthy to serve at the helm of this blog; in fact, i would trust you to guide the u.s.s. posh deluxe through the bermuda triangle! holla!
so… i hope you guys are prepared. i mean, if you read this blog regularly, you should be pretty desensitized to high amounts of cheesiness. but still. you might want to brace yrself. maybe eat something sour to compensate for the sugar.
cos i took A LOT OF PICTURES!!!!!!!!!! shocking news of the century!!!
ok, so henri, erica and i landed in orlando on wednesday evening, then wasted about an hour and a half of our lives waiting for a rental car at advantage.
trip tip #1: do NOT rent from advantage. everrrrr.
but, being the skilled tourists we are, we used our waiting line time to peruse a plethora of brochures touting the wonders of orlando.
just seeing the word “disney” sent spasms of excitement throughout erica’s body. seriously.
we checked into our hotel then set out for this place called “downtown disney,” which was totally new to me. it’s basically a collection of stores and restaurants that are open later than the park, so if you missed yr chance to buy that wall-e backpack, you can score it here!
like the rest of disneyworld, downtown disney offers a LOT of opportunities to act like totally ridiculous tourists. like, every time i took a picture, i knew that about 5 million people had the exact same photograph in their album/flickr/facebook.
HA HA HA like THAT has ever stopped me from taking a bazillion pictures.
for example, the lego loch ness monster!
and, in a v. meta moment, lego tourists! with real live tourists posing! no one has ever done this before!!!
“so, like, have you heard the jonas brothers song? OMG I HEART THEM SO MUCH!!!”
we decided to eat at portobello, this italian place, which turned out to be The Chattiest Restaurant In The Universe.
seriously, there should be a zagat plaque next to the door.
even though we immediately informed our waiter, jason, that erica used to work at disneyworld and therefore knows everything about it, he still proceeded to inform us of his favorite rides/restaurants/places to watch the various firework shows. i mean, this guy was ON FIRE for disney. i didn’t know it at the time, but guess what. EVERYONE IN ORLANDO IS LIKE THIS. you think i’m exaggerating, but i’m not. even the guy who has to stand in the parking ticket booth all day LOVES taking yr $12 and welcoming you to the park. HE IS SO EXCITED TO BE THERE!
anyway, henri has a video of jason, and he’s (hopefully) putting together a fabulous montage of our entire trip, so you’ll eventually get to see Chatty Pants for yrselves. for now, trust me when i say that we endured about twenty minutes of straight-up chat before we were able to actually get our food.
not only that, but just to get our WINE we had to listen to the manager gives us a five minute presentation on the origins of wine in america and how grapes got sent back to europe cos of some root rot and DUDE. WE JUST WANT TO DRINK OUR WINE. PLEASE.
trip tip #2: portobello = home of the chatty cathies.
after dinner, we strolled around the stores, where i had my first encounter with the monster that disney has become. ok, so i get that disney is a company, and they want to make money, and blah blah blah, but the bibbidi bobbidi boutique?!!! click on that link and prepare to lose all of yr sweet, sweet innocence.
basically, you pay a ton of money (packages start at $49.95) to get yr little girl all tarted up “just like a disney princess*” (*aka jon benet ramsey).
at the time, i thought, “who would pay that kind of money for some glitter and cheap hair extensions?” and then, over the next three days, i saw hundreds of girls with princess hairdos. HUNDREDS (documentation forthcoming). and my soul shriveled up like snow white’s nasty poisoned apple.
apparently, disney realized that more money could be made by targeting children rather than adults, which is why they opened up the princess salon and closed down pleasure island.
that’s right. THEY CLOSED PLEASURE ISLAND!
but it’s still lit up, and you can walk through it, so it feels like an eerie, cheesy club ghost town. like, the haunted amusement park from scooby doo meets the roxbury.
with no place to awkwardly dance to the latest real mccoy song, we headed back to the hotel for some sleepy time tea.
the next morning, we woke up bright and early and drove over to the animal kingdom, which i had never seen before. it’s basically like the disney version of a zoo, divided up into asia, africa and dinoland. you know, all the cool countries.
i have to give disney MAJOR props for the effort they put into design. i mean, like most americans, i haven’t been to asia but i think i know a lot about it, so i really felt like maybe i was in asia! by that i mean, the kinder, gentler, emo wes anderson version of asia.
i mean, if i sent you this picture as a postcard, you toootally would have thought i was in asia. right? right.
that mountain you see in the background is actually the mt. everest roller coaster, and it’s super fun! there’s also a surprise which i won’t give away. but ok, i’ll tell you, there’s an abdominable snowman in it!!!! and he tears up the track! holy crap!
my favorite part of the ride actually happened when we got off, and henri overheard a boy say, “oh man, i was terrified of that yeti!”
to see henri and erica’s reaction on video, go here (it’s henri’s video, and i can’t figure out how to embed it. sorry!).
next up was the bug’s life 3-D show. disney is REALLY into 3-D rides, btw, which is fine with me cos I LOVE 3-D (pssst step up 3-D when are you happening?!! call me!!). and these shows are always fun, cos in addition to the 3-D aspect, they spray water on you when, say, a stink bug lets loose (SO GROSS I ALMOST DIED) or you feel bumps move under yr chair when the “bugs” are exiting the theater. this makes a lot of people jump up and scream, while henri simply says, “i think i just got a butt massage.”
plus, the 3-D glasses are totally designer!
i told henri and erica that we HAD to get a group picture in each park, because i am a cheeseball, so we took one in front of the Tree of Life (uh i think that’s what it’s called) in the middle of the park. i asked erica if it was a real tree, because i am totally gullible.
i was really excited about seeing dinoland, cos HELLO JURASSIC PARK IN REAL LIFE, but… i was sorely disappointed. were there raptors? no. a lawyer-eating t-rex? no. baby dinosaurs? NOT EVEN. there were only KIDDIE RIDES.
hello, those dinosaurs are totally FAKE!
with that said, i did kinda dig the broken down, 50s amusement park vibe of the place.
so, we didn’t see any dinosaurs (SIGH), but we DID see lots of animals cos, duh, animal kingdom! i was reeeeally hoping to encounter some baby animals, and even though i didn’t meet a baby hippo (my dream), i DID see some baby ducks! LOOK AT THEM!!! LITTLE FLUFFY DUCKLINGS!!
i also discovered a pack of strollers in the jungle.
man, you guys, disney is JAMMED with strollers. it’s insane. i can’t believe i didn’t end the trip with bruises all over my shins, cos GAH.
our last ride in the animal kingdom was the safari, where they tell you that you’re going on a two week adventure but they are LYING cos it’s only, like, 15 minutes. but whatever. erica was still crazy excited.
once again, i was blown away by disney’s efforts to create a realistic african setting. not only did i kinda feel like i was in the serengeti, but there aren’t any visible barriers, so you feel like the animals might actually come over and say hi to you!
and SCORE THERE WAS A BABY ELEPHANT!!!!!
henri told me it was fake but i didn’t believe him. cos that mama elephant was totally real, and even disney can’t fool a mama elephant.
we took a break between animal kingdom and hollywood studios to visit the animal kingdom lodge, where erica used to work!! it is v. v. impressive.
we also saw the uniform she used to wear, which was NOT as impressive.
next stop: hollywood studios!
you will notice that the sky looks a little ominous.
we decided to eat lunch at prime time cafe, this 50s style restaurant that’s decorated like one big kitchen.
i actually ate here with my mom and dad back in high school, and i was a little sad when the old MMC came on the TV and dad wasn’t there to say, “oh, that annette funicello!”
however, erica, henri and i still managed to appreciate the kitsch of it all, thanks to an adolescent diet of nick at nite and a passion for “mad men.”
total draper kids moment. plus, they had shrimp cocktail! and martinis!
btw, each of those shrimp costs, like, $2. i am so not joking. and i love that they come on a plate with lettuce instead of one of those glasses. STAY CLASSY 1950s!
we also made an AMAZING NEW DISCOVERY at the prime time cafe: they serve long island ice teas… to go. and they may seem pricey, but trust me, they are pretty much the Best Value in the entire park.
along with a tea, i ordered the chicken pot pie, which was DELICIOUS!!!
the only thing that’s unrealistic about the primetime cafe is that no one is smoking. and also, they let people of color eat there. crazy!
after lunch, we decided to ride the “rockin’ roller coaster, starring: aerosmith.” no really. aerosmith has their own roller coaster. which is actually totally awesome. like, #4 reason to be famous (after the clothes, the free food and an actual chance that you can hang out with keri russell). if i was famous, my ride would go through a giant cupcake, and you could tear off a piece and eat it, and then it would go up and down some crazy hills (ok, maybe BEFORE the cupcake part) and then it would pause inside this dance party room and everyone would have to get out and dance for two minutes to “hey ya,” and then you get back on it and there’s a few more hills, and then you go into a baby room and then a puppy room and then when you exit, you get mac ‘n’ cheese!
oh man i SO need to be famous.
anyway, the aerosmith ride was not nearly as great as my ride would be, but it was still pretty fun. plus there was a HUGE GUITAR.
oh, let me stop for a minute and tell you about something incredible. it’s called fast pass.
travel tip #3: USE FAST PASS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.
so, fast pass basically gives you an allotted time to come BACK to the ride so that you don’t have to wait in line. for example, we got our fast pass for the aerosmith ride before lunch, and the pass told us to come back in an hour and a half. so we did, and then we basically just walked on the ride!!! AWESOME!!!
plus (and i think this might be a big secret so don’t tell anyone!), january is the BEST time to visit disney, cos it’s really not that crowded. seriously, even when we didn’t fast pass, i think the most we ever waited was like 20 minutes, and that was at the soda stand cos this one huge family took FOREVER.
so, travel tip #4: go to disney in january!
travel tip #4.1: if you’re gonna spend that much money, maaaaaybe go somewhere else. i mean, people, you could go to PARIS on this budget. the only reason i could afford to take this trip is cos erica has the hook-up and got us in for free every day (ERICA I LOVE YOU). i mean, as you’ve seen (and will continue to see, cos these posts are gonna last all week), i had a great time, but WOW! cha-CHING! disney is totally big pimpin.
anyway!
after the rock ‘n’ roller ride, we decided to go see the muppet 3-D show. YAY!!!! MUPPETS!! muppets are totally my favorite!!!
i swear i squealed more during this show than the little five-year-old girl sitting next to me. i mean, wall-e is cool, and i liked toy story and everything, but the MUPPETS? the muppets are 4 REAL.
as you can see, the sky was considerably darker as we entered the theater…
and on that FOREBODING NOTE, i will end this post.
tomorrow: how we survived The Perfect Storm, plus magic kingdom!!
Discussion
14 comments for “disney pants part 1: “i was terrified of that yeti””
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okay i will read the rest of this excellent post tomorrow when i have more time, but let me just say: m’elle would make me take her to the bibbidi-bobbodi-boutique. she would stand outside it and cross her arms and use language like, “mom, i’m very upset with your choice not to let me dress like a princess.” (yes, she actually talks like this. at five, my child has grasped the finer points of middle-management.) and then she would harass me until I caved and then I would be treated to a rundown of the Disney Princesses, in order of superiority, and THEN she would look at her new hairdo in the mirror a lot and turn from one side to the next and say something like, “You’re not allowed to leave me alone at the store, because someone might try to steal me. I’m VERY pretty.” And then I would distract her from her own image with the only method that works, which is Iconic Sports or Superhero Movies (she thinks Henri looks like Rocky, and would like him to be her boyfriend).
And this is why I’ve never taken her to Disneyworld.
WELCOME BACK!
There is a 4-D theater inside the World of Coca-Cola museum here and it’s GREAT! It’s my favorite part of the entire museum…now, the GA Aquarium has a 4-D theater and it’s pathetic. But every time I visit the Coke museum, I always head to the 4-D theater first!
Well I must make a quick defense of why it is ok to spend your vacation here. I mean, yes you can go to Paris, but as you will see in future posts we went to France, Italy, Mexico..I mean we went around the world, so although we did get a great deal with my hook-ups..it would be money well spent
I am sorry I just love this place.
But I will say Sarah and Henri were AMAZING Disney travel partners. we had good rides, good food and PLENTY of good drinks. And when you discover long island ice teas to go..well it is a good trip.
Can’t wait to hear about all the other fun stuff I did.
Fast Pass is genius! I wish they had one for places like the checkout lines at Whole Foods and the women’s restroom at Emo’s.
Erin, you totally would have that conversation with M’elle. That girl wins every argument. But you forgot the easiest way to distract her–promises of bacon. “M’elle, if you come with me right now, you can have an all-bacon dinner.” “Very well, Mom, I acquiesce.”
Henri WISHES he looked like Rocky. No really, he does. Have you ever seen Montage Barrage?
Erica, you are the awesomest for taking Sarah and Henri to Disney World. Don’t let Sarah’s Bibbidi Bobbidi disapproval shame you into apologizing for your Disney love!
The second half of these pictures didn’t load for me on either my work computer OR home computer (ALL INTERNET HATES ME RIGHT NOW, WHEREVER I AM), so I am checking captions against flickr pics, trying to guess what goes with what. It’s fun!
I never thought I’d say this, but… I really really want to go to Disneyworld now!
Fast Pass also sounds like my own personal bit of heaven.
Also, I’m with you Meredith, the Internet hates me too, the photos aren’t coming out. Boo.
erin, i obvs need to spend more time with m’elle. also? henri gets that rocky thing a LOT. no seriously. and i can actually see it, esp. now that he has a leather jacket, which he always wears with a hoodie.
guys, i don’t know WHAT is up with those pictures. they worked before?!! so i did what i always do: i emailed matt about it. i think the problem might be that those pics are from henri’s picasa album…
ok i fixed it! yay!
Note about the wine thing: The next time this happens, state that it was Texas rootstocks that saved the French industry (after Texas and southeast grapes almost ruined the industry with a soil louse).
Then proceed to tell him to be quiet because you are in a Italian restaurant and you wanna drink Italian wine and not French wine and what-the-hell-does-this-have-to-do-with-ordering-your-wine?!
Sarah, now that I rely on Matt for Internet stuff I e-mail him with things like this all the time too!!!
sarah, dear, you make waiting around for a baby quite pleasant.
did you notice that the aerosmith ride was sponsored by hanes?!? this kind of disturbs me. steven tyler & undies… not something i like to think of together.
it is fun to see the similarities to disneyland (and its newish neighbor, calif adventure). for instance – one of the oldest disneyland rides is the matterhorn – after a mtn in switzerland (?) – and it has a yeti. i don’t really like that ride though, because you are on these tobaggan deals with nested seating that are made for people with shorter legs than mine (not that mine are long, but, you know), and so the whole time my knees kept on smashing into the front of the car everytime we went around a bend. this obviously never happened to me as a kid.
re: the insane cost of disney — yeah, it is weird. but at the same time, they do create this fanatasy world that isn’t that hard to buy into if you choose to let yourself – and it is fun and happy, even though it is also fake. so i think that the occasional disney trip is justifiable, so long as you know that it is an illusion, and so long as you are willing to not be utterly sucked in my the marketing madness of it. it also helps to go at the least-desired times of year, so that you don’t have to be there as long to go on as many rides as you please.
i await the rest of the story with great expectation.
Dude, AWESOME pictures! I haven’t been back to Disney World in maybe five years, and I am totally wanting to go now! Disney MGM Studios is my fave, particularly Star Tours. I’m a sucker for anything Star Wars. My fave place to eat is there, too. The Sci-Fi Diner. The tables are all made to be like you’re eating in a 1950s car, watching old sci-fi movies on a screen, and the waitstaff all wear rollerskates!
Erin, my favorite is when M’elle admonishes your table manners. “Psst… Mom! Elbows!”, and then shakes her little head.
There is NO MGM STUDIOS. Although half of the Disney employees still call it that anyway. But it’s HOLLYWOOD STUDIOS now. Which means it’s exactly the same, but now they have Pixar stuff and don’t have the same deal with MGM worked out.
As for the differences between the two – I thought about the Matterhorn a lot on Everest, too. And I missed the Indiana Jones ride, which doesn’t exist at all in Florida. They do have the Indiana Jones stunt spectacular, but it was raining while that was on, so we stayed in the Prime Time Cafe where it was fun.
Also, I hate the Rocky thing. It’s true. If I’m going to look like Sylvester Stallone at all, I want it to be Deathrace 2000 Sly. Time for a new look!
sweet pictures. definitely jealous. i just starting watching mad men and it is fantastic. i first heard about it through you, so thanks…now i’m stuck watching several hundred hours of television.