culturelux

the first annual poshie awards!!

WELCOME TO THE 2008 POSHIES!!!!!

oh man, you guys, 2008 was pretty great. which also means it was really hard to determine the winners of this year’s poshies, cos there was so much awesomeness and tastiness and squee going on!

fortunately, i am totally judgey.

so, without further ado, let us commence with the highly coveted and almost always controversial POSHIE AWARDS! and, just like the oscars, we’ll build up to the evening’s most prestigious awards, including all categories of squee and ending with best celebrity baby.

oh, and *unlike* the oscars, this ceremony will NOT feature movie stars reading cue cards and cracking lame jokes. instead, the transitions and announements will be short and sweet! cos these poshies need to GO!

and, fitting, we will begin with…

MOST COVETED RED CARPET ENSEMBLE

winner: amber valletta’s shimmery goddess dress

you guys, i don’t even know who amber valletta is, except that IMDB tells me that she appeared in transporter 2 (props!). but this dress!! THIS DRESS!! this dress is the epitome of hollywood glamour, and i COVET.

honorable mention poshies go to:

linda evangelista (as you can see, i’m a fan of the glitz)

and heidi klum (i love the red! and the statuesque cut!)

BEST CELEBRITY SIGHTING

although there were several excellent nominees, including tim riggins on sixth street, the winner is a total no-brainer:

bill pullman!!!! my favorite fake president!!

there is no poshie category for it (yet), but that might have been my best night of 2008.

BEST NEW MUSICAL ARTIST

the winner of this poshie not only put out an insanely listenable album that i NEVER get tired of, but she also totally wowed me at sxsw. AND she had back-up dancers.

let’s hear it for santogold!

BEST TELEVISION SHOW

i pretty much spilled the beans on this one yesterday, but MAD MEN!!!

you know when the DVD of season 2 comes out, it’s gonna have a “WINNER OF THE POSHIE FOR BEST TV SHOW” sticker on the cover.

BEST MOVIE

in what is sure to be hailed as an extremely edgey and controversial choice, the poshie goes to…

STEP UP 2 THE STREETS

sorry, dark knight, but there was no dancing in yr movie.

and now comes the portion of the show where we take a moment to recognize the tragedies of the year, most specifically:

MOST TRAGIC CELEBRITY BREAK-UP

it’s so painful, i can barely bring myself to admit it… but (SOB)… this year, the poshie goes to:

rachel mcadams and ryan gosling GAAHHHHHH

SCROLL AWAY FROM THE PICTURE BEFORE YR TEAR DUCTS EXPLODE

moving on from film and into books…

MOST UN-PUTTABLE DOWN BOOK

i read a ton of great books this year, but this series completely enveloped me in a fantastical and apocalpytic land seething with gruesome darkness and unforgettable characters who filled me with hope. even the gorgeous beaches of mexico couldn’t tear my eyes away from these magical pages.

i’m speaking, of course, of the dark tower series by stephen king.

(once again, major thanks to meredith for the introduction!)

WORST BOOK EVER

this has got to be the least shocking poshie of the year:

i mean, A BABY WITH TEETH? a man in love with a toddler? i was 20 pages away from the end when i threw this book on the floor and TRIED TO PUNCH IT OUT OF MY HEAD.

and, on the opposite side of the quality spectrum…

BEST YA BOOK

this year’s nominees were so exceptional, it led to the first ever POSHIE TIE!

this book has it all: a totally smart and awesome heroine, hot private school boys and crazy pranks! seriously, i want to name my first child after frankie. and no i am not kidding.

this is one of those books that you close with a long, sweet sigh, because you can’t quite let go of it, and yet its beauty is so ethereal, you know you must. the story of “sweethearts” echoed in my head for days, and i think the name “cameron quick” will make my heart flutter for the rest of my life.

from food for the brain to food for the tummy…

BEST RESTAURANT

i ate at a TON of fantastic restaurants this year– uchi, wink, parkside, etc. but honestly, this was an easy decision. the 2008 poshie goes to…

magic island!!! duh!!!!!

i mean, those other places have incredible food, and magic island has crappy food. but do they have terrible magic shows? prom photographers? waiters who also server as yr valet? yeah, like i said, DUH.

BEST CUPCAKE

oh MAN this was a tough one. i sampled a ton of delicious cupcakes this year, and the winner was technically reviewed on the second day of 2009 BUT these cupcakes were made available in 2008. so, following the logic of the oscars, this nominee is totally eligible.

i’m speaking, of course, of sugar mama’s “odd couple”!!!

you better be honored, sugar mama’s, cos this is probably the most heavily weighed poshie.

ok, well, in addition to:

BEST MAC ‘N’ CHEESE

oh LORD this was hard. i mean, they say democracy is complicated and frustrating, but making this decision as the sole person in power? ROUGH! in the end, dictator pants had to go with her gut, and by that i mean, tummy.

the winner: wink

i know there’s going to be a backlash about this poshie, and i concede that parkside was THIS CLOSE to winning, but truffle oil, guys. TRUFFLE OIL.

BEST MUSEUM THAT DOES NOT EXIST

winner: the museum of baked goods

BEST PICTURE OF PANSTERS

ok, i have no idea why i created this category, cos it is IMPOSSIBLE TO DETERMINE ONE WINNER. seriously. impossible.

so i decided to give poshies to three photos, but i reserve the right to include more winners the next time i’m surfing through my flickr and realize that i TOTALLY forgot about the photos from that one party.

anyway, the winners are:

the lakehouse calendar shot

the fabulous ladies of SATC

extreme floating at the schlitterbahn

and now we’ve reached the portion of the ceremony where the stakes begin to get v. V. high.

we begin with:

MOST SQUEEABLE ANIMAL PICTURE

this poshie category almost exploded due to the numer of nominees on the table. and by poshie category i mean my head. but in the end, i had to go with the picture that combined the most factors of squee:

different animals being friends

tiny animals

animals that look like they’re having a conversation

animals with a cast

and the winner goes to…

A SQUIRREL BEING FRIENDS WITH A HEDGEHOG WHO HAS A TINY CAST!!!!

MOST SQUEEABLE BABY VIDEO

this one, surprisingly, was a snap. although it was released two years ago, i did not become aware of its existence until this year, and so even though i said the opposite for the cupcake category, my rules don’t have to make sense, cos I RULE THE POSHIES.

MOST SQUEEABLE CHILD VIDEO

yeah, see what i did there? i created TWO DISTINCT categories so that i could also include everyone’s favorite little french girl, capucine!!!!!

MOST SQUEEABLE ANIMAL VIDEO

ha ha! i did it AGAIN! cos if anyone deserves a poshie, it’s MONIFA THE TINY HIPPO!!!!!

we will now pause the ceremony so that everyone can watch that video for a second (and possibly third) time.

and now, finally, we arrive at our last poshie of the evening (DRAMATIC PAUSE):

BEST CELEBRITY BABY

well, i think you guys all saw this coming.

the winner: SURI CRUISE!!!!!!!

this category was SUCH a hot topic that i actually got an email about it from a concerned citizen, who i will call irish john:

Sarah,

I’m concerned this award is just a fix to make sure Suri is recognised.

We need to have competition for these awards to retain their integrity.

John

john, i couldn’t agree more! but trust me when i say that there was STIFF competition this year between the toddlers who were nominated:

violet affleck

matilda ledger

olive cohen

honestly, i don’t think we’ve ever seen a such a high caliber collection of nominees.

with that said, suri cruise basically achieved the perfect score:

eating cupakes: 10

fashion: 10

in fact, suri is SO widely admired, she’s gonna have her own SNL character! according to this article:

Casey Wilson does a fierce Rachael Ray impersonation, and now the “SNL” comedian is ready to tackle one more celeb: Suri Cruise. “I just have to give her a voice,” the “Bride Wars” co-writer tells us. “She’s got a lot to say, a lot of opinions. She’s very smart and she can wear that Burberry coat like no other.” She adds, “But I think I’m going to make her arrive in a spaceship.”

well, folks, that’s the end of our ceremony! meet me at the vanity fair after party so we can drink champers and look stunning together!

feel free to discuss the results in the comments, although claims of any kind of poshie “fixing” will be dismissed as utter foolishness.

LINKS

not only am i in love with these mosaics of celebrities, but i totally wish i was rich enough to have jason mecier make one of me! with, like, tiny fake food!

jezebel investigates the evolution of bret michael’s hair. and yes, it’s fascinating.

FOODS OF THE WEB. best website name ever. plus, convenient!

© 2009 Poshdeluxe.