culturelux
how to talk to girls
yesterday, i read a story that seemed to jump straight out of a romantic comedy into reality:
a nine-year-old named alec greven has written (and published) a book called “how to talk to girls.”
and no, he isn’t the boy from “love actually” (although i wish he was!!!!), but he’s still pretty cute:
he’s from colorado, and according to the article, his book started out as a $3 pamphlet sold at the SCHOOL BOOK FAIR! can you get more squee than that?!! he sold his little love book at the book fair!!!
lucky for us, it’s being published nationally, so i can buy my own copy and learn things like:
“It is easy to spot pretty girls because they have big earrings, fancy dresses and all the jewelry. Pretty girls are like cars that need a lot of oil. The best choice for most boys is a regular girl. Remember, some pretty girls are coldhearted when it comes to boys. Don’t let them get to you.”
and, my personal favorite:
“Comb your hair and don’t wear sweats”
double true, alec. double true!
of course, reading about this book made me think about advice i would give to boys. i started out from the perspective of my nine-year-old self but then soon realized that a lot of these rules are universal, i.e. twentysomething guys still burp in front of me and it’s NASTY.
and so, i present to you:
“how to talk to girls”: the posh deluxe edition
don’t wave nasty things in a girl’s face when you’re trying to get her attention.
wash yr hands often.
give the girl a lot of little, specific compliments, like: “i like how yr hair is curly” or “yr sweater is pretty.”
if you own a puppy or kitty, let her play with it!
don’t ever say that you are smarter than a girl because that is just dumb (and a lie).
if you are on the playground, offer to push her on the swing. and then push her really high (or as high as she wants to go).
on valetine’s day, give her the biggest and fanciest card from the box (even if it’s supposed to be for the teacher).
offer her the dessert from yr lunchbox.
in class, pass her little notes full of drawings and knock-knock jokes (but no gross ones).
* * *
i could go on and on, but i’ll leave some space for pants world. what advice would you guys add?
and, specifically to the boys, is there any advice you *wish* you’d received as a nine-year-old?
LINKS
randy sent me this video of a dog that is apparently impervious to frozen temperatures… he’s basically *swimming* through the snow. love it! and also, glad i don’t live there!
randy ALSO sent me the link to the grassroots campaign in support of the “best picture” oscar for “dark knight,” a cause i wholeheartedly support. i mean, just watching that promo video gave me goosebumps!
john provides evidence for his “men are idiots” comment yesterday: check out this dude wielding a machine gun/chainsaw. paging bruce campbell…
haute couture that you can EAT? hello, posh tasty business!!!!!!
squee of the day: little matilda, bundled up and skipping!!! (thanks for the link, mandy)
Discussion
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aw, alec. Some girls ARE coldhearted when it comes to boys. You will meet these girls and call this period in your life your “twenties” and the lessons you learn from it will be carried with you forever. Along with the syphillis.
-talk to girls about music, movies, and books like you would talk to boys about the same things.
-be nice even to the girls (and boys!) you don’t like. we should always be properly respectful to everyone and find something to like about all of them.
-if she’s cold, give her your coat! she will keep YOU warm with cuddles!
I would go back and tell my nine year old self to not leave his own birthday party and play at a friends house because the girl he likes at the time will be the last person to leave. Why I did this and no one stopped me is beyond me. I do however remember the colorform Pee-Wee’s Playhouse set that I got that year.
I would also tell him that when in high school and the hot girl asks you if she can wear one of your Superman shirts you say ‘Yes’!
After writing this I think it’s safe to say that my being single has less to do with the women themselves and more to do with my own ineptitude.
Talking is easy. Open your mouth, I have never had troubles with that one. Listening can be a bit more difficult.
There’s one surefire way to get her to like you. One word: Shrinkydinks.
I kissed a boy in first grade because he had bunnies at his house. So, add bunnies to the “kitties and puppies” list.
Remember, when boys are mean to you, it really means that they like you.
Be nice to her, even when your friends are around!
It isn’t about working up the nerve to tell her you like her; it’s about working up the ability to carry on a conversation about something else even though the only thing in your brain is, “Pretty, pretty, pretty, I hope she likes me I hope she likes me I hope she likes me – she looked right in my eye, does that mean she likes me? Pretty pretty pretty pretty…”
listen – or at least pretend like you’re listening
don’t invite girls to have ice cream with you or tell a girl you will call her and then not do it.
that’s mean.