reading rainbow
world’s worst knock knock jokes (and illustrations)
so, i stayed home today cos my throat’s been hurting and i want to put a stop to that before halloween.
i’m feeling a bit better now, so that means it was a good decision. well done, me!
anyway, while i was lounging around my house, i decided to go through some old books from my childhood, just cos i love turning the pages and feeling my six, seven, eight year-old self recognize images with the rush of seeing an old friend (hellooo, bookworm!).
everything was all sweet and nostalgic until i came upon this book, copyright 1985, which i had *totally* forgotten about:
i’m pretty sure my parents gave me this book, cos my dad loved to teach me knock knock jokes, esp. when i was v. small and could therefore use my cuteness to compensate for really lame jokes.
once i started flipping through the pages, it all came back. i recalled endlessly repeating several of the jokes, all of which are really terrible and super dated (they weren’t kidding around with that title), so that they barely make sense to me now (i doubt they made sense to me back then, either).
but most of all, i remember the illustrations… specifically, i remembered being REALLY FREAKED OUT BY THEM. i was used to princesses, i was used to cool line drawings, i was even used to wacky, but this? this was the stuff of nightmares for little sarah pants.
as an adult, it’s obvious to me that the artist (erin english) was some tripped out remnant of the psychedelic era who was bitter over the fact that the beatles broke up before she had the chance to design their album cover.
i mean, you guys, look at this.
um, yeah. also, note the jokes… none of which are funny, two of which make references to, like, the 1940s.
and it gets weirder from there…
i mean, that is like, some dali action right there. all we need are some melting clocks and then we’re in surreal business! plus, yeah, more “song” knock knock jokes… not exactly playground pleasers.
from there, ms. english basically does a tour de force of modern art, focusing mostly on the style of picasso.
i admit, i love the dishes one. but the other two… yeah, this is 1985, not 1952. which also meant i was six and therefore not quite ready for cubism.
i mean, WHY IS THIS GUY CARRYING AROUND ARMS?!!! AND WEAR DID THEY COME FROM? haunting questions for little sarah pants.
i’m not gonna even touch that second joke. noooo sir.
here’s the picture that actually traumatized me the most. i remember staring at it and wondering why the woman HAS NO TORSO. OR ARMS. and… is her head coming out of… oh sweet fancy moses.
also note the peace sign. nice subliminal touch, erin!
anyway, i won’t torture you with any more illustrations, but i WILL be saying a lot more knock knock jokes from now on so… be prepared.
KNOCK KNOCK
who’s there?
toby.
toby who?
toby or not toby, that is the question!
don’t tell me i have to be six to make that joke funny. TIMELESS HUMOR.
p.s. DISHES THE FBI! OPEN UP!! oh dude. you guys are gonna hate me. v. v. soon.
LINKS
it’s official, the avengers movie is a GO. YESSSSSS.
check out this great simpsons remake of the “mad men” opening sequence.
Discussion
13 comments for “world’s worst knock knock jokes (and illustrations)”
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Oh my gosh those are bad! And the illustrations, was this a kids book?
Wow, this book will NOT be joining “Goodnight Moon” and “The Very Hungry Caterpillar” in my daughter’s literary repertoire. Disturbing stuff. At least it lives up to its title.
I am really digging those illustrations. Seriously.
Oh, and “Hymen the mood for love” is my hands-down favorite.
That is pretty awesome. I never even thought of illustrated knock knock jokes. Although if I had, I wouldn’t have imagined misogyny and body parts.
Whaaa? That book is unlike any I’ve seen. And where do you have room in your little apartment to keep all of your old children’s books and diaries and pictures? My mom keeps all of my stuff, mostly because she knows I’ll just send it all to Goodwill or throw it away if she gives it to me. I do not suffer from sentimentality when it comes to belongings!
I agree with Erin, those illustrations are amazing. They are seemingly random too. My favorite is the man within a hand with feet. I think I’ve found my next tattoo.
Here’s one of my favorite knock-knock jokes:
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel.
Also:
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Interupting cow.
Interup–
Moo!
i learned my jokes from laffy taffy. example: “what time do you go to the dentist? tooth hurty.” how appropriate that all that laffy taffy contributed to my current cavities
matt, YOU KILL ME!!!!
i looooove the interrupting cow joke. it’s probably my favorite, too.
knock knock jokes make the world a better place. i really believe that.
p.s. meredith, i keep them on the bookshelf in my bedroom. they only take up one shelf, so it’s not so bad, space-wise.
Orange you glad I didn’t post any knock,knock jokes?
wow that illistration of the man in the hand is really good…i would never think of something like that…lol the jokes are funny
lol
Thanks for posting this! I’d been searching for this online because I had it when I was a kid too. Would love to get scans of the whole thing if you ever get a chance.