the biggest mistake of my freshman year was getting into a very long-term relationship that was relatively abusive and mean. it messed up my whole college experience.

i would advise any freshmen to embrace their newfound independence instead of seeking comfort in codependence.

Well, by the time I was a freshman, my older sister had an apartment in south Austin, so I moved in with her versus living the whole dorm experience. I regret that sometimes, because it would have forced me to be more social, and I also probably would have gone to class a lot more often if it didn’t take me 45 minutes to get there.

I also regret getting in a very long-term relationship. It was actually very sweet and healthy, but still, I didn’t date once in college and I think people should do that.

The only few things I would have done differently would be.

1. Stayed at home a little longer. I moved out with my older brother so I was out of the house and on my own right at 18 even though I was going to a Community College 30 minutes away. If it’s possible to stay with the ‘rents to save some money, do it.

2. Gone out more to meet people. Only since moving to Austin 4 years ago have I embraced my social abilities. I should have done more than just hang out at my friends house watching wrestling.

3. This happened later but I’ll go ahead and put it out there. If you are going to school on grants don’t skip a semester. Free money is free money and it may not be there the next semester.

4. Get at least one credit card to start building your credit score. Only if you can keep up with it. They don’t tell you this in school but No Credit gets you just about as much as bad credit. I was anti-credit cards until I realized this. 14.9% on the first car I bought. Ughh.

5. And don’t forget to wear Sunscreen.

It’s hard for me to say. I know what I wish I’d done differently, but I’m not sure if I know how to translate that into advice I would have known how to follow back then. I wish I’d gotten to know a broader group of people and activities, to have a more thorough survey of the options for how to live my life. I don’t think I appreciated the extent to which I had control over what sort of person to be and what sort of life to live; I spent way too much of college on autopilot, and I think that that’s not all that uncommon.

Mere, this whole “you signed in as Mandy” thing is confusing. Plus, it makes me wonder what mandy would actually be saying. (In this case, I know. She went to the U in Minnesota and her dorm had the high distinction of being the one with the most rapes occuring there! I am not sure they got a prize.)

I think my best decision was moving into the co-op. Even though I spent most of my college years ranging from “mildly tolerating Taos” to “hating Taos with a fiery passion,” living amongst 120 other people forced me to be social and meet people. In fact, almost all of my college friends are either Taosians or were met through extention of a Taosian (which includes you, I guess, Sarah, since I met you through Mere, and met Mere through Matt.).

I would also have stayed single(ish) my freshman year. I don’t know any people on earth who have more relationship drama than freshmen do, and it’s just not worth it. College is about discovering who you are on your own, academically, socially and, yes, sexually.

If I were giving advice to freshmen, I think it’d be:

1) don’t go to college expecting to stay with your high school boyfriend or girlfriend. It probably will not happen.

2) Take one class just because it sounds interesting. I changeed my major and my entire degree plan based on an anthro class I took as an elective my freshman year.

3) Remember that you’re paying to be educated. Do your part and show up.

4) Sit beside someone new everyday and introduce yourself. You will probably meet the best friends of your life in college.

5) Do at least one thing you said you’d never do. Don’t be closed off to new people, new ways of life, new experiences.

And with that cheese done, off to my job of writing Hallmark cards!

Oh, I forgot one.

6) “Oh the Places You’ll Go” makes an excellent coaster for your beer.

I wish I had taken more electives just because they sounded interesting or fun.

Also, and this is something I learned by my last year or so of college, I wished I had used my professors’ office hours more. It was so helpful when I eventually started doing that. And I became pretty good friends with some of them, too.

As stated before by other commenters, I too would have avoided getting into a serious, long term relationship. Because of it and how silly in love I was, I didn’t make friends with classmates or co-workers until after he moved and I missed A LOT of class because of it as well. Also, he was manipulative and an alcoholic. But enough about that issue…the real issue should be to enjoy being free from parents, meet new people and have fun.

Also, don’t overload yourself. And don’t freak out if you don’t have your 5 year plan in sight, just do things that interest and always ask questions, like ” I love doing such and such, now how do I make a career out of it”. If I had done that when I was 18 instead of 26, I would have saved thousands in student loans.

Which brings me to my last piece of advice: COUNSELING IS OK. If you are feeling out of whack, homesick, anything, go see a college counselor, not your advisor, but a counselor. It’s free. Enjoy the free mental health care while you can and it will help you get over the rough times and maybe on deciding a career. Believe me, DO IT. Otherwise, you could flounder around, wasting too much time and money on a college career you won’t even use.

1) You might be worried about how you’re going to meet people, but that will come naturally. The skill you need to pick up early is how to get rid of people you meet early in your first semester when you’re still eager to find those “best friends of your life” that everyone talks about. Most of the people you meet in the beginning will be very annoying before long. Some of those people will keep calling you and walking into your circle of friends in the spring semester. You need to find a way to get them to stop doing that so that they don’t annoy your real friends, but you need to do it in such a way that they don’t hate you, because you’re going to run into them on campus for a while.

2) Don’t mix vodka with Dr. Pepper. It’s really gross.

3) Take your prom picture off your bookshelf now. It won’t be there by the end of the year anyway.

4) Don’t worry about getting the classes you want during registration. Add/Drop period is a beautiful thing, and if you just start going to classes and charm the teacher, you can get your way into anything, even that elusive creative writing course that always fills up within the first ten minutes of registration.

5) Don’t worry about dropping classes. It’s fun, and nothing feels better than the first day you don’t have to go to that stupid 8am government course.

6) For 85% of you, your diploma will ultimately be meaningless

7) If you’re in Liberal Arts, that number rises to 98%.
Do move into the co-ops, they’re great fun, and you get to experience west campus without joining a frat or sorority. But move out of the co-op again before you become a full blown hippie.

9) Don’t grow a really long goatee.

thanks, you guys, for all of this wonderful, hard earned wisdom! i swear, pants world should have its own advice column… or maybe a TV show. cos, uh, we could totally take those view ladies (except maybe babs. she’s a hoss).

it’s fascinating to see what you all consider yr important lessons (and mistakes). now i just wish i could get the freshmen to take yr words to heart!

I’m going to dissent a bit from the ‘don’t jump into a relationship’ advice. I don’t think anyone should go in with that goal, but I definitely don’t think that’s always a bad thing to do (even if, statistically speaking, the vast majority of freshman-year relationships fail — and, indeed, many fail spectacularly). I think that part of learning how to be adult-ish comes with mature relationship experience. Sure, most of us have memories of bad romance experiences; but how many of us grew in critical ways as a result of them?

Someone mentioned that college is a time for sexual self-discovery. It is; but it is also a time for romance self-discovery. One needs experience at both in order to grow up.

I see your point Jonathan. And you are very right in the growing because of failed relationships.

I guess I should have stated to not let those romantic relationships dominate your life to an extent where you can’t enjoy your first year of college. Sure, it might be fun then, but it would have been a whole lot more meaningful had I let other friendships develop while in the romantic relationship.

My advice:

1. Get involved in stuff that you like. In High school you had to do really lame crap for the same of your application, like Spanish Honor Society and the literary magazine and Junior Achievement. Now that you’re in college, you don’t have pretend you like those things. If you really love playing frisbee, there’s a club for that and you should join it.

2. Same thing for political organizations. Maybe it’s time to take part in your first futile protest, to start ridding you of unrealistic idealism at a good age.

3. Go to parties. You may not have done this in high school, especially if you’re from my world. Dork world. But do it. Don’t try to be anybody, just go with a friend, have some drinks, and meet some strangers. Feel free to hook up. It’s educational and encouraged.

4. Classes. Take some, see if you can graduate in four years even. It’ll make your parents happy. Heed Henri’s advice about the importance of your major. You may find it hard to believe, but it’s not the end of the world if you major in english with a minor in french, instead of majoring in french with a minor in english. In fact, it doesn’t matter. At all. Major in paint by numbers art, it’s all good.

5. Independence. Your parents may want you to go to school close to home, or come home every weekend. Don’t. This is the time for you to see how it is to live your life the way you want to live it. Also, try to avoid taking an allowance from them, because money never comes for free. Many times, the catch is that they will expect you to major in the things they want you to major in and get the grades they think you should get. A part time job is a good way to avoid this. It might also mean not taking a car from them. Easier said than done, I know.

I think I’d say something much more vague. I think I did most things wrong my first year, and it was a really hard year for personal and academic reasons, and I didn’t deal with them that well. I didn’t know how to take care of myself, sleep properly, do my homework before 4 a.m., etc. I went to college with a boyfriend (who was still in high school! the worst combo!), bounced back and forth between dating lots of other people and being monogamous with him, and that was a mess as well. Basically, I’d been really under control for high school, and then I let go to see what was still standing after the inevitable train wreck.

My grades ended up being kinda iffy, but I had some amazing late-night conversations, tried to be more emotionally available in friendships, questioned almost everything I’d believed, and, yes, made good friends (and some lame ones). At the end of the year, I realized I wasn’t happy, made lots of lists about why that was, and totally changed my approach to college, incorporating lots of the advice that is here (all new classes, doing what I want, being more chill about partying, trying not to care so much about what boys talked to me at parties, etc.). But I think freshman year for lots of students is a train wreck and messy, but that it HAS to be like that. It’s exhausting to be on your own, and to live with people who aren’t your family, and on top of everything, you’re still going through late adolescent hormone swings and awkwardness, etc. It’s hard, but kind of hilarious, and definitely educational.

I think my advice would be to be yourself, but that it will be hard to figure out what that means your freshman year (and it always will be, probably). But it will be the first time you have all this freedom, so being yourself will maybe be more confusing than at other times.

And I’d recommend listening to yourself when you think you’re making a mistake, even if you continue to go on and make that mistake. At least you can tell yourself later you knew it was a bad idea–that has to count for something, if only reassuring yourself you should listen to that voice later.

I’m rambling. But lately overall I am thinking that my whole motto on how people should live is: be nicer and more rational. I think it would solve most problems at the personal, local, state, national and world level. So it’s my advice to freshmen too; try to be kinda rational (but you’ll have to come up with your own definition and system), and be nice. Don’t get a big head because you’re cool for the first time, or because you’re having a hard time, etc. Other people are human, too, so treat them like it.

Just getting back from vacation and catching up on everything…

Advice for freshmen. Well, I might actually echo Olivia’s sentiments. I had a pretty hard freshmen year as well, though maybe for different reasons. The school I went to had this whole “ring by spring” thing. Like if you weren’t engaged or married by the end of your college career you somehow did not have a successful college experience. That mindset actually could have been partially responsible for a few marriages of some college friends that ended up in divorce. On the other hand I started dating Brian when I was 18 – but I think maybe we were the exception more than the rule. And I didn’t actually meet him at the college I was attending.

I really only had a freshmen year of college. I discovered it wasn’t for me and didn’t go back the next year. If your college/young adult years are all about growing up and discovering who you are, then I think you need to not be afraid to make mistakes. If you get through your first year of college and hated it? Don’t feel like a failure for wanting to try something else. I ended up taking a year off just to work 2 jobs and figure out what I wanted to do, then ended up going to massage therapy school. I did that for several years, also working part-time in coffee shops once I moved to Colorado. Now I don’t do massage therapy at all, but I manage a coffee shop and have aspirations of owning my own coffee shop/rock club someday (which one of my college roommates remembers me mentioning wanting to do even back then.) Sometimes life takes you on a path you wouldn’t have expected. You just have to be open to new experiences.

I guess that pretty much sums it up. Be open to new experiences, and don’t feel like a failure if some of those experiences don’t turn out the way you thought or wanted. I think that’s what self discovery is all about.

Freshman year was reeeeally hard…but some good things came of it:

1) From my first history class, I discovered that I didn’t have to be a scientist to be intellectually turned on. That shift has completely defined my professional life ever since.

2) From the misery of my freshman roommate situation, I learned an important life coping skill, courtesy of my mom: figure out what you can’t change about a bad situation, and then let it go as you focus on changing what you can instead. When I’m having a difficult moment, even now, I’ll make a list of what’s not working…and then start carving away at the parts that I can change.

3) And above all, from a series of wonderful coincidences (or not-so-coincidences) I met you and Seth and an entire group of people who made me want the life I could have at Rice. After considering a transfer, I decided to stay instead. One of the best decisions ever.

However, I wouldn’t want to relive freshman year. I basically survived under the pastel blankie on your bed, right? No need to repeat.