dear peanut butter,
hi! how are you? feeling a little nutty? HA HA HA. anyway.
i just wanted you to know, in case i haven’t previously made it clear, that i love you.
and i’m SURE you get this kind of mail every day, probably by the bagful. but please believe me when i say that i’m not just head over heels for you, i’m head over the MOON in heels for you. in fact, i wish the moon was *made* of you and not just lame-o stinky cheese. then, every night, i could look up at the sky and gaze at yr shining, gooey visage while offering up worshipful prayers of NOM.
since i enjoy yr deliciousness every day, i didn’t want you to think that i take you for granted. FAR FROM IT!!!! i feel lucky, HONORED even, to be able to taste yr creamy goodness every single day.
not only are you remarkably consistent in yr yumminess, you’re also extremely compatible with all KINDS of other foods. i don’t know *anyone* who manages to compliment their friends as well as you do. i mean, you even make celery look good (sorry, celery, but you know you’re kinda drab). and when you get together with chocolate, well… i don’t want to get indecent here but FIREWORKS!!!! i truly hope that you guys will always keep that passion alive, cos a love like that only happens once in a lifetime!
given yr perfection, i hope you will allow me to make one tiny yet bold request. is there any way, any way AT ALL, that you could lose some calories? look, look, i’m not calling you fat or anything, it’s just that… well, you’re packing a lot of junk, and i can’t fit it all in my trunk!
i really hope that you’re not offended. trust me when i say that a LOT of foods have the same problem you do, and most of them are the rock stars of my culinary world– fried cheese sticks, do-nut holes, queso, etc. you guys just have a lot of love to give, you know? and i’m thinking that maybe that love doesn’t need to contain, oh, 80% of my daily saturated fat.
anyway, it’s just a thought. i’m still yr #1 supporter, no matter what, and i’ve attached some fan art to prove it! i was gonna write some fan fic, too, but then i decided that might be too creepy.
i eagerly await our next encounter, and even though i wouldn’t mind some “just us” time, i always enjoy hanging out with yr friends, particularly mr. apple j. fruit.
nom nomily yrs,
*posh d.
LINKS
you MUST LOOK at this “international male” catalog that jezebel found from 1986. priceless does not even begin to describe it. timeless, not so much.
so there’s this trailer… for this book… with joss whedon… and the guy who wrote “y: the last man”… and… it’s about superman. and the bible. and… yeah. it’s confusing, but… it has joss whedon!
helen thomas is awesome.
have you guys seen the trailer for the new guy ritchie movie, “rocknrolla“? maybe i’m a sucker for eccentric characters with a penchant for violence, but it looks pretty good!
awww. so long, muxtape! like romeo and juliet, you were doomed from the beginning.
I am not saying this to be ‘different’ or contrary, but I really don’t like peanut butter. It’s an American thing, I think. That and Nutella. That stuff is just gross.
Muxtape was always going to die…. oh well. I had been putting off using it for months. And now it’s gone.
Nice photoshop work.
Photoshop = Creepy
Nutella = Nasty
Peanut Butter = Worldwide phenomenon
But I’m still happy the moon is made of cheese, because cheese is still the perfect food. Peanut butter might pair well with certain drab items after all, but cheese can be an appetizer (queso, etc) OR a dessert (mmm… cheese plates…). And you want to talk pairings? Cheese goes great with EVERYTHING! Got some ground beef, slap some cheese on it! Some pasta? Sprinkle parmesan on!
Not that I would ever think you’d speak actually poorly of cheese, Posh, but I’m just sayin’.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go shopping at the International Male catalog, because that is SO going to be the ironic hipster look of the fall, and I need me some rayon now.
Hmm. I’m very particular about my peanut butter. You really can’t beat a PB&J, especially with a good quality peanut butter. And grilled. Like grilled cheese, but with peanut butter and jelly. I’m just not really fond of those peanut butter impostors. Those fake peanut butter cracker things? Kinda gross.
One of my co-workers says she wants to open a peanut butter restaurant. Serve nothing but all sorts of variations of peanut butter sandwiches. The classic PB&J of course. Then there’s the different flavored jellies, the peanut butter and banana, and the previously aforementioned grilled PB&J which is my personal favorite.
Oh, and I have indeed seen the trailer for “rocknrolla” and it does look pretty cool.
I have recently decided that Peanut Butter’s uncle the “Old Fashioned” Peanut Butter is not my friend. Refrigeration? Stirring? The oil always overflows and messes up the jar! Silly “Old Fashioned” Peanut Butter.
If you store the jar in your fridge upside down when you purchase it, then it is easier to stir all the oil-goodness in when you open it. Tada!
I love PB too, btw, that if offered PB or chocolate (but not both because I would snatch that beotch up in a heartbeat…a hummingbird heartbeat, which is fast) but if it came down to one or the other, PB wins. Yes, I admit it. Unless it dark chocolate gelato from Dolce Vita. Mmmmmm….
I am thankful that this was not a love letter to Vegemite. When I had it in New Zealand, the family I stayed with said that it was sort of like their peanut butter. After the fact I realize she was comparing the popularity of Vegemite in New Zealand to the popularity of PB in America. She was in no way comparing their flavor-because Vegemite tastes more like vomit.
When I was in the Czech Republic, on a brewery tour, the subject of what they do with the leftover brewers’ yeast came up. The guide said they just fed it to their pigs, poking fun at Aussies for feeding it to people in Vegemite form.
She then noted that what most people in North American think of Vegemite, the Czechs think of peanut butter. Seeing the confused look on my face perhaps, she explained that peanut butter of course comes from America, and, due to Communism, hadn’t really made its way into the Czech Republic until fairly recently. So most Czechs were unfamiliar with it, and I guess as such, thought it gross.
You think you know a culture …
Sorry Mazza, John’s right. No PB in Brazil. You can get it but it’s 20 bucks at the big swanky grocery store. I don’t miss it, though, cause you can get Pastel de Carne (little fried pastry things filled with meat and onions and cheese) EVERYWHERE! Every bar, every restaurant, the grocery story, the bakery. You can buy a beer, a pack of cigarettes and a Pastel de Carne in the fucking bakery. I love this country.
I’m curious that this post hasn’t inspired a fierce crunchy vs. creamy debate. CRUNCHY FOREVS! CREAMY CAN SUCK IT! Also, dang, there are a lot of tiny shorts in that catalogue. Henri, are you sure you haven’t already been shopping from International Male circa 1986?
ok, j. you’ve made an excellent case for pastel de carne. now please send me some so i can “form my own opinion.”
meredith, good point!! i’m actually such a huge fan of PB, i’ll take it either way. but i do prefer crunchy– old fashioned crunchy, in fact (moody, it’s worth the trouble. i swear).
I have seen the future, and it is not peanut butter at all. It is the chocolate almond butter that they grind for you at Whole Foods. It costs $3000 per ounce and once you taste it, you’ll kill every mother on the planet to get more.
I PB in either crunchy or smooth form. While I was working at the music festival I site produce at during the first week of july I gave up on trying to find time to run and buy something hot and just switched over to making up a PB&J before running out the trailer door. I guess man CAN live on PB&J alone (and the copious amounts of mountain dew that I was drinking).
That photoshop work though is DISTURBING. Think “one girl one (peanut butter) cup” disturbing.
My favorite way of all time to eat Peanut butter though is slathered between two pieces of warm toast with either bacon or sausage sandwiched between the bread. Talk about NUM.
you guys have dirty minds.
JOSH DOUBLE TRUE.
Michelle, that is the best tip I have ever gotten about peanut butter. Why had I never thought of that?!
That picture just kinda looks like you were a really weird wedding. Don’t want to spring for a chocolate fountain? Just dump out a huge pile of peanut butter and no one’s the wiser!
Yes thanks Michelle, next time I am out of PB I will try this because I really like the old fashioned peanut butter I just always had to throw away half of the jar because I could no longer stir the PB because of the oil spill.
Crunchy >>>>> Creamy. I like my food to be surprising. You never know what crunchy will throw at you.
Henri is right, though. You cannot put peanut butter in the same category of wonder that cheese currently occupies. Although again, no one ever made ants on a log out of cheese, and ants on a log is pretty amazing.
Being bored at work while my computer works on something I was catching up on food reviews in the Austin Chronicle(I guess I read it mostly to get ready for the upcoming Austin immersion) and stumbled on a recent review of a place that has the aforementioned brazilian meat pastries!
http://www.austinchronicle.com/gyrobase/Issue/review?oid=oid:645857
erin: MAJOR POINTS for the ants on a log reference.
brian, this is how you turn mind-killing internet browsing into GOLD. i think i’ve seen them at the farmer’s market! holy crap.
I am not a fan of peanut butter, excepting the rare pb and j sandwich.
I love Nutella. It is so yummy and amazing. I’ll have to try the chocolate almond butter at Whole Foods. That sounds crazy good.
Erin, no one ever made ants on a log with cheese? You didn’t grow up in my house. Yeah, that’s right. Ants on a log with cheese in a can…
i just found a wonderful hiking tip:
take a tube of toothpaste and remove the toothpaste.
fill it with gnutella and peanut butter.
when you want a snack on the trail, just squeeze some out into your mouth…
protein and hyper!
Well I am just offended. So many people talking openly about whether they like me or not. Sarah, I know we had a thing at one time. I was even considering taking you back. Then you bring up my caloric content in front of everyone. You know I’m sensitive about that. You just ripped your britches missy. Jimmy Carter loves me for who I am even if you don’t.
peanut butter! no! i’m sorry! and yr caloric content is nothing to be ashamed of! i mean, just look at french fries! and everyone LOVES french fries!
Saddest thing about moving to England - saying goodbye to peanut butter. And peanut butter candies. How will I live without you Reese’s cups.