(extra)ordinary

coming soon to pants world: learning!

YOU GUYS LOOK AT THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

it’s a BABY TURTLE!!! HE WAS JUST BORN!!! HE IS SO TINY!!

he doesn’t have a name, though!! isn’t that weird? what’s UP with that, bristol zoo?

so i have decided to call him squeebie.

squeebie is actually an endangered chinese box turtle, which makes me love him even more cos when i was in elementary school, i did a project on box turtles and learned all kinds of things, none of which i remember.

staring at squeebie for hours led me to fond memories of my various school projects, especially those that involved a history/science fair backboard (what are those called? teachers help me out). my all time favorite was probably “amish: unplugged,” the history fair project i did with talena (right?) and leanna in high school, when i was obviously extraordinarily clever and creative about titling things. then there was my report on hummingbirds in the second (?) grade, which involved me cutting pictures out of national geographic. ahh, how i long for the days when pasting magazine clippings to paper meant writing a report! “hey boss, here’s that statistical report you asked for… watch out for that newsweek clipping, cos i don’t think the elmer’s is dry yet.”

actually, i don’t really long for those days, cos i hate cutting things. seriously. i remember in the first grade, we did a “scissors exercise” where we had to cut a long spiral out of a sheet of paper, and i totally screwed it up. like, i literally FAILED scissors. it still haunts me TO THIS DAY. have you guys ever seen that movie “dead again” with kenneth branagh and emma thompson and andy garcia?

well the main idea is that emma thompson has this MASSIVE fear of scissors, and she eventually discovers that it’s because she was stabbed by scissors in a former life.

i don’t think my phobia is that extreme, but still.

ANYWAY

the POINT

the point is, i was thinking about those history fair projects and reports and how much i miss learning random information packaged in the classroom format, like that whole “the more you know!” thing that makes me feel like i will become a shooting star if i complete one more workbook. obvs, i’m inundated with useless information all day via the internet, so i don’t need more of that. but what about those science experiments that taught me how to create cool stuff, like green slime or salt crystals? or those “culture” meals where people brought food from greece or the romans or whatever and you wore a toga sheet and got to feel like you were learning something while eating? i miss that!

therefore, i’ve decided to create a new segment on my blog. i’ve been toying with it for a while actually, although i haven’t quite settled on a name. i’m leaning towards “the area of my expertise pants” but we’ll see. anyway, here’s the main premise: every week (well, maybe), i’ll talk with a friend about a random area of their expertise (and maybe expand it to things people personally want to learn more about). like, i’ll ask josh about fantasy baseball or john about video games. i plan on this segment having a video portion as well, where i try to learn how to do whatever it is… or at least, illustrate my grasp on the subject. through this series, i hope to add a little bit of education to pants world, you know, higher learning. the pursuit of knowledge. becoming better people through ending ignorance. that sort of thing.

in the interviews, i’ve been asking people about their expertise, and while i may utilize their responses for an entry, i may talk to them about something totally different. so, regardless of whether or not you have been interviewed yet, start thinking about yr future Report on Some Area of Expertise.

and yes, this is me, officially giving you homework. so, start clipping! photocopy the encyclopedia! dig out the microfiche! we’s gonna get educated!

squeebie says feel free to leave yr thesis proposals in the comments section. he’s so excited about learning! cos he’s a baby! he has to figure out the world! he needs yr help!

LINKS

OMG!! bigfoot has been found!!! i’m not kidding!! this could be real! i mean… maybe? but if so, that means bigfoot is dead. dude. the hendersons are gonna cryyyyyy.

wow, this is really a Mythical Creatures News Day, cos a cop just found a chupacabra too!!! and it’s on video! and you know video never lies!

even if you watch NONE of the olympics, please please please watch this video of swimmer ryan lochte, the only olympian, i’m sure, who wears a diamond grill. A DIAMOND GRILL, PEOPLE.

dude, WHY does mandy moore get to live out all of my teenage fantasies, including ryan adams writing a secret, lovelorn message to her on his website?!! GAH SHE IS SO LUCKY. i’d want to kill her if i didn’t want to be her friend so badly.

cake wrecks continues to make my day with this grand theft auto creation (for a four year old!).

speaking of badass desserts, food party presents “rock the cradle of love” dessert, featuring a pink liquor goo and barbie legs. SO AWESOME.

jake gyllenhall, totally ripped for “prince of persia.” meredith’s not a fan, whereas i’m not a a HUGE fan, but, you know, i bet reese could get a lot of jars opened around the house.

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