dear diary
dear diary pants: meet the 8th grade poshdeluxe
last night, i did something i haven’t done in a v. v. long time.
i went over to my nightstand and pulled out a few of my old journals, which were slightly dusty. and then, i actually OPENED them and started reading, flipping through pages filled with penciled scrawl.
what i found within those pages is kind of horrifying and hilarious at the same time, particularly during the 1993-94 era. it turns out that i was quite a meticulous autobiographer, painting vivid pictures of snobby girls and aloof boys and impossible tests and giggle infested sleepovers. i can’t BELIEVE some of the things i wrote down, and yet… i can. because, funnily enough, i am still that same person, the girl who agonized over her geometry homework and who she would see at the school dance. although i like to think i have improved in certain areas, particularly in being able to actually *speak* to boys now.
this journey through (a v. awkward) time inspired me to start a new little series on this blog, “dear diary pants.” basically, i will share with you a particularly, uh, entertaining entry from one of my old journals, prefaced with a summary of what you are about to discover about the adolescent posh deluxe. i will also try to include a photo taken around the time of the entry, just to give you some context.
hopefully, my teenage angst and embarrassment will amuse you. because it *certainly* amuses me.
the following entry is from february 2, 1993.
in this entry, you will learn the following about 13 year old posh deluxe:
1. she is v. paranoid about someone reading her journal.
2. she believes that abbreviating names will help to maintain her secrecy, even though all it really does is confuse the older version of herself, who cannot for the life of her remember who most of these people are.
3. she does not know how to talk to boys, at all.
4. even though she really WANTS to talk to boys, she still doesn’t want a boyfriend. she thinks.
5. she is really, really confused.
ok, so i’m not in this picture, but my friends are: talena, becky and randy. and i’m already embarrassing myself enough, right? right. you can send hate mail to jennifer for furnishing me with this gem.
I am in a very personal mood. If anyone is reading this, STOP RIGHT NOW! This is very personal! If you don’t stop reading, I’ll kick your butt! (ok, I’ll get Aaron B. to kick your butt).
The subject for today is: guys. Yes folks, boys, men (ha!) at our school.
I will also talk about my dreams! Not the ones I have while I am sleeping, but the ones I think about, my wishes. I wish I had a magic wishing well, all to my own, and whenever I threw a penny in and wished, it would come true. Man, I have so many wishes that, after a year, that thing woudl be holding about one thousand pennies. I wouldn’t want a Genie, cause usually they limit your wishes. Heck, if I ever get a chace for things to come true, I’m going all the way! (and I don’t mean that, you sick person).
Anyway, back to my original 2 subjects. Do you know, dearest journal, that I have never gone out with a single guy! Yes, it’s true, but it’s probably my fault. I never went to “The School of Flirting” like Emily C. or Melissa L. That’s probably why I’m so jealous of them both! They know how to do everything right, and I can never think of anything to say around a guy. I’m always funny and wacko around my friends, but when I’m around guys, it’s totally different. Well, there are a few exceptions– Seth and Navid, for instance [ed. note: both of those guys turned out to be gay. HOW IRONIC]. I think the reason I’m so comfortable around them is that they speak first. I don’t have to get them to try to notice me. They already talk to me. With, ahem, Mr. “T” and, like, Mr. “A” [ed. note: i have no idea who that was] I have to really show them that I am alive and can hold a conversation. With some, it is halfway, such as Mr. “J.” I guess that’s because he got to know me, so I’m a little more comfortable. It’s so discouraging, sometimes I feel like I’m getting better at befriending guys, but I’m still- just- I don’t know! And then there’s Mr. “Q” who thinks I like him, cuz I’m always talking to him! He’s really nice and funny, but now I can’t talk to him freely because he’s suspicious.
And then, when I actually like a guy, and he, maybe, likes me (I think), it’s too late! He likes somebody else! That just happened to me! It is so agonizing! I thought I had a dance partner secured for the “Valentine’s Dance” and now he’s about to go out with one of my friends. And then I think about the people I know that are always sitting with guys and stuff, and I can’t figure out why! They have noooo personality, or wit, or whatever. But then, maybe guys don’t think I do, either, because I don’t show it.
I feel hurt inside about what just happened. I know I shouldn’t. I guess I felt that he was mine to keep, kinda, and nobody else would enter [ed note: ?] but ain’t that stupid!
Of course, actually, I don’t think I’d want to go out with a guy yet. I’d be tooooo embarrassed. Now, that’s kind of an oxymoron! Here I am, talking about how I want to become better friends with guys and stuff, and then I say I wouldn’t want to go out with one anyway! Geez, am I confused.
Well, it has helped to write things down! And maybe, I’ve learned some from this too!
Farewell,
Sarah!
Hey, maybe I’ll start putting an exclamation mark there. 
LINKS
OMGGGGG!!!! teaser trailer for TERMINATOR 4!!!!!!!! whew, now i’ll have something to look forward to after i finally see batman tomorrow.
even though estelle is still my main summer jam, i am LOVING this new COLOURS video, feat. bently, kanye and andre 3000.
balloon graffiti? oh heck yes. you MUST check out these photos.
jezebel compiled a great hollywood casting list for female advertising icons. and, to be honest, i wouldn’t be surprised to find rihanna on a can of morton’s salt.
sadie is REALLY excited about this new website that tells her (and me) exactly when the bus is coming!! finally! technology that is actually USEFUL!
wow, these beach houses are amazing. but you know, i’ll take any house on a beach, no matter how fugly it is. cos i’m humble like that.
speaking of cool houses, jancee dunn just wrote an article for the NYT about a totally charming little house in brooklyn WHERE I WANT TO LIVE THANK YOU.
talena sent me this article about a kid who protects his neighborhood from speeders by donning an orange vest and using a radar gun. i’m sorry, but that kid is totally gonna get the pee knocked out of him in high school.
Discussion
15 comments for “dear diary pants: meet the 8th grade poshdeluxe”
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Firstly, I have no recollection of any such picture being taken so we’ll chalk this post’s illustration up to meanspiritedness and Photoshop.
Secondly, your abbreviations are hilarious. While I have no idea who the one-initial people are, seeing what you wrote about Aaron B. and Melissa L. made me laugh way out loud.
BTW, Aaron B. was in my Sunday School class during this time and *every week* in the middle of discussion, he would get a mint out of his pocket, unwrap it and pop it in his mouth. This seems like no big deal except it took him F O U R M I N U T E S to get the dang plastic off and it was so distracting. I would have kicked his butt, but he was Aaron B.
Thanks for the insight and the flashbacks.
ps I liked the Narnia graffiti the best
ha ha! This is really funny. Emily C is Crozier (who had really hairy arms, we shaved one – yes only one – once). You were so better than her
Aaron Basset? I think that was it. He was tall, and I never had a secret crush on him, but that’s probably because I always had a crush on either Kevin or Danny.
I actually have a picture from our dateless Valentine’s dance somewhere. I wish I could locate my year books to look up last names to try and figure out who you are talking about, then again, maybe that’s lame. I can’t wait for you to share an entry about one of our Pigbutt parties, I remember them happening, but I don’t remember what happened during them.
this is pretty fantastic.
I can totally sub for your blog now! I have tons of material for Dear Diary Pants blogs, but in all fairness it would be Notebooks Pants blogs instead…
Jen better be careful or people are going to google their names and find out she was talking about their hairy arms.
And thanks for the gem of a photo!
O M G. That’s such an embarrassing photograph! What is up with my crazy ass glasses? I’m totally trying to think of who Mr A and Mr T, etc were considering this was 8th grade. And wait… Navid is gay too? I didn’t know that.
I think people who kept diaries as children probably make the best bloggers. This is why I suck. I didn’t keep a diary longer than a month usually. I remember the last time I cleaned out childhood room. I found a diary that I’d started in sixth grade, gushing on and on about Robert and then nothing for two years and then I picked back up in 8th grade around the time he sent me that letter from England out of the blue.
Middle school, early high school is way too awkward. I’m totally looking forward to more embarrassment… hopefully mostly on your end.
i am kind of glad i don’t have my old diaries. they are so embarrassing. quite a lot of it was written essentially to make my mother angry, as she read my diary (and continued to do so through my college years). she would read it now, but i live FAR AWAY. ha.
anyway but sometimes i just drew maps of my neighborhood, indicating where the boys i had crushes on lived. that was really embarrassing. so embarrassing, in fact, that when i found this diary and re-read it in college, i sat my sister down, who was then 11, and told her to not be the idiot i was.
she said she wouldn’t keep a diary anyway because my mom would read it.
I used to keep a diary too, and was equally paranoid about somebody reading it! I remember I would often use those little diaries you could buy that had the locks on the sides. And I totally used to do that name-disguising thing too (you know, just in case someone found out my combination). I bet if I read my old middle school diaries I would have no idea who most of those people were… but all those old diaries must have gotten thrown away somewhere down the line (or they’re in a box in my parents’ storage building with other random old stuff) so now the earliest journals I have are from freshman year of college. Those are still pretty interesting to read, though. The thing about reading old diaries is you see how much time really does make a difference…the stuff that seemed so huge and significant when originally written about is for the most part just a vague memory, sometimes even funny, when you read about it ten, or fifteen, or twenty years later.
FYI: when i write an abbreviated name like “Emily C.” it means i actually wrote the whole name in my journal. but i wanted to shorten them on le blog cos, like becky says, people googling themselves might find their way here. and even though i’m willing to embarrass myself in front of you guys, i’m STILL a little too much like my 8th grade self to want certain people to know that i, uh, was, like, jealous of them or something.
aaaaaaawesome. Eighth grade Sarah–wouldn’t life be so much better if you could talk to a boy the way you can talk to your pictures of Keanu on the walls? Sigh. NOBODY WILL EVER UNDERSTAND ME. LYLAS!
Hence why the notebook would be good posts… I’m pretty sure almost every name in there has an alias…
oops, sorry to spill the beans. Am I the only one who has never Googled my own name? (I am being serious here)
Jen – Yes. Yes, you are.
Did you ever Lycos your name, though?
Never done any search on my name…I was once invited to join the Facebook group, “my name is Jennifer Taylor” and it was sent to hundreds of people (and that’s just on Facebook!). Who knows what would happen if I Googled my name…I guess I just assumed that my name was too common and any Jennifer Taylor out there would not be me. Sooo, now I feel bad. Sarah, you should just delete my comment to maintain anonymity.
ha ha, jennifer, don’t feel bad. if anyone finds my blog through a google search, i will take it as a compliment to this site’s POWERFUL PRESENCE on the web.
Jennifer I could not find in the first 10 pages of google using first name maiden name, but type in your whole name first maiden last and you come up first entry and it is Sarah’s interview.
Sarah came up in the first entry.
I come up first page last entry (sarah’s post of my interview) using first name maiden name, but if I use my full current name I come up as the first entry.
And apparently Talena is a vocal teacher in the UK…. hmmm… her interview shows up 2nd from the bottom of the first page.
Henri, of course, has the first five entries on google all realating to him.