Poshdeluxe

erica, henri and i spent our last day of the trip in cancun, being rich.

and so today, i present to you a step-by-step guide of how we did it, so that you too can be rich, should you ever find yrself in cancun (or, really, anywhere. it helps if there’s a pool).

i will preface this guide by stating, as i mentioned yesterday, that we got a really good rate at our hotel thanks to erica. so if you want to *feel* super rich without the actual money to back it up, i recommend exploiting yr friends for any and all discounts.

and with that, let the lesson commence!

1) decide to spend the entire day at an uber posh resort

when you’re staying at a place that has a pool, nay, a series of pools that look like this, there is no need to set foot off of hotel grounds. esp. since, beyond the grounds, there might be poor people.

plus, rich people don’t need to work, so spending an entire day by the pool is pretty much their standard MO.

2) pick the best spot at the resort and OWN IT

we chose the nearby infinity pool, which earns its name by appearing to drop off, for all eternity, into the ocean. since erica arrived early, she claimed the poolside bed with the best view:

how do i *know* it’s the best view in the whole resort? well, uh, maybe because it’s IMMORTALIZED ON OUR ROOM KEY.

seriously, we are PROFESSIONALS at being rich. it’s almost sick.

here’s what the poolside beds look like, fyi:

imagine spending the ENTIRE day on one of those beds. that’s what we did, because that’s what rich people do. they LOUNGE.

3) act like you’re rich

rich people *know* they’re rich, and this knowledge infuses their every action with richness. therefore, you have to *feel* like you’re rich, so that you can consequently act accordingly.

it often helps if you wear a bland, slightly bored expression while doing something that 99.1% of the earth’s population never gets to do.

“yeah, so i’m drinking a margarita in a white bed by the infinity pool here in cancun on the perfect day. AND? sigh… je m’ennuie.”

but if you accidentally goof up by smiling really big cos you realize you’re hanging out in a gorgeous pool with yr dad, that’s ok, too. don’t forget that rich people are still HUMAN.

4) order way more drinks than you will actually need

rich people waste money all of the time, kind of like how you might not pick up a penny if you drop it on the ground because, you know, it’s just a penny. to rich people, it’s just, like, money. and since rich people HATE to run out of things, they always over-order. you know, “i’ll take two of everything on the menu.” so, when it comes to ordering margaritas by the pool, don’t be skimpy. esp. when it’s happy hour.

5) order room service

i shouldn’t have to tell you this, but i will. room service is over priced, and that is EXACTLY why rich people order it. this is a v. tasty way to be AND feel extravagant, so by all means, order from the poolside waiter named jesus. and whatever you do, *don’t* ask how much things cost. first of all, rich people could care less about prices. second, you actually really don’t want to know.

6) hand feed exotic creatures

rich people are constantly surrounded by exotic animals, whether they serve as pets, household curios or targets on the annual african safari. even the most rare of species elicit v. little surprise from rich people, because they know they could buy it and put a rhinestone collar on it with the spare change in their wallets.

for example, lots of rich people have peacocks littered about the lawn. peacocks are like the gnomes of the elite.

and so, if a peacock approaches you, do not hesitate to feed it a piece of pineapple, as this is a lesson all rich girls learned in the hallowed halls of northeastern boarding schools. hand feeding exotic animals is a sign to the world that you are a refined lady of great wealth and breeding.

7) end the day with a lavish steak dinner

everyone knows that rich people love to eat big, expensive steaks. so, after yr relaxing day by the pool, make sure you treat yourself to a meal at a nearby steakhouse, preferably one that shows you the raw meat before they cook it, so that you can inspect it for yrself. after all, rich people have v. high, exacting standards, and they have to make sure that everything in their vicinity is *perfect.*

during the meal, it’s important to insist on excess. not only do rich people love wasting things, they also want everything taken to the Next Level.

for example, regular french fries aren’t enough. for rich people, french fries must come in a waffle fry bowl.

and of course, don’t forget yr table manners.

LESSON CONCLUDED.

now go forth, and be rich!

LINKS

oh you must must MUST watch this NYT video on the international high school prom in brooklyn. it’s like, a global squee (and angelina jolie & brad pitt already want to make a movie about it! seriously!).

so you may have heard that a monet sold for over $80 MILLION (waaaaahhh), but what you probably *didn’t* know is that the previous owners were a totally badass couple that totally brought cosmopolitan pants to columbus, indiana.

squee of the day: OMG!!! A MALTESE PUPPY ON WHEELS!!!!!!! she actually kind looks like a toy dog i used to drag around on a rope when i was two. except WAY MORE CUDDLEY.

i never thought i would say it, but this texas congressman is totally awesome for turning the tables on TMZ (thanks becky for the link).

check out these delightful hand-made creatures based on children’s drawings.

dude, not only is this new line of kettle chips stylish, but the flavors look TASTY!!