cray

mexican pantalones: a bachelorette, beach reading & mr. grand coco bay

where was i wherewasi…

right! so the bike gang arrived, victorious, back at the resort and proceeded to clean our badass (read: sweaty) selves up for the evening’s bachelor & bachelorette festivities!

all of the ladies were headed to this super charming italian place, which i took a picture of during the day:

yes, it’s called ula gula, which sounds like the name of a rotund jungle queen.

as the bachelorette, meredith was forced to wear really cheesy “THIS IS MY LAST NIGHT AS A SINGLE GIRL WOO-HOO I’M CRAZY PANTS BUY ME A SHOT!” items by her sisters, erica and stacey. she accepted all of her accoutrements like a good sport and even managed to use her handy shot glass necklace once (or twice).

after dinner, we walked down fifth avenue, where all of the old men sitting in the outdoor cafes whistled to her and yelled out, er, compliments in spanish. it felt like a combination of old world europe and sixth street, but with less of a b.o. smell.

we strolled into this seriously cool bar/restaurant called the blue parrot, which i ALSO took a picture of during the day, cos i am a crafty blogger pants.

isn’t that awesome?!! all of a sudden the bachelorette party had turned into a swiss family robinson episode, where the older kids figure out how to make tequila with some stones and a little bit of old fashioned elbow grease.

after THAT, we met up with the guys, who had spent the evening eating giant platters of meat and smoking cigars (you know, pretending to be manly), at this super hip rooftop bar:

yes that is a POOL. i seriously felt like we were on “the hills” or something, cos the lighting was totally mod and neon and all of the bartenders were hot with ironic mustaches.

henri decided to be a good friend and not let meredith drink alone.

we hung out at the bar for a little while, and i got to know more of the folks in the wedding party, including kiley’s (the groom) brother, tom. tom is what you would call A Hugger.

fortunately, stacey was not harmed during the taking of this picture.

the party eventually moved on to the beach-side of the blue parrot, which features a dance floor and a bar with swings!! you guys!! you can SWING at the bar! what a SUPER FUN BAD IDEA!!!!!

and yes, yes, i took a picture during the day. you don’t have to thank me.

of course, the club was an entirely different creature at night… the music was blaring and the dance floor was HOPPIN’, thanks in large part to participation of our party.

see look! more swings!

jim and alexandra demonstrated how to bar swing responsibly:

meanwhile, we GOT BUSY ON THE DANCE FLOOR!

i can say, with all confidence and extreme pride, that my friends *know* how to bring on the dance party. whether we’re in an apartment or a parking lot or even a moving vehicle, we shake our groove thangs like nobody’s business, with the attitude to match.

i mean, just look at these dance faces:

and hey, there’s alex! some of you may recall this charming, terribly witty gentleman from the boat house last summer. it was SO GREAT to see him again in mexico, since he now lives far away in LA.

oh, you want MORE henri and alex dance action? ok, i’ll give it to you.

seriously, i didn’t see anyone else REMOTELY close to stepping it up like these guys or the rest of our group. however, i *did* see a drunken high school girl pour her (full) drink on top of her head and then, in a pièce de résistance, fling the glass onto the (cement) dance floor, where it smashed into a million highly dangerous pieces. esp. given the fact that some people, like alex, were dancing barefoot.

thanks, drunk high school girl!! SPRING BREAK 2008 WAAAAAAA!!!!

it didn’t take long for henri to steal meredith’s veil and use it to obtain kisses. “hey, it’s my last night as a single gal! gimme a kiss!”

the dance party eventually gravitated even closer to the ocean onto the sand, where everyone tossed off their shoes and danced with wild, “we’re on a beach at 2 AM! we are children of the night!” abandon.

all in all, definitely a fantastic night.

the next day, there was actual sun! just like the brochure said!

it turns out that breakfast is the best buffet meal of the day, so you can bet yr bottom dollar i showed up there every morning with an excited tummy and a big ole smile for the omelette lady.

plus, check out the great view!

in addition to evening entertainment, the resort staff puts on all kinds of activities, like beach volleyball and soccer, i.e. things i would never do, esp. when i’m on vacation. i was a little tempted by the water aerobics, though:

i found erica and stacey hanging out at the swim-up bar with their dad, mr. greenhouse, known affectionately as “papa g.” he’s a wise-cracking, slightly crotchety guy from new york who loves bruce springsteen and vodka on the rocks. once i asked him what he thought he wanted to be, as a kid, and he replied, “a bookie.” yep, that’s all you need to know, folks.

anyway, i love this picture, cos erica had just touched his back with her cold and wet hands.

i ran into henri, who never made it to breakfast for the duration of the trip (surprise), and we decided to check out the beach. and guess what? there was a beach baby!!! OH HAI BEACH BABY!!!!!!

well, actually, there were two beach babies.

you can also find this picture on the “july” page in the Hot Studs of Playa del Carmen calendar.

in spite of my vampiric nature, i was so so so happy to soak in a gorgeous day at the beach…

… in the shade, of course. i proceeded to spend the next few hours in one of those beach chairs, under an umbrella, reading my book while coated in sunscreen and wearing my hat, for good measure.

you guys. THIS IS BLISS. I COULD DO THIS UNTIL THE END OF TIME. like, whenever i thought about this trip, i pictured myself doing EXACTLY THIS. AND IT WAS JUST AS AMAZING AS I HAD HOPED.

it helps that i’m *completely* engrossed in the dark tower series (thanks again to meredith), which i will eventually review on this blog but WOW. in spite of my amazing view of the beach, i rarely looked up from the pages of this incredible, epic adventure (sound familiar, mom and dad? “sarah. we are in HAWAII. put down yr nancy drew and LOOK AROUND FOR GOODNESS SAKE.”)

seriously, though, if i was rich, i would do this all day. but maybe with my own private margarita-making staff. and also my own starbucks barista.

anyway

that night, it was time for another round of scintillating entertainment brought to you by the grand coco bay staff!!!!!

first, for the kids, there was an extremely intense musical chairs contest, featuring the mighty force known as leo.

check out leo’s unique approach to handling this most serious and often deadly competition:

honestly, this game got SO INTENSE. i was sitting next to erica, with her parents (leo’s grandparents) behind me, and we could BARELY KEEP IT TOGETHER. every time the music stopped, i swear i almost peed my pants. WOULD LEO GET A CHAIR?!!!!! THE FATE OF THE WORLD HUNG IN THE BALANCE.

watch the end of the competition and tell me that you didn’t at least stop breathing for a minute or two (special thanks to henri for this video):

LEO WINS!!! LEO IS THE CHAMPION!!!!!

note the grandparents leaping to their feet with applause… cos that’s what grandparents do! they beam (and sometimes explode) with pride!

they also wear matching clothes with their grandkids! check out the little champ with his v. proud grandpa:

after his amazing victory, leo learned a dance on the stage with the rest of the kids. of course, being the superstar he is, he had to throw in some of his own moves. also, watch for a cameo from my favorite little girl! I LOVE KIDS DANCING.

oh, but the night wasn’t over yet! cos it was time for the MR. GRAND COCO BAY COMPETITION!!! and guess who got nominated?!!

no, no, it wasn’t leo.

it was HENRI!!!!

henri (supposedly) didn’t want to go up there, but alexis, a member of our party, pretty much forced him to. i think he was nervous, since he’s conducted his fair share of competitions on the alamo stage and knows that most contestants would never volunteer if they knew what lay in store for them…

first, since mr. grand coco bay is a manly man, there was a chugging contest. but with straws (SATC cosmo race shout-out! holla!).

ok, that guy on the left was FAST! he became known as “chicago” (henri was “texas”) and appeared to be the greatest threat to henri’s victory (although personally i was worried about the bald guy next to henri, who looked like he could kick the crap out of every person on stage using just his plastic straw and brute power).

i’d like to point out that by this time, little mr. champion pants had fallen asleep. sorry, henri, but this was no High Stakes Musical Chair Battle.

the next contest was even MORE manly: push-ups! yikes!

fortunately, henri is always a man with a plan.

sure sure it’s funny now, but at the time, i was like, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THAT MAN COULD CRUSH YOU WITH HIS PINKY FINGER!”

fortunately, that guy had a sense of humor, esp. given the fact that his son ended up being henri’s #1 fan. yeah, it turns out that the super cute kid in front of me (who i had befriended at the pool earlier that day– i asked him, in spanish, if he spoke english, and he replied, “i’m not speaking english,” as if to say, “i could… buuuut i’m not really feeling it right now.”) was ready to cheer for anyone who WASN’T his dad. he developed a preference for henri, however, and when chicago won the push-up competition, my friend was not pleased.

the final portion of the show consisted of each man coming out, dressed in ridiculous drag, and lip synching to a divalicious pop song. this was, by all accounts, the best part of the show. i mean, look:

I KNOW. HENRI IS WEARING A JUMP SUIT. AND A TIARA.

i actually have video of henri’s inspiring performance of britany spears’ “toxic,” which included a caterpillar move that LITERALLY brought the house down. but… henri asked me not to post it. and, since i like having a boyfriend, i have reluctantly agreed.

(but if you come over to my apartment, i will totally show it to you! shhh!)

suffice it to say, henri’s incredible (and agile!) performance earned him the crown (er, tiara) of Mr. Grand Coco Bay, a title everyone (except for henri) enjoyed referring to over the next several days.

my little friend was, of course, TOTALLY EXCITED.

henri was awarded with various grand coco bay accessories, including a scarf and fanny pack that i’m *pretty sure* you will see this summer at the beauty bar. and, like any conscientious celebrity, mr. grand coco bay took time out of his busy coco baying schedule to take a picture with his greatest fan.

i really, really want a mug with this picture on it.

tomorrow: the posh deluxe interview! and next week, i’ll resume with more mexico stories… the wedding! coco bongo! my afternoon as the richest person ever!

LINKS

i just found something that i love more than cupcakes. i know, it’s hard to believe… until you see what i’m talking about. MINI TOY DESSERTS!!!!!!!!! YOU GUYS. I MUST HAVE THESE. if i was cruella deville, these would be my dalmatian coats. that is how cray cray obsessed i now feel. esp. the pierre hermé collection, which of course is sold out. seriously, it is NOT too early to start thinking of what to get me for my 30th birthday…

so i’ve always wanted to live in a house with a secret passage way. then, i read about this apartment on fifth avenue. now, i want a house filled with puzzles and secret panels and hidden doorknobs and poems behind walls and WOW. way to spend yr money well, rich people!!

thanks to ananka’s diary, i just found my new favorite artist: yarisal kublitz. you GUYS. you MUST watch these videos of her art… funny, creative, amazing. also? she made an anger vending machine. dear city of austin, pretty please?

as if i need another reason to be hungry, raymond sent me this food porn site. GAH TASTY BUSINESS WHY MUST YOU TAUNT ME.

this column is kind of about the new flip video mini camera, but my favorite part is how the author addresses our love of instant nostalgia, thanks to digital slideshows and videos.

and, finally, for yr squee of the day, meet cinderella, a little pig who apparently doesn’t like getting her hooves dirty:

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