Poshdeluxe

today, i’m happy to present to you an interview with my oldest friend: talena smith.

isn’t she cute?!!!

by “oldest,” i mean out of all of the people i still keep in touch with, i’ve known talena the longest. when i moved to houston in the summer before sixth grade, i was *really* nervous about making friends, esp. cos i would be attending public school for the first time EVER, and i had no idea what was cool. when you’ve spent the last year at an all girls catholic school, where the entire fifth grade class totals fifteen girls, you start to feel a little out of touch, mainly in the “OMG? BOYS?! HOW DO I TALK TO THEM?!!” department.

talena’s neighbor phil happened to know my dad through work, and so he set up a little pool party with me, talena and his daughter, holly, who was in high school. in spite of my notoriously poor memory, i will never forget that day… the sun glinting off the chlorinated blue water, talena’s chipper attitude and extraordinary friendliness (which i gladly soaked in), the slowly growing feeling that houston wasn’t going to be so bad.

there is no greater relief in junior high then knowing that you will not have to face the cafeteria alone. and i will forever be in talena’s debt for the confidence that knowledge gave me.

soon, she had become like a second daughter in the family. she was constantly going to the movies with my parents and me or coming over for dinner. she even earned a reputation for not bringing a coat when it was cold outside, so my parents got in the habit of bringing an extra coat, just in case. to this day, if it’s winter, my dad will ask, “does talena need a coat?”

my parents and their second daughter at our friend jennifer’s wedding. sorry, mom, i couldn’t find a better picture!

as i’ve mentioned previously on this blog, we started a club in the seventh grade with some other girls and called ourselves “the pigbutts” (yeah, it’s not even a long story. just remember that we were in junior high, ok?). maybe it was the notebook we passed around, or the endless parade of slumber parties, or the newsletter we wrote, but that group, which such a ridiculous name, truly bonded me to those girls. in fact, i’m still in touch with almost all of them, which is a huge blessing.

my friendship with talena endured the trials and tribulations of junior high and grew even more in high school. she was boy crazy, and i learned a lot about dealing with boy’s from talena’s experiences (seriously, thank you for those lessons, talena!). she was always optimistic, energetic and yeah, a bit of a drama queen, and i loved her the more for it.

talena went to UT, lived in dallas, and now lives in houston. i’ve always known she was strong, but i had no idea what a survivor she is until i watched her go through a difficult divorce AND come to terms with a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. she is amazing, and i’m proud to present her to you today, just as i’m proud to call her my oldest friend.

first, let’s talk about yr job. you’re a teacher. how did this happen?

Yeah I didn’t intend to become a teacher when I went to college. I majored in Finance and worked for an investments company for five years. But I really hated what I was doing and felt no love or enjoyment in analyzing the market, plus my best friend, my now ex-husband and my now ex-mother-in-law, plus several friends, were teachers and all, with the exception of the ex-husband, loved it. I felt they were making a difference and I wanted to do something as a career that gave me intrinsic fulfillment, instead of just financial security. But it was still a process to become a teacher. When I first started Alternative Certification (ACP) I was half way through the program when I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I decided that now wasn’t the time to quit my career and become a teacher since I had a ‘good’ job (read: paid well for what I did and had excellent benefits) so I quit mid program. A year later when I was let go from the ‘good job’ I saw this as a sign to pursue the teaching thing after all. Fortunately I was able to pick up where I’d left off and finished in the summer of 2006, finding my job in Cy Fair within just a few weeks.

A funny side note: My parents are both financial advisors, although my mother retired from the business five years ago. I majored in finance. The day I graduated my dad said, “Hmmm… I always thought that you would’ve been a teacher”. Now you tell me?!

looking radiant at our friend (and fellow pigbutt) becky’s wedding

what do you like about teaching? it seems pretty hard to me… what is the most difficult aspect for you?

Well, asking me this question in May is just begging for a loaded response. But in all honesty, what I like about teaching is that every day is different, there is no pattern or monotony. There are also children that you build relationships with that just brighten you as a person. I love when my students from last year stop by to say hi and visit, although a lot of them are having a hard time with the name change. Plus… Gotta be honest here… The hours are great. I’m not a morning person but getting off at 3:30 most days (this is a spring post TAKS phenomenon since in the fall and pre TAKS we work much later due to planning and grading) is very nice and the fact that in just 12 more school days I’ll be off for the summer is a strong motivator for me.

The most difficult aspect, especially this year, has been the children. It’s easy to say that it’s all of them but it isn’t. The ones that are horrid just stand out more. There is a complete lack of accountability or responsibility in the children. They justify everything, are never prepared (pencils or paper, much less homework and assignments) and just expect everything to be handed to them, including answers. They don’t expect to be held accountable for their actions and see no problem with talking back to a teacher or adult. I see this as a problem across the country. It really is epidemic. It starts at home. Kids need to be told no once in a while. They need to face consequences for their actions. Until that changes, it’ll only get worse.

you’re the student council advisor, yes? i always thought student council was full of popular kids, well, except for randy, who was well-liked but not in the “popular” crowd if you know what i mean. what are the kids like? do you have any randys?

I actually have mostly Randys. My school is a Title 1 school which means that we’re low socio-economic, so it’s not like the typical suburban school with a definite popular crowd. My student council kids (tempting to say girls since out of the 25 members only two were boys) are the typical high achieving do-gooders. Which I love. It was mostly 6th and 7th graders this year too so I’m thrilled because it means that I’ll get to be with them next year. They’re the students who you can trust to take charge of a project and run with it. They have great ideas and are committed to the school. They love being involved. Next year I’m hoping to do bigger and better things since this year I wasn’t able to do as much as I’d planned. Losing my cosponsor mid year without any word was a blow. My first priority will be finding someone to help me next year. I did love that we worked the concession stands at the Boys Basketball games this season. I have some real entrepreneurs on my hands.

since we’re talking about junior high, i want to say that i realize more and more just how weird and crazy we were. compare yrself now to yr bleyl junior high self.

Thank god my fashion sense has improved! I realize now how much of a complete nerd we were. I laugh at that picture that someone has of me holding up a Star Trek book in front of my face at the lunch table. I miss how innocent we were in junior high. These kids don’t seem to have that kind of innocence, which again I think comes from a variety of reasons but prominently from too much time without parental supervision. Last year I had two students, a boy and a girl, that you could just tell had such crushes on each other but were still so young and sweet. It really reminded me of Robert Booth and myself in the 6th grade. I’d like to say that these girls have more drama but as I recall Amanda Noark and I created a lot of drama ourselves so… Yeah. That’s embarrassing. Looking back I love that we were crazy and weird because we had fun with each other and made such good friends. Look at how many Pigbutts are around after so many years, not to mention other junior high friends that we still have. I wouldn’t want to go back to being in junior high but I can definitely appreciate our version of it.

the days of innocence… and drama.

ok now tell me a story about us in junior high because my memory needs to be supplemented.

You stealing Danny Hanchey from me as your date for the 8th grade dance doesn’t count?! Just kidding!

BITTER MUCH? hey, he asked ME!! AND i’m not the one who dated him later… hello, jennifer.

Wow. So many memories. I think 8th grade was probably our best year in junior high because that was the year that Pigbutts was solidified as a unit. One of my favorite memories is of our Halloween party at Christine’s house where we were all part of the Titanic (pre- Kate and Leo version days). Christine was the captain, I was the Captain’s wife, you were some old person (awesome make up!), Rachel was the iceberg and Keriann was a stowaway. I love that we were so creative and theatrical. We also had the best nicknames that we used in our Pigbutt Notebook. ***- - - *** the Amazing, Ensign, Hopeless (later Hopeful), etc.

btw, i was a totally sassy flapper, not an old person. but the only reason i remember that is cos i have a picture.

I also savor the memory of Mrs Marek throwing us a Pigbutt party at her apartment with her wedding china. Being a teacher now, and also knowing now that she was a first year teacher, I can’t imagine inviting 12 teenage girls to my apartment. She was so amazing and encouraged us to be who we were. We were very blessed to have her as a teacher. I love how she also set us up with the AP. “Girls, do you know what the definition of a gang is?”

ok now tell me one from high school cos i’m really enjoying the fact that yr memory is way better than mine.

As I’m thinking of what would be best to share, the song “Memories” is literally strumming in my head. I think one of the funniest memories came from either Freshman or Sophomore year. You used to host a homecoming sleepover. After the Cy Creek homecoming football game, we’d all head back to the Pitre’s house, sleeping bags and pjs in hand to veg out to pizza and scary movies. One year we watched “Carrie”. The whole time we’re scaring ourselves silly with the music and drama, but the best was the very, very end of the movie where Amy Irving’s character goes to visit the grave and the hand shoots up. Windows ought to have shattered with the strength of our screams of terror, which was followed very quickly with gales of laughter and pounding hearts. I think it was a while before anyone ever slept again.

One of my least favorite memories that Randy and Katie love to bring up ALWAYS is the infamous Mocha Frappeccino Incident. Yes, yes, yes I left an almost, but not quite, empty Mocha Frap in Sarah’s trash bin (hello, it was for trash!) that apparently never was emptied. Several weeks later for either Randy or Katie’s birthday, they were headed somewhere and I get this phone call from Randy. He yells, rather loudly, when I answered “Listen, sister!”. Yeah. Good times.

My halloween party sophomore year was pretty dang awesome too. How many people did we fit on that couch?! 18?

me, becky and talena at our high school graduation. we thought we were soooo old.

i want to get a little serious for a minute now, if you don’t mind. can you talk a little bit about your MS? what has your journey been like so far? has it become “normal” or does it still freak you out?

It still freaks me out to be diagnosed with MS because I don’t feel bad. My symptom is minor. I have what they call nystagmus, which means my eyes flutter or oscilate mildly. It’s hard for anyone looking at me to see but I notice it because the images I see move subtly. It’s more of an annoyance than anything. So other than that I don’t have any issues. Fatigue and numbness aren’t problems for me. I don’t get dizzy that often. I do stumble a bit, so my balance is quirky. I joke when I’ve had too much to drink that I need a bracelet that says “I’m not drunk; I have MS” but no, it’s usually not the MS making me stumble.

It’s not normal for me yet though. Mainly this is because I’m terrible about taking my medication. Right now the only drugs on the market that are used to help treat MS are injections. You have your choice of daily, every other day, three times a week or once a week shots. All but the daily shots are interferons. Interferons are drugs that mess with your immune system by weakening it which cause aches and pains and flu like symptoms. The reason for this is because MS is an auto-immune deficiency disorder. My immune system is overactive, causing it to attack the myelin that surrounds my nerves, which is why people with MS have symptoms related to pain, weakness, falling and their eyes. The daily shot, which I was on, is not an interferon so you don’t have those achy symptoms. But the horrible downside is daily shots that sting like really big freaking bees. Which I hate. That leads me to the next phase. My dad found an article about an oral treatment that is going into its third phase of testing, which I believe is the phase right before FDA approval. I went online to see if they needed test subjects willing to take the medication and found a similar trial that is going on in San Antonio. I called up about it last week and scheduled a consultation May 21st. Hopefully, they’ll approve me and I’ll be able to take the test oral medication. Because I have to be off my shots for 30 days prior to starting the trial, I stopped taking my shots. Hopefully I’ll never have to take them again.

in what kind of ways has MS changed your life?

It’s hard to say. Other than having to take a shot every day and possibly a pill everyday with the trial, MS hasn’t affected me. Unless I tell people, no one can tell anything is wrong with me. I’m not ashamed of it and in fact I tell people about it often so that the stigma of being an invalid just because you have MS isn’t out there anymore.

It has, however, affected my parents worse. I think that mainly because for their generation, people weren’t diagnosed with MS until they were basically wheelchair bound, they see MS as this horrible, debilitating disease. Which it is for a lot of people. But it isn’t for me. Not now and possibly not ever. I’ve always been an optimistic person, choosing to now live as if my life is over, but they do worry. It’s understandable and what parents do best. My mom worries about me having children someday because with pregnancy, your body undergoes so much stress that most women have some sort of relapse postpartum. I don’t let that worry me. I do what I need to do and trust that God has a plan for me.

have you encountered a lot of misconceptions about MS from the general public?

Most people think that having MS means you’re going to eventually end up in a wheelchair. I also get a lot of shocked responses because “you look so good, how can you have MS?” There have been so many advances in the last ten years that people are being diagnosed earlier and getting on medication earlier.

I haven’t had too many negative reactions, especially in the work place. Fortunately there doesn’t see to be as much of a stigma as in the late 80s and early 90s. I thank the MS 150 for bringing a lot of popularity and awareness to MS.

now, i don’t want to get tooo personal here, but you’ve also been through a divorce recently, which i know was v. difficult but ultimately beneficial for you. what lessons did you learn from that situation? do you have any wisdom to share from this experience?

I learned that it’s important to me to honor my word. It would’ve been so easy to just let him go without fighting it, just giving up like I sometimes feel that he did, but I realized personal strength by giving it my all to save the marriage. Now when I look back I can say I did everything I could do. Sure I made mistakes as did he, but I tried to correct them. I learned that even as strong willed and independent as I am, I’m willing to compromise and give myself selflessly when it’s needed. Now I’m so much happier and hopefully wiser.

As far as advice, that’s harder. Everyone’s story is different. If you’ve made the decision that your relationship is over and you have to walk away, give yourself time to mourn. Unless you have children, chances are you’re never going to have to see that person again so it’s almost like they’ve died to you. Mourn that loss. But don’t let it overwhelm you. I’m blessed with amazing friends who kept me company, talked to me, listened to me, sang break up songs with me, drank with me, cried with me, laughed with me and were ultimately just with me.

talena and william, her fabulous, sweet as pie boyfriend.

ok, no more seriousness! i know you LOVE romance novels. tell me about one of yr favorites, since i don’t often have a romance novel expert here on this blog.

Anything by Nora Roberts. I love her tone of voice and the fact that she has such strong women characters and men strong enough to handle them. Plus, being a bit of a fantasy/sci fi nut I love that every so often she’ll have a twist on the reality. Hers are books that I can read over and over. There is also a series by Diana Gabaldon that I love because it’s so historically in depth. Seriously, it’s like Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series for women. I think any history buff would love them, because they aren’t “romance” novel. They’re just good, fun fiction.

what is yr secret power?

Sudoku puzzles. This year, especially the last few weeks, I’ve honed this skill. I have a black belt in it. Seriously, I bought the book that said I was a black belt in sudoku.

do you sleep in jimjams? what kind?

I do sleep in jammies usually. The majority of the time it’s a t-shirt and flannel pants, but when I want to feel special I’ll wear something classier.

what is yr #1 favorite food?

Sushi! I love this stuff and would eat it every day if I could afford it! My favorite is suzuki (sea bass) and sake (fresh salmon). But my ultimate comfort food is Grandma’s cheese enchiladas. One day she’ll teach her “gringita” how to make the special sauce. Anyone who is my friend on facebook can see a photo of her enchiladas to salviate over.

what is yr top restaurant recommendation in austin? what’s the best thing on the menu?

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve lived in Austin to make a valid recommendation. When I was there though my favorite restaurant was Origami in Round Rock. It was a toss up if I loved it so much because of the excellent sushi and Japanese food there or because I was madly crushing on Tim, the head sushi chef (*sigh*). My recommendation for ordering would be their Origami roll (fresh tuna and salmon on the outside with spicy crab and shrimp on the inside) for sushi and the Spicy Shrimp (or Beef or Chicken) Yakiniku- stir fried veggies and meat with rice. (Gah! I’m starving as I type this and the Lean Cuisine I’m about to eat is a poor, poor substitute!).

tell me about yr top area of expertise.

Separating quality romance novels from the trashy ones. My many months working part time at Barnes and Nobles helped contribute to my experience as did the times Becky and I would stay for hours in Bookstop reading the latest Julie Garwood hardback because we couldn’t afford to buy it and didn’t want to wait until it came out in paperback.

what was yr favorite item of clothing as a child?

what do you plan on doing when you’re 80?

I imagine my life to be similar to what I have now with the exception of spoiling my grandchildren shamelessly as did my Mam-ma. I want to take them on bus rides into the city, play skip bo with them for a penny a card and pretty much let them get away with murder.

if you could assemble yr own ocean’s 11, who would you pick and why?

Hmm… everytime I’ve read this in past post’s I’ve always thought that I would say the original Pigbutts but then I started thinking about it and there were some girls that I wouldn’t trust (ahem, boyfriend stealer!) to be in my elite group of casino heisters. My group would include my father because he’s one of the most brilliant people I know and also b/c he’s a financial advisor and could probably help us hide our ‘earnings’. Definitely Becky to help guide in which art would be worth the most and which art just belongs in Bob Ross’s garage sale. William because he’s also very handy with the engineering aspects and I need a love interest. My dad’s neighbor Phil because he really is an explosives expert and has many patents to prove it, plus he has to carry a card that says that so TSA doesn’t take him down at the airports. Then just for comic relief I would bring along Se and Matt because the three of us together have conversations that absolutely hilarious… to us since we talk in the code of inside jokes and long time friends.

what is yr best karaoke song?

This year I was seriously rocking it to “Since U Been Gone”. It was extremely cathartic.

talena, tolerating henri’s karaoke serenade.

do people ever tell you that you look like someone famous? who?

Hardly ever but I was told once that I looked like Mary Lou Retton. yay.

tell me something scandalous!