culturelux
the role of a lifetime
today, i’d like to play one of my all time favorite celebrity games:
if hollywood made a movie about yr life, who should be cast in the lead role?
now, don’t be lazy and just pick a person who’s really hot or super awesome (seriously, guys, george clooney can’t play ALL of you). and also, try to stick with people who are alive. although, if yr personality happens to bear a resemblance to, say, mae west, go for it… and CALL ME WE HAVE TO HANG OUT.
you don’t, however, need to pick someone who is actually yr age, cos i think that narrows down the possibilities a bit too much. besides, you don’t know if they’re making this movie NOW or in ten years. but hollywood, if you’re paying attention, you REALLY need to get on the ball with this project. why are you wasting time re-making “magnum PI” when you could be producing films about all of the fascinating, supergreat people who frequent this blog? OCEANS OF MATERIAL, folks. OCEANS.
anyway
when i play this game, i try to think of someone who kinda looks like me AND seems like they could accurately portray my *dazzling* personality.
in terms of looks, i think the celebrity i’m most often compared to is rose mcgowan.
we both have big eyes and pale skin, but HELLO I WOULD NEVER DATE MARILYN MANSON. GROSS. still, i can see the resemblance.
i took the liberty of posting an older image of rose, cos i like her pre-plastic surgery face a lot better. sometimes, when random strangers say, “hey! did anyone ever tell you that you look just like rose mcgowan?” i want to reply, “uh, do you mean NOW… or before her, uh, ‘accident’?” cos hello, if they mean now, that’s kind of insulting.
anyway, the point is: sorry, rose, you’re not gonna make the cut.
so i spent all day mulling over auditions (i.e. movies i’ve seen) and checking out resumes (IMDB), and after serious consideration, i’ve decided to offer the part to sarah polley.
now, i realize there will be a lot of tears in beverly hills tonight, but once i explain my reasons, i think you’ll see that sarah is really the *only* person that could play such a complicated, dynamic role.
first, we do soooort of look alike. sarah is pale and has big eyes and sometimes her hair is strawberry blonde.
second, and perhaps most important, i have a history with sarah. we go way back in the business together.
it all began with ramona quimby…
i was one of the zillion girls who totally ADORED ramona quimby, not just cos she was always getting herself into ridiculous scrapes but ALSO cos she had red hair, just like me. it took a special actress to embody ramona’s endearing and zany nature, and sarah polley received my hard-sought seal of approval (made even more incredible by the fact that she DID NOT HAVE RED HAIR. WTF. but we *did* have the same haircut, so that sort of made it ok).
sarah then appeared in a show connected with another of my all time favorite redheads, anne shirley. you guys, this is MAJOR POINTS.
sigh. drew, i don’t *care* that you were in E.T. STOP CALLING ME! you simply CANNOT compete with avonlea.
even though the show didn’t have anne in it at all, i still loved it. i mean, who wouldn’t want to live on prince edward island and wear petticoats and get in trouble for having an overactive imagination?
the bottom line, as you can see, is that sarah and i pretty much grew up together. and i know they say you shouldn’t mix friends with business, but this is MY MOVIE (and a fictional one at that).
plus, according to the times, i can’t really help myself, since sarah and i are practically googlegängers. oooh man, there’s gonna be some crazy hijinks on the set! like, if someone says, “hey, sarah p.!” we will BOTH turn around! oh ha ha HA.
congratulations, sarah!!! (psst do i hear OSCAR BUZZ?)
so, guys, my decision is made. now it’s yr turn. who’s it gonna be?
if you need some advice, let me know. we can totes meet up at the ivy.
LINKS
dude. have you guys seen bjork’s new wanderlust video? uh, wow.
feministing celebrates pants!
oh man, i wish i had remembered this article when i wrote my hip hop entry. it’s practically ABOUT me, considering i am dancer, risking everything to battle on the streets…
this interview with karl lagerfeld is everything i hoped for and MORE. we can all only aspire to be this awesomely cray cray.
Discussion
23 comments for “the role of a lifetime”
Post a comment
Sarah Polley is SO PERFECT for you! I can’t believe I never made the connection before.
This is really weird, b/c I was honestly just asking myself this v. question yesterday. Can you believe it?! Of course you can. That’s why we’re mindtwins.
Now, the only celebrity anyone has ever told me I look like is, sadly, Jenna von Oy. As in, Six from Blossom. And we both talk fast and a lot and wear ridiculously bright clothes. But, you said the person has to be alive, and I’m not even sure that she still is. Plus, she is lame, and I am not. So, no.
I’m going to go with Thora Birch. She’s a short (sometimes, natural) brunette w/ small eyes and a plump nose. Also, she’s quirky and fun and has a dry sense of humor and according to her IMDB photo gallery, also wears ridiculous clothes. Plus, she’s not lame. And I love Ghost World.
Best question ever!
Saw this and thought of you: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=10922473
Don’t know who would play me… any suggestions?
i think probably lauren ambrose for me.
I get either Hilary Swank or (popular since I was in high school and “Party of Five” was big) Lacey Chabert, although I’d prefer Parker Posey or Charlotte Gainsbourgh. Jessica, I think Lauren Ambrose would be a great you!
I have no idea. I like Sara LaRue (from Popular?) for me. I think.
I totally see Lauren Ambrose for Jessica. That’s awesome!
Definitely Lauren Ambrose for Jessica. And definitely Sarah Polley for you. Hmm, for me… I think maybe Ben Campbell. He seems cool. But just for pure acting factor, I’d love to get a young Rutger Hauer to play me. We don’t even look alike, but he’s so melodramatic – I love it! He would totally take my life and turn it into some kind of crazy epic drama. It would be so fun to watch.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=oz2GmkEGNpI&feature=related
I’m going with Jude Law or Brad Pitt for me, because girls think they are super hot and then they will think I’m super hotttttt. (rule breaker!)
Hm. I don’t know for me. If it was during my super-incredible in the greatest shape of my life years, then I would pick Chloe Sevigny (spelling, I don’t know). Although I can’t vouch for how she dresses in real life (gag). Once I was told that I looked like “sammy” from Days of Our Lives.
Other than that, I don’t know.
But I hope I get to meet Lauren Ambrose and Sarah Polley when they come onto the movie set, because hello! All these actors are gonna overlap since you, Jessica, etc make appearances in my life. That will be fun. I hope someone that I know gets Cate Blanchett because I really wanna meet her.
Also, thanks for talking about Ramona Quimby! I loved that series! She rocked.
Ok, I pick two people.
First off, Jack Black. He kind of falls into the category of picking him because he could play anything, but I think he would do my occasional freak-outs really well, and keep the audience entertained. Also, I would look into camera and sing crazy songs about Mexican nuns on a daily basis if a camera followed me around.
But my real choice, the guy I would REALLY want to play me, is Bruce Campbell. Because he’s intensely awesome. He is also very good at looking incredulous, which if things keep going the way they have been, will be a very important acting skill in portraying my life story.
John, you WIN THE GOLD for choosing Bruce Campbell. I heartily applaud that decision.
People have told me I look like Renee Zellwegger, but before she got all boney and pouty, so a Bridget Jones era RZ could play me, and I’m stretching here but maybe Reese Witherspoon, only because she’s blonde, short and Southern, which I am all three.
matt, you wish.
celina, i could see the pre-bobble head renee in you, for sure.
and i’m with meredith re: bruce campbell. quite the casting coup, john!
I’m fairly impressed, I really thought I’d be criticised for picking Bruce Campbell because he’s the essence of awesome.
I think he’d do a good job too!
Incidentally I also agree that Thora Birch is not lame. And Sarah Polley makes me feel funny in my pants AND in my brain. Be careful Sarah.
Um… Justin. Because how fun would it be to watch Justin Timberlake playing someone who’s constantly trying to emulate Justin Timberlake? That has Best Movie Ever written all over it.
Perfect casting on both Sarah and Jessica. Kudos. As for me I can’t really say. I’ve been told I look like Val Kilmer before. I also have gotten Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Which I guess is cool until I realize they are both well into their 40s. So I’ll go with the easy answer of Tom Welling.
OK, so – I cheated and went to a web site that analyzes my picture and tells me what it thinks.
The three actors that I like from its list are:
David Arquette
Jim Carrey
Peter Sarsgaard
I think of the three I’d choose David Arquette – mostly because of his work in the Scream trilogy. I should mention that the site also threw out Coolio for my consideration, but I don’t thing there’s enough Gangsta in my life to merit Coolio as the portrayor of all things Randy.
Does Beck do any acting?
I don’t know this Moody, but if you look like Tom Welling then please contact Sarah for my phone number.
After reading Randy’s comment, I went to MyHeritage.com and it told me I resemble Scarlett Johansson, Kirsten Dunst, and Karolina Kurkova… So if I resemble a Victoria’s Secret model than I think I’m doing pretty well.
Raymond said Neil Patrick Harris for himself.
Meredith I have been called the Poor Man’s Tom Welling. Granted it was me who said it about myself so I don’t know if it’s considered valid.
Any sufficiently ethnic-looking actress will probably do, since I’m not Asian enough for Ming-Na to play me. Maybe Salma Hayek (though someone would need to do a voice over since she has the accent) or Tia Carrere. I’ve also been told I look like Sydney Penny (http://imdb.com/name/nm0001607/), who I had to look up b/c the person that told me that actually just said, “You look just like the girl in Pale Rider.” If I had blue eyes, I’d definitely want Aishwarya Rai (Bollywood “It Girl”) to play me. She’s gorgeous!
[...] I wanted to stop there. Why? Because Beverly Cleary is the awesomest ever! Just ask Sarah. But it seems, as it often does, that usage trails back further. Some goofy earthlink website dates [...]