Poshdeluxe

today, i’d like to play one of my all time favorite celebrity games:

if hollywood made a movie about yr life, who should be cast in the lead role?

now, don’t be lazy and just pick a person who’s really hot or super awesome (seriously, guys, george clooney can’t play ALL of you). and also, try to stick with people who are alive. although, if yr personality happens to bear a resemblance to, say, mae west, go for it… and CALL ME WE HAVE TO HANG OUT.

you don’t, however, need to pick someone who is actually yr age, cos i think that narrows down the possibilities a bit too much. besides, you don’t know if they’re making this movie NOW or in ten years. but hollywood, if you’re paying attention, you REALLY need to get on the ball with this project. why are you wasting time re-making “magnum PI” when you could be producing films about all of the fascinating, supergreat people who frequent this blog? OCEANS OF MATERIAL, folks. OCEANS.

anyway

when i play this game, i try to think of someone who kinda looks like me AND seems like they could accurately portray my *dazzling* personality.

in terms of looks, i think the celebrity i’m most often compared to is rose mcgowan.

we both have big eyes and pale skin, but HELLO I WOULD NEVER DATE MARILYN MANSON. GROSS. still, i can see the resemblance.

i took the liberty of posting an older image of rose, cos i like her pre-plastic surgery face a lot better. sometimes, when random strangers say, “hey! did anyone ever tell you that you look just like rose mcgowan?” i want to reply, “uh, do you mean NOW… or before her, uh, ‘accident’?” cos hello, if they mean now, that’s kind of insulting.

anyway, the point is: sorry, rose, you’re not gonna make the cut.

so i spent all day mulling over auditions (i.e. movies i’ve seen) and checking out resumes (IMDB), and after serious consideration, i’ve decided to offer the part to sarah polley.

now, i realize there will be a lot of tears in beverly hills tonight, but once i explain my reasons, i think you’ll see that sarah is really the *only* person that could play such a complicated, dynamic role.

first, we do soooort of look alike. sarah is pale and has big eyes and sometimes her hair is strawberry blonde.

second, and perhaps most important, i have a history with sarah. we go way back in the business together.

it all began with ramona quimby…

i was one of the zillion girls who totally ADORED ramona quimby, not just cos she was always getting herself into ridiculous scrapes but ALSO cos she had red hair, just like me. it took a special actress to embody ramona’s endearing and zany nature, and sarah polley received my hard-sought seal of approval (made even more incredible by the fact that she DID NOT HAVE RED HAIR. WTF. but we *did* have the same haircut, so that sort of made it ok).

sarah then appeared in a show connected with another of my all time favorite redheads, anne shirley. you guys, this is MAJOR POINTS.

sigh. drew, i don’t *care* that you were in E.T. STOP CALLING ME! you simply CANNOT compete with avonlea.

even though the show didn’t have anne in it at all, i still loved it. i mean, who wouldn’t want to live on prince edward island and wear petticoats and get in trouble for having an overactive imagination?

the bottom line, as you can see, is that sarah and i pretty much grew up together. and i know they say you shouldn’t mix friends with business, but this is MY MOVIE (and a fictional one at that).

plus, according to the times, i can’t really help myself, since sarah and i are practically googlegängers. oooh man, there’s gonna be some crazy hijinks on the set! like, if someone says, “hey, sarah p.!” we will BOTH turn around! oh ha ha HA.

congratulations, sarah!!! (psst do i hear OSCAR BUZZ?)

so, guys, my decision is made. now it’s yr turn. who’s it gonna be?

if you need some advice, let me know. we can totes meet up at the ivy.

LINKS

dude. have you guys seen bjork’s new wanderlust video? uh, wow.

feministing celebrates pants!

oh man, i wish i had remembered this article when i wrote my hip hop entry. it’s practically ABOUT me, considering i am dancer, risking everything to battle on the streets…

this interview with karl lagerfeld is everything i hoped for and MORE. we can all only aspire to be this awesomely cray cray.