Poshdeluxe

an encounter with a particularly rude person today got me to thinking about manners.

and not just manners, but “niceness.” what constitutes niceness? how do we develop social graces, and where exactly do we get them?

i don’t know about you guys, but i have secret recurring compliments that i give to myself from time to time. one of them is that i could’ve been a diplomat’s wife, because i know how to make people feel comfortable and interesting (not to mention the fact that diplomat’s wives always seem to have fabulous jewelry and clothes). but see, it’s not really about other people, it’s about *me* caring what other people think. i want people to think i’m nice and approachable and friendly.

maybe even more than that, though, i like the idea of manners because they spring from a system of rules. and these rules make society seem a bit safer to me, maybe even more palatable. etiquette means you know what to expect as long as you play yr part, and it would be a lot easier if the world always worked that way. and yeah, sure, that could get boring, but think of the pageantry! the undertones! peoples used sweet, fragile flowers to express powerful, overwhelming feelings of passion, hatred and sorrow. heck, ladies even used their fans to tell suitors to come hither or to “back off, jerkface!”

the girlie girl in me has always loved this kind of stuff, which is probably why i collect dance cards and calling cards. so i can’t help but wish that people still carried around monogrammed handkerchiefs and that gentlemen kissed the hand of a lady upon introduction.

i know, the feminist pants in me haaaates the girlie girl pants in me.

anyway, even though we don’t use dance cards anymore, we still have some semblance of manners in this country. i decided to make a list of manners that i value, all of which were taught to me by my v. sweet parents.

1. say “please”

2. say “thank you”

3. send thank you cards for presents

4. hold the door open for people behind you and/or old people and children in front of you

5. if someone invites you over for a party or dinner, bring something

6. say “excuse me” if you burp or bump into someone

7. always ask questions about the other person so you don’t talk too much about yrself

8. always introduce people to each other (you know, like, “natasha, this is bridget jones. bridget, this is natasha. bridget works in a publishing house and she used to play around naked in my paddling pool.”)

hmm that’s all i can think of right now.

but yeah, is this list so hard? no. no, it’s not. in fact, i sometimes take it too far, like when i introduce people that have already met (er, this happens a lot) and when i say “excuse me” to people at a rock show as i attempt to inch my way to the front.

but the point is, these are little things you can do to grease the social machinery. i’m not asking for gentlemen to tip their hats, but saying “thank you” really goes a long way.

do you guys think manners are important, or am i just being annoying?

and if you say i’m being annoying, i shall slap you with my glove for being so uncouth!
LINKS

takashi murakami has a new exhibit in NY and it looks aaaawesome.

i found this clip from a documentary on beauty really, really fascinating.

cupcake cars! (thanks, msw!)