Poshdeluxe

guns & roses: mr. brownstone 

the posh deluxe reading rainbow report

as i *casually* mentioned in a blog post a few months back, i was RATHER ENTHUSED when i heard that slash, otherwise known as Rock God, was publishing his autobiography.

well, about two weeks ago, i FINALLY picked it up (thank you, B&N gift card from xmas!) and immediately began to devour every single detail related to slash’s explosively awesome existence.

you guys. this book is everything i hoped for AND MORE. MUCH MUCH MORE.

first of all, in case you need a reminder, the cover is badaaasssss.

this is the kind of book you NEED to be in hardback, so it can prominently rock the crap out of yr bookshelf. people will come into your place, and their eyes will immediately be drawn to the large “SLASH” written on the spine, and they will instantly know that you are hardcore and not to be messed with. seriously.

anyway

the layout of the book is also fantastic, cos it has a few pages in the middle with full color photographs. you know, like those inspired-by-movie books you got as a kid? i LOVED those. i used to have one for the babysitters club movie. which yes, came out when i was in high school. moving on.

the book also has b&w pictures scattered throughout the text– slash baby photos, old concert fliers, etc. PLUS every other page has a little guitar pick around the page number AND slash’s signature. SWEET.

ok, so obviously i’ve established that the format of this book rules. let’s move on to the juicy tidbits in the text!

even though i totally love slash and pretty much start crying every time i see him do the guitar solo in front of the church in the “november rain” video (omggggggggggg), i have realized that there is SO MUCH i don’t know about him. and, therefore, there is SO MUCH that you guys don’t know about him (except for raymond, who has already read the book. cos he is way more hard core than even i am).

let’s play the “did you know?” game.

DID YOU KNOW…

1. slash’s real name is saul. yeah. i know.

2. slash’s mom is an african american costume designer and his dad is a british artist. they met in PARIS. sigh.

3. slash’s mom did the costumes for lots of famous musicians, including david bowie!!!! and with david bowie, she did a little more than costuming, if you know what i mean. which is AWESOME. and makes sense, cos slash is too cool not to have a cool mom.

4. slash was totes into BMX biking before he discovered the guitar. on behalf of the american people, i’d just like to say that i am really thankful that slash didn’t stick with BMX.  a-men.

5. slash was a “gnarly” (his word, people. his word) badass by the time he was twelve. TWELVE. by this age, he had already had sex and done drugs. not something i recommend, of course, but yowza.

6. slash was a total klepto as a kid/early teen. he would even steal snakes by wrapping them around his arms under long sleeved shirts. I AM NOT KIDDING.

7. slash got his nickname from Seymour Cassel, a famous character actor who has recently been in wes anderson films. in case you don’t recognize the name, here he is:

slash hung out with seymour’s kids when they were in middle school (i was gonna write “tween,” but there is NO WAY that slash could ever be defined as a tween), and this is how the story goes:

“one day seymour looked at me and bestowed upon me the nickname that resonated with him more than my proper name ever did. as i was passing from one room to another in his house, at a party, looking for the next whatever it was i was after, he touched me on the shoulder, fixed me with that affable gaze of his, and said, ‘hey, slash, where ya going? where ya going, slash? huh?”

and that, folks, is how history is made.

here’s slash as a hot young thing:

dude. BORN TO ROCK.

the stories slash tells about the L.A. music scene in the 1980s are sooo fascinating. and he makes fun of poison a lot, which is cool. in fact, he spent a year trying to get a job at this recording studio. and when he finally did, his first task was to be an errand boy for poison. they gave him $100 to buy the band some liquor, so he took the money, left the recording studio… and never went back.

COS HE IS BADASS.

i would say slash’s pre-fame priorities were everything a rocker’s values are supposed to be– as in, sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll. also, i’m really glad the book doesn’t include pictures of anywhere slash lived, cos all of those places sound… g to the ross. like, at one point, he and axl lived in a small storage unit. which was also the practice space. which was also where there were parties every single night. and i’m preeeeetty sure these guys didn’t own disinfectant wipes.

speaking of axl, slash first heard his voice (before meeting him) on a demo tape and remembers that moment clearly to this day. they eventually met through a mutual friend, and soon axl was living with slash in the basement of his mom’s house. can you IMAGINE axl freaking rose living with you and yr mom?!!! yeah, neither can i. and it didn’t last v. long.  apparently one morning, axl passed out in slash’s grandmother’s (did i mention grandma was living there too? riiiight) favorite couch, and when she asked him to move, he told her to, uh, eff off. CAN YOU IMAGINE AXL ROSE TELLING YR GRANDMOTHER TO EFF OFF? holy crap.

so slash’s mom told slash that axl had to apologize or else. later that day, as slash and axl were driving to rehearsal, slash politely asked axl to apologize.  this is what happened:

“axl stared out the window as i spoke, then he started rocking back and forth in the passenger seat. we were driving on santa monica blvd, doing about forty miles an hour, when suddenly, he opened the car door and jumped out without a word. he stumbled, kind of hopped, and made it onto the sidewalk without falling. he steadied himself, then took off down a side street without looking back.”

ladies and gentlemen, axl mother f-ing rose.

there’s a SLEW of stories that are a little too, uh, unfit for this blog. which is why you need to read this book for yrself to truly understand the hard rocking, totally extreme, badassery of slash.

to give you an idea, here’s part of the description of a show that slash considers a “f-ing awesome” gig:

“i did a big hit of smack before we went on, which, mixed with the liquor i had already been drinking, made my stomach so rotten that i’d turn around and blow chunks over the back of my amps every five minutes. i had a new guitar tech, jason, who had to keep jumping out of the way to avoid getting coated.”

and then there’s the set G&R did after social distortion (before the band was signed):

“we got up there and ripped into their set, and within the first thirty seconds, the show became a spitting contest between us and the first five rows; their fans f-ing spit on us, so we just spit on them back…. by the end of our set, this disgusting war of the wills became f-ing fun. we ended up with green phlegm all over us, and considering that it was warm out, not only was i shirtless, but the heat cooked the spit and made it start to smell pretty bad. it didn’t matter, i was impenetrable: in the moment the energy of it all took over.”

even when he’s covered with phlegm, SLASH CANNOT STOP THE ROCK. IT FLOWS THROUGH HIM LIKE ELECTRIC THUNDER.

and that is why all must bow before him.