Poshdeluxe

spin doctors: two princes

in the comments on yesterday’s (ok, now two days ago, since my unfortunate debacle yesterday) post, henri raised a v. v. important and controversial question:

if i had to choose between scott speedman and justin timberlake, who would i choose?

ok, first of all, if i actually HAD to make this decision, i would (in the following order):

1. look around for that dumbass, ashton.

2. pinch my arm SUPER HARD, like, “THAT’s gonna leave a mark” hard.

3. ask whoever was explaining this choice to me if they really had the right girl, then show them my driver’s license, just to make sure.

4. call several girlfriends and deafen them with screaming and then talk unintelligibly for several minutes.

5. call henri and tell him sorry but uh we have to break up now KBAI!!!!!!!

6. jump up and down and/or pass out.

7. start to cry, cos HOW CAN A HUMAN BEING MAKE THIS KIND OF CHOICE?

well, guys, since i consider myself a professional, i refuse to shy away from these kinds of tough, hard-hitting dilemmas. you know the kind, like “if you just HAPPENED to be trapped in a cave, and you just HAPPENED to be with one other person, and you guys just HAPPENED to have a gun with only one bullet, what would you do?” sure, it would be easy to ignore the question and distract you with a blog about cupcakes, but no. NO. i’m gonna roll up my sleeves, summon all of my courage and full on TACKLE this question.

let’s start with justin timberlake.

i practically grew up with justin, cos becky, talena and i would watch the MMC religiously and even record our favorite skits/badly-made music videos/dance performances for constant replay at slumber parties.

but you know, back then, justin was just a little guy! and britney wasn’t cray cray yet!

ok, maybe britney was, uh, a little zany.

anyway, i first took note of justin’s hotness when n’sync jumped (in matching outfits) onto the boy band scene of the late 90s. but, to be honest, i was in the j.c. camp for most of n’sync’s career, until the fateful day when justin shaved his head and started beatboxing. HOLEEEEE crap.

this was all just a prelude, of course, to justin’s solo career, which continues to be ON FIRE.

so let me list the evidence in favor of justin:

1. he totally brought sexy back.

2. his voice melts my heart like buttah. real, sweet cream, salted buttah.

3. the boy can MOVE!!!!

4. he seems like a funny, genuinely nice guy (see his appearances on SNL, ellen, etc.).

5. he wears three piece suits, i.e. CLASSY.

6. he is totally savvy about business, which is important, cos he will probably be rich for his whole life (KEY).

7. most importantly, he owns a restaurant, so i can eat there any time i want! for free!

basically, this entire list (except maybe the restaurant) can be summed up in this video:

i mean, the way he croons “i think that she knows” at the end and stares deeply, earnestly, wonderfully into yr eyes?!! SIGHFEST 2008!!!

the only thing counterpoint to all of this is justin’s obsession with golf. dude, seriously. golf is BORING. i don’t care how hot you are or if you let me drive the cart, i’d still be all ZZZZZZ. why can’t justin play soccer like becks? then we’d get to see some leg, too! hoo-ha!

moving on to

scott speedman

in case you hate amazing television, you probably know that scott speedman played ben covington on “felicity,” which was about this gorgeous, sorta-geeky, kinda-dramatic, completely loveable girl (keri russell! CALL ME) who followed her HS crush (ben) to NYC for college. the show focused on felicity’s ups and downs in college, especially with her love life.

now, it is impossible for me to explain, in blog words, the charm and charisma of scott speedman as ben covington. you really just have to watch it.

and you can! cos the internet is amazing!

here’s the scene from the end of season one, when ben and felicity first kiss (SQUEEEEEEEE):

and i’ll just let felicity argue the case for ben herself– here’s the scene from the end of the series, when she explains why she chose ben over noel (ah, the agony), complete with extremely *helpful* clips of ben being AMAZING.

ok, you know what? that’s it. THAT IS IT.

i don’t need any more information. i am DONE. i’ve got the facts and my MIND IS MADE UP.

scott speedman, take off that sign and replace it with: PROPERTY OF POSH D! cos i am choosing YOU!!!!!

you know, this wasn’t so hard after all.

and to all the haters out there, i realize that scott speedman *played* ben covington on a tv show. HOWEVER, scott speedman can’t really act, so he is *basically* playing himself on “felicity.” following the logic, therefore, scott speedman IS ben covington. AND I’M TAKING HIM HOME!

END OF DEATHMATCH

justin: (a totally fantastic, i’ll take yr sloppy seconds) loser

scott: (the clear) winner

i do want to point out that if other contenders jumped into the ring, this match would be TOO VIOLENT TO BE TELEVISED. i’ll offer you a few examples to illustrate.

contender #1: christian bale

good LAWD this man is amazing. i’m pretty sure, in a deathmatch, he would trounce a thousand of the hottest men in the universe, just by breathing.

to quote meredith: “Batman and I will be over here melting both sides of the Mason-Dixon line with our nuclear lovemaking.”

oh? you want more evidence?  need to look over some facts? here you go.

contender #2: timothy olyphant

sure, he’s kinda skinny, but timothy can raise my body temperature about five degrees (i.e. call 911) just by smiling in his sexy, sorta evil way. did you SEE “catch and release”?!!!! he is so attractive, he made jennifer garner completely forget about her dead fiance, in less than two weeks. seriously.

contender #3: mark ruffalo

mark’s not the most photogenic guy, but there’s just SOMETHING about him. he’s goofy and adorable and will SLAY you with charisma. hey, i didn’t watch “13 going on 30″ a hundred times just to see the thriller dance, if you know what i mean.

let us all pray that none of these contenders ever enter the ring, for posh deluxe is not made of such mettle.

then again, the wrestling part wouldn’t be tooo terrible.

LINKS

if you don’t watch any thing else online today, WATCH THIS VIDEO of an adorable four-year-old cajun boy playing the squeeze box and singing “jambalaya” at a hank williams, jr. concert. THIS IS THE BEST THING YOU HAVE EVER SEEN. p.s. my dad sent it to me and even wrote that it was an “AWESOME VIDEO” (and yes he capitalized that). p.p.s. hank williams, jr. fans are, uh… yeah.

have you guys heard the story of the poe toaster?

sarah silverman made an pretty great video for jimmy kimmel’s birthday. wanna know WHY it’s great? two words: matt damon.

can i get one of these in my building? (thanks, ken, for the link)