Poshdeluxe

fannypack: cameltoe

did i mention that halloween is meredith’s most favorite holiday of all time?

well, it is. she decorates her apartment like CRAY CRAY and even makes a wreath with real candy corn and always dreams up a fantastic costume. this year, she decided to go as maleficent, the evil fairy in “sleepy beauty.”

in order to be evil, you must have V. ANGRY EYEBROWS.

and then you must wear lots of green face paint.

AND you must have an evil date, preferably a supervillain. meredith lucked out in that department, cos who is more evil than the nemesis of superman, general zod?!!

the rest of us weren’t *quite* so evil.

juliet dressed as “three hole punch juliet,” while ray was some dude called “the continental” who is apparently a character played by christopher walken on SNL. i didn’t realize how out of touch i am with pop culture, but yeah, i still thought ray’s outfit was cool.

the only problem was that his mustache prevented him from moving his upper lip for the entire night. but rest assured that even though ray may look unhappy/ambivalent/suave in all of the pictures, he is in actuality having the time of his life.

as conveyed on this blog, i dressed up like JEM!

and yes, i felt truly, truly, truly outrageous. after hours of research on jem’s “look,” i borrowed a poofy skirt from meredith and wore fake eyelashes and v. carefully applied authentic pink make-up and a GIGANTIC PINK WIG that itched like crazy but it was totally worth it. after all, if you want to be a true rock star, you have

to overcome a lot of pain. usually in the form of a drug addiction, but i think wearing an itchy wig for several hours counts as almost the same thing. and i even made red “jemstar” earrings!

as indicated in my galveston post, henri dressed up as jem’s #1 swimfan. which was pretty great.

no, that’s not a lint roller. that is my MAGIC MICROPHONE.

we also had a surprise guest that night- kc, who happened to be in houston! since she didn’t know in advance that she needed a costume, she just wore a wreath made out of ghosts. henri referred to her as the Haunted Hippie.

since we were celebrating halloween, we decided to do something really, really frightening: try to hit up as many super-cheesy houston clubs as possible. if you’ve ever been downtown, you know how truly SCARY this endeavor could be. but hey, i’ve been to T-Town 2000 AND bar-celona, so i figured i could handle it.

our first stop: grasshopper on main street, a bar with a “sexy” dancer moving provocatively in front of the second story window:

late at night, there is ALWAYS a huge, huge line in front of this place. so we decided to take a risk and go inside.

turns out, cheesy bars are the same everywhere. there’s a bad dj, expensive drinks (ok, actually, they weren’t too bad here) and lots of skanky people. we were early, though, so it wasn’t too terrifying.

we met up with jill, dressed up as a flamingo, and jerry, the Boy Who Lived.

no one was even on the dance floor yet, so when “thriller” began blaring over the speakers (i would make a joke here about what an ORIGINAL CHOICE that is, but i actually love dancing to “thriller,” so i can’t complain) we took over like zombies on a hunt for brains.

maleficent made some great moves with her cape, and i predict you may see her in a future season of “dancing with the stars,” preferably paired with richard simmons.

as the club got more crowded, the boys banded together, sort of like when you’re in a haunted house and you bury yrself in the back of yr friend’s shirt until it’s stretched into a knee-length dress.

i love how harry potter created a flame over henri’s thumb. i never read about that particular charm, but i’m sure it’s great for hitchhiking.

our next stop was heat, which advertises itself on fliers that look like this:

SERIOUSLY. SCARY.

unfortunately, there was a line at heat. and a cover.

so we decided to hope on the lightrail and explore the yuppie terror known as midtown.

while waiting for the train, general zod got recognized by this guy!

i never knew that zod kept it so real, you know?

also, i thought you should know that even evil fairies have to use public transportation some times. so, the next time you’re on the bus, and there’s a loud crayzee person or a crying baby, just be glad that they can’t put you to sleep for 1,000 years.

our first attempt in midtown was pub fiction (GET IT? HA HA HAR), which had a huuuuge line along the front of the building. and the line wasn’t moving.

fortunately, this gave us plenty of time to play one of our Games of Terror for the night: “Sexy” Costume Bingo!

ok, well, it wasn’t really bingo. but we did count a LOT of “sexy” costumes, including:

sexy cop (5)

sexy fbi agent (this chick had the worst cameltoe i have ever seen. thus, the song at the beginning of this entry)

sexy dorothy (2)

sexy nurse

sexy referee

sexy snow white (2)

sexy eve (like, as in the garden of eden, complete with snake!)

sexy maid

sexy pirate (3)

sexy firewoman

sexy catholic school girl (4)

sexy teacher

sexy malibu barbie (winner for least amount of clothing of the night!)

and, the most popular costume of the evening, SEXY BUMBLE BEE. no, i am not kidding. we saw at least seven of these creatures, who obviously knew a LOT about their relationships with birds.

sadly, there was no sexy mustard.

after waiting in line for a frightening (HAR) amount of time, we decided to trek over to a new restaurant, reef, which features a bar on the roof. although this was a terrifying risk, due to the fact that it was midnight and we were RUNNING OUT OF TIME, we decided to do it. and that turned out to be the best decision we made all night (aside from the decision to not wear sexy bumble bee costumes, cos hello! awkward!!) . check this place out!

i don’t know what the metal sculptures are for, but they looked cool. and sorta made me feel like we were at a concert.

finally, we got drinks!!! trick or treat pants!!!

to celebrate our achievement, harry and maleficent engaged in a duel between good and evil.

unfortunately, none of the frat guys behind them were harmed.

and of course, we all had to try on henri’s jem swimfan sunglasses.

yes, ray did remove his mustache so that he could actually express his happiness with a smile. which he did not do in this picture, but anyway.

things got a LITTLE intense when general zod’s arch nemesis, superman, actually SHOWED UP at OUR bar. i mean, how RUDE is that?!!! talk about killing the mood.

fortunately, they agreed to postpone their battle over the universe, so that zod could keep the good times rolling and superman could rescue his girlfriend, who had fallen asleep on top of the bar (dude, lois, you have a PROBLEM).

did you know that “hot chicks” dig the potter? oh they DO. especially bumble bees!!!!

ZZZZZZZEXY!!!!

ok, i’m sorry, i had to write that.

unsatisfied with her battle with harry, maleficent challenged the continental to a thumb war.

i think she tried to slip a spindle from under her sleeve, but the continental was well-prepared for the Pinky Cheat Move. plus, i don’t think the club owners would’ve been happy if the bar was suddenly overgrown by thorny roses.

at one point, maleficent mistook me, jem, international rock star, for sleeping beauty.

then i told her she could be a roadie on my next tour, and she was cool. i thought about asking her to cast a spell on the misfits that would make them sound like wilson phillips, but i didn’t. after all, i’m a role model!

after a few more fights between good and evil, we walked back to the light rail station. on the way, we passed an abandoned car that the boys had helped to push off the road earlier in the evening.

for some reason, this made maleficent and jem’s #1 swimfan V. ANGRY…

or V. STRONG, cos they pushed the car!! i can’t tell.

back at the rice, maleficent greeted her little pet, gladice, the severed bride head.

maleficent loves to taunt me with gladice– once, she even threatened to hide her in my laundry basket.

lucky for me, gladice could never fit into a sexy bumble bee costume.

cos that would probably be the scariest thing i have ever seen.