culturelux
how to handle celebrities: a posh d. case study
i’m feeling better today, thanks to my wonderful meds. and also the love of my friends, obvs.
so, you know how i saw paul giamatti in NYC a few weeks ago? well, i think i’m on a CELEBRITY STREAK. like the (space) stars have aligned so that my moon is in hollywood’s sun shadow or whatever.
on saturday night, henri spotted rob thomas (the creator of veronica mars) when we were eating at hyde park grill!
ok, ok. i realize that’s not extremely impressive. but hey, anyone who knows kristen bell is instantly awesome to me.
but GET THIS.
on sunday, amy and i were shopping on south congress, and i had just discovered this *amazing* “vintage” (old) gold purse in a crowded corner of new bohemia. i picked it up and started to walk to the back of the store to show it to amy when i saw…
JASON SCHWARTZMAN!!!!!
unfortunately, he was not wearing that outfit.
he looked more like this:
but with no jacket, cos it was still super warm outside, this being october in texas.
I COULD NOT BELIEVE JASON SCHWARTZMAN AND I WERE IN THE SAME STORE!! IN AUSTIN!!
i immediately ran back to amy and whispered (ok, it was more like that loud, excited kind of whisper that makes people stare at you), “AMY!!! OMG!! guess who is up front?!! JASON SCHWARTZMAN!!”
amy totally freaked out!!
ha ha, just kidding. amy had no idea who jason schwartzman is, which immediately caused me to question our friendship.
without a companion to (unobtrusively) spy on jason, i made my way (furtively) back to the front of the store. the salesgirls were literally falling all over themselves to prove to jason how “cool” they were and celebrity has “no effect” on them whatsoever. which is why they brought out some old records to show him. cos that’s just normal customer services at new bohemia. i mean, i can’t count the number of times one of the cashiers has offered to walk me over to end of an ear (a record store).
since i haven’t run into many celebrities, i’m never sure what to do. should i say something? should i play it cool? will i annoy them?
so, i decided to play it ULTRA COOL and not talk OR appear to notice jason at all. i did, however, randomly decide to buy my gold purse while he was standing at the counter. just a coincidence, obvs.
anyway, it was a totally exciting experience (amy: “you are such a dork!”), but i keep wondering if i should have said something. now that i’m on a celebrity streak, maybe i need to prepare some questions so i can be ready to meet a celebrity at a moment’s notice!
so, i compiled this list of questions that i *could’ve* asked jason. let me know what you think:
***
did people make fun of yr eyebrows when you were a kid? i bet that hurt.
so, do you think kristen dunst is hot? i can’t decide. i love her, but in public her clothes are DREADFUL. does her personality overcome her wardrobe?
when you work with owen wilson, do you want to be his best friend? cos i do.
so i listened to yr band on yr myspace page. and you guys are pretty good, even though i’m always skeptical of celebrity bands. let me just say, you guys are WAY better than bruce willis’ band. also, please don’t become jared leto.
it must be pretty awesome to be a coppola. does that mean you get free coppola wine? or oooo sofia champ cans?!!
seriously, though, do you ever hang out with sofia? i mean, besides when you were making marie antoinette. i have the biggest girl crush on her.
did it make you feel weird that the O.C. used a song from yr old band, phantom planet, as their theme? or have you reached that level of fame where things like that are just funny?
is lily tomlin awesome or WHAT?! omg do you want to watch “9 to 5″ with me right now?
since you co-wrote “darjeeling limited,” what do you think about all of the accusations of racism?
did you ever get drunk with bill murray and drive around in a golf cart? if you did, was that the best moment of yr life or what?
***
see, i was trying to go for some impact statements while staying true to myself (there’s nothing celebrities hate more than fake friends). do you guys have any suggestions?
i’ve really got to start practicing, just in case the spice girls decide to eat dinner at el chile or natalie portman walks into my office to learn about architecture.
hey, you never know.
LINKS
speaking of wes anderson and the whole “race” issue, i found this article and this article particularly thought-provoking.
i’m one of those people who can’t get enough of harry potter, but honestly, i kinda wish jk rowling would leave some things to the imagination. this person agrees with me (and writes way better).
even though the beauty bar is mostly full of white people, i have often wondered about hipsters of color.
seriously, i love dolly parton.
check out the new spice girls song! it’s… kinda meh. but still. if anyone wants to give me a free ticket to see them in concert, i am THERE.
this sure beats the free concrete block i once found next to a dumpster.
Discussion
8 comments for “how to handle celebrities: a posh d. case study”
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rob thomas created veronica mars and is in matchbox twenty? cool.
you should watch heroes. kristin bell is on for an arc. i like her. she’s whiny but gets to shoot lightening out of her hands.
Hipsters do have color. Lilly white is a color.
I would ask Jason Schwartzman what the fuck the point of Bill Murray was in Darjeeling. Just a clever f u to all of the whiners who complain that he’s in every Wes Anderson movie? Or is there some sort of hidden deep message that I’m not smart enough to get?
So, I am glad that its not just me and my sister’s friends who think that Wed Anderson can be a tad racist and sexist. Its great how internet articles can validate your experiences
. Thanks for posting those articles. Now if only I didn’t still enjoy most of his movies…:)
i am star struck by association! i adore jason schwartzman and probably would have been lucky to contain the urge to go up and lick his cheek (or something equally creepy/ strangely gratifying). i’ll mix you up a batch of chloroform for future celeb encounters so that you may properly sedate them, take them back to your apartment and make them a part of your pants world.
erin, i’m so glad i have friends that make me feel less creepy for wanting to give jason schwartzman half of a BFF heart charm.
So am I racist/sexist for having watched Darjeeling and having no idea what the claims might be about?
I’ll check the articles in a second . . .
I thought that the movie was pretty respectful of the Indian culture. Of all of Wes’ films, I felt that this one had the most heart and clear message. (Which came out of nowhere, btw)
Maybe I’m too easily impressed . . . on to the articles . . .
So, I suppose that it’s only a coincidence that the author of the Slate.com article “discovering” racism in Wes’ films is Weiner. Is that pronounced “whiner” (appropriate) or “weeeener” (more appropriate)?
What amazed me about the linked blog, “furthering” claims of Wes’ prejudices and demolishing the non-existent friendship between the writer of the post and Anderson, is that the writer has yet to see the film. Thea says, “Maybe I’m being prematurely judgemental . . .”
Randy says, “Maybe, on this point, you’re right, Thea.”
Now, I’m sick too. Video blogging, here I come.