Poshdeluxe

white denim: darksided computer mouth

it’s time to let you guys in on a little secret.

in addition to my regular job and my classes, i’ve started a new career.

as a model.

for internet security.

it’s something i’ve been dreaming about for a really long time, actually. i probably don’t have to tell you that internet security modeling is a burgeoning new industry, especially in light of the recent mass of facebook hacks as well as the terrorist attacks (al-qaeda TOTALLY wants to turn yr myspace profile into a tool for the axis of evil). people want, nay, NEED to know how to make sure their internet is SECURE, and they need gorgeous models to educate them. would you rather read a big, heavy ole book about potential weaknesses in the mainframe or learn the “Top Ten Ways to Give That Nigerian Prince the Runaround!” from helena christensen?

i thought so!

so, when the opportunity came along to combine my life-long love of fashion with a chance to serve my country, i said, with tears in my eyes, “you bet yr sweet tootsie!”

behold, the result of my first shoot for information technology services at UT.

as you can see, i’m playing the role of the person who almost got scammed last week, but didn’t. the casting director obviously saw in me the all-american girl, the sweet yet tough as nails broad who may *appear* easily swindled but knows how to catch those hustlers at their own game! i put you behind bars, suckas!

since i am a method actor, i decided to develop my character by trolling the internets and looking for v. bad people who wanted to steal my money. i also clicked on all myspace bulletins that told me i could win a $250 gift card or find out who had been looking at my profile. i allowed myself to feel the emotions of betrayal, loss, anger and finally, empowerment, that the person who almost got scammed last week, but didn’t, must have felt.

it’s pretty safe to say i NAILED IT. i mean, just look at my face! look into my eyes! it’s all there!

i am sooo getting nominated for an internet security modeling award, or ISMee.

one thing i didn’t anticipate: all the attention! the fans! the paps! i can’t even go to the *grocery store* without being asked if i “need any help” getting my groceries to the car. it’s OVERWHELMING.

but, of course, i love my fans. i mean, without them, where would i be? so i want to give a special shout out to my v. first fan, This Guy, who sent josh a picture of himself holding my poster:

i feel like i should draw on it with MS paint or something, like perezzers.

THANKS FOR YR SUPPORT, #1 FAN! I WOULD BE NOTHING WITHOUT YOU! stay secure!!!

of course, with fame comes criticism. britney, i feel you, sister.

recently, i heard about a parody of my ITS ad created by a gentleman named benji, who decided that it was ok to splash my personal life all over the internets.

to see a larger version, go here.

needless to say, i was mortified and wrote two entire myspace blogs about my trauma, then deleted them the next morning (just cos, you know, there were typos).

but hey, that’s the price of fame. people are *always* going to criticize someone who’s successful, just cos they’re JEALOUS.

i’m choosing to focus on the positive, and trust me, i’ve got plenty of projects in the wings! next month, i’m launching my new perfume, Eau De Norton Virus. i know you guys will LOVE IT (and don’t worry, boys, there’s a men’s cologne version as well, McAfee for Men). then, just in time for xmas, i’ll be unveiling my new t-shirt line, which means you can let the world know, on american apparel 100% cotton, that you “didn’t take the bait!”

speaking of, i need to give that ebay t-shirt guy my social security number so he can process my purchase.

toodles!

p.s. “i didn’t take the bait” is sooo the new “it feels so big in my hands.”

LINKS

have you seen that new dove ad comparing the beauty industry to drugs? it’s actually pretty awesome… until you realize where it’s coming from. uh hypocrisy for $500, please.

interested in having nightmares for the rest of yr life? WATCH THIS!