alamoing

fantastic fest reviews, part 1

mobius band: hallie

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i spent most of my weekend at the alamo, watching random movies and looking for celebrities (ok, basically i was just waiting for patton oswalt to show up). even though fantastic fest is advertised as a sort of horror-based festival, there’s a surprising amount of movies for people like me, who would rather laugh or cry during a movie than pee in my pants out of sheer terror.

as yr friendly neighborhood blogger (i originally typed “blooger,” which reminded me of booger, which made me laugh. because i am nine years old), i thought i’d write up little reviews of all of the films i attended. obvs i am not a film critic, seeing as my favorite movie is “you’ve got mail,” which automatically disqualifies me from joining the Official Professional Film Critic Association. still, there are a few movies that i think you guys really need to see, whether they appear in theaters in the future or in yr netflix queue.

here we go!

finishing the game

this mocumentary takes place in 1973, shortly after bruce lee dies while filming “the game of death.” the producers decide to finish the movie (which they did in real life, too) and send out a casting call for “the next bruce lee.” the film follows several hopefuls as they prepare for and endure the audition. i have to say, this movie tickled my goofy bone. maybe it was the whole 70s thing, which the filmmakers really exploit (in a good way). example: one of the characters was on a buddy cop tv show, which looks a lot like the beastie boys “sabotage” video and features a cameo by james franco (swoon)! there’s also a white guy who claims to be half-chinese but has blue eyes and blonde hair (his slam poetry performance at some asian poetry night is a true highlight). and then there’s breeze loo (i know. har har), a Chinese celebrity who considers himself an actor rather than a martial artist (he doesn’t actually know any kung fu).

while this movie isn’t nearly as good as, say, “waiting for guffman” or “foot fist way,” it’s definitely got some charm to it.

i give it, three out of four pants.

mirageman

did you know that there had never been a martial arts movie from south america until a few years ago? cray cray, but true! the two men responsible for breaking that barrier, marko zaror and ernesto diaz espinoza, went to high school together in chile. ernesto is the low-key writer and director, while marko is the Massive, Super Muscular, Totally Amazing Martial Artist (just like one of those teen flicks when the nerd and the jock become friends, you know? awww!). i saw their first movie, kiltro, later in the festival (so i’ll review it tomorrow), but right now i want to talk about mirageman.

MIRAGEMAN WAS SO AWESOME!! OMGGGG!!!!

please watch this trailer immediately, cos my words will do no justice to this film, not to mention marko’s amazing fighting technique.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVrpiQS7IG4 325 260]

to recap the preview, marko plays a man who lost his parents during a brutal robbery, which also left his younger brother institutionalized. since that horrible day, marko’s been training like a mofo, and now he’s, like, Really Buff. one night, he ends up saving a woman while her house is being robbed, and this woman turns out to be a sensationalist tv reporter. all of a sudden, he’s on the news as a mysterious superhero, which unexpectedly inspires his little brother to start acting, well, normal. in order to help heal his brother, marko decides to pursue this new life as a superhero, which means creating a costume (the blue spandex is so hilariously bad that the newscasters tell him to get a less girlie outfit if he wants the criminals to stop laughing at him), fighting crime (he creates an email account so people can ask him for help) and gaining a sidekick (known as “psuedo-robin,” and employed only cos he’s got two motorcycles).

here are the two main reasons why you will love this movie:

1) the action scenes are AMAAAAAZING! this movie has no special effects, no wires, nothing. everything you see is REAL. in fact, during the Q&A (yes, ernesto and marko were there in person!! and they are adorable!), marko said that they just sort of “improv-ed” the fighting. when someone clarified by asking, “so, when you hit that guy and he flew into the pole, he actually really flew into that pole.” marko replied, “yeah, um, sometimes people got hurt.” no KIDDING! anyway, you will not believe the way marko moves, kicks and jumps. keep in mind that this guy was a fight double for the rock! he’s huge!

2) it’s really funny, mostly in its realistic depiction of what it’s like to be a superhero. there’s one scene where marko, in pursuit of a purse snatcher, stops to change into his costume. and it takes foreeeeeever. later, when he comes back to get his “street” clothes, someone has taken them. ah the hidden pitfalls of superherodom!

i think these guys just signed a deal with magnolia pictures, so hopefully mirageman will be in theaters soon. in the meantime, you can watch henri get to actually HANG OUT with these future superstars during an alamo interview!
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIPFjjIyt8Q 325 260]

i give it four out of four pants!

spiral

spiral was as close as i got to watching a horror movie, and really, it’s more of a romance/psychological thriller than anything else.

also? this movie blew.

which is a shame, cos i really like amber tamblyn. she was in “joan of arcadia,” which i never watched, but my mom LOVED, and i have a special place in my heart for tv shows my mom loves (“roswell” being another example). what really sealed the deal for amber and me was her role in “the sisterhood of the traveling pants” movie cos HELLO! YA pants movie!! how much higher can you go?!!!

anyway, amber plays the romantic interest of joel david moore, the guy who also wrote the movie. joel’s character, an artist who works as an insurance telemarketer, is at times sweet and goofy, at other times really, really creepy. at the beginning of the movie, you get the impression that he’s done something bad to his former muse, a waitress at the nearby diner. when he falls for amber, his delightful coworker, you start getting worried.

see, this movie didn’t have to be bad. but it was. there were far, far too many cliches packed into the script, the worst transgression being the scene where joel goes to the cemetery to visit his mother’s grave and notices a little boy gazing sadly at him from a nearby funeral. it’s almost as if… as if joel is SEEING HIMSELF! AS A CHILD! A CHILD IN PAIN! and then the autumn leaves fall and really, i half-expected to hear the opening bars of a deathcab song.

and then there’s the part where amber tells joel that maybe she’ll just leave the office and do something totally different, like be a veterinarian or a feminist! when joel asks, “what does a feminist do?” she replies, “oh, i dunno, sit around and bitch about everything?” um, i’m sorry, but WTF? oh that’s right, a guy wrote this movie. riiiiight.

i won’t spoil the ending (but were you really gonna watch it after reading this? really?), but it’s got one of those surprises twists that, wow, I NEVER SAW COMING. i mean, this film TRIPPED ME OUT! it totally went “psyche!” to my brain!

the Q&A after the movie, with adam green (who directed hatchet) and joel, didn’t help at all. joel actually reminded me of a non-gay, hipster, less hyper andy dick. which is really not good. at all.

this movie gets one out of four pants (OH! BURN!).

[more reviews tomorrow!]

LINKS

oh no! my favoritest thing in all the world is under fire!! cupcake controversy!!!!! this is even worse than the time i read the nutrition information for nutella.

jeff tweedy got a wriststrong bracelet!!! like i need another reason to love jeff tweedy.

you know those friends who got married in their mid-20s and had kids before you could even stomach the idea of dating someone for longer than a year? well, there’s a name for them– “the new victorians.” and, well, they kind of scare me (thanks erika, for the link!).

STD’s are flourishing in mobile county, alabama. did i mention their amazing abstinence-only sex ed program? where “students learn that abstinence is the only protection against pregnancy, HIV/AIDs and STDs”? um, sounds like some kids are faaaaailing.

laughing baby! enough said.

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