Poshdeluxe

white williams: violator 

dear onions,

we haven’t talked in a while, but i wanted to let you know that I STILL HATE YOU.

my mom always told me that i’d like you when i got older, but guess what? i’ve gotten older, but yr level of nastiness hasn’t waned. whenever i make the Fatal Mistake of accidentally putting you in my mouth, i experience the same gag reflex that i felt at age 8, when i bit into a raw piece of you hidden in my hamburger at chili’s and immediately spit you out into my napkin, which was a really gross thing to have to do. even at age 8.

you’re persistent in battle, i’ll give you that. we’ve been warring for YEARS, and yet you continuously use my food as a trojan horse. over the weekend, i had to pick you out of not one but TWO dishes, which cost me several minutes of precious eating time and led to a disgusting pile of onion bits that i had to hide under a plate. CONSTANT VIGILANCE is my ultimate weapon, and rest assured that time has only sharpened my eagle eyes and nimble fork fingers. try as you might, you will never infiltrate my mouth again. even clever disguises will do you no good. stir-fried, grilled, battered… I WILL SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU!

if you know what’s good for you, you will stay far, far away from me.

yr loyal arch nemesis,

posh d.

LINKS

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