this post will conform to no category!

what the world needs are more winks

the pierces: sticks and stones

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today my head has been all over the place.

i blame, first and foremost, school. i had my class last night, and while the professor is cool, i still think this whole “learning” thing is a scam. i have my second class tonight. i just bought the hugeass course packet, which will be a JOY to haul around. i’m trying to view the extra weight as “scholarly.” it’s a well known fact that people with bulging bags look way smarter then the rest of the population. right? right.

secondly, i blame the upcoming weekend for being SO CLOSE and yet, not here. oh WEEKEND! why must you TAUNT ME with yr third day and yet remain out of my grasp? why don’t you just call up summer so you can laugh in my face together? p.s. summer you got majorly to’ up in my comments section! that thing reads like a slam book!

third, i blame the starbucks that is not yet open in the union. i know, it’s corporate, it’s a chain, blah blah blah but guess what! i’m addicted to caffeine! junkies don’t have morals! anyway, the logic goes: if this starbucks was open, i would be able to think straight. the end.

fourth, i cannot stop watching this kitten video.

and finally, a wee bit of the blame, just one tiny bit, rests on the christmasy shoulders of lala’s:

i went there last night with john, henri and jordan (rice represent!), and even now my pants feel like they’ve been smoking like a chimney since birth. it was worth it, though, cos the old guy who works there kept winking at me!

i love receiving winks!

and people don’t wink a lot anymore. why is that? what is up with the dearth in winkage?

can we all agree to try to wink more? start small, like once a day, and then work up yr eye muscles so you can charm old ladies in the grocery store and pick up hotties at yr local bar! note: avoid winking at large men. trust me.

moving on TO

i might start a new series called The Pantsiest Email Of the Day. it really depends on how many pantsy emails i get, cos i don’t want to over-stretch the capacity of my inbox to attract awesome. but anyway, today i offer up the beta test version of the series. it’s an email i got from my friend, i’ll call him sam since i am a Real Journalist and must uphold the anonymity (is that word hard to type or what) of my sources.

here we go:

* * *

Subject: I rock. Seriously. I totally do.

So yeah,

I’ve decided I want to go on a date with someone else this weekend. There’s this girl Karen, who I had this whole weird thing with last year, where we were supposed to hang out and it never kind of came together. It was this weird period of time where I could conceivably have gone out with three different people. I’m not being stuck up, it was genuinely just a bizarre period of time. So I don’t know, she kinda flirted with me a year ago, and now I really don’t know. But she seems very up for hanging out. So yeah. I find her more attractive than that other girl that asked me out. I’m going to hell, I know I am.

* * *

this email is basically a snapshot of sam’s brain. which is awesome.

for the record, i told sam that he’s got to stop guilt tripping, cos chemistry matters. and if you, dear readers, have any helpful advice for him, i know he’d LOVE to hear yr comments.

dude, this suddenly turned into an advice column! yes!

(wink)

LINKS

since i know you can’t get enough of U.S. American miss south carolina, check out her facebook! and even better, her parents! wow. that explains a lot.

summer really is a tart. i mean, did you know she was hanging with the entire office cast? unbelievable.

and now, for yr daily bummer: poverty in texas.

this hollywood romance web reminds me of the Hook Up Web in the five man at wiess. except there’s no crucifix over the toilet.

a lesbian priest may be selected to serve as an episcopal bishop.even though i’m really sad about owen wilson, after i read this article, all i could think was: “kate hudson is only 27?!!”

and, finally, my favorite new website, courtesy of jessica. it’s a basic concept: a dad writes funny captions about pictures of his kids. and you know what? it’s HILARIOUS. cos kids are great targets.

here are a few of my faves:

You’re next, Brainy Smurf

That’s one Care Bear who won’t be sass-mouthing us no more.

They’ll look great in the den

Yes, we know they’re only sleeping.
But that doesn’t mean we have to tell the taxidermist.

Pet store, here we come

Show us again, son – how do we hug the little bunny rabbits?

Hissy fit of the damned

Alls I said was that his diaper made him look ‘paunchy.’

© 2007 Poshdeluxe.