the wallflowers: one headlight
90s music, hells to the yes
since i am determined to geek out as much as possible during my high school reunion, last night i pulled out a few photo albums and yearbooks to bring with me (not to the reunion, cos that would be LAME, of course. just to the pre-reunion, where people want to see them. so that’s not lame. right? RIGHT? OMG my high school paranoia is already coming back IS IT STILL OK TO WEAR KEDS?!!!!).
in the back of my senior year photo album, i found my “List of Predictions for the 15 Year High School Reunion.” you’re probably thinking this is some sheet my high school printed up and made us fill out. oh no. nooo no no. *i*, posh nerdeluxe, made these forms for my “we’re all leaving for college we are so OLD i can’t believe it!” party and had everyone write on them. and yes there is clip art, which does, if you must know, speak a thousand words.
i may be the only one who saved my sheet, and if so, i cannot BELIEVE you guys threw away such a super special KEEPSAKE, i.e. memories frozen in time. anyhoo, i wanted the sheets to be a sort of time capsule, so that in fifteen years i could see if any of my friend’s visions for me had become reality.
even though i’m jumping the gun a little (this is the ten year reunion, not fifteen, and does anyone actually have fifteen year reunions? obviously, i was misinformed by my parents AHEM), let’s take a peek at those predictions and discover how they line up with my “real life”* (*i’ll try to keep my extremely active fantasy life at bay for the purpose of this exercise).
the sheet has three columns, so let’s start with the first (my comments will be in italics).
JOB
mary kay saleswoman of the year
i swear, i did not wear that much make-up in high school.
star on broadway
well, i *was* president of the thespian NOT THESBIAN society.
ruler of the world
getting warmer…
president of the u.s., after seth
why AFTER seth? is this cos he was valedictorian? come ON. and also, no thanks. george w. ruined it for me.
living in LA, who needs a job?
this is the best response, by far. however, you obviously don’t know my dad.
reviver of the american dream, and all that it means
wow. really? little ole me? come ‘ere, widening income gap. i’m ’bout to bust out my can o’ whoopass! but seriously, i do like to think of this blog as a breath of fresh patriotic air. come, ye weary, ye poor and huddled masses, and i shall fill yr lives with wholesome nuggets of the internet!
most famousist famous lady
i don’t think i’ve *quite* reached the level of famousist famous. and based on what i’ve learned from brit and linds, i have the feeling that it maaaay not be worth it.
FAMILY
four kids
wHaT?! FOUR? by the time i’m… 33?! who wrote this?!!
married to a man like your father
well, i love my dad but, i was hoping for more of like the christian bale type.
married to christian bale
YES! THANK YOU! unfortunately… christian is married. for the time being.
NOi love how precise this answer is, but does it actually mean no family at all? cos what’s that supposed to mean? is my family gonna die? will it be in a fire caused by faulty electrical wiring? TELL ME.
OTHER FORECASTS
note: it’s a walking question mark!!!!!
owns a pink couch
no other prediction on the list makes me feel like more of a total failure. because, ladies and gentlemen, i do not own a pink couch even though i have ACHED for one since the day i first laid eyes on barbie’s dream house. however, i swear to you, I SWEAR, that one day, I WILL OVERCOME ALL OBSTACLES TO OWN A PINK COUCH. and then i’ll know that i really do deserve the “most likely to succeed” award (which, yes, i did win in high school– with seth, of course. cue kathy lee singing the carnival theme song).
will meet cast of “star wars”
wow, ha ha, uh, geek alert!
will recreate “star wars” to include you
sheesh, ok. i get it. I GET IT. i liked star wars. a lot. let’s move on.
still the coolest and best dressed person i know!
a-HA! yes. and i bet i still AM! booya!
well composed forever
indeed, i have carefully maintained my elegant, classy aura in spite of all the odds, including nacho cheese wrestling.
SO, after careful analysis, it looks like most of my high school friends should join miss cleo in prison for ALL OF THEIR FALSE, EMPTY PROMISES!
well, i’ll show ALL OF YOU! after the reunion, check out my upcoming Revival of the American Dream, starring me, my four kids, carol burnett and mark hamill, featuring songs by dolly parton and costumes by bill blass.
LINKS
muggles can be so DIRTY!
the twin suicides of jeremy blake and theresa duncan are definitely a bizarre mystery that i hope someone unravels. calling miss marple…
matt sent me this picture of the Most Disgusting Pizza I Have Ever Seen (that people actually eat. well, japanese people).
the trailer for beowulf is out, bringing back lots of high school memories. unfortunately, my memories do not include john malcovich, although i have the sneaking suspicion he’s not half as crazy as ms. williams, my sophomore english teacher who often taught us via her alice in wonderland doll.
the new spock has been cast! INNER GEEK SQUEE.
two words: chocolate rain. ok, three more: WTF.
Hey, your blog filled in my name in the comment section! That’s new.
Have fun at the pad. Don’t throw any post-reunion parties with your wild friends, young missy!
I am laughing hysterically at your two pre-reunion posts-and as a result I have pulled out my senior year yearbook in order to share a few memorable comments:
Even though you stole the solo I wanted in 4th grade, I like you-Talena
(I didn’t realize Talena was holding on to this bitterness. What solo was it? Is she going to try to attack me at the reunion?)
Hey, anytime you want to get lost or get hit by a bus, just call me-the one and only Sarah Pitre.
(Dear readers, she was not threatening to kill me-she was merely reliving the memory of the time when Seth’s directions-or lack there of-practically caused us to impale ourselves, and the Volvo we were riding in, on the side of a Metro bus)
Even though I can’t speak or do a convincing British accent . . .-Seth
(I can’t remember the play, but I can remember being horrified at Seth’s British accent)
I will not judge you if you bring memorabilia to the reunion
I don’t remember that list of predictions whatsoever…. was I a part of that? Don’t despair, you still have plenty of time to get a pink couch and have 4 kids. You better get started though…
Oh…geeking out is the best part of the reunion..I should know..yearbook, scrapbooks, videos and senior wills. SOO WORTH IT!!! Tooo Much fun. Have fun.
Ha ha!! I totally remember that comment from Katie’s yearbook! It was a Christmas solo, I believe.
I remember those papers but I don’t think I have mine.
I hope I can find my yearbook. I have some funny quotes to share from it too.
Since Katie was looking at her yearbook I dug out mine and found this gem: “Pigbutts are still annoying. Kevin Schorp”
I can’t wait to see the pictures from this weekend!
Hilarious (in hindsight, now that the weekend is over).
Judging by the Flikr photos, it looks like you had quite the after-party. (Were there thongs there?)
It was awesome to get to see you and remember all of the good times and my predictions for you (which were stupid and lame). I, obviously, was trying to be funny. I, obviously, failed. But, I look at that failure as one of the many that helped me achieve the cleverness and wit I hold today.
On another note, I remember saving my prediction list, but I have no idea where it is. It’s probably in my house somewhere. I’m quite the packrat (sp?), so I’m sure I have it somewhere.
Please tell me that is the original clip art! Is it me or is that question mark wearing a monocle?