by about 10 PM, the reunion was swinging like one of those house parties i was never invited to in high school. although there was probably less miller light involved.
everyone finally reached the understanding that we *all* felt awkward, and therefore, we could acknowledge it and move forward in pursuit of actual enjoyment.
and thus, we enjoyed.
suddenly, the catty comments were flowing like the extremely $$$ liquor poured by the doubletree bartenders. since the room was crowded, it was easier to stare at people without getting caught.
i believe this was a reaction to a certain person’s hair, which indeed has remained unchanged since 1996. actually, it’s a pretty amazing feat if you think about it. my hair changes within the first five minutes of walking outside, so to preserve it for over ten years?! where was the award for THAT?
because yes, there were awards. sort of. the reunion organizers placed sign-up sheets on a table with headings like, “most kids” and “least changed.” people could then nominate someone and, through an extremely scientific process, vote for them by employing the Tally Mark Method.
about halfway through the evening, i was alerted to the fact that my name was on the Most Eligible list. i was given this news by erika, who i suspect, just on a hunch, MAY have been involved in placing my name on said list. i then informed erika that i am not, actually, so eligible, since i have a boyfriend. erika, however, had on her “pretending to listen but not really” face which i often observed in sophomore english during one of mrs. william’s lectures where she spoke “through” her alice in wonderland doll.
(special thanks to becky, for scanning this little gem)
why yes, i WAS a goody goody in high school. thanks for asking.
so, saturday night, a small group of us gathered together to prep for the reunion by laughing over old photo albums and staring at impossibly embarrassing yearbook photos.
talena, on the left, is the first friend i made when i moved to houston. we met at her neighborhood pool and then went to the mall with her older friend, holly, who was actually cool enough to shop at 5-7-9. i SO WANTED to buy clothes there, but i wasn’t old enough (paging puberty… paging puberty…).
se, in the middle, threw unbelievably cray cray pool parties in junior high. and by cray cray, i mean we had a SODA FIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE POOL! coke cans were flying everywhere! there was so much foam! i know, we were out of control. also, we played a ton of truth or dare, which resulted in me licking a stick of deodorant. i guess it must’ve been a pretty embarrassing question.
katie, on the right, rode the bus with me until we were old enough (cool enough) to drive. she saved me from having to sit next to the loud, scary boys in the back that liked to punch each other for no good reason and the girls who got into hair-pulling fights and made the bus driver pull over in the middle of the street. god bless you, katie.
the pictures brought back a flood of memories, including randy’s favorite pair of jean shorts. jennifer, his wife, was extremely excited to learn about this crucial piece of randy that has been hidden away for so long.
jennifer also got to hear about the time that talena left a half-drunk starbucks frappuccino in my “trash stash” (the trash bag in my car) where it lived for a few weeks until deciding to make a break for it, all over randy’s pants. i’ve never seen randy so close to being actually *mad*. his phone call to talena began, “LISTEN, SISTER!”
since i am determined to geek out as much as possible during my high school reunion, last night i pulled out a few photo albums and yearbooks to bring with me (not to the reunion, cos that would be LAME, of course. just to the pre-reunion, where people want to see them. so that’s not lame. right? RIGHT? OMG my high school paranoia is already coming back IS IT STILL OK TO WEAR KEDS?!!!!).
in the back of my senior year photo album, i found my “List of Predictions for the 15 Year High School Reunion.” you’re probably thinking this is some sheet my high school printed up and made us fill out. oh no. nooo no no. *i*, posh nerdeluxe, made these forms for my “we’re all leaving for college we are so OLD i can’t believe it!” party and had everyone write on them. and yes there is clip art, which does, if you must know, speak a thousand words.
i may be the only one who saved my sheet, and if so, i cannot BELIEVE you guys threw away such a super special KEEPSAKE, i.e. memories frozen in time. anyhoo, i wanted the sheets to be a sort of time capsule, so that in fifteen years i could see if any of my friend’s visions for me had become reality.
even though i’m jumping the gun a little (this is the ten year reunion, not fifteen, and does anyone actually have fifteen year reunions? obviously, i was misinformed by my parents AHEM), let’s take a peek at those predictions and discover how they line up with my “real life”* (*i’ll try to keep my extremely active fantasy life at bay for the purpose of this exercise).
this weekend, i’ll be attending my ten year high school reunion.
i know, it’s weird. I CANNOT BELIEVE I AM 28 YEARS OLD. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
but ok, actually, high school DOES feel like it was aaaaages ago, doesn’t it? i mean, playing apple roulette at lunch time in the senior commons? going to sleepovers? crushing on skater guys? a FAR CRY from the things i do now. a far, far cry.
so i’m pretty excited about this whole reunion thing. GEEKING OUT, thank you for asking. i’m sure it will be hours and hours of “so, what are YOU up to!” and “WOW! you look so great!” and “wait, how did you have all of these kids already?”
but the big question is: will there be hit men involved?
it’s been raining outside, i still have a headache from the emotional stress of harry potter, and work is total zzzville.
all of these things are sweet music to the internet’s ears, because the internet knows it will get lots of action today! in fact, i think i might be pregnant with the world wide web’s triplets. THAT’s how much surfing i did.
so let’s get to it, before i go into labor and freak out cos i was just writing about “knocked up” and HOW DID THIS HAPPEN and we’ll probably have another pregnancy/evolution comment showdown on our hands.
first, YET ANOTHER REASON that posh must be my bff. at her big splashy “welcome to LA, where we will further suck yr soul” party, what did they eat? guess. GUESS GUESS GUESS! seriously, we are soul mates.
second, i discovered my New Favorite Internet Invention today. Popularity Dialer. if you need a phone call to interrupt a potentially horrible date or make yrself look cool in front of a crush, you can sign up to receive a call! and the conversation might be with a (recorded) guy with a british accent! holy crap! even though i hate talking on the phone, i have to admit, this is pretty ingenious. and way better than that girl talk game.
[no spoilers below, i promise... and if you're not an HP fan, i'm sorry. but i can't help it]
dear harry potter,
i finished yr last book today. i went to the architecture library, where sunlight naps under an ornate, high ceiling, so i could read the last page in peace. i wanted to say good-bye to yr wizarding world in the closest place to hogwarts i could find.
it feels strange to know that it’s over. that my role, as yr observer– no, as yr friend, is over. maybe you knew it, maybe you didn’t, but see, i’ve been traveling along with you, through all of yr adventures and narrow escapes and thrilling discoveries. i was there when dumbledore left you on the steps on privet drive, and i was sitting in that same train car when you met ron and hermione. i cheered every time you caught the snitch, and i cried, just like you did, when sirius black died. all of those times when you faced voldemort, you may have felt alone, but i was there! i was there, harry, rooting for you! i’ve been believing in you for so long, even when you became a teenager and got all angsty and annoying (i kept trying to tell you that cho chang WASN’T WORTH IT, but you weren’t listening).
i’ve been there, harry, through it all. and now, i guess, our time is finished.
finished, but not really over, because you’re never v. far away. any time i feel like it, i can pop into the gryffindor common room or walk into hagrid’s cabin. time after time, i’ll laugh at ron’s goofiness or shake my head when hermione’s being smug. i can even do things that you can’t do anymore, like give sirius a hug (and don’t worry, i will, for you).
even though yr story has ended, our friendship will live forever. and that’s magic, for sure.
thank you, harry. it’s been quite a broomstick ride.
i’ve been trying to think about what to write in this post all day.
but all i can think about right now is
HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER!!!!!!!!!!
OMGGGGGGGGG!!!
no spoilers here (obvs!), but dang it, this book is KILLING ME. it is SLAYING me with its awesomeness.
it’s really all i can think about right now. so, i’m sorry. but yeah.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN? I DON’T KNOW YET! I HAVE TO KEEP READING! I’M SORRY!
LINKS
to the last person out there that thinks paula abdul is sane, who ARE you? oh, hi britney. anyway, well, you should watch this clip of paula *breaking down* and asking god WHERE IS HE when she finds out that she won’t be involved with the bratz movie. GOD! IT’S THE BRATZ MOVIE! WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE MORE IMPORTANT?
check out this video of the ugliest dog in the world. seriously, that tongue thing is weird.
this little homage to 80s movie endings isn’t actually *that* great, but i love 80s movies so much, i just HAD to find out if the nerdy girl ended up with her dream hunk.
look, i realize it’s hard to make a commercial about yeast infection meds. in fact, it was even hard for me to type that sentence. but THIS? is the yeast infection going to mug me? or try to sell me crack? gah, as if lady parts needed any more stress.
even though it’s friday and rainy and we all would rather be at home reading harry potter (SO CLOSE), i have a lot of important things to cover. so may i have yr FULL ATTENTION.
thank you.
if you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you may be aware that i am totally in love with victoria beckham. in spite of being super $$$ and famous, she’s actually a real person with a great sense of humor and AMAZING style. i’m *proud* to share a name with her.
like everyone else in the world* (*eleven year old girls), i was a fan of the spice girls back in the day, and posh was always my favorite. however, it wasn’t until i picked up her autobiography in the london airport last summer and ATE IT UP on the plane that i truly felt like i *knew* her.
yes, she has an autobiography, and HELLS to the YES you should read it. because then you will realize that victoria was just a regular british girl with a tight-knit family and a tendency towards new jersey fashion trends (how this happened in england, i have no idea) who wanted to be a famous dancer and actress. but at her performing arts school, everyone said she was fat and she never got a good part in any of the shows and her teachers were totally mean to her and her boyfriend was a TOTAL JERK.
but she kept working hard and pushing herself and eventually she ended up auditioning for the spice girls and living in a house with them while they recorded their first album (can you IMAGINE? that is like the Ultimate Slumber Party) and she started to get famous and dated corey haim (seriously. but she was smart enough to dump him after a few months cos hello, hasbeen magazine is calling and they want you ON THE COVER) and then she met DAVID BECKHAM and it turns out he had a huge crush on her and he was super shy and this was right when he was starting to get famous so they both understood where the other person was coming from and they fell in love and got married and had kids and along the way got SO INCREDIBLY HOT.
sweet fancy moses! their combined magnetism just erased my hard drive.
and sure, that’s a magazine and maybe a tad bit airbrushed. but look at them in REAL LIFE!
that’s not photoshop magic, that’s REAL magic.
plus, look at their clothes. they are like the King and Queen of Celebrity Fashion. they probably just go to the (majorly fancy pants) store and snap off things from the rack based on their intuition, whereas i would require a calculator to comprehend that level of fashion formula.
therefore, it’s perfectly obvious that victoria beckham needs to be my bff pants. we could go to fashion shows together, and she could help me pick out outfits!
and if i suddenly lost all of my clothes while we were out on the town (just bein’ girls!), she could simply whip the tablecloth off of the table (leaving all dishes unbroken, of course) and sew me up a fabulous new dress!
even though she seems all pouty and serious, in reality she’s hilarious. i swear. she makes fun of her diva image constantly, like in this KICKASS video:
don’t you just want to go shoe shopping with her and then get all dressed up and drink champers in a fancy nightclub while making catty comments about other people and then go home and put on jim jams and watch reality tv and gossip? VB LYLAS!
well, now, i can. YOU can. WE ALL CAN! cos she has a reality show!!!!! well, maybe. the ratings were kinda dismal, so it might not be around for a while, which is a CRIME, people. a CAPITAL CRIME. and that’s why i’m asking you, neigh, BEGGING YOU, to watch it. and don’t just do it out of pity. no, do it cos you know you will LOVE IT.
first, you get to see posh living her regular life, and by regular i mean shopping for multi-million dollar homes and having her hair and make up done before taking her driver’s license picture. but there is actual regular stuff in the show, like taking her driving test (hi-larious) and getting invited to a neighborhood luncheon (YOU MUST WATCH THIS– part 3 on the web). except it’s still posh world, so she asks the DMV lady for a “re-take” on her picture and the ladies luncheon turns out to be hosted by cray women with faces supporting layers of plastic surgery and red lipstick. but victoria is a good sport, so she makes friends with all of the DMV people and plays a trick on the paparazzi with sex blow-up doll and gets T-RASHED with the gaudy dragon ladies.
basically, she does what i would do. which is why we are soul mates.
plus, she uses adorable british slang, like knickers. and everything is “major,” like, “those women were just so MAJOR.” obvs i’ll be picking up a few new vocab words.
anyway, the show is super fun. you MUST check it out. i really hope that VB can prove to america that she’s not just another paris hilton or britney. she is bonafide MAJOR.
p.s. vicky, i am available for slumber parties! i have my own sleeping bag! call me!
LINKS
OMG they are taking “9 to 5″ to BROADWAY! AND DOLLY PARTON WROTE THE MUSIC!!!!!! and allison janey is playing lily tomlin’s role!!!!!! it’s like perfection and cheesiness had a baby and named it AWESOME.
a last minute substitute for the song i wanted to put here, which i refer to in this entry, which itunes will not let me convert, because it is stupid.
I MOVED!
i’ve spent the past few weeks packing, and then my wonderful parents came up and helped me finish it up, and then they watched the movers i hired take everything from my dear old kingswood (RIP) to my new place, and then they helped me unpack and my dad hung my cakes picture (!!!!) and changed all of my lightbulbs so that i am now “more energy efficient” and my mom put down contact paper in my kitchen cabinets and then i bought them ice cream cos we can WALK TO AMY’S ICE CREAM and also a zillion other places like foodhead and zen and the gas station has an INCREDIBLE WINE SELECTION and the pizza place next door is tasty and this morning
I RODE MY BIKE TO WORK!!!!!
IT WAS AWESOME. just like when my mom let me ride my bike without an adult present and i rode with my sweetbay lane friends over to the cement foundation of the old sugar factory and we hung out on the concrete slab cos we were TOTALLY OLD AND COOL.
and after i go to the gym, i will BIKE BACK HOME!
and tonight i’ll probably BIKE DOWNTOWN!
if it rains, i have a poncho. even.
it was hard to say good-bye to kingswood, actually. i’ve lived there for three years, and my neighbors have been so nice and weird. my next door neighbor, gene, is actually like a guardian angel. he’s my morgan freeman. but it turns out that he WORKS IN THE BUILDING NEXT DOOR TO MY NEW PLACE!!! like i said, guardian angel. i feel better just knowing he’s close by. wonder if maybe he will still water my plants sometimes? and remember spencer, the neighbor who bought me a shot of jameson for my birthday and then had to go pick up his kids?
he gave me his card, so i’m gonna email him and get on the mailing list for all of the bands he’s in so i can go to shows and drink jameson with him.
so even though i had to walk away from a lot of memories stored up in those walls, i won’t have to say good-bye to kingswood completely. i hate saying good-bye.
i’ll miss the sound of the train, too. when i woke up this morning, it was just so… quiet. my disorientation (read: hitting my shin on two boxes while en route to the bathroom) made it all sink in, like, the kingswood chapter of my life is over. and man, was it a doozy of a chapter!
but that’s life, and while driving to my new place yesterday (to see it for the first time after the movers deposited my stuff), GUESS WHAT SONG CAME ON THE RADIO.
if you guessed “life is a highway” by tom cochrane, you obviously are mr. 152 insights into my soul pants!!!!!
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? IT WAS PERFECT! i mean, it was like tom cochrane was SPEAKING TO ME.
There ain’t no load that I can’t hold
Road so rough this I know
I’ll be there when the light comes in
Just tell ‘em we’re survivors
tom, you are so right. WE ARE SURVIVORS! I WILL SURVIVE IN MY NEW PLACE!
This is the road and these are the hands
From Mozambique to those Memphis nights
The khyber Pass to Vancouver’s lights
well, i actually didn’t move to vancouver or a different city. i’m still in austin, so… but yeah, i get what you’re trying to say. i get where you’re coming from! these are the HANDS! THE HANDS THAT PACKED UP MY LIFE AND MOVED IT!
so i love my new place and the ceilings are hiiiiiigh and there are lots of kitties that greet me in the morning, just like before, and one even snuck into my home even though there are no cats allowed in my apartment cos um, hello, cat hair? “oh hai! no you canz not haf mai home, kittah!” i washed my hands after i picked it up and moved it, so that’s ok.
i’ve got my guestbook out and ready to record this New Chapter of My Life, so come on over and sign it. my apartment was even officially christened last night when i opened a tiny bottle of rose champers (thanks, matt) and drank it threw a straw while unpacking picture frames (obvs, that is what i would unpack first).
COME VISIT! WE CAN WALK TO THE PARTY BARN!*
*i am not kidding.
LINKS
if you like the princess bride (i mean, if you’re a living, breathing human being), check out what’s happened to the cast of the film now that it’s been TWENTY YEARS (unbeliebs). i think the dredd pirate roberts might want to tell the castle kitchen staff to cut down on the carbs.
corey on corey action!!! for real!!! ok, actually, i got really excited when i read about it, but then i watched it and realized that i haven’t cared about the coreys since i hit puberty.
i didn’t see the aqua teen hunger force movie, but i wish theaters (excepting the alamo, obvs) would substitute this for “the twenty.”
i guess if i ever want to take a trend from a year ago and repackage it as a funny commercial, i should start drinking carlsberg beer.
speaking of commercials, here are the seven nominated for an emmy. wait, you can get an emmy for a commercial? are you serious? gah. award shows are so DUMB.
well, no smell gets me more excited than the combination of chlorine and sunscreen.
HA HA kidding, of course i get more excited when i smell fresh baked cookies (and NO yankee candle, i will not accept substitutions).
but in the non-food category, chlorine and sunscreen are truly the Scent of the Summer. and whenever my nose catches a whiff, my heart grabs a tube and splashes over to the schlitterbahn.
in case you didn’t know, schlitterbahn is german for “THE MOST AMAZING DAY OF MY LIFE.”
or maybe it’s “incredible” rather than “amazing.” my german isn’t that great.
REGARDLESS, the schlitterbahn is a behemoth of a water park in new braunfels, tx. and yes, i call it *the* schlitterbahn, even though meredith makes fun of me. i know how to give the schlitterbahn the respect it DESERVES, cos we have a v. long-lasting and loving relationship with each other. my grandparents lived in NB for many years, which meant every summer, the pitre family would pack a cooler, towels and a boatload of sunscreen spf 1,000 (queen of pale here!) and eagerly pass through the Gates of Water Magic.
from my eight year old perspective, the schlitterbahn was a fairy tale land of slides, chutes and tubes. there was even a pipe slide that came OUT OF A COKE FLOAT. YOU COULD SLIDE THROUGH A STRAW IN A COKE FLOAT.
see?
also, they used to store all of the inner tubes (black rubber, none of that fancy neon plastic crap) in one huge room, so you had to walk through a cavern of toppling tube towers and pick out yr favorite. even though i loved the Tube Cave, i wanted to hurry hurry hurry and just GET ONE ALREADY so i could jump into the water PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HURRY!
another neat thing about the schlitt is that they use water from the comal river (at least, in the original section of the park) so it’s more natural. plus, there are trees EVERYWHERE (see above photo). and did i mention you can bring yr own cooler of food and drink? like i said, MAGICAL WORLD OF WATER WONDER.
of course, the schlitterbahn has changed over the last 15 years. and by that i mean, it’s freaking huge.
that’s right, you have to take a SHUTTLE to get to the other section of the park. suck it, splashtown!
and as if you needed further proof, the schlitterbahn features the raging river, also known as THE LONGEST TUBE RIDE IN THE WORLD* (*their website says “probably.” i love that).
this summer, i took pants world along for the ride (har), and we got WET ‘N WILD!
yes, i did purchase an Official Schlitterbahn Waterproof Camera so i could blog about our day. i am, as you know, dr. professional.
i’m also a planner pants, so i made sure we were at the gates by no later than 9:50 AM. the park officially opens at 10:00 AM, and you have to get there AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE so you can claim a good picnic table. yr table location is VITAL, since it serves as yr home base for the entire day. continuing the pitre family tradition, i always grab a table next to the river and across from the lagoon:
after you claim yr table, you must then follow these steps:
1) jump around cos YOU’RE AT THE SCHLITTERBAHN!
2) apply sunscreen generously
3) FREAK OUT cos OMG OMG OMG TODAY WILL BE SO AWESOME!
4) get a locker for yr valuables
5) proclaim this day as the bestest day of yr existence
6) hop on the whitewater tube chute and SHRIEK like a BANSHEE COS THE WATER IS COOOOOOOLD!
the whitewater tube chute is probably my favorite tube ride at the park– it’s fast, exciting and v. v. splashy. i always ride it first thing cos it makes me feel like i just drank 75 cups of espresso. EEEEEEEEE.
you WILL get extremely wet on this ride. check out the fate awaiting meredith:
the schlitterbahn can also extremely relaxing. there are several circular rivers you can float on while pondering life and the 80s beach decor.
the first half of the day was overcast, which was fine with the whities like jessica, juliet and me. and then, right when we stopped to eat, it started raining. the ONLY time we needed to be dry (i.e. soggy bread grossssssss), it started raining.
sky, you are indeed cruel to separate me from my food. I CURSE YOU WHILE WEARING MY BIKINI AND SHIVERING!
cue everyone looking like cute drowned puppies.
also, cue damp cigarettes.
sorry, jessica, but the schlitterbahn doesn’t want you to get cancer! the schlitterbahn cares!
seeking a cure to our rainy woes, we hopped on the shuttle to the newer section of the park.
blastenhoff beach features my other favorite ride, which i call the Wave Mother Effing River.
i think blastenhoff is german for “you will go around the circle 45 times, nearly drown twice, inhale a ton of water, innocently elbow and kick yr friends, and HAVE THE BEST TIME OF YR LIFE.”
it actually stopped raining, but even if there had been massive thunderstorms, we still would have ridden the river until we collapsed from exhaustion on the cement shoreline. THIS RIDE IS AWESOME. see, you just float around (or swim) until a big wave comes (about every, oh 4 seconds) and SWEEPS YOU FORWARD IN A FROTHY FRENZY.
and now, a pictoral presentation.
here’s the wave, building steam. meanwhile, ray and i are making the ride-appropriate faces.
WE ARE ON TOP OF THE WAVE! VAYA CON DIOS, DUDE!
mid wave, RAY’S ELBOW JAMS INTO YR FACE!
the wave crashes, leaving massive euphoria and flip flops behind.
repeat until someone almost drowns or bruises cover 82% of yr body.
then, retire to the massive hot tub (with a swim-up bar) and toast to texas, a state big enough to handle something as monstrously awesome as the schlitterbahn.
Ich werde Sie im August sehen!!!!!!!!!!!*
*internet german translation for: i will see you again, perhaps in august, oh water wonderland where all of my dreams come true! I LOVE YOU AND YR POOLS OF EXCITEMENT!
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