the shaky hands: the sleepless
as summer rapidly approaches with the smell of chlorine and the promise of cheap drinks, i’d like to take a moment to appreciate spring.
spring means a lot of things to me: cadbury eggs, wildflowers, cute pictures of puppies in the grass
and of course, the urban hike.
as you may recall, last year we embarked upon the First Annual Urban Hike, an expedition full of treacherous cracks in the sidewalk and warm beer.
for the Second Annual Urban Hike (UH2K7), we decided to push the boundaries of danger to their EXTREME and actually walk through, like, a forest. our group of trailblazers met up at the crack of dawn (dude, at 11:00, the sun is BARELY up) armed to the teeth with survival gear: beer, snacks, water and a lethal sense of humor. lethal as in, bad. but if you can’t take a bad joke, you can’t survive in the wild. trust me.
we carpooled over to one of the entrances of the greenbelt, which is right off the freeway (hence, “urban hike” isn’t just a clever name. if it is a clever name. maybe it’s not. i don’t know).
i’m pretty sure this picture will grace the front of the new Urban Hike Official Media Kit:
seriously, is this a rice brochure picture or what? josh’s year of experience as a college president (i.e. fine upstanding citizen) really kicks in under the glare of the camera.
even though there was no threat of rain, it was actually… um… FREEZING!!!
hello? spring in texas? yeah, hey thanks for coming but uh AREN’T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE WARM?
but this is the urban hike, people. and it’s no place for pussies.
almost immediately upon entering the deep, dark forest, we encountered A CREATURE OF THE WILD!
yes, folks, it was a GATOR! no seriously, that’s what those little tractors are called. gators.
this is just one example of the many dangers inherent in the urban hike. and when nature doesn’t challenge us, WE CHALLENGE NATURE.
here we see josh undertaking Challenge #1, which was… kiss the bark? taste the bark? i don’t know, cos i was in the back of the line. anyway, the point is that you have to take risks on the urban hike, risks in the form of ridiculously silly bets, bets in the form of Challenges.
we journeyed deeper and deeper into the unknown…
after about fifteen minutes of intensive unknown, we decided it was time for a break. Official Breaks are the other part of the urban hike and serve as rewards for withstanding all of the Obstacles.
missy, erica and teresa were new to the urban hike, but they certainly weren’t neophytes when it came to Break Time! these girls were PROFESSIONALS!
speaking of professional, caitlin knew exactly the right types of supplies to bring on the hike. for such a draining journey, you need food stuff that will give you endurance, energy and clarity of thought.
you know that if the settlers of the old west could’ve eaten cheez-its, they would’ve been SO OVER cornmeal. i mean, hello? real cheese packed into a cracker! it doesn’t get moldy! it doesn’t need to be refrigerated! it just needs to be eaten!
Challenge #2: swing on a vine that may break any second now
henri took on the challenge first. while the vine didn’t break, he didn’t really get a good swing going.
erica, however, swung like sheba, queen of the jungle (did you guys ever see that movie? my parents rented it for one of my slumber parties in elementary school and, well, let’s just say that sheba’s outfit would make even bratz blush).
the third obstacle actually came from mother nature herself, cos she plays dirty! (get it?!!… dirty?… oh come on you guys).
Challenge #3: the trail is covered in rushing WHITE WATER RAPIDS
you’re supposed to be able to cross the water here, because it’s usually low. and sure, it’s not like 20 leagues under the sea or anything, but the water was FREEZING! and who wants to walk around in wet socks? wet socks lead to blisters which probably lead to dysentery, which will kill you and then the rest of us will have to bury you on the side of the trail with only a twiggy cross to mark the impact you made on all of us.
thus, we were confused.
confused and alarmed.
we sent out a scout with the hopes of discovering an alternative route. our fearless scout breathlessly raced back to report: “maybe? ”
i’m sure that lewis and clark encountered a similar dilemma, but i’m also pretty sure that sacajawea never pointed to a fork in the river/road/trail and said, “meh?” basically, i’m just saying that lewis and clark had it a lot easier than people think.
since we’re super troopers (and perhaps, also fools), we plunged blindly forward.
after defeating SLIPPERY ROCKS and NASTY GREEN MOLDY-STUFF, we discovered another trail! josh and henri paused to soak in the sweet sweetness of our victory.
mother nature, you can suck it! cos we beat yr little obstacle! so CRY ME A RIVER!
ha ha i know i’m hilarious.
one of the important life skills you learn from the urban hike is how to climb while carrying a beer.
if you can do this, you can do ANYTHING! ANYTHING IN LIFE THAT YOU WANT!
Challenge #4: limbo under the tree branch
even though this obstacle was totally NOT hard, tim cheated anyway. so i took a picture to catch him in the act! tim, if you move yr head to the side like that, it is TOTALLY LIMBO CHEATING. everybody knows that.
Challenge #5: walk on a branch as far out as you can over the cold, cold water
henri was the only one daring enough to face this obstacle. you can see the fear in his eyes… chilling.
since it had been AGES (and many obstacles) since our last break, we found the perfect picnic spot: a little pebble beach in the sunshine!
i felt like we were kids who had just discovered THE hideout for the summer, where we could get away from our parents and shoot off firecrackers and kill bugs and stuff.
erica and caitlin, luscious ladies of the green lagoon.
unlike all of these newfangled video games and talking robot elmos, on the urban hike, you make yr OWN fun, DANG IT! you fashion yr fun out of STICKS and ROCKS! COS THAT’S ALL YOU GOT IN YR XMAS STOCKING!
this is probably how baseball originated. except people back then were smellier than josh, probably.
a fierce amount of stone-skipping occurred as well.
kids, don’t try this at home. otherwise, you’ll be throwing rocks into yr furniture and walls, which is just, well, dumb.
with renewed spirits and refreshed tummies, our fair travelers were back on the trail!
i feel like this picture is straight out of lord of the rings. except instead of a ring, we had cheez-its that EVERYBODY wanted. sheesh.
Challenge #6: touch the nasty dirty old sock that someone left on a tree branch
this was probably the scariest thing we saw on the trail (well, except for the dead bird, which was soooo gross and smelly and there is no way any decent human being would take a picture of it, must less post it on his/her blog. but you can see it on henri’s flickr, if you want).
tim actually TOUCHED IT! OMGGGGG!!!!! LOOK AT HIS FINGER DIGGING INTO THE SWEATY DIRTY BACTERIA-LADEN COTTON!
erica practically KISSED the sock, and if i write any more about this, i’m going to throw up my szechwan chicken with noodles smart ones that i had for lunch.
nearby, we found the sock’s companion, rumpled and dead in the grass. it was kind of sad, really.
then henri found this shoe and threw it at me (which i’m gonna go ahead and count as Obstacle #7).
so i guess someone decided to take off their socks and shoes? why would you DO that? does SPLINTERS ring a bell?
Challenge #8: stand on a dead tree that is supported only by a vine that could potentially break at any moment
so this tree was randomly resting on a vine…
AND I WALKED ON IT! i even jumped on it a little, too, cos i love to flirt with disaster.

the beautiful sights inherent in the urban hike stretch beyond simple trees and water. there’s also a lot of man-made art, which some people call graffiti.
this is something you don’t get on just a plain old hike, folks. it’s gotta be URBAN.
a common rule for wildlife trails is: don’t take away from the beauty by picking a flower or stomping on a racoon. ADD to the beauty.
i figure this is a much better way to leave our mark than, say, littering.

henri considered this Challenge #9 (cos dude, the cops could’ve shown at any second!), so:
here’s a WONDERFUL photo of our brave group of intrepid, fearless explorers:
kinda looks like the cast of a reality show, doesn’t it? except i need to see MORE SKIN, PEOPLE!
Challenge #10: climb the rock wall and then try to get down
henri decided to attempt to scale the rock wall, cos we passed a group of people climbing with ropes, etc.
the rest of us kept walking under the assumption that he would climb right back down. instead, he got stuck. really stuck. further down the trail, we stopped to wait for him… NOT REALIZING that he was STARING DEATH IN THE EYE. i sent him a text that said, “TAKE FOREVER!” and now, when i think about how that could’ve been the last thing i ever said to him… i just… i should’ve said so much more…(sob).
Challenge #11: climb high up in a tree
josh makes it look so easy.
after several brushes with death (ok, well, the others may not count as much as the dirty sock, but still), we settled on some rocks near the water and soaked in the sun. it really was gorgeous.
even though josh is an experienced urban hiker, he hasn’t lost his sense of awe and wonder.
at this point, the batteries in my camera pretty much died. luckily, we were near the end of the hike anyway. we just walked more and then spotted a HUGE rock that was basically BEGGING us to settle on it. so we did, with our feet dangling over the water.
it was a very “stand by me” kind of moment.
we emerged from the forest into zilker park, where we were greeted by… an indian dancing festival! ok!
following the call of margaritas, we ended up at shady grove, where we were joined by jessica and benjy.

you know, urban hiking can really build up yr appetite.

unlike that picture, which COMPLETELY GROSSES ME OUT. i mean, the ONIONS! the RAW FREAKING ONIONS! it just goes to show that there are Challenges we all have to face in real life, too.
as we parted ways in the parking lot, i realized that we had all been changed by our journey together. nature brought out our carnal instincts, but it was love that kept us together.
URBAN HIKE 2K7!!!!!!
p.s. for more behind the scenes coverage, check out josh’s blog.




























































































































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