Poshdeluxe

“the party spilled into the street”

dear blog,

yes, it’s me. posh. WAIT WAIT don’t delete this! PLEASE! HEAR ME OUT!

are you still there? ok. whew.

so um. i’m really sorry. REEEEEALLY SORRY. sorry with whipped cream, chocolate syrup and a cherry on top. cos i have been the WORST blogger lately.

“worst” doesn’t even describe it? wha? well, i don’t think there’s any need for THAT sort of name-calling! sheesh! you kiss yr mother with that mouth?

see, the thing is, i’ve actually been working. a lot. no really! i’m serious!!!! STOP LAUGHING!! i’ve actually been, almost, like, stressed at my job. and so i really haven’t had one spare second to write a new entry.

whaaa? wait. stop. no. of COURSE you’re important. yes, you’re DEFINITELY worth more than a few seconds of my time! i mean… really. believe me. please? i swear.

ok i’ll PROVE it to you. here’s my loooooong overdue london post, part three:

december 31, 2006

before our big party on new year’s eve, amber planned an absolutely LOVELY, MAGICAL excursion to kew gardens for some ice skating!!!! never mind the fact that i am a horrible ice skater, and amber is practically a gold medalist (henri is somewhere in between, due to his extensive roller-blading). i was still super super excited. and then i got even MORE excited when i saw the rink!

no, this isn’t a christmas card. it’s a real place! and that house is apparently the largest glass house in the world. so, yeah, no stone throwing, please.

we got on the ice and immediately struck figure skating poses for the camera. cos why skate when you can stand still and look just like brian boitano?

all we need is more sequins. WAY more sequins. and maybe some fringe.

wow, i really AM good at ice skating!

the last time amber and i skated together, it was the year 2000, and we were in central park. i can’t believe that was almost seven years ago…

after a few minutes of skating, i realized that i was gliding (ok, hobbling) on top of a DEADLY WEAPON. apparently, in london they don’t believe in using a zamboni or keeping the ice frozen. oh no. this is REAL ice skating. you WILL skate through AS MANY PUDDLES AS YOU HAVE TO. and people did. and then people died.

ok, well, no one died, but we saw soooo many people fall. this one guy fell so hard that his head was bleeding all over the place. and they LEFT THE BLOOD ON THE ICE. and people SKATED THROUGH IT.

seriously. hard. core.

after that, the wall became my bestest friend.

when our time was up, we bought some mulled wine (another good reason to ice skate) and wandered around the gardens. we even got to explore this massive greenhouse!

dude, it’s HOT inside a greenhouse! i had to take off my coat and everything! i mean, i was sweating! but it was really nifty inside. and it smelled really earthy and green. sort of like how i imagined “fern gully” smelling when i was little.

in the basement of the greenhouse, we found an aquarium. you don’t know cuteness until you’ve heard little british children exclaiming, “look, daddy! look at that fish!” over and over again. i was proud of henri for overcoming his fish phobia enough to actually look into some of the tanks. my favorite fish would swoop down into the gravel on the bottom of the tank and then, when he swam up, he would poop out the gravel!!!! it was awesome!!!!
heading out of the gardens, we encountered a FOX!!! a real fox!! just hanging around, poking through some cabbage. everyone stopped and was like, “whoah. dude. it’s a fox.”

sorry the picture is blurry, but he was sly. cos he’s a fox.

we headed back to the apartment to make dinner and prepare for our NEW YEAR’S EVE EXTRAVAGANZA! for henri, that meant putting on a suit. for amber and me, it meant shrieking over our new dresses, applying make-up, fixing our hair, repeatedly asking each other how we looked, asking henri how we looked, and then shrieking some more.

the end result? beautiful party people!

of course, this extensive preparation requires champers.

did you know that there is NOT an open container law in london?!!!!!! helloooo? why is america so behind the TIMES?! in any case, we, along with ever other person on the tube that night, made FULL use of this legal knowledge:

arriving at kensington roof gardens, we discovered a LINE outside the door. surely, we thought, this is the line for silly people who didn’t have the foresight to purchase tickets in advance. SURELY.

but oh no. this was THE line. for EVERYONE. so we wait… and wait… and get v. v. irritated. people around us kept sending up ambassadors to determine what exactly was going on, but apparently the only problem was POOR PLANNING. all i can say is, if they had hired me to planner pants this thing, we would’ve been in the door and sipping on champers before we even knew it was 2006. anyway.

we finally got in and were greeted by girls dressed up like whores. oh yeah, there was a “moulin rouge” theme. an extremely, extremely loose theme.

once upstairs, we were given our own little bottles of moet.

hallo little moet! you are my favorite pet!

of course, the number of beverages in hand quickly increased.

fun game: count the number of beverages in this picture!

we wandered around the place and even ventured outside into the garden. however, apparently british people have something against heat lamps, cos there were only two. come ON people. if you go to the gingerman in TEXAS in december, they’ll have at least six on their patio! SIX! if this is capitalism at work, then call me j.p. morgan.

there was also a tarot reader at the party, so amber decided to wait in the long line to have her cards read. in the mean time, henri and i hit up the dance floor. after a while, we decided to try to find amber again, and on the way through a particularly clogged spot (near the VIP couches), the crowd pushed behind me and i ran into a girl. who promptly fell over the velvet cord next to her and onto the floor.

i said, “oh no!”

and then i said, “OHHHH NOOOOO” cos she quickly stood up and grabbed my arm while screaming obscenities at me. “are you gonna apologize for that?” she screamed. i said, “i’m sorry! i’m really sorry! the crowd pushed me. i didn’t meant to run into you.” and then she yelled at me some more while her friends surrounded me and one particularly tall, muscular girl blew cigarette smoke in my face.

it was like a scene straight out of “mean girls,” except british girls are scarier. especially their teeth.

thankfully, they let me scamper away, and henri was right behind me to make sure they didn’t try to pull my hair out or something.

as soon as the threat of immediate danger was gone, i started CRYYYYYYYYING.

see, i really hate conflict. and i reeeeeally hate the idea of being bitch slapped or punched. PLUS it was new year’s and i was all dressed up and i just wanted to look pretty and have a good time without the danger of being jumped by some ghetto british girls with cheap hair extensions.

henri tried to comfort me, but i just kept sobbing, “I WANT TO GO BACK TO AMERICA WHERE PEOPLE ARE NIIIIIIIICE!” then amber came over and took me to the bathroom and used her healing powers to calm me down and un-swell my eyes.

we then headed back to the dance floor for Intensive Therapy.

at midnight, they set off fireworks in the gardens! sure, they weren’t huge, but they were all spinny and sparky and v. v. festive.

note the cell phone picture snapped at the same time by a euro girl in front of me.

at midnight, i jumped up and down a lot, and then henri and i gave amber a big ole 2007 kiss:

we danced into the new year and bid a “later skater” to 2006. and it was absolutely marvelous.