i’ve had so many holiday thoughts i’ve considered posting to my blog, but then the holidays themselves proved too distracting. it’s been lovely, though, with christmas shows and surprise presents and time with old friends. if only i could close every year with such lovely, yet real reminders of the peaks and even the shadowed valleys– a glimpse of how far i’ve come, not only this year, but in all of these years. how far we’ve all come. but then i must look forward; i’m excited to see what lies around this next bend in the road (if there is a discernable road at all).
unlike 2005, i’m not so eager to kick this year out the door. but, with no choice, i figured i’d do it in style, so i’m traveling to london. there, i’ll lift my champers and make a toast in honor of this year, of boat parties and new loves and broken loves and boston and weddings and falling outs and forgiveness and cheese sticks and battered eardrums and mint julips at the ritz, oh what a year!, followed by a clinking of glasses with amber and henri as an emphatic a-men. A-MEN.
and then, sadly, sweetly, gladly, i will take 2006 gently by the hand and usher it to the door.
this song feels like hot chocolate warming yr insides
i hope you guys are prepared for an extremely cheesy and ridiculous post about christmas lights. wha? you came here for hard-hitting news? (ok if you did, you should read this salon article re: the myth about african american men and homicide. it’s pretty eye-opening).
ok now that we’ve got that “serious stuff” out of the way…
on tuesday night, a big, boisterous group of us kids hit up the trail of lights in zilker park. i’ve never seen the trail of lights. and, after seeing it, I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAVE NEVER SEEN THE TRAIL OF LIGHTS BEFORE. where have i BEEN?!! what have i been DOING?!!
the trail of lights is just one huge sparkling glittery bedazzled display of festive ridiculousness. which of course is my natural habitat.
here is the entrance:
i think that’s a pretty good indicator of what you’re getting into, yeah?
here’s our brave troupe of trailblazers (oh! ha!), minus henri, who did not feel like standing around for my third attempt at a picture.
doesn’t everyone look super ready to tackle the insane amount of electricity and cray cray families? YES! WE ARE EXCITED!
after the brazilliance of the entrance, it was nice to see a more simple piece:
these trees blinked on and off in tune with the charlie brown xmas theme song. i had a little awe moment.
the next exhibit was probably my favorite, cos it was EDUCATIONAL. first, there was a thunderstorm, and the water flowed into a little river…
and then after the storm, a rainbow appeared!!!!!!
speaking of gay,
matt posed all on his own, btw.
in spite of the cheesiness, there were a few majestic moments along the trail:
as we ventured along the path, i discovered my new dream home!!!!!
i mean, just LOOK at the sugar on that place. my only concern is the school district…
but who cares, when i’ll have a dancing cupcake lady as my neighbor?!
la la la! i’ve got sprinkles and frosting as my hair! la la la!
i also enjoy stars. here is a plethora of stars:
are you supposed to use “of” after plethora or not? i never know.
at the end of the trail, we reached the giant christmas tree. of course i laid down and made everyone huddle over me so i could get a shot like this:
those of you on the road trip of ‘01 may recognize this professional technique from the capital rotunda.
this is what the tree looks like, from a distance:
being inside of the tree is really exciting, like those tents you built as a kid. but instead of purple and green ’70s sheets, you’re surrounded by colorful, mesmerizing lights!
it made me want to spin around and around, but by then, my hands were v. cold.
so there’s yr virtual tour of the trail of lights. yes, it’s cheesy, but if you go with the right group, you’ll have a completely marvelous time.
and by “right group,” i mean the kind that will actually humor you when you say, “ok, i’m gonna take a picture of all of you guys jumping so… JUMP!”
so what if they can’t all jump at the same time. i’ll let that slide cos, hey, it’s christmas.
this morning, my co-worker told me about how her daughter, at age nine, still believes in santa. “is she too old to still believe?” anita asked me. she wasn’t worried, mind you, about her daughter’s fantasy life, but instead complained about how pretending to be santa was really getting to be a huge pain in her arse.
i tried to remember when i stopped believing in santa claus… i recall walking down the stairs of ascension day school while matt mckenzie (or maybe it was another boy– they all run together in my mind in a sea of loud obnoxiousness and fast, skinny legs) told me that of COURSE there wasn’t a santa claus and how could i be such a dumbhead?
but i fiercely resisted. i’d SEEN the movies. i’d READ polar express, and i wanted to hear the tinkle of that silver sleigh bell for my entire life.
and yet, a few years before, when my mother took me to see the acadiana mall santa claus, i refused to leave the department store dressing room. i was absolutely terrified.
yeah, i didn’t even make it near santa’s lap.
i guess i secretly knew that the mall santa wasn’t the same mystical figure of my dreams, the santa who sits by his cozy fire and reads children’s letters while sipping some (no doubt v. fine) hot chocolate.
as hard as i try, i can’t recollect when i stopped believing or why. maybe my parents finally told me? maybe one day it just stopped making sense, cos honestly, why didn’t the children in africa get presents, too? why was santa so stingy?
was i sad? upset? or did i take it in stride, since i was Older and Wiser?
i hate that i can’t remember, because i’m pretty sure that was my first experience with losing faith. and when i, digging through my mess of a brain, no longer find any memories of such a milestone, it feels as though i’ve assumed the life of a stranger.
i still miss putting out cookies and milk (and carrots for the reindeer. i always worried that people didn’t give them enough attention, even though they performed all of the manual labor). now, knowing the truth, i love the idea of my mom downing the milk and my dad gnawing off the end of a carrot. they wanted to keep the magic in my life a little longer…
but i cling to it, even though i don’t believe in santa anymore. i wish we still put out carrots for the reindeer. i wish i still stayed up, my ears straining for the sound of a sleigh hitting our roof.
maybe, though, it’s the wanting to believe that sustains the magic. there IS something amazing about the way christmas lights twinkle in the dead of night, the way gingerbread smells… not just a holiday magic, but an every day magic. i know it exists. i feel it.
i guess i just don’t want to be susan, who never came back to narnia, even though she fought battles there and trampled through piles of snow. she became too grown up to believe.
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