Poshdeluxe

music specifically made for strolling through the gardens at versailles [not available on amazon-- that's right, fools, you gotta go to france to get this business!]

in which our heroine pants experiences the three F’s:

fountains

fireworks

and, of course, food!

(what did you think they were?! whaaaaa)

FRIDAY

friday was bastille day, which in france sort of feels like the fourth of july (and i guess people died on both occasions, so it works) but with less barbecues and also less american flags. amber and i decided to do another day trip, this time to versailles, which i’d heard a lot about (obvs). also i consider this visit to be v. essential research and preparation for the new sofia coppola movie (and yes, i read the bad reviews and I DON’T CARE I STILL LOVE HER AND HER ARTISTIC VISION).

versaille was jaw-dropping. as in, my jaw fell onto the floor, and it took forever to find it (sort of like this morning when i lost my contact, but that’s a far less interesting story). i can see why the peasants got really pissed off at the french royalty. i mean, check out their digs:

if i were poor and french and living back then… well, that would suck, period, so of course i would turn to a life of crime and rebellion but i’m not so sure about the whole chopping heads thing cos that is g to the ross and i get queasy v. easily.

so we decided not to wait in the line for the inside tour, cos we really just wanted to explore the marvelous gardens. PLUS since it was bastille day, they turned on the fountains for two hours (apparently, the fountains are never on) which was fan fan fantastic cos this garden is famous for its fountains (and the incredible water system).

when you stand at the back of the palace, this is the view (before they turn on the fountains):

crap! i lost my jaw again.

so you see that pond-looking place at the top of the picture? well, that’s the canal, and you can rent a boat and row around in it!!! amber’s been dying to do this since she first visited versailles years ago, and hello, i was totally game. row boating? in france? in the summer sunshine? how perfect!

ok, so we had some problems.

first, ROWING A BOAT IS HARD. like, jazzercise never prepared my arms for this sort of work-out.

thankfully, though, amber is a hoss, so she took the first shift.

look at that determination and control. incredible!

here’s me, doing no work whatsover:

la la la!

so we got to the end of the canal and soaked up the amazingness of everything. it was a definitely one of those moments where i say, “this is the LIFE!” and i don’t say that all of the time (ok maybe i do but only when i’m really enjoying something, like a margarita or a cookie).

but then… we got stuck. since we were in the more exposed part of the canal, the wind pushed us into this corner. AND WE COULDN’T GET OUT!

here is the view from stuckville [you can see the part of the palace that was undergoing reconstruction]:

sure, sure, it LOOKS pretty, but in reality it is A TERRIFYING PLACE. cos hello how were we going to get out?! and we had to return our boat in an hour or pay lots more, which, given the exchange rate for moi, is not a good thing.

so amber rowed and i rowed and suddenly my canoing skills from childhood came back to me (probably cos of the intensity of this near-death experience) and we slowly turned around and then WE ESCAPED.

it was like avoiding the guillotine at the last minute, so to speak.

here’s me, telling the lake who’s BOSS:

yeah, THAT’S RIGHT, lake, I’M IN CHARGE.

and yes amber and i are wearing the same shirt.

after we climbed out of the boat (whew), they turned the fountains on!! awesome!! we began roaming around the gardens, which are basically like huge open hedge mazes. and, as many of you know, I LOVE HEDGE MAZES. notice i even used “love” instead of “lurve.” i’ve told many, many people that if i am ever rich, one of the first things i buy will be a hedge maze. i am serious. then i can have masquerade balls and play kickass games of hide and seek (but i’m not inviting any cray people, cos they tend to kill people in hedge mazes).

i digress.

the great thing about the gardens is that you never know when you’ll stumble upon a fountain (well except we did cos amber had a map), and so when you encounter one, it’s a fun surprise! here’s the entrance to one, to give you an idea:

yeah yeah tourists shmourists.

you guys. i have NEVER SEEN SO MANY FOUNTAINS IN ONE PLACE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. but the amazing thing is that you never get tired of them, cos each one is so impressive and neat and then you start thinking about how it took 40 years to create the garden and you can’t believe they had this kind of plumbing technology back then, especially when even now you don’t really know how it all works.

so here’s one of the bajillion fountains:

and here’s amber sitting in front of my most favorite favorite one:

i know, this is like, a xmas card picture but who cares cos this fountain is I.N.C.R.E.D.I.B.L.E. oh and so is amber.

as we walked around, i wondered what it felt like to be marie antoinette and just wander around the garden whenever she wanted to and throw parties and wear splendid gowns. i mean, this place makes you *feel* royal:

plus, throughout the garden there are hidden speakers that play music (my link at the top) specifically designed for when the fountains are flowing (not different music for each one, but overall). i really really really felt like i was in a movie. which i lurve.

at the end of the afternoon, they turned all of the fountains off to conserve water and energy for the big finale at neptune’s basin. so lots and lots of people sat down on the grass around the basin and waited.

then, suddenly, WHOOOOSH!!!!!!!!

it was so GRAND. and sure, the jets of water don’t move like they do at the bellagio, but i was still so blown away by the majesty and history and engineering of the whole thing. i took a movie of the show but i don’t know how to put it online (yet).

anyway, versailles was absolutely lovely, and i can’t wait to see “marie antoinette” and say, “hey! i’ve been there! and there! and holy cow i was there too!” until someone shuts me up with alamo french fries.

but the day wasn’t over yet.

when we arrived back in paris, amber and i got ready for a bastille day party that catherine had invited us to… at a diplomat’s house… with a balcony that overlooks the eiffel tower… and thus creates the perfect vantage point for the fireworks show.

SWEET CRACKER SANDWICH.

as soon as we got to the party, i attached myself to the balcony, cos i needed the BEST VIEW POSSIBLE. sort of like how i made everyone get in line three hours early for lord of the rings, spiderman, stars wars (sorry), etc. etc.

LOOK AT THIS VIEW:

and then… the fireworks began!!!!!!!!

HOLY CRAP.

I CANNOT BELIEVE I AM HERE! seriously, i am the luckiest girl in the whole universe in all ages of time.

after about 15 minutes (impressively long), the show ended, and the eiffel tower began to sparkle sparkle sparkle:

i like that picture cos it looks like the tower is dissolving into thousands of little stars.

since amber and i were dressed up and looking fine, we decided to put on our “scandalous” faces and recreate our picture from 2005:

princesses of pout.

after the fireworks show, i’m sorry to admit that i didn’t care at all about the rest of the party, so we soon left to go to a bar in amber’s neighborhood. we got a little sidetracked in the metro, when we had the brilliant idea to photograph ourselves interpreting various metro ads.

what, you’ve never thought of doing that?

here are the blue ribbon winners:

i only wish jenna had those bumblebee tights in real life.

amber really nailed this one.

I’M A DOGGIE I’M A DOGGIE I’M A DOGGIE.

i had to turn away cos catherine brought a tear to me eye.

so that was my bastille day in paris. it was way more fun than the french revolution (in my opinion).

[yes there are still more posts coming]