Poshdeluxe

music specifically made for strolling through the gardens at versailles [not available on amazon-- that's right, fools, you gotta go to france to get this business!]

in which our heroine pants experiences the three F’s:

fountains

fireworks

and, of course, food!

(what did you think they were?! whaaaaa)

FRIDAY

friday was bastille day, which in france sort of feels like the fourth of july (and i guess people died on both occasions, so it works) but with less barbecues and also less american flags. amber and i decided to do another day trip, this time to versailles, which i’d heard a lot about (obvs). also i consider this visit to be v. essential research and preparation for the new sofia coppola movie (and yes, i read the bad reviews and I DON’T CARE I STILL LOVE HER AND HER ARTISTIC VISION).

versaille was jaw-dropping. as in, my jaw fell onto the floor, and it took forever to find it (sort of like this morning when i lost my contact, but that’s a far less interesting story). i can see why the peasants got really pissed off at the french royalty. i mean, check out their digs:

if i were poor and french and living back then… well, that would suck, period, so of course i would turn to a life of crime and rebellion but i’m not so sure about the whole chopping heads thing cos that is g to the ross and i get queasy v. easily.

so we decided not to wait in the line for the inside tour, cos we really just wanted to explore the marvelous gardens. PLUS since it was bastille day, they turned on the fountains for two hours (apparently, the fountains are never on) which was fan fan fantastic cos this garden is famous for its fountains (and the incredible water system).

when you stand at the back of the palace, this is the view (before they turn on the fountains):

crap! i lost my jaw again.

so you see that pond-looking place at the top of the picture? well, that’s the canal, and you can rent a boat and row around in it!!! amber’s been dying to do this since she first visited versailles years ago, and hello, i was totally game. row boating? in france? in the summer sunshine? how perfect!

ok, so we had some problems.

first, ROWING A BOAT IS HARD. like, jazzercise never prepared my arms for this sort of work-out.

thankfully, though, amber is a hoss, so she took the first shift.

look at that determination and control. incredible!

here’s me, doing no work whatsover:

la la la!

so we got to the end of the canal and soaked up the amazingness of everything. it was a definitely one of those moments where i say, “this is the LIFE!” and i don’t say that all of the time (ok maybe i do but only when i’m really enjoying something, like a margarita or a cookie).

but then… we got stuck. since we were in the more exposed part of the canal, the wind pushed us into this corner. AND WE COULDN’T GET OUT!

here is the view from stuckville [you can see the part of the palace that was undergoing reconstruction]:

sure, sure, it LOOKS pretty, but in reality it is A TERRIFYING PLACE. cos hello how were we going to get out?! and we had to return our boat in an hour or pay lots more, which, given the exchange rate for moi, is not a good thing.

so amber rowed and i rowed and suddenly my canoing skills from childhood came back to me (probably cos of the intensity of this near-death experience) and we slowly turned around and then WE ESCAPED.

it was like avoiding the guillotine at the last minute, so to speak.

here’s me, telling the lake who’s BOSS:

yeah, THAT’S RIGHT, lake, I’M IN CHARGE.

and yes amber and i are wearing the same shirt.

after we climbed out of the boat (whew), they turned the fountains on!! awesome!! we began roaming around the gardens, which are basically like huge open hedge mazes. and, as many of you know, I LOVE HEDGE MAZES. notice i even used “love” instead of “lurve.” i’ve told many, many people that if i am ever rich, one of the first things i buy will be a hedge maze. i am serious. then i can have masquerade balls and play kickass games of hide and seek (but i’m not inviting any cray people, cos they tend to kill people in hedge mazes).

i digress.

the great thing about the gardens is that you never know when you’ll stumble upon a fountain (well except we did cos amber had a map), and so when you encounter one, it’s a fun surprise! here’s the entrance to one, to give you an idea:

yeah yeah tourists shmourists.

you guys. i have NEVER SEEN SO MANY FOUNTAINS IN ONE PLACE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. but the amazing thing is that you never get tired of them, cos each one is so impressive and neat and then you start thinking about how it took 40 years to create the garden and you can’t believe they had this kind of plumbing technology back then, especially when even now you don’t really know how it all works.

so here’s one of the bajillion fountains:

and here’s amber sitting in front of my most favorite favorite one:

i know, this is like, a xmas card picture but who cares cos this fountain is I.N.C.R.E.D.I.B.L.E. oh and so is amber.

as we walked around, i wondered what it felt like to be marie antoinette and just wander around the garden whenever she wanted to and throw parties and wear splendid gowns. i mean, this place makes you *feel* royal:

plus, throughout the garden there are hidden speakers that play music (my link at the top) specifically designed for when the fountains are flowing (not different music for each one, but overall). i really really really felt like i was in a movie. which i lurve.

at the end of the afternoon, they turned all of the fountains off to conserve water and energy for the big finale at neptune’s basin. so lots and lots of people sat down on the grass around the basin and waited.

then, suddenly, WHOOOOSH!!!!!!!!

it was so GRAND. and sure, the jets of water don’t move like they do at the bellagio, but i was still so blown away by the majesty and history and engineering of the whole thing. i took a movie of the show but i don’t know how to put it online (yet).

anyway, versailles was absolutely lovely, and i can’t wait to see “marie antoinette” and say, “hey! i’ve been there! and there! and holy cow i was there too!” until someone shuts me up with alamo french fries.

but the day wasn’t over yet.

when we arrived back in paris, amber and i got ready for a bastille day party that catherine had invited us to… at a diplomat’s house… with a balcony that overlooks the eiffel tower… and thus creates the perfect vantage point for the fireworks show.

SWEET CRACKER SANDWICH.

as soon as we got to the party, i attached myself to the balcony, cos i needed the BEST VIEW POSSIBLE. sort of like how i made everyone get in line three hours early for lord of the rings, spiderman, stars wars (sorry), etc. etc.

LOOK AT THIS VIEW:

and then… the fireworks began!!!!!!!!

HOLY CRAP.

I CANNOT BELIEVE I AM HERE! seriously, i am the luckiest girl in the whole universe in all ages of time.

after about 15 minutes (impressively long), the show ended, and the eiffel tower began to sparkle sparkle sparkle:

i like that picture cos it looks like the tower is dissolving into thousands of little stars.

since amber and i were dressed up and looking fine, we decided to put on our “scandalous” faces and recreate our picture from 2005:

princesses of pout.

after the fireworks show, i’m sorry to admit that i didn’t care at all about the rest of the party, so we soon left to go to a bar in amber’s neighborhood. we got a little sidetracked in the metro, when we had the brilliant idea to photograph ourselves interpreting various metro ads.

what, you’ve never thought of doing that?

here are the blue ribbon winners:

i only wish jenna had those bumblebee tights in real life.

amber really nailed this one.

I’M A DOGGIE I’M A DOGGIE I’M A DOGGIE.

i had to turn away cos catherine brought a tear to me eye.

so that was my bastille day in paris. it was way more fun than the french revolution (in my opinion).

[yes there are still more posts coming]

some hot french rock action

guys, guys, i’m back!

and i came back with the following things [most of which are still in my suitcase, which has been stuck at la guardia airport for three days. yay!]:

1) wine

2) green glitter shoes

3) a tutu skirt

4) gifts that cannot be mentioned otherwise the surprise would be spoiled

5) some cd’s (obvs)

6) victoria beckham’s autobiography (fantastic plane reading)… don’t pretend like you don’t want to borrow it and learn all about the inner workings of the spice girls and david beckham’s underwear. i know you do.

7) cookies from ladurée (already consumed)
over 633 pictures

that’s right. i took a crapload of photos. for yr sake, however, i scaled them down to about 400. a mere 400!! to see all of them (organized in sets, for yr convenience), go here.

of course, i’ll be posting some pics in xangaland to illustrate all of my european pantsing. and, since amber and i did so so so much, i’ll break up my adventures into a few entries.

otherwise i might get carpal tunnel, and that is gross.

SO so so so

SATURDAY/SUNDAY

here is how i got to paris:

chicago –> new york –> boston –> manchester –> paris

–> major pain in my arse

but the time traveler’s wife and victoria beckham really helped me out.

when i finally reached paris, i took a bus to the opera to meet amber. so this is the first thing i saw:

not bad, right?

amber and i SQUEEEEEEED for a little while, then i had an espresso. because that is the natural order of things.

since i was in france for the last game of the world cup, we headed over to jenna’s apartment (yay! jenna!) to watch the game on tv. i met amber’s delightful friend, catherine, and we settled down on the bed for a picnic.

we had yummy french foods, like wine and cheese and… pringles. but they were paprika pringles!! do we have those here?!!! holy hell.

anyway we watched the game, and by that i mean, we talked talked talked and occasionally looked at the screen. like every other person in france, we stared at the multiple slow motion shot of zidane head-butting that other dude. just watching it made my head hurt.

so, france lost. which i’m sure is a bummer for them. but i was ok with it.

MONDAY

amber had to go to work, so we had breakfast together… which means MY FIRST CROISSANT OF THE TRIP. and yes, it was awesome. here’s me, in what has become a picture i must take on every trip:

oh sweet sweet nectar.

i got that hat in the manchester airport, when i had about six hours to kill. yeah!

so amber went to work (the suck), and i set off to explore like a freaking dora. i want to warn you that most of the pictures i took during the first three days (with amber working) don’t really have a lot of people in them, so they are not as silly and perhaps not as entertaining. but i think they’ll give you a good *feel* for the city. and the city enjoys being felt.

first, i walked around the tuileries garden, which is so grand and classy-feeling. look!

the last time i was here, in february 2005, there was like, no green. so i decided to head over to the luxembourg gardens, which were a big ole patch of dead during my previous trip. i walked a long, long way. i saw this little pink car and wished i was a child with a credit card:

but my trek to the gardens was rewarded by AWESOME SPLENDOR:

this place, like, emits postcard waves.

also, i found some fantastic floating art:

i’m just glad there was no snot.

ANYWAY

the whole place just makes you wanna go

it’s like an applause sign, but better.

the gardens also feature a super cool playground, but you have to pay to get in!! wtf?! so i sat outside and got cray jealous of all of the fun going on. i mean, check out this ride:

i have the feeling that this particular playground feature would never make it in the states cos it would be “too dangerous”. gah, why are american parents so lame?!!! anyway, henri, can you get one of these for yr backyard? thank you.

i was supposed to meet jenna for lunch, but i, uh, got lost. cos i didn’t have a map, i just had these “paris walks” cards that amber gave me. “paris walks” is apparently not concerned with the names of streets outside of the official “paris walks,” let me tell you. so i found a payphone and called amber so jenna wouldn’t think i’d overdosed on croissants and fallen into the river (by the way, i just looked at my credit card bill, and that call cost me almost $20. i am not kidding. now i wish i had at least carved my initials into the booth or something).

i stumbled upon the preparation for a rally in support of the french team (even though they lost– so that was v. sweet of the rally organizers). and i’ve decided that buildings should really wear clothes more often:

even just a touch of flair can transform a building’s body image:

i bet that simple sash makes the national assembly feel really pretty.

eventually, i wandered back to amber’s apartment. she lives in a pretty cool (but touristy) neighborhood with lots of art galleries. and get this: on a nearby street, there is a private art club called “incognito,” where members know the door code and can come in and hang out whenever they want. HOW COOL IS THAT?

the pictures on the right are of all of the members with green cat eyemasks on.

we have GOT to start a club like this in austin. i think we’ve already got the people and the goings-on, we just need a space. preferably a pink one. ok? ok.

TUESDAY

after my daily dose of esspresso and croissants, i wandered around amber’s neighborhood and then over to notre dame, where i would meet up with paul (who you may remember from last time) and christian for their “french connections” bike tour. even though i’ve seen notre dame before, i still found it to be completely awe inspiring:

inside, there were lots of tourists. but i ignored them and tried to feel spiritual, which wasn’t v. hard, given the atmosphere.

i found paul and christian and met the other members of the group, two girls about my age and a dad (mark) with his eight year-old son, nicholas. nicholas and i immediately fell into conversation about marine life and foreign countries (he’s been to waaaay more than me). when i told mark (who was from california) that i lived in austin, he said, “ah! i like austin. they have this GREAT movie theatre there where you can get food and beer while you watch the show!” heh.

biking through paris was really, really wonderful. i felt just like amelie, with the wind rushing around my body and the sights and sounds of the city sweeping past me.

i mean, doesn’t it just look glorious?!

nicholas asked lots of questions and always raised his hand first, because he is polite.

paul and christian did a great job, so if you or people you like ever visit paris, tell them to check it out! but also ask them to raise their hands before asking questions, cos it’s more fun that way.

the tour ended at the eiffel tower, so the guys let me bike over to get a closer look. first, here’s me and my bike! yay!

biking up to the eiffel tower was one of my favorite moments of the whole trip. even though the tower is such a cliché of paris, it still exudes such history and grandeur.

it’s easy to see that i was in the middle of a “pinch me!” moment:

oh wow oh wow!

after the tour, amber took me to a restaurant called le relais de l’entrecôte, where i had THE BEST STEAK OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. HOLY CRAP. you guys. it’s like, the top of the fortune 500 of tasty business. amber agreed.

and the best part? just when i was thinking, “oh man, i wish there was more steak and french fries on my plate,” they BROUGHT US SECONDS. we didn’t even ask! it’s a part of the meal! SECONDS!!!!

that is BRILIANT.

so of course, after getting seconds, we had to find some ice cream. we walked across the river to what amber considers to be the best ice cream shop in the country. and i would have to say that amber is v. smart. and v. correct. cos SWEET CRACKER SANDWICH this ice cream was so good, i wanted to get a room with it. one flavor in particular, caramel with salted butter, made me go temporarily blind from the deliciousness. but i recovered, cos being blind in paris would suck.

here’s amber and i, doing what we do best:

ice cream, my amber pants, paris at night… oh life! you are grand!

[to be continued]