Archive for May, 2006

nacholicious pants

Published by
Sarah
May 31, 2006 in alamoing and cray. 1 Comment

we didn’t start the fire… but we may have started a new all-american sport.

the alamo preshows just keep getting nastier and crayer by the week.

quick recap:

first, i poured diet coke all over myself on a trampoline for MI3.

then, three of us each attempted to eat 300 communion wafers and 30
little cups of wine for “the da vinci code” (as josh pointed out, it
was like stuffing yr face with packing peanuts). after about 20 wafers
i just stuck with the wine. cos i am a smarty pants.

last week, i got pelted with eggs from a parking garage for “x-men 3.”

but on memorial day… THINGS GOT INTENSE.

and the worst part is that it was kinda my idea, so i really can’t
complain. i will say, however, that I’M AN IDIOT… and perhaps a
genius. after reading this blog entry, i think you’ll be able to make
up yr own mind (much like watching “trapped in the closet” and
determining r. kelly’s IQ).

for the “nacho libre” pre-show, we decided to do the GROSSEST most NASTIEST thing in the HISTORY of the UNIVERSE:

wrestle in nacho cheese.

soon, lots and lots of alamo audiences will have the opportunity to be
completely freaked out and swear off queso for the rest of their lives
(or at least a few days, cos hey, it’s texas).

so, first, henri got a baby pool:

thank you, mandy, for serving as le pool model. next time you’ll get a palm tree, i promise.

next, we bought several cans of “nacho cheese” from fiesta, and henri
even threw in some velveeta (which actually burned the bottom of the
pool and made it smell like somebody threw a sam’s pack of those
handisnack cheese thingies in the oven. oh gah).

at first, the pool looked kind of neat, like a piece of wannabe pollack art:

soon, it would not look so great.

first round: kc vs. josh

and yesh, that red stuff is salsa. G to the ROSS.

kc and josh held nothing back as they took each other down into the cheddar zone.

at first, kc seemed like a lost cause, but by using my nifty “sports action” camera feature, i captured her incredible comeback:

kc = WINNER! ding ding ding!!!!!

of course, it might depend on how you define “winner”:

i was relieved to see that the match had not dampened the love between
these two beautiful people. in fact, i think the wrestling may have
even produced some major sparkage…

or not.

josh seems to be showing a lot of team wiess spirit right here:

is he ready for beer bike or what?

round 2: scott vs. anthony

these guys got down and dirty immediately, but the crowning moment occurred when patrick jumped into the ring with a chair.

i lurve how this is basically just a cheesy mess of arms and legs, i.e. deluxe nachos.

round 3: sarah vs. michael

michael saved me from a brush with cheese whiz death by suggesting we
thumb wrestle. of course, there’s plenty of dirty fighting in thumb
wrestling, too.

michael has a moment of regret:

i have many, many moments of regret:

hellooooo, squishy pants!

the only problem with cold, slimey cheese (wait, strike that– one of
the MANY problems) is that you can’t get any traction on yr opponent’s
hand. every time i pinned michael down, the cheese served as a
lubricant and allowed him to free his thumb.

i had to pull out my special weapon to get the job down: MY PINKY!

thank the sweet heavens that i won, cos the loser had to take off
his/her shirt (in an ode to “girls gone wild,” and hello i can’t
believe they’ve never thought of doing this). michael pulled off his
shirt to reveal, “SPRING BREAK ‘98″ on his chest.

then henri poured champers all over us!

there i am, bemoaning the waste of good (ok, cheap) champagne. le sigh.

henri then jumped into the pool so that he, too, could smell like a concession stand.

i think my face says it all in this picture:

(and you can see a bit of the writing on michael’s chest)

patrick was nice and hosed me off. check out my cheesy bum!

here is the result of our incessant violence and cheese obsession:

you may have seen this picture on craig’s list, cos henri posted it as “a free kiddie pool… with slight cheese damage.”

and he got two responses!

now THOSE people are cray.

p.s. if you want to see even MORE pictures, go to my flickr. but if you’re lactose intolerant, that might not be such a good idea.

yolk in my hair

Published by
Sarah
May 26, 2006 in cray. 0 Comments

as mentioned below, here’s me, attempting to be jean grey.

gah.

i swear the x-men never had to deal with flying eggs in the danger room (insert nerd laughter).

summering

Published by
Sarah
May 22, 2006 in this post will conform to no category!. 0 Comments

this little girl beats the pants off karen o. check it out.

dear xangaland,

you know yr life is delightfully ridiculous when you wake up to
discover that yr hair smells like eggs, and there’s a quickly
developing bruise on yr hand from attempting to catch said eggs after
they are dropped from the seventh story of a parking garage.

everything will be illuminated when the x-men 3 pre-show premieres. but until then, uh, mega gross.

seriously, i don’t think i’ll be eating eggs anytime soon.

in the meantime, here are a few things i’ve enjoyed over the past few days:

  • peanut butter cookies
  • judging amy (obvs!)
  • rewinding (three times) a particularly hot expression on the face
    of jonathan rhys meyers while watching “bend it like beckham” with
    hilary
  • listening to “oh yoko” on repeat
  • reading this article: “in america, seduction is dishonest”
  • yelling obscenties at the character of avery with kc, hilary and kiersten
  • floating on a noodle in pace bend
  • anticipating the pants world reunion

yeah, summer is pretty marvy.

trust me, i’m a professional clergy pants.

Published by
Sarah
May 18, 2006 in cray. 0 Comments

with great power comes great responsibility. just ask the streets.


so, even though i still have two more years of grad school, i’ve just
experienced my latest professional achievement: ordination.

that’s right, xangaland. i’m now an official minister… of the universal life church.

which means i can order a “mini clergy package,” featuring, among other holy things:

  • imprinted ordination credential certificate, with printed gold seal, suitable for framing.
  • deluxe credit card style wallet credential

PRINTED GOLD SEAL?!!! DELUXE credit card style (!!) wallet
credential?!!! wow. that would make me feel waaaay more official and
capable of exorcising demons, performing circumcisions, etc.

ye olde high school friend becky asked me to officiate her wedding, and
so, because i love her deeply, i underwent the grueling process of
getting my pants ordained.

picture a training sequence from “rocky.” then picture the random
person in the background, just hanging out and maybe drinking a beer.
that was me.

like i said, whew!

anyway, i’m excited about my new profession. but with success comes haters. and by haters i mean josh.

last night, we filmed the pre-show for the “da vinci code.” without
giving everything away, i’ll just say that it involved henri, josh and
i stuffing our faces with communion wafers. now, some might consider
this blasphemous behavior, but it’s NOT. hey, i should know. i’m
clergy, yo.

anyway, i think josh is a little unsettled by my newfound spiritual wisdom. here’s our email exchange from this morning:

JOSH:

sarah, i’m worried about you.� ever since you joined the universal
life church, i feel like you’ve changed.� You’re not the same person,
and I’m scared.� I’m calling the Cult Intervention Hotline.�� I’m just
worried that some day, before you know what hit you, youre going to be
Wife Number 8 for some “compound representative” and start every
sentence with “My Lord and My Husband say…”STEP BACK FROM THE BRINK NOW BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE
ME:

HEY NOW.people who stuff their faces with THE BODY OF CHRIST can’t really SAY much, CAN THEY? BLASPHEMER?!judge not, josh. judge not LEST YE BE JUDGED.
JOSH:*burp.

ME:

why are we so hilarious?

JOSH:

that’s like asking why butterflies are pretty.� We are very specially
evolved creatures who have developed survival mechanisms allowing us to
cram the funny into people’s laugh-holes.� this allows us to propogate
our genetic line.

ME:

so, does this mean that if you and henri had kids, they could cram 500
communion wafers into their mouth-hole instead of just 300?

that’s freakin’ holy.

i think my survival mechanism involves pants.

speaking of evolution, now that i’m clergy, maybe i can start solving mysteries! just like father dowling!

mission: incredibly possible

Published by
Sarah
May 16, 2006 in cray. 0 Comments

here’s the first mission, as promised below.

CURSE YOU, WHITE BREAD!

[ok, in response to comments, when you flatten three pieces of bread,
then fold it in half and take a big bite... IT'S THE GROSSEST THING
EVER. and that is how i explain my response. if you don't believe me,
try it. YOU'LL SEE]

even if it’s not a milestone, we’ve gone a great distance

Published by
Sarah
May 12, 2006 in growing up and pantship. 0 Comments

the first track from the powersuite soundtrack


five years ago, on this day, i graduated from college.

in the power suite, we drank mimosas made with cheap champagne. my
whole being bubbled with giddiness before i even took my first sip, and
we hugged each other over and over again. i didn’t want to let go. i never do.

every moment felt like an overexposed snapshot– a trick of the light made me wonder, “is this real?”

but it was. and i looked at the faces that made up my every day, and i couldn’t fathom the depth of the space they occupied.

my whole life was open and scary and inviting.

and i guess it still is.

and we jumped on the couch to the beat of “intergalactic” and packed
away our things and gazed up at the ceiling we painted together.

over the past five years, the angles of our faces sharpened while the lines blurred.

but the way we danced, on that day, hasn’t faded from my memory.

even though i’m tired and life is heavy, i smile. because i know we’re still dancing.

maaaaaawage

Published by
Sarah
May 9, 2006 in extravaganza. 0 Comments

has this song been ruined by the radio yet?


so, there’s this thing happening where people are getting married. and by people i mean my friends.

it’s sort of like a disease, but a good kind. like, no one has fingers
rotting off or super gross blisters or cray behavior. ok well maybe a
little cray behavior. but in general, people seem to get calmer and
more adult-like and they start buying houses and sometimes they even move far away from me, which I DON’T LIKE. not at all.

anyway, two weeks ago i attended the wedding of some rice friends,
winston & eden. the number of times that people, during the
ceremony and reception, said, “winston/eden has the biggest heart of
anyone i know,” reached a number whose name must end in some sort of
googley-sound (like zoolander pronouncing “eulogy”). but all of those
people were right– winston and eden truly have hearts of gold. like,
the merging of the two equals the net worth of a small african country
(is that wrong to say now?).

here is the beautiful (diseased) couple:

the wedding was far, far away in suburbia land, so we got to ride two
big buses from downtown. the shuttles were packed with rice people (who
clean up really nicely, by the way), so it felt like we were all going
to rondelet (rice formal). except with less sunburns and water balloon bruises.

we sat in the back of the bus, cos we’re cool. ben and matt sat behind
us, making them at least twice as cool. plus they brought flasks of
whiskey. TRIPLE COOL!

it’s nice to know that some things never change.

the whole shebang happened at the northgate country club (located
somewhere west of the mississippi) which features a nifty mirrored
ceiling in the entryway. a mirrored ceiling that begs for wannabe
artsy photos:

sorry, kc, i didn’t mean to split you in two like that.

at the wedding, there was a CRAPLOAD of rice people. i mean, just look:

is this picture ready for the owlmanac or what? (heh, nerdy rice alum joke!)

sofia, thank you for looking directly at my camera. apparently even *i* couldn’t manage that.

after the beautiful ceremony, we got to sit down and eat lots of crazy
delicious food!!! this is probably my favorite side effect of the
disease (until people start having babies, ANYWAY…). and, of course, our table was the best and coolest table.

i posted that photo cos i think kc looks gorgeous. and also to make up for later photos in this post. ahem.

the power suite totally represented on the dance floor (with generous
help from kc and henri). it felt like a college night dance party,
except without the beer-stained ambiance of the acabowl.

it was great to see steve and ben or, as i call them in this picture,
“the good ole boys.” (can you use that phrase without invoking racist
understones? cos there’s no racism. although they’re both v. v. white).

i swear i didn’t photoshop a cigar out of ben’s hands.

after the marvy soiree, henri, kc, sofia and i headed over to la carafe
to meet up with meredith and matt. this provided me with yet another
chance to overuse my camera and play with all of its high-tech
functions.

that’s meredith in star jones mode. oh how i heart her!

i put these two pictures together in order to give you the feel of our actual conversation:

kc: “I’M SO SERIOUS!”
meredith: “uh, i’m so sure.”

we left the bar and attempted to gain entry onto the roof of the
magnolia, which features a fabbity fab jacuzzi. unfortunately, the door
was locked. so we hung out in the exercise room instead. yeah, i know,
it makes perfect sense.

kc was apparently hypnotized by the whirr of the treadmill. kc zombie pants!

matt and henri took olivia newton john to the next level while on the elliptical machines.

oh sweet cracker sandwich.

this photo looks like something in a frickin’ diesel ad.

obviously, pants world has some OTHER sort of disease going on.

but i’m ok with that.

b is for BOSTON (PANTS)!

Published by
Sarah
May 4, 2006 in voyages. 0 Comments

��� brought to you by party ben.
this mash-up is so, so sweet.


hey hey so i went to boston for a day and a half!

the coolidge (a theater in brookline) flew up henri for the r. kelly sing-along (no really, they did), so i came along!

here is the theater. isn’t the sign nifty?

the godzilla versus king kong stickers are maybe the best part. i wish
they had made a sticker of r. kelly, but you can’t have everything.

they’re currently remodeling the theater, which includes brightening up
the original paint on the ceiling. sort of like the sistine chapel.
except more art deco.

you may already have the feeling that i like using my new camera. if so, you’re right.

the brookline neighborhood feels like sunnydale, in that it looks like
a tv set. there are cute little shops that line the roads, and peet’s
even offers free coffee from 1-3 PM! holy crap! the only problem is
that, like sunnydale, everything closes at 8 PM cos people are scared
of vampires. well, actually, i don’t know what the brookline people are
scared of, but it better be something good, cos HELLO?!!! what are we
supposed to do after everything is closed?!!

thankfully, we found a craptastic “irish” pub down the street that
stayed open late. it was full of deaf people (for real), so it was
crowded yet eerily quiet. man, deaf people can really put it away.

here are two items inside of the bar:

i took this picture cos:

1) the sign mocked me. of COURSE it’s better than across the street, cos across the street = CLOSED. gah.
2) maybe this is wrong to say, but is that the creepiest looking
leukemia girl or what?!!!� i told henri that i think she is
probably dead already. and i’m sorry i said that cos it sounds callous
but look at her!

oh and earlier in the evening, we went to a nearby sushi place that amber recommended. check out the little sushi moat!

no, the sushi on the boats isn’t real. but if you thought it was, don’t
feel bad. this totally hilarious bostonian couple came in and wondered
aloud, “do you just eat it off the boats or what?” henri and i smiled
and felt superior, cos we knew it was plastic.

our whole trip was made possible by clinton, the program director at
the coolidge. clinton is really cute and wears vests and a hat. i also
convinced him to get ice cream at the public gardens without even
trying.

hi clinton!

clinton had a “choose yr own adventure” book in his pocket. i took a
picture of this illustration, cos the monster in the back gives me the
HEEBIE JEEBIES!

i chose to close the book immediately after taking this picture.

boston in the spring is absolutely GORGEOUS. although it’s still kinda
cold. we walked through the public gardens, and i felt like things
couldn’t get any better (but they did!).

this looks like a calendar picture. but these tulips, unlike the sushi, are for real.

the best aspect of urban parks, in my opinion, is the opportunity to
watch lots and lots of people enjoy themselves outside. and by people i
mean little children. little children really take advantage of public
space, like rolling around on the lawn 10 feet away from a “do not step
on the grass” sign.

i lurve how her feet are up in the air in reckless and v. pink disregard for the law.

in the gardens, there’s a famous series of statues based on the book
“make way for ducklings.” the sculpture itself is called “make way for
henri.”

boston has lots of cool old places where revolutionary things happened.

boston also has the north end, which is basically like little italy.
which means it is FULL OF CRAZY DELICIOUS THINGS. we stopped at a
charming little cafe where henri tried cannoli for the first time (i
know, it’s cray).

he looks nervous, but holy cannoli, it was awesome.

also we drank lots of espresso, which is just normal behavior.

sometimes photo opportunities are SO OBVIOUS.

this is the best sign i have ever seen:

i like how the ice cream is an afterthought.

later in the day, we met up with michael (from the road trip!) in
harvard square and had yummy indian food. then michael and i went to
the SNOBBIEST “pub” ever where you have to order food in order to sit
down, and it smells like fried fish.

i couldn’t even handle how uppity the cheese menu was, so i took a picture:

the morbier description is the best one.

after escaping the pub, we headed back to sunnydale, i mean, brookline
and got ready for henri’s show. and of course it went AWESOMELY. you
can even see a clip of it on youtube if you want.

then we flew to houston for winston and eden’s wedding. but that is for another post.

and because i can’t help myself, i’ll leave you with another picture of a little one from the public gardens.

yeah, boston was pretty great.

 

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