Archive for March, 2006

birthdays & bachelorettes

this song feels like my birthday

so, my birthday was last sunday.

and if you know me at all, you know that i think that BIRTHDAYS ARE A BIG FREAKING DEAL.

mostly cos i like any excuse to eat yummy food, consume sugar and be around my fantastic friends.

and i like presents. yay!

i write all of this to preface the fact that this post is CHOCK-FULL of pictures.

see, i got a digital camera from my mom and dad… oh sweet cracker
sandwich. if you thought i took a lot of pictures BEFORE… a digital
camera in my hands is like a tool of the devil. I CAN’T STOP.

and yes, i am the last person on earth to get a digital camera.

otay, so friday night i drove to h-town and went to chacho’s (obvs)
with ray, juliet, amy, jessica and sofia. i would link all of their
names, cos all my friends are SO ONLINE, but i’m lazy.

i taught everyone the ASL sign for “turtle” cos it’s my favorite. and they all did it, cos it was my birthday. see?

saturday my parents took me to lunch. i heart them.

that night, i attended the bachelorette party for becky, ye olde friend
from high school (and get this– i’m actually performing the ceremony
in june. holla!!! i promise not to read 1 corinthians… unless becky
wants me to).

this party was CRAY CRAY.

first, there was a lingerie shower. we played a game where everyone had
to draw different “types” of penises (like, “ready for action” or
“after a cold shower”) on little pads, and then becky picked the
winners.

and yeah, it’s silly.

BUT MY MOM WAS THERE.

my mom was THERE, and she drew penises.

AUUUGHH!!!!

seriously, i think this is why i drank so much later. i tried to blot out the memory of this happening.

does that make me immature?

the best part was that my drawings won “best in show.” i don’t know what this says about me.

anyway, here’s becky, wearing the requisite bachelorette gear:

here’s becky’s little nephew, mason, who is Really Excited about lingerie.

after the shower, five of us girls hopped into a limo and headed downtown.

and OF COURSE we had to have champers.

apparently, very complicated champers.

cheers, dahhhhlings!

since i had just received my camera that day, i was required to take
lots of “abstract” pictures that “look cool.” here’s one of becky in
the mirrored celing of the limo:

so we headed to the village, got hit on by 45 year-old men (if anyone
needs the advice of an ex-cop, i’ve got his card. it’s blue plastic. no
really, it is), then headed downtown.

let’s just say… we� had a really good time.

MOVING ON

on sunday, i headed back to austin for a night of CRAY CRAY karaoke.
i’m starting off with this photo cos it truly captures the Fine Essence
of that evening:

i wish i was multi-cultural enough to have two awesome korean guy
friends in austin, but i don’t. those guys just work there. but they
totally ruled. more on that later.

so first, i get back to my apartment… and LOOKEE!! it exploded birthday!!!!!!

thank you, henri pants!!!!

and now everyone on the internets knows what my apartment looks like. hmm.

asks me how long i’m gonna keep all of that stuff up. THAT’S RIGHT! FOR-EVER.

anyway, we were planning on eating at jorge’s, but then matt called and
informed me that it is closed. perhaps for all of eternity.

BOOOO.

so we tried out santa rita, a place by my house that none of us have
ever been to before. and while that’s usually not a good idea, we
discovered that… yeah, it’s not a good idea.

ok actually it was super fun, but not cos of the restaurant. it’s cos we are silly, silly people.

here’s me and kc. check out the cool mirror behind us. you KNOW i took lots of “abstract” photos with that thing.

josh scares me sometimes. like right here. he’s offering me the Purple Cup of Death. eeeeee.

ok the following two pictures are THE WORST PICTURES I HAVE EVER TAKEN.
sure, there’s the photos i took when i got my first camera in 6th
grade. but they PALE in comparison to these monstrosities.

so please prepare yrself. i will say that both of these pictures
involve the disturbing use of fajitas. if you have a problem with
fajitas, LOOK AWAY!! NSFW!!!!

first, here is henri. oh gross.

next, here is matt. it looks like he may actually be trying to snort the fajita.

GAH.

ok quickly quickly moving on

josh messed up the table while making a tiny ball with aluminum foil
from the total of four tortillas we were given (santa rita must be at
war with some other mexican place, cos they are SERIOUSLY rationing).

he tried to cover it up with a napkin but WE ALL KNEW.

after matt snorted the fajita, he became quite surly. kids, this is what drugs do to you:

afterwards, we drove over to austin karaoke, which has a BITCHIN’ sound
system. and i never EVER use the word “bitchin’,” so you know it must
be good.

it’s also v. v. complicated. the remote was as big as my head. here’s
one of our new friends, trying to explain it (keep in mind that ALL of
the buttons were in korean. seriously).

and then guess what?!! josh and kc and henri made me cupcakes!!!!!!

CUPCAKES!!!!

and they decorated them all purdy.

and by purdy i mean charmingly wonky.

the one in the middle has either a penis or a manatee on it. you decide (and NO MY MOM DIDN’T DRAW IT. gah, you guys).

we gave some cupcakes to the karaoke guys, and they LURVED them. in
fact, when we checked out, they gave me a gift certificate for my
birthday!!! how neat is that?

the microphones made our voices sound SO INCREDIBLE. i think it went to
josh’s head… isn’t this the ultimate “suck it, paparazzi!” photo?

the first song we did was, OF COURSE, november rain. josh even brought
a wig! i lurve this picture cos it is the closest i will ever come to
being a rock star. esp. cos the photo has the “we’re rocking so hard,
it’s blurry!” quality.

josh and henri are a grrreat karaoke duo. here they’re either
performing “take on me” or “gettin’ jiggy with it.” apparently both
a-HA and will smith generate the same dance moves.

kc and i put a lot of emotion into “eternal flame.” i think i almost cried, it was so beautiful.

i believe that kc and josh are singing “oh darling!” (the beatles song)
here but i’m not sure. regardless, kc’s expression is… what IS it?

this was matt’s first time to karaoke. awww!!! i think he’s singing
“creep” in this photo. later we sang “wonderwall,” and i pretended to
get in a fight with him at the end.

[note the flask in his hand... a sure sign that he is my friend]

henri and i performed “separate ways” by journey, which was AWESOME. i
think both of us were meant to be in 80’s drama bands. i mean, just
LOOK at the expression on my face.

that is some INTENSITAH.

anyway, there’s a ton more pictures from becky’s party and my birthday at my new flickr site (cos heaven knows you haven’t seen enough pictures of people with microphones and contorted facial expressions).

and the bottom line is that i had a wonderful birthday. and i’m older.

and i’m v. v. blessed.

honestly, i think the world would be a better place if everyone did a little more karaoke.

sociobiology

i can’t seem to stop reading salon.

from a fantastic interview with sociobiology founder, edward o. wilson:

But this raises another question. I know evolutionary biologists
disagree on this point — whether there is some inevitable progress in
the course of evolution. In other words, once the simplest forms of
life appeared on Earth, was it inevitable that eons down the road, some
highly intelligent creature would evolve — like humans?

Yeah, philosophers love this question, and scientists like to stay
away from philosophers. To get involved is like a bird landing on
tangled foot. Let me see if I can square away the idea of progress. If
you define progress as an increase in complexity — say, going from a
simple bacterium-like organism up to an advanced animal or human
society — there’s no question that evolution has progressed. But if
you see it as some kind of teleological force that is moving evolution
along, that there will be progress in the universe from A to Z, you
cannot see that in evolution. Progress is basically a human concept.

On the other hand, if you subscribe to the evolutionary
viewpoint, but you also want to find some larger purpose, it would seem
to be comforting that evolution moves toward greater complexity. It
will keep evolving into something that’s bigger and greater.

Well, I’m an existential conservative. I take the view that the
human species has evolved to be a biological part of this biosphere. We
belong in this biosphere. We are intimately connected to it. Our
physiology, our psychology. This planet can actually be a paradise if
we use our intelligence to make it so. That, to me, would be progress.

and

I guess I’m asking a slightly different question of you
personally. Would you like there to be evidence of God? Forget about
this as a great scientific discovery. Just personally, given your
background, would that be thrilling? Would that be comforting?

Well, it would certainly give you a lot of material to study and
think about the rest of your time. But you didn’t ask me the right
question.

What’s the right question?

Would I be happy if I discovered that I could go to heaven forever?
And the answer is no. Consider this argument. Think about what is
forever. And think about the fact that the human mind, the entire human
being, is built to last a certain period of time. Our programmed
hormonal systems, the way we learn, the way we settle upon beliefs, and
the way we love are all temporary. Because we go through a life’s
cycle. Now, if we were to be plucked out at the age of 12 or 56 or
whenever, and taken up and told, now you will continue your existence
as you are. We’re not going to blot out your memories. We’re not going
to diminish your desires. You will exist in a state of bliss –
whatever that is — forever. And those who didn’t make it are going to
be consigned to darkness or hell. Now think, a trillion times a
trillion years. Enough time for universes like this one to be born,
explode, form countless star systems and planets, then fade away to
entropy. You will sit there watching this happen millions and millions
of times and that will just be the beginning of the eternity that
you’ve been consigned to bliss in this existence.

This heaven would be your hell.

Yes. If we were able to evolve into something else, then maybe not. But we are not something else.

THE MONOLITHIC SXSW 2006 POST

oh TWEEEEEE!!!! also i would like to join the animal band on the cover of this album. thank you.

dum dum duh dum, dum duh dum, dum duh duuuuuuuuum!

ok, so i’m probably the tardiest person of all time in posting about sxsw.

but there’s just sooo much… it’s soooo hard! oh whiiiiiiiiine.

in order to make it more fun for you, reader pants, i’ve put in a
few songs here and there so you can listen and know exactly what i’m
talking about. cos music is a universal language. just like food.

FIRST

and this is huge

I GOT INTO EVERY SHOW I WANTED!!!!!

ok, well, except for the beastie boys “secret” show. but it was a
seriously half-hearted effort, cos i’ve already seen them, and i was
pretty sure we weren’t gonna get in.

but our 10 minutes in line (before we changed our mind and headed to
mugshots, which is always GUARANTEED to be good time) was totally worth
it cos tim and i GOT FREE ICE CREAM!!!!

apparently there is this guy, “the
ice cream man”, who travels around the country and goes to rock shows
and gives away free ice cream.

i had a coconut popsicle. it looked sort of like this:

ok, no it didn’t. but how cute is that little picture?!!

anyway

wednesday night

we headed to stubbs to see the new pornographers (i sang along like a
lunatic children’s show host) and belle & sebastian (they are so
sassy!!!! heart them!!). before they started, though, we had
to stand through a band called brightblack morning light.

more like brighblack morning SUCK. GAH. they were sooooo boring that we
thought they were just tuning their instruments for the first 15
minutes. turns out that was like, one longass song. the gate people at stubb’s gave us some cool plastic
glasses, perhaps in the hopes of distracting us from the CRAP of the
music.

(these girls are having waaaaaay more fun than we did. plus they are sitting down in comfy chairs)

the glasses did not help. although i wore them longer than anyone else. just to be dumb.

also, i got to see my old rice friend jen hitt!!!! we reunited in the
middle of a huge crowd (kind of like a climactic scene in a world war
II movie but we didn’t cry, we just hugged. and no one had died, thank goodness). yay jen hitt!

after B&S ended, we headed over to the parish to see art brut. they
are super funny, even though the lead singer has a gross child molestor
mustache. which is apparently IN right now. ugh. and no, i don’t want a snickers.

see? they’re funny, cos they switched up their pictures. oh silly art brut!

also i like the fact that there is a girl in this band.

thursday

we tried to get into a day show at la zona rosa, but it was private. i blamed tim.

but it worked out, cos we went to a super fun show at home slice pizza
on south congress. it’s always great to see good local bands, like
zykos and the glass family, and i was really excited to see irving and
+/-. by the way, you can’t google “+/-”. i think those are some sort of
crazy computer code terms. fyi.

during a particularly terrible japanese band called luminous orange,
josh brought oranges!!! he didn’t even know!!! i am stealing this
picture from henri’s xanga to show you how cute josh was:

notice that the sxsw wristbands were hot pink this year. AWESOME!

i can’t remember what the hell we did between that show and going downtown. hmm.

oh yeah! free ice cream!!!!

anyway, at 8:00 we showed up at the parish for john vanderslice, the
NICEST INDIE ROCKER EVER. seriously. i wish he was my uncle or
something. plus he’s a fucking awesome songwriter.

then there was another barsuk band called criteria or something. amy
and i had seats on the bench against the wall, and we both realized
that we really, really like sitting down during shows. which makes us
LAAAAAAME.

so we continued to sit through the starlight mints, who are quirky but not the showmen i thought they would be. ah well.

then henri and i headed over to exodus to see the lovemakers!!!!!
yay!!! i was super excited, cos this band (from oakland) is seriously
fun and seriously HAWT. and i don’t mean they look like models. i mean
they strip down during their shows and make out with each other. and
when i say “they”, i mean the lead singer boy and girl (and then there
is a random older guy who just does his thing… it’s like the “one of
these things is not like the other” game).

see?


note, though, that my “pants” belt buckle is waaaaay cooler than hers.

here’s another picture from henri’s camera, so you can get a better idea of the hawtness:

after the show, we met up with josh, winston and tim in line at the
parish for nada surf. we got *inside* of the building, but then they
kept us waiting near the stairs… and i got nervous. i mean, sure,
i’ve seen nada surf a couple of times (including just a few weeks ago)
but COME ON. while we were waiting, this band aquaduct started playing
(downstairs) and yelled their name a lot. so we started punctuating our
conversataion with “AQUADUCT!” that was fun, at least for about 10
minutes.

then YAY!! WE GOT IN!!!!

and of course nada surf totally ruled. even though they were having
sound problems, and the guitar player with dreads (who i totally ignore
by sometimes closing one eye during their shows cos he seems like such
a douche) kept complaining. and then the band wanted to keep playing
(to make up for lost sound time) but the parish made them stop. so the
audience was all, “BOOO!!!!!!” and as we reluctantly headed out, one
guy yelled, “THE PARISH SUCKS!!!” and the sound guy got on the mike and
started calling people out. it was really funny and weird, like an
indie rock riot (anonymous yelling of snarky comments with absolutely
no violence so as to maintain hair).

friday

we got an early start (and by early i mean before noon) and headed over
to the pitchfork day show. little did we know that patton oswalt would
be “hosting” the show, so we got to hang out with him! if hanging out
means looking over at him in the crowd incessantly in a stalkeresque fashion. although i did talk to aziz, who is not as famous and therefore more approachable.

i *finally* got to see josé gonzález play… and he was amazing. as in,
i found myself floating away and then had to remember to breathe. gah
gah GAH!!! he even played his cover of “teardrop” which is freaking NOT
OF THIS WORLD.

wow.

anyway, then we saw some djing (one of the dudes from ladytron) and
observed all of the freakishly hipster clothing around us. i know
everyone has already complained about this, but apparently CERTAIN
PEOPLE ARE NOT LISTENING so it needs to be said again:

WHAT IS UP WITH THE BANDANAS?!!!!

seriously, hipsters, please stop. right now, BEFORE SOMEONE GETS
HURT. i mean, i’ll take trucker hats over this ANY DAY. and that says a
lot.

(if you want more examples of the incredible wardrobes we saw during the festival, check out the ultimate hipster photographer, cobra snake).

anyway

then hot chip took FOREVER to set up. patton kept telling jokes to kill
time, and then the lead guy actually got *annoyed* with him for being
on stage!! which was lamer than the pink and black flannel shirt he was
wearing. stupidhead.

after ALL OF THAT TIME, hot chip started playing and the sound STILL
sucked, so amy, tim and i left and headed over to the pok-e-jo’s day
show. it was wonderful wonderful! we sat on the ground in front of the
stage and watched the essex green, britt daniel, camera obscura and
robert pollard (patton even showed up AGAIN! i told you we are like,
totally best friends now).

the essex green even played my favorite song!!!!

plus jessica and i developed major girl crushes on the keyboard player
for camera obscura. i mean, look how precious!! (and keep in mind she
has a scottish accent)

jessica: “i want to put together a puzzle with her!”

also, robert pollard rules. here’s a song to prove it.

robert: “45 minutes isn’t a lot of time for drinking and bull-shitting, so let’s do this!”

after the show, we headed to el chile for a yummy dinner. i had one of
those “i love you guys!” moments. ok, i had several. but everyone is
just so GREAT!!!

after dinner, henri and i went to elysium to see princess superstar,
who is sort of like the american hip-hop version of peaches. the bass
line was so EXTREME that it kept throwing the projector off… they
ended up duct taping it… three times. now that is hard core.

the boy least likely to came on afterwards, and they are SO FUN!! plus
one of the lead singers had on the most ADORABLE yellow and pink
striped sweater with a sheriff’s star pinned on it.

their website is also the cutest. thing. ever.

also i made a new myspace friend, janet. YES! now i will appear to be even more incredibly cool and popular on the internets.

then a funny thing happened… henri’s brother, erik, called us to say
that there was NO LINE for the arctic monkeys. which is really cray
cray, cos we didn’t even TRY to get into that show cos everyone said it
would be packed by 7 PM.

so we headed over to la zona rosa and just walked right in!!!!

i’m glad we saw them, cos they are Such A Big Deal right now but… the
lead singer is an ass. which isn’t really surprising, since he’s only
like 18 and super famous. still, pardon my british, but he was an
annoying little git.

they do write damn catchy songs, though.

the only other bad thing about the show was that SOMEONE KEPT FARTING.
seriously. it was BAD. it turns out that we (henri, erik, winston and
me) were standing right next to the culprit (some middle aged yuppie
dude) but didn’t know it (erik stayed for the whole show — we left
early– and overhead him admit it). GROSS!!!! GAH!

we finished off the night with snow patrol, who are v. nice and also
awesome. no git-ness here! they played lots of stuff from their
upcoming album, and i think it’s gonna be a good record.

saturday

i know, this is like, the longest post ever, right?

saturday was rainy pants. so we took the opportunity to have a yummy
and leisurely brunch at the south congress cafe. our waitress
accidentally broke henri’s mimosa glass all over us. it was kind of
scary. SHARDS OF GLASS!

then we went to the flatstock show at the convention center, where lots
of artists show off and sell their nifty concert posters. IT WAS
AWESOME. i bought a super cute poster from mike budai
and i still have my eye on a picture of three bunnies on a donut with
pink frosting and sprinkles (not a surprise, since most of the art i
lurve involves food).

THREE BUNNIES ON A DONUT!

this is what happens when you google image the words “bunnies” and “donut”:

we headed back to pok-e-jo’s cos i was DYING to see the long winters.

little did i know that this would lead to the Most Magical Moment of sxsw 2006.

so, since it was raining, they moved all of the bands into this
barn-type structure, lit only by little xmas lights. when we arrived,
jason collet was playing… he kind of reminded me of ryan adams, which
is a good thing. then we got to see john vanderslice again, which made
me sooo happy. and matthew caws (from nada surf!!! le sigh!!!)
spontaneously joined him during one of the songs!!!!! i thought i would
die from happiness but LITTLE DID I KNOW what was coming…

by this time, the crowd wasn’t too huge, but we were all huddled around
the band area… i was in the front, about two feet away from where the
lead singer would be. the long winters set up their gear… and i saw
matthew caws tuning a guitar… what, was he a roadie now too? DARE I
DREAM that perhaps he would play a song or two with the band?!!!!

yes, virginia pants, dreams can come true.

first of all, let me just say that the long winters ARE AMAZING. i
would gladly see them again about 20 more times. they are laid back,
with a great sense of humor and of course, fantastic musical ability.

but then it happened.

it was time for their last song… and matthew caws picked up the
guitar… and THEY PLAYED MY MOST FAVORITE SONG OF ALL TIME: “the
commander thinks aloud”
. if you don’t download that song right now, you
obviously hate life.

xangaland, it was incredible. my heart soared as the whole crowd sang
along and i jumped up and danced and felt the space between my feet and
the ground. i can’t describe it without sounding incredibly cheesy
but… yeah. i wanted the song to go on foreover and usher me into the
heavens.

i didn’t want to leave that place.

john vanderslice didn’t want to, either. he said so.

and at the end of the song, matthew caws said, with audible joy and
anguish in his voice, “that is my favorite song, of all time.”

wow does not even cover it.

here is a picture, via henri:

so yeah, anyway…

in a major change of pace, we saw morningwood at la zona rosa. and i
have to say, the lead singer is a fucking BADASS. gah. during one song,
take off your clothes,” she got a girl up on stage and stripped her
down while singing into the mike that she stuck into the girl’s bra. as
in, whoah.

i had a great “this is sxsw and i am rocking out” during “jetsetter.”

i stuck around for the stills, who were great, then headed over to
catch be your own pet, this punk group of HIGH SCHOOLERS. and,
wow. they really do rock. the lead singer is like a future karen o and
kathleen hanna COMBINED. yowza. i just hope she doesn’t get pulled into
the dark side of rock and roll’s moon before she turns 20.

and then i was tired. v. v. tired.

and that, my few-friends-still-reading-this-post, was my sxsw 2006.

I CAN’T WAIT TIL NEXT YEAR!!!!

so, between now and then, anyone want to start a band? art brut told me i had to. i can, um, yell “pants” and stuff.

liquid ice

um.

please read yet ANOTHER gem of hilarity from michelle collins about liquid ice.

this is the best distraction i’ve had all day from my sxsw withdrawl:

“It’s kinda like biting into a fiery fish egg! Gigantic caviar!! Or like popping a pimple on the face of Wrigley’s corpse in. your. mouth.”

oh gah, now i want to try it.

just like xmas

a sample from last night. and now i really wanna dye some easter eggs.

SWEET FUCKING CRACKER SANDWICH!!! SXSW STARTS TONIGHT!!!!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

ok, ok ok.

actually, sxsw started last week, with the film and interactive stuff.
i actually saw a few films over the weekend, all of which i *highly*
recommend. first, tv junkie,
the most disturbing film i’ve seen since “requiem for a dream”… and
it’s a documentary, people. a documentary like nothing you’ve ever
seen. also saw this film is not yet rated
which is a FANTASTIC glimpse into our completely ridiculous (and highly
classified!) movie rating system. ran into sabrina and todd at AMERICANese, an asian-american film about a break-up. yeah. it was painfully beautiful.

then last night, we caught the comedians of comedy tour at emo’s, which RULED THE SCHOOL. seriously, i haven’t laughed that hard since the bathroom scene at posh night this summer.
and it felt soooo good… until tim and i rammed our heads together as
we doubled over with laughter. ouchie. and we weren’t even drunk!!

if this tour is coming through yr town, GO GO GO GO GO.

no seriously, go.

this is my last day of work for the week, and I CAN BARELY STAND IT.

my plan for tonight:

1) try to hit the rollins show at 4:30 (i.e. leave work a TAD bit early)
2) eat something
3) get in line at stubb’s at 7 for the new pornographers (10) and belle & sebastian (11)
4) attempt to get into the parish to see art brut at 1:00 AM
5) talk excitedly with amy and tim until we all fall into rock comas

6) wake up and do it again! BUT ALL DAY!!!!!

IT’S LIKE CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

picasso pants

are you listening to my sxsw mix yet? well, what else have you got to do?!!

oh, well:

if you’ve ever wanted to be yr own picasso, go here.

art is fun!

bonus inspiration: picasso does shannen doherty, courtesy of gallery of the absurd:

caffeinated chapstick

this song perfectly embodies how the below product might make you feel.

YE GODS!!!!!!

Spazzstick Caffeinated Lip Balm

Yes, you read right. Lip Balm infused with caffeine. It was developed
by an Alaskan Police Officer who needed both quality lip balm for the
cold and the ability to stay awake during long shifts. What else could
you use to fight chapped lips and fatigue? You need to buy this. Be the
envy of everyone on your block. Comes in two flavors. Mint and Vanilla
Toffee.

i… it… lip balm… hemeh… caffeine… my favorite things… i… wants… uh…� EGADS!

p.s. here’s a little wonder showzen for yr day.

file under unnecessary

John Travolta will take on the role of Edna Turnblad in “Hairspray,” a coming film adaptation of the hit Broadway musical based on John Waters’ 1988 film. Travolta will star opposite singer-actress Queen Latifah, who has signed on to play Motormouth Maybelle, according to New Line Cinema.

seriously. hollywood. when you’re making a movie that’s based on a musical that’s based on a movie…� don’t you ever think that maybe the recycling should end?

i mean, yeah.

cottage fries

a song for a thoughtful day

for a fabulous photographic recap of heyzeus, posh d. and slyeye hitting h-town last weekend, go here.

i will warn you though: the post may make you v. v. hungry. and if
you’re in houston, and you can easily drive to house of pies and eat yr
very own cottage fries covered in cheese, then i hate you.

but not really, cos i don’t hate anyone.

i do hate mosquitos, though. and they’re coming, so enjoy the outdoors while you can.

wow, i didn’t realize that this post would take such a sinister turn.