secrets of pantsing
to quote from meredith’s latest myspace bulletin:
“Tomorrow the
lovely Posh and I will embark on the most kick-ass, scandalously fun
road-trip of all time. We’re heading to Vegas and will end up in San
Fran for New Year’s. Expect wild stories. Expect ludicrous pictures.
Expect late night drunk dials. See you guys in ‘06.”
yes, yes and yesssssss.
polaroids and stories to be posted after january 4th.
here’s to the blankest year, my dear friends.
merry christmas, xanga land.this past weekend, i headed over to houston with kc, josh, meredith and
hilary for jessica beck’s fabulous birthday/xmas bash and to celebrate
the fact that i am:
DONE WITH GRAD SCHOOL!
for the semester, that is. but still! WOOO!
on saturday, josh, kc and i went to chinatown to enjoy *delicious*
dumplings with winston and eden, then we entered the wacky world that
is the hong kong city market. i think i saw two other white people
there… which is one of the things i miss the most about houston.
diversiTAH!
anyhoo, on the way inside, we met a cousin of my car: fishmonger thomas!
fishmonger thomas really, really lurves fish. he wants you to know. by
the way, that’s fish. not phish. in case you were wondering. and i’m
glad that my thomas prefers cookies. they smell a hell of a lot better than fish. or hippies.
so, the best part of the hong kong city market (and that might actually
not be the proper name… my memory is terrible) is the supermarket
inside. oh and the bubble tea.
yuuuuummy bubble tea. you are so sweet & tasty and the little
tapioca balls are so chewy and oh yum and i also luuuurve the big
straws!
where was i?
oh yes, the grocery store. so, this place is ca-razy. and it smells a
little strange. and it’s full of delicious asian food, like sesame
balls and red bean cakes. and also not so delicious things, like the
tuna-flavored hard candy that kc bought for her brother.
GROSSSSSSSS.
basically, it’s a haven for “engrish”, like this:
josh and i weren’t sure what joss cups are really for, but we disobeyed
the sign and attempted to “OPEN” them. but they don’t really… “OPEN”
or anything. so i don’t know what’s up with that. maybe joss means
crappy. or broken. or stupid american.
also these little plastic bears really freaked us out. i mean, the idea
of of an animal being chock-full of worms doesn’t exactly make my
tastebuds tingle… even pastel-colored ones.
i lurve how the bear on the top left looks totally looney tunes, like
the worms have eaten his entire brain. la la la! i’ve got worms! la la
la!
we had an absolute FIELD DAY in the candy aisle. these pictures aren’t the best, but i’ll try to transcribe:
“pay attention, the brad-new taste is popular. the dainty cyclone is coming.”
dainty cyclone might make a cute band name, btw.
oh man this one is great. although i can’t quite read most of it, my favorite part is clear:
“… color so alluring and taste and aroma so gentle and mellow offer admiring feelings of a graceful lady.”
basically, i think they’re trying to say that this candy is better than sex. which is entirely possible.
later, we enjoyed the spectacle of spec’s (ha… sorry, i can’t help
myself), and matt bought us all peppermint sticks that reduced us to
little, slobbery children.
see how precious?! candy candy candy pants!
after a FANTASTIC dinner at matt’s apartment, i basically forced our
entire group to drive around and look at all of the fabulous xmas
lights in river oaks. because i am totally gay about xmas.
my goal each year is to find this horrifically huge and hideous angel
that one rich family proudly puts on display cos, well, they’re rich
and they don’t care. if they want to put up an ugly ass angel for the
poor folk to enjoy, well, they fucking will!
i never remember where this angel is located, but i manage to find it
every year. it, like, calls to me with its creepy angel song.
here it is:
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
notice: this thing is like two stories tall. i got out to take a
picture of it (for xanga, of course), and i noticed another guy getting
out to take a picture too. but i don’t think he was joking. and then
ray shot me with his new ninja gun (thank you, jessica) and i was sort
of afraid that the angel of xmas/death would come to life and kill us
both with fiery holiday wrath.
but it didn’t. because christmas is a time for hope and giving.
SWEET CRACKER SANDWICH!
the first wave of sxsw bands has been announced… and, i know i say this every year, but holy crap, CAN IT GET ANY BETTER THAN:
oh wow wow wow wow! i wanna go NOW NOW NOW!
this is excellent friday news. la la la!
this is a newborn baby panda.
i’m sorry, but ewwww.
i thought it would be…. cuter. and have eyes. and stuff.
do yrself a huge favor and check out some samples from cat power’s new album (comes out january 24…� something to look forward to in a month that is usually so drab).
incredibly, incredibly beautiful.
and it makes me ask myself the question from one of my favorite movies, that coincidentally jessica just posted as well:
“sometimes i wonder about my life. i lead a small life . . . and
sometimes i wonder, do i do it because i like it, or because i haven’t
been brave?”
when you’re in a strange place, great comfort comes from knowing that
someone else is right next to you, in the dark, fumbling around,
afraid, wondering the same things you are… and when both of you trip
and tumble to the ground, you can laugh, together, instead of crying
alone.
i hope i’ve been brave like you, jessica, like so many of my amazing friends.
or, i hope i can be.
my mom and dad ARE SO AWESOME.
they sent me this picture from a dinner theater they attended over the weekend.
first, i mean, a dinner theater. that rules.
second, they were supposed to dress up as specific characters… so
tell me why my mom and dad are the only people who look CA-RAZY in this
picture. my mom was a “hairdresser” and my dad was a “biker dude”.
their interpretations of these characters are… priceless. i mean, as hilary pointed out, my dad totally has FLAIR!
plus my mom’s wig is friggin’ sweet.
sometimes, it’s easy to see why i’m so weird… you know?
Stop. Go. Sarah.
this is apparently my new slogan.
find out yr very own random name slogan by using this generator (then post ‘em in the comments, please! i’m very curious about the logos of my friends… i.e. are you consumable?!).
and you can do it again and again to get even more fun ways to market yrself. see?
Mama Mia, That’sa One Spicy Sarah!
in other news
Fun With Google Image Search!
on monday, meredith and i were trying to find some photos from “hello
again”, that awesome 80’s shelley long comedy (yes it *is* awesome). as
to why we were doing this… well, that’s a different, much longer
story. ANYWAY, when you type “hello again” into google image search, a
lot of reeeeeally random things come up… which is pretty normal for
google image…
BUT HOW OFTEN DO YOU GET THE MOST AWESOME PICTURES OF FOREIGN BAKED GOODS?!!! LIKE THIS?!!
sweet cracker sandwich!!!!! which in this language apparently translates into : dodel durian!!!!!
helloooo again, sweet dodel durian!!
thank you, google image search, for introducing me to the marvelous
world of foreign cookies. this is truly a way to increase international
understanding in our globalized world.
a-men.
p.s. check out this album by the lovemakers. it might even be better than dodel durian.
ok, i don’t know what i was talking about yesterday. i mean, seriously,
i must have been on crack to think that i would rather be gwyneth
paltrow than elizabeth bennet of pride & prejudice fame. maybe it
was gwyn’s flashy outfit or her precious child that distracted me, but
rest assured, i am back on track with jane austen after seeing P&P
for the second (and not that
last!) time last night with hilary, meredith and kc. oh elizabeth, how
could i forsake you and your delicious wit and headstrongs ways and,
most importantly, your WHIRLWIND ROMANCE WITH MR. DARCY?!!!!!!
chris martin ain’t got nothing on darcy pants. i mean, sure he can
sing, but who cares?!! is he cloaked in mystery? is his brow handsomely
furrowed? does his waistcoat accentuate his hotness? does he walk
through the fog with his manly boots and his coat flowing in the wind?
is he arrogant but with a heart of gold? does he say things like, “you
have bewitched me body and soul and i love and love and love you. and
never wish to be parted from you from this day forward”?
i mean, JUST LOOK AT THIS:
LE SIGH!!!!! LE SIGH SIGH SIGH!!!!
not to belabor the point BUT yesterday, hilary, meredith and i compiled
a mr. darcy list… i’m stealing the version that meredith just posted
on myspace:
–A British accent
–A proclivity towards wearing long fitted coats and top hats
–A fortune of thirty thousand pounds a year and a lush, rolling estate called Pemberley
–A brooding intensity that is broken only when they are thrown into discomposure simply by looking at us
–A tendency to tell us, earnestly, with hat over heart, that they love us most ardently and that we have bewitched them.
whew.
um anyway…
after the movie, meredith and i were talking about how much we kind of
hate jane austen for creating such an incredible, perfect man that WE
CAN NEVER HAVE. GAH!! WHY?!!!!!!!
imagine our surprise when, after the movie, we discovered mr. darcy
waiting for us in the theater lobby!!!!!! SWEET CRACKER SANDWICH!!! he
swore his undying love to each of us, which we didn’t mind cos the four
of us are FINE with sharing. we LURVE to share. but then unfortunately
mr. darcy had to ride off into the fog on his horse in order to
maintain his hotly enigmatic ways.� le sigh again.
thank goodness i had my camera to capture our moments of bliss together for all of eternity.
to say that hilary was overjoyed is probably an understatement.
and you can see the way that he looks at each of us, his eyes burning
with passion… i can barely handle it, even in photographic form.
see? meredith and i are sharing. and we don’t mind. at all. nope.
i kind of hate kc for kissing mr. darcy in this picture. but… no,
it’s cool! we can share! really! just come back, ok mr. darcy? ok? see
you in the lobby? or in a field with fog?
or maybe just in my dreams.
le sigh
a pictoral essay by sarah e. pants
gwyneth paltrow is awesome. she gets to act in cool movies and then
comes home to chris martin who sings her songs that he wrote JUST FOR
HER. in his gorgeous voice. anytime she wants.
she’s a kickass mom with the most adorable daughter ever (and she’s going to have another baby too). see?
i mean, just LOOK at little apple with her precious sweater and sweet
blue eyes (like her dad). i want to have a little tea party with her.
and even though gwyn’s a mom, she is still totally SMOKIN’. see?
now that is what i call a hot mama.
i wish i was gwyneth paltrow.
the end.
addendum: after writing this post, i
read kc’s xanga about how it’s world aids day. and i felt really
shallow for my essay. but… i still want to be gwyneth paltrow.
Comment Pants