Archive for June, 2004

Wednesday June 30, 2004 at 05:00 pm

ok, so the WTF folks (if you don’t know what i’m talking about, you MUST go here IMMEDIATELY: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/endofworld.html) are now getting PAID for what they do. and that is awesome. what’s more awesome? it’s for a university website… and no, it’s not rice. we’re not cool enough (sigh). it’s a kick-ass cartoon on the kettering university website that actually gives good advice about the college search process… and includes NINJAS. i am not kidding. why couldn’t rice do this? double sigh.

check it out: http://admissions.kettering.edu/schooldaze/

i am so impressed that the kettering administration actually APPROVED this cartoon. rice is so lame. WTF?!

Monday June 28, 2004 at 05:00 pm

so, i’m feeling a lot of anxiety about moving, about jobs, about my life… so it was really really really good (perhaps divine?) to read this today:

Every moment of our human life is a moment of crisis; for at every moment we are called upon to make an all-important decision – to choose between the way that leads to death and spiritual darkness and the way that leads towards light and life; between interests exclusively temporal and the eternal order; between our personal will, or the will of some projection of our personality, and the will of God…Here the aim is primarily to bring human beings to a state in which, because there are no longer any God-eclipsing obstacles between themselves and Reality, they are able to be aware continuously of the divine Ground of their own and all other beings; secondarily, as a means to this end, to meet all, even the most trivial circumstance of daily living without malice, greed, self-assertion, or voluntary ignorance, but consistently with love and understanding…For the lover of God, every moment is a moment of crisis.� ~ Aldous Huxley

so freaking true. but comforting, in a strange way.

Thursday June 24, 2004 at 05:00 pm

thank you jay for posting all of yr photos from sofia’s wedding online! if anyone wants to check out sofia’s dress or ray’s weird faces or just how wet i really got in the lake, go to this site:

http://f2.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/dweebfactor5/my_photos

(click on the album for sofia’s wedding)

there are some reeeeeally good ones. and of course, really bad ones. ;)

Wednesday June 23, 2004 at 05:00 pm

forgot a few highlights from the wedding that i MUST share:

1) Getting Stranded Downtown

first, i must begin by telling you�a bit about our trip to the lake. on friday, after the rice picnic, ray led us (seth, jay, danny, julie) to this cool beach, where the water meets the sand and the sand meets… skyscrapers. i’m certain they’ve filmed movies there. ray left to change into his bathing suite (yeah, hard core) while julie, danny and i frolicked in the FREEZING water. and… you saw it coming… we start splashing each other by kicking the water just a little bit… then julie tries to splash danny and ends up SOAKING my back with water and sand. it was pretty hilarious and i really didn’t mind. FINALLY ray gets back (he missed all the fun) and dives right into the water (brrr). eventually julie, seth and i decide to leave to meet up with jared, who had called to inform us that the blue line of the L had been shut down (we later found out that someone died… eek). julie rubs dry sand on her feet to get the wet sand off, and, following her technique, ray flings himself on the ground and rolls around like a 5 year old until he is COVERED in sand. i’ve got a picture. it’s gross.

so, julie and i walk with seth towards the red line and realize that we are a little smelly. like, polluted nasty water smelly. yuck. it’s ok, though, cos other people on the L don’t always smell so great. we could just be those passengers that other people sit next to and then stand back up and step away from. ha ha.

so, because the blue line has been suddenly closed, there is mucho chaos. we get directions from a helpful CTS (is that right?) employee about how to go up to the street and catch the “blue line shuttle”. at this point we decide to just get a cab… and then we step on the street… and it’s raining. not like houston rain, but definitely wet. so of course all of the cabs are TAKEN. seriously, at least 30 cabs passed us, all occupied.

at this point, i must add the fact that julie and i had to be at the church for the rehearsal at 6:00 sharp. time is ticking. we need to get home. so we try to find the blue line shuttle, only to encounter a MASS of very irritated people on the corner who are all feeling the same sort of angst we are (i must exclude seth and jared, however, because they were pretty chill about the whole thing. as usual). things are getting to the emergency level, so we call megan, the maid of honor, to see if she can pick us up in sofia’s car… she replies by saying, “well, i would… but we don’t know where it is. we can’t find sofia’s car. we’ve been looking for it all day.” uhhh… ok (turns out dan had borrowed it and forgotten to tell anyone… but that added a hysterical tinge to the evening).

now julie and i are starting to panic. we are STRANDED downtown! minutes are ticking by and we have to get to the church (and change, if possible, out of our sketchy lake-infused attire). we call yellow cab, and, after being forced to provide a busines name (?! i just found one on the wall of a nearby office building), are told that it will take 20 minutes. ACK!

thankfully, a true miracle occurred and�a cab stopped right across the street to drop off its passenger. “RUN!” i shouted as we dashed for the cab. i already looked like a freak, so who cares… we GOT THE CAB. once inside, julie and i collapsed. we were going to make it (with no time for showers, of course, but this was now a trivial point. i think i had already become immune to the smell). we dashed into the apartment, changed, and made it to the church by 6:02 PM (right before dan’s family walked in, i must add).

whew!

2) When Seth�Eatinger�Crashed Into the Priest

(this story will be shorter, i promise, but more interesting)

as i mentioned in my previous entry, the reception was HOPPIN’. thanks to “the people’s choice”, we were dancing up a storm and *definitely* working up a sweat. to end the reception, the dj made the poetic decision to play “last dance”, that golden disco tune from a terrible film starring jeff goldblum and debra winger. we end up creating a circle of groove, with individual dancers stepping into the center to show off their smooth moves. i must mention that the priest, who turned out to be a little party priest, was a member of this disco circle. towards the end of the song, seth e. steps into the circle’s center and succumbs to his inner groove, with lots of arm movement and body swivels… all of a sudden, one foot catches on the other and he (rather gracefully, i must admit) nearly falls to the floor (i thought he did it on purpose, at first)… attempts to balance himself… fails utterly, and CRASHES into the nearby table, chairs and of course, Father Fiesta. in fact, the priest actually reaches out his arms to try to stabalize seth but is�thrown�back by�a�chair�upon the�impact of seth’s face on the table (and i mean IMPACT).

we all stop dancing and stare in horror (ok, actually we took one second to make sure seth was ok and then we started laughing uncontrollably). it was so awesome. not as awesome when the bridge of seth’s nose started bleeding, but hey, it’s a battle scar, right?… from the battle of “the last dance”. ha ha ha. fantastic. especially in front of the priest.

thanks seth (a.k.a. dancing queen), for providing one of the best moments of the reception. hope yr nose is ok. ;)

Tuesday June 22, 2004 at 05:00 pm

today i’m thinking about this:

Seek not to understand so that you may believe, but believe so that you may understand.��� ~ Augustine of Hippo

the first power suite wedding (and how glorious it was!)

so i’m back from chicago, and to be honest, i don’t really want to be here. i wish i was still there, surrounded by rice friends and seth, who surprised me by showing up at the rice picnic on friday (he bought his ticket on wednesday! it was such a marvelous surprise!).

it was a fabulous couple of days, and sofia was the most beautiful bride. we had the bachelorette party on thursday night, starting off with a lingerie shower (complete with LOADS of wine and two “murals” of underwear painted by sheila). sofia’s facial expressions were *exceptional*, especially when she opened up sheila’s gift: 3 pairs of underwear featuring iron-on transfers of different sexual positions. thank you, sheila. afterwards we took the L to “the redhead”, a piano bar on the more touristy side of town. the girl on the sign looked like an older, sex-kitten version of wendy (as in, hamburgers)… and in fact, they offered a martini called “wendy’s dark side”. ha ha. we managed to quickly find our sugar daddy for the evening, dan, a nice campaign manager guy who took it upon himself to make sure sofia was completely sloshed. the best part was that he didn’t really have any sleazy intentions… just wanted to hang out with a group of cute girls. we gathered around the piano and sang loudly (julie said we were yelling but whatever) to such gems as “going to the chapel”, “say a little prayer”, “only the good die young”, “jack and diane” and “hurt so good”. oh man, it was AWESOME. at one point, sofia and i were dancing together and she kept threatening to fall over on the floor (which is pretty bad, considering that i was holding her up and was definitely not sober). we finally left the bar around 3 AM or so, piling 6 girls into one cab (which i believe is against the law). i ended up laying over 4 girls in the backseat, my head being unfortunately on sofia’s lap… thankfully, she managed to not get sick. whew. the taxi driver had some iranian or indian (?) music on the radio, and i kept swearing that it was the “harry potter” soundtrack. uh, yeah.

the wedding itself was beautiful and right and good. did i mention the heavenly weather? oh and beforehand sofia’s former starbucks boss and wedding photographer, jamie, came over to sofia’s apartment and took pictures… including one with all of the bridesmaids in the bathtub (WITH OUR DRESSES ON, OF COURSE). oh and did i mention we had to get up at 5:15 AM to make it to our 6 AM hair appointment with AJ… who also does OPRAH’S HAIR (and all of her guests)(no surprise, then, that sheila ended up with a total oprah do, which, if you know sheila… is just… awesome). we left the salon feeling completely glam and with free mini-bottles of moet champagne (they were doing a promo in the salon) with the warm scent of chocolate wafting through the air (there was actually a chocolate factory nearby!!!). can we say: perfect day?

the reception was at the hot house, this *fantastic* non-profit music space that specializes in world music. the main room was full of swanky velvet booths (i felt like�i was in an old gangster movie) and, hello, open bar! we feasted on brazilian food (yum) and told embarrasing stories about sofia on the microphone (ray told the one about how he convinced sofia that when contestants were voted off on “survivor”, they were shot and killed).

aftwards, there was dancing! the dj, by the way, had a sign touting himself as “the people’s choice”. this quickly became our running joke, growing increasingly funny as our glasses emptied. thank heavens sofia gave him a playlist, including lots of songs from college. at one point he put on “intergalactic”, a powersuite favorite, and everyone left the floor except for the rice kids, all of whom were jumping up and down in their formal wear and attempting to rap. fabulous.

all in all, it was completely wonderful, and a good break for me. but coming back was hard… compounded by the fact that i left my credit card at the caribou coffee in the minneapolis airport. doh. oh well, it was quickly cancelled and will be replaced via the mail.

then i get home and find a letter from UT with regards to this job that i *really really really* wanted and felt that i was (seriously) qualified for telling me– no wait, telling someone named Nina D. Trejo that “there are other applicants who more closely match the needs of this position”. of course, i become extremely anxious– was this letter meant for me or nina? what does this mean? and how could someone make such a thoughtless mistake?!!

so i call the UT office today and leave a message… then about an hour ago�a very nice woman called me back and apologized profusely for her mistake… but then confirmed that the letter was, in fact, intended for moi. she really did sound sorry and told me that 80 people had applied for this job. thank you, austin job market. i replied that i work in admissions and i know how this thing goes…

but it sucks. it sucks sucks sucks sucks.

argh.

at least i had a blast in chicago and will soon be developing pictures to remind myself of this fact. and at least sofia and dan are enjoying their honeymoon in washington.

sigh.

leaving for the first power suite wedding

i’m heading to chicago tomorrow for the first every power suite wedding! i can’t believe it… and yet, the union of dan and sofia makes perfect and pure sense. seriously, i’m getting WAY too excited… i’m worried about suffering from withdrawl when it’s all over and i’m back in h-town on sunday.

… but i’m not going to think about that right now. instead, i’m focusing on how absolutely MARVELOUS it will be to see lots of old and dear rice friends, all gathered together to *celebrate* a precious and monumentous event. we’ll laugh and talk and reminisce… and just be. together.

for me, it will be a taste of heaven. how joyous!

Monday June 14, 2004 at 05:00 pm

how can you not LURVE the wedding stories in the ny times?!! i mean, seriously: http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/13/fashion/weddings/13VOWS.html

p.s. so, seth, does yr family own any carriage houses that i should know about?

Thursday June 10, 2004 at 05:00 pm

the shins show is tonite! the shins show is tonite!!!

Wednesday June 9, 2004 at 05:00 pm

while reading this article in the nytimes, i learned about a cool website that�opens with�the most hilarious “argreement”, which i will now paste on my xanga in its entirety (meaning, it’s totally worth reading, all the way through. no skimming or you might miss, say, robotic love).

oh and click on “i do not agree”. better results.

ELECTRONIC END USER LICENSE AGREEMENT FOR VIEWING ILLEGAL ART EXHIBIT WEBSITE AND FOR USE OF LUMBER AND/OR PET OWNERSHIPNOTICE TO USER: BY METABOLIZING YOU ACCEPT ALL THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF THIS AGREEMENT INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, USE OF YOUR HOME AND CAR BY THE AUTHORS OF THIS AGREEMENT.

This Website End User License Agreement accompanies the Web Pages and related explanatory materials (”Crap”). The term “Crap” also shall include any upgrades, modified versions, or repaintings of the Website licensed to you by either The Prince of Wales, a sentient washing machine, or my old Rabbi (the one who used profanity). Please read this Agreement carefully. At the end, you will be asked to accept this agreement and provide this Website with a warm, lingering, creepy hug. If you do not wish to accept this Agreement, simply click the “I do not accept” button while forcefully shoving your computer off the back of your desk (”Card Table”).

Upon your acceptance of this Agreement, this Website grants to you a nonexclusive license to use this Website or your own Shoes (”The Dressy Ones”), provided that you agree to the following:

1. Use of the Website.

1.1 You may use this Website on a hard disk or other storage device. On a scrap of drywall with a Sharpie, install and use the Website on a file server or a tomato server for use on a network or a VHS copy of the motion picture “Network” or for the purposes of (i) permanent installation onto the small of your back at the base of your spine via a tattoo or other storage devices or (ii) for providing the illusion of working while at work (using the following methods of deception: looking intently at the screen, moving the mouse, and typing decisively on the keyboard); and make backup copies of the Website for later printing and spreading out in an alley to make a nice bed.

1.2 You may make and distribute unlimited copies of the Website, including copies for commercial distribution, as long as each copy that you make and distribute contains this Agreement and is created in one of the following media: carved out of ice, as in an ice sculpture centerpiece; smeared in mustard on the side of a white or off-white panel van; or taught to a parrot who is then condemned to fly the earth for eternity, incessantly repeating the mantra of this Website.

2. Copyright and Trademark Rights. The Website is owned by its authors (”the Elks Clubs of America”) and its suppliers. Its structure, organization, and code are the valuable trade secrets of the Freemasons, probably. The Website is also protected by United States Copyright Law and a group of big, scary goons who will happily beat you until you’re ejecting teeth like a winning slot machine. Use of any trademark does not give you any rights of ownership in that trademark, jackass. Except as stated above, this Agreement does not grant you any intellectual property rights in the Website. Got it, fucko?

3. Restrictions. You agree not to modify, adapt, translate, reverse engineer, decompile, disassemble or otherwise attempt to discover the inner motivations, dreams, aspirations, or weird, possibly sexual fantasies of the Website.

4. No Warranty. The Website is being delivered to you AS IS and we make no warranty as to its use or performance. WE DO NOT AND CANNOT WARRANT THE PERFORMANCE OR RESULTS YOU MAY OBTAIN BY USING THE WEBSITE. LOOK, WHEN THIS WEBSITE GOES ALL CRAZY AND DESTROYS YOUR COMPUTER, KILLS YOUR PET, SLEEPS WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER, DIGS UP ALL YOUR OLD POETRY AND LAUGHS AND LAUGHS, THEN CALLS UP YOUR FRIENDS AND READS THEM ALL THOSE REALLY EMBARRASING PARTS OUT OF YOUR JOURNAL, LIKE WHEN YOU SAID YOU WERE “DESTINED FOR BEAUTY” OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT, WE MAKE NO GUARANTEES AND WILL SIMPLY JOIN WITH EVERYONE AND LAUGH AT YOUR SORRY ASS, BECAUSE DAMN, THERE’S NO FREAKING WARRANTY HERE. GET IT? NO WARRANTY. NONE. AT ALL.

6. Notice to Government End Users. The Software and Documentation are “Real Bitchin’,” as that term is defined at 48 C.F.R. §2.101, consisting of “Real Bitchin’ (formerly ‘Radical’ items)” and as such terms are used in 48 C.F.R. §12.212 or 48 C.F.R. §227.7202, as applicable. Or maybe 56 C.Fsomething something. 7. Oh, and these things, too: §§§§. Consistent with 48 C.F.R. §12.212 or 48 C.F.R. §§227.7202-1 through 227.7202-4, as applicable, as well as §R2-D2 and §JOHNNY 5, locked in a beautiful metallic embrace of everlasting robot love.

PLEASE INDICATE YOUR ACCEPTANCE OR DECLINE OF THE FOREGOING AGREEMENT BY CLICKING ON THE APPROPRIATE BUTTON BELOW.

I Agree | I do not agree

by Jason Torchinsky